F earing what's on the other side
E veryone turns around and takes the longer route
E ven those who we see as hero's
L ying is all they do and what we hear
I nventing new ways to go on with life
N umbing the pain is what we try to
do
G oing too far just because of what we fear
Mar 25, 2019
Mar 25, 2019 at 2:22 PM UTC
I'm losing them, i'm losing them all. One by one, as they drop
I was getting better. Things were fine. but then this darkness desides to pass by. Here I am, now a bit over a month clean, sadly still feeling depressed, with no defeat. I was smiling today, I was even laughing, then they ask "how are you?" I answered with a smile "I'm depressed". they laughed and smiled and tried to relate. little did they know it was all fake and almost too late. Earlier today I swear I was gonna do it. I was right there standing at that line. The line of life and death. I went for a walk and sat there. I sat where what could've been a death scene and pondered. I pondered about my future, my friends, my family, my lover. I had the note ready for them in my back pocket. Eventually I decided I should wait one more day. Maybe by then something will change.
Sep 12, 2018
Sep 12, 2018 at 8:25 PM UTC
Deep inside where nothing's fine
I think I finally lost my mind
.....
The deeper I think
The deeper I seem to sink
.....
I don't want to be me
I don't want to be someone else
I just want to disappear
.....
And then the last thread snapped,
leaving her without a reason ..
A reason to breathe
.....
Flavored bullet shots
Deadly love
Stolen screams
And broken cries
Jul 2, 2018
Jul 2, 2018 at 10:09 PM UTC
No one will truly know how badly messed up
my mind and thoughts are
I want to commit suicide
yet I don't
I want to slice my wrist but I
have to do it some place else
I want to push everyone away
yet I don't want to be lonely
What the **** is wrong with me?
Jun 30, 2018
Jun 30, 2018 at 9:45 PM UTC
I didn't do it last night
I couldn't do it last night
It's driving me crazy
I feel as if I need to do it
The urge is making me
want to do it deeper and deeper
I feel like a smoker who hasn't had a cigarette within hours
They need the nicotine, They need their new drug
A rubber band is not as good as a blade
It never has been
It never will be
A rubber band stings
it doesn't scar
it doesn't permanently leave a mark
it doesn't make you bleed like a blade would
What does a blade do?
A blade is something that you can really control
You control how deep you want it
You control where it'll strike next
You control how long it'll last
It's like a power
A ****** power that's very addictive
I feel as if i'll explode without it
As if i'll go mad without it
As if i'll die without it
I need it
I want it
I have to have it
Jun 30, 2018
Jun 30, 2018 at 11:43 AM UTC
I feel like nobody cares
Nobody wants to talk or
to hang out with me
As if i'm alone in everything that happens
I'm alone in everything I do
Sometimes I feel so alone I get scared
I start to feel vulnerable
weak
pathetic
worthless
...
Sometimes it gets so bad I feel like crying
And at time, I actually do
During times like this
I just want someone to hug me close
and tell me "It's going to be okay"
I know it's a lie
I know it won't be okay
But I just want someone to comfort me
I just wanna believe it
At that very moment i'll start to
feel a bit better
safe
warm
comforting
I'll start to feel like maybe someone cares
I won't feel so alone
..
I might even feel a bit worthy
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 8:05 PM UTC
What if one day
I get so numb that
I try to slowly cross a busy road?
Would you watch me slowly walk towards
the cars?
Would you watch as I continue to walk,
ignoring the horns and people yelling?
Would you watch as my body flies
before hitting the ground?
Would you watch as my blood stains
the now red road?
Would you watch as people scream
in horror?
Would you watch as my soul
leaves my body?
Would you watch as the
ambulance rushes over to
save me?
Would you watch as
sadness and horror
takes over your
body?
Or would you have
tried to save me?
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 11:17 AM UTC
I feel like i'm alone
I feel like i'm a lost soul
As if no one will dare
to show me that they truly care
I have an urge to relapse
I wonder if that'll pass
It's like no one can see
that i'm not really free
I want to be at at peace
will that be ease?
I want to hold up my white flag
when I should be playing tag
Maybe one day i'll look up at the sky
and say my final goodbye
Jun 28, 2018
Jun 28, 2018 at 1:07 PM UTC
Do you know it feels to look
in the mirror and be
disgusted with what you see?
To always think you're a fat pig
Do you know how it feels to starve?
To feel your body eat itself
To hear your stomach
beg you for food
Do you know how it feels to
constantly work out?
To continue even if you're tired
and start crying
Do you know how it feels to force
yourself to *****
To re-taste every meal and
have it all come rushing back out
To clean your ***** off of the toilet
If not, then congrats
You don't have Body Dysmorphia, Anorexia nor Bulimia
If so, then i'm truly sorry
just know that you're not alone
Things will eventually get better, I promise
Jun 26, 2018
Jun 26, 2018 at 7:30 PM UTC
A smile replaced with a frown
A laughter replaced with tears
A happy thought replaced with a sad one
The day that my birth is celebrated
Is the day that I worry
It's the day that I never thought would come
16 years alive
5 years of battling my own mind
My body stands here
scarred
damaged
struggling
..
but still functioning
5 years down, many more to come
Cheers to me and cheers to you all
Happy Birthday to me
Jun 25, 2018
Jun 25, 2018 at 11:25 AM UTC