#toilet
This is a true Game of Thrones-
And I think on the little things in life.
Oh too tiny toilet
With your too rounded bowl,
This is not the place to ponder
The depths of my soul.
Instead I contemplate what the
Designer had in mind,
Was there no tall person in his life,
Or something of the kind?
My knees are practically right
Beneath my chin,
Like disaster practice in elementary,
Im feeling quite pinned.
I look before I flush and think
My **** cannot be that huge,
Making me think I need to better
Chew my food.
Oh little toilet thank you for
Being too tiny,
For now I will exercise
Because I feel like I have a huge heinie.
Feb 18
Feb 18, 2026 at 5:36 PM UTC
Don't walk there
says uncle, you know it
says father, you don't want
to sink into the ****
We dare to go right up to
the edge of the pit and shift
our weight to feel
the ground move
The privy is at the back, against the house:
a cubicle with a round peephole
in the door, on a sump
that Uncle Joe comes to empty
Together with the dipper
he does the pit, pails
through the kitchen and hallway
to the cart with the **** barrel
And then we mop
The building is too old
to be connected
to the sewer system
and will be demolished
but there is no other home
for us yet, and until then
it is just our home
Nov 5, 2025
Nov 5, 2025 at 3:59 AM UTC
They bomb our toilet dungeon souls
Fireworks for our extinction
A dead child’s hand reaching…
They bomb our toilet dungeon souls
Quietly but quickly -
For lifetimes kept in dream purgatory,
Not allowed to be who we want to be
We have to choose… we have to cheat…
They bomb our toilet dungeon souls
Dark and deep and bleeding…
Like they always did through screens and language,
As if we said something to put us down here,
As if we built this casket…
But we found the key, a long time ago…
To climb the secret walls of this prison…
Working constantly in this puzzle below,
Dreaming in our dreams…
Each time a little more laughter,
A little less debasement for banter…
Forming intricate shining webs that lead us to the light above,
As we finally crawl out like cluster flies into the glowing ether -
Their ugly bronze imperiousness means nothing
as we swarm with the Aurora…
******* down our cherub honey genesis butter…
Sep 10, 2025
Sep 10, 2025 at 4:05 PM UTC
T'was the night before Christmas
The kids were in bed
Dreaming of Santa
All dressed up in red
The wife was upstairs
Wrapping gifts in our room
I was watching old Scrooge
In old London gloom
when out of the blue
there was a knock at the door
I leapt from the couch
and i slipped on the floor
i answered the knock
i still got there quick
and to my surprise
there stood St. Nick
"Please, sir I pray"
"may I enter through here"
"My stomach is churning"
"an explosion is near"
I pointed the way
first door on the right
Santa went off
To relieve himself right
My wife came downstairs
She asked 'bout the knock
I said go upstairs
She'd think my tale was a crock
The bathroom door opened
Santa came out
Then he told me the tale
Of what this all was about
"All of these houses"
"with warm milk and cookies"
"get my gut growling"
"like a room full of wookies"
"Soy, two percent"
"almond and skim"
"all mixed together"
"the result is quite grim"
"It started to churn"
"and I was getting quite frantic"
"I was just coming in"
"from above the Atlantic"
"Most years it's fine"
"But, this soy...never try it"
"it should really be banned"
"not put in one's diet"
"Do you mind if I sit"
"for a while just in case"
"I've got more houses to hit"
"And it will be a race"
My wife stood quite still
In fact she'd not said a word
Imagine your toliet downstairs
Home to dear Santa's ****
I offered a drink
Something to settle him down
He said thanks, but begged off
And he gave a slight frown
"I've got to get going"
"Time stops just so long"
"Thanks for your help"
"It could have all gone so wrong"
He filled up our stockings
He called his reindeer by name
"I'll bypass the chimney
and I'll leave as I came"
I looked at my wife
We both said "oh well"
I mean when you take it all in
Just who could we tell?
So, in future please listen
take a second and think
It could end up quite bad
don't leave him soy milk to drink
Oct 29, 2017
Oct 29, 2017 at 10:20 PM UTC
O trothful comrade,
What soever shall I do?
Hadst thou not been thither,
Biding by the loo?
My quiet white knight,
A bold one, is he,
Swift to save my ****
Quite literally.
Howbeit grim the duty,
He bringeth to pass,
Removes all the blemish,
No questions asked.
Thro’ the sea an’ the storm,
We rest hand in hand;
Anon, a vanquished battle—
In pride we stand.
O trothful comrade,
If but it were e’er true,
That people were toilet papers,
Just such as thou.
May 26, 2025
May 26, 2025 at 4:59 AM UTC
merrily through this world we go
purging in every toilet bowl
May 22, 2025
May 22, 2025 at 2:17 PM UTC
There once was a woman from Seoul
Who swallowed an octopus whole:
It swam in her belly
With fishes of jelly,
Then plopped in a porcelain bowl.
Mar 15, 2025
Mar 15, 2025 at 11:00 PM UTC
“Did you bring the specimen sample?” the lab employee asked,
“UUhhhhhhh, no, I wasn’t aware I had to bring it.”
“Well…you can’t do that in here. Can you go home, do you live around here?”
“I wouldn’t be able to get back before you closed.”
“Ah **** well, okay, take this,” he handed me a sample jar, “There’s a restroom on the second floor—”
“Woah! What? It’s a single-use restroom right?”
“Yeah man, don’t worry, we’ve all gone up there when we needed some privacy.”
“Jesus, okay, thanks, I’ll…be back…soon,” said in the manner of a partial-statement, partial-question,
And so there I was, on the second floor of a lab facility, attempting to get a sample after perhaps I had already produced too many samples in too short of time, especially for a man like me who is no longer a teenager, it was a rather difficult process, the environment was less than conducive, and when it finally happened it gave me an exertion headache that was so excruciatingly painful I thought my brain was going to ******* explode out of my ******* ears, my life’s work, concluded as I fell to the pissy floor of this restroom, having produced an extremely small amount of sample, what I had been viewing on my phone would have surely amused many, disappointed a few, and maybe flattered one, but ultimately nothing would matter ‘cause I would be dead, oh well,
When I went back downstairs to the office and gave the employee the jar he handed me a sterile one and told me, “Alright, just in case we need another sample, do it at home next time,” and I did.
Mar 7, 2025
Mar 7, 2025 at 7:27 PM UTC
hair tied with
a nitrile glove cuff
carved a sacred space adorned with muffled tile
porcelain throne pod amongst the ruckus
hohumdrum gods stampeding towards
a visionary empty meeting with screens
greeted with massed bodies, butter, and dust
the divine light behind the porthole still shines
even as crowds continually shuffle forwards
backwards and past, that bouquet of projection rays
remains sheening with eye to light machè heaven
until thunderous overstrokes over indulge and begin
to over and undertone every feather upon ears
resignation of a certain kingship upon standing
and yet wealth of ethic remains demanding
so, stand.
Jul 1, 2022
Jul 1, 2022 at 5:17 AM UTC
I want to live my life effortfully.
I want to expend my energy while I have it and chase things that are meaningful if only to anyone but myself.
I want to feel in my bones that I am god. My own personal god. The voice I hear in my head, I want to know without a doubt her power.
Jun 27, 2022
Jun 27, 2022 at 9:28 PM UTC
Blue, blue is the grass about the river
And the willows have overfilled the close garden.
And within, the mistress, in the midmost of her youth,
White, white of face, hesitates, passing the door.
Slender, she puts forth a slender hand;
And she was a courtezan in the old days,
And she has married a sot,
Who now goes drunkenly out
And leaves her too much alone.
Oct 23, 2021
Oct 23, 2021 at 10:51 AM UTC
DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, just random stuff to share from my notes:>
twinkle twinkle in my head
a fairy tumbling into my bed
on a quest to the escape trips the feet
laughter spread wide on the concrete
hidden from the unseen
yet for the magic to appear
a glisten from afar not near
holds before the gone
before the adventure or the run
silenced on trickles of embraces
tattooed to the lips in drips from those chases
unfunded to the dimples of the backs of the faces
to a welcoming of a nation
a whole new legacy a creation
symphonies to my ears an incredulous fascination
I rather the harmonious dancing pleasantries
that bring the chaos and back the pastries
not of cakes not of candy
of memories
in a twist in a frown
the enchantment betrays and drowns
the lover into a fictional immortality
the kind that sweeps from reality
to the hands of seconds on the visual symbols of conspiracy
flustered by snow
into margins drunk on the laws of penalty
and the encounters of past familiarity
hums into the heights smoothed frights
bet you a comeback
in the final scene
the again everlasting so called calamity
not even knowing the costs or the price
hence on the steps they wise
an adornment so pure so nice
simple for a ball
unique for a fall
on the toilet wall
and the myth in the hall
-----ravenfeels
Apr 2, 2021
Apr 2, 2021 at 12:52 PM UTC
Holding *** when the muscle requires some effort directs attention to the lower body away from the eyes and the head area which is the normal place of reflection.
It makes me think of releasing it and of the bathroom and toilet to do so, as if I was constructing a plan to carry out.
The other muscles used to concentrate can be relaxed as the new concentration is on the bladder area.
Yet this pulls the attention to the seat if seated, like placing attention on the foundation of the meditation posture.
The focus spreads to the thighs and solar plexus.
Finally to the back of the head, but with pressure that will not allow anything to replace it.
The management mind states next that the task at hand is more pressing than bladder release.
And I remember all the times I've had to hold my *** and the places and situations that precipitated them.
I start to tell myself that I'm suffering needlessly as if I was being bullied by my situation.
Thus the parts of the body actually take the center of the personality over other parts of the body.
The managerial aspect will offer motherly comfort to the childlike personality of holding ***
I start to go into wishful dream mentality just like holding *** while in the early hours of the morning trying to still sleep.
And the attention is tranquilized back to reflection with the hold tucked away in the background of the mind, reflection aspect now being more parental in nature.
What is transcendence? is sort of a moronic question, and I notice my words start to be more bullyish.
This question is rather asking is there a particle of transcendence?
No, it is a function of frequencies of the body.
Consciousness can be the essential aspect of transcending, but no more than consciousness is the essential of concentration.
Tranquility and insight, just as taught, happens, without attention on tranquility, and without tranquility within attention.
Mar 3, 2021
Mar 3, 2021 at 2:27 AM UTC
To the tune of the song "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel
Verse 1
Hello toilet, my old friend
I've come to **** in you again
I've been waiting for a great while
This time I'm going the ex-tra mile
With a force that few have ever known
Will power alone
I'm taking...the poop...GINORMOUS
Verse 2
In struggling feels I might pass out
There is much sweat upon my brows
And a straining-pushing as such
Upon a mountain where lightning struck
Where I felt the challenge
Seemed beyond my strength
What it might take
Attempting...the poop...GINORMOUS
Verse 3
And in the end I can now feel
This force of nature makes me reel
Pushing a boulder that may not pass
Pushing a stone with such great mass
Making a log of the greatest immense size
Yes-in all my life
As this was...the poop...GINORMOUS
Verse 4
By my word-I feel-that this is it
Upon this toilet throne I sit
Feeling like an explosion from inside
With no place in my mind left to hide
And the size-like a moose now giving birth
The enormous poop...GINORMOUS
Verse 5
And my goal it now seems in sight
I give it all with all my might
In a strange vision this very moment
As this an unreal bowel movement
And soon I feel:
Like the clear shaking in the earth
That as making n' breaking waves
I'm stunned and dazed
From taking...the poop...GINORMOUS
Nov 20, 2020
Nov 20, 2020 at 12:26 AM UTC
I have had a little problem for the last four days or so,
of when I go into the toilet I just can't seem to go.
I get myself all seated just as comfortable as I can,
try to make quite certain I am centred on the pan.
I wait for things to happen but nothing seems to start,
no motions seem to occur not even some hint that I might ****
I decide to try and push it and build pressure by holding breath,
but all that seems to do is put me close to suffocated death.
I grunt and squeak and gasp until an ear popped gasket blows,
all I end up doing is going red and blowing bubbles with my nose.
I tried a change of diet and drank gallon upon gallon of fruit juice,
but still there seems no evidence that anything is coming loose.
I have tried a change of position with my knees against my chin,
but I found it really awkward and ended up falling in.
My belly has gotten very large and feels as tight as a drum,
so much so I contemplate if you can use a crowbar on your ***
I am sure outside the toilet they are hearing more than mere moans,
Looks I get quite often suggests surprise I've still got any bones.
I know that sometime eventually this thing will have to pass,
I just hope that when it does I can still use paper on my ****.
May 18, 2020
May 18, 2020 at 7:19 PM UTC
_‘First, the toilet paper panic.
Then a cleaning frenzy,
followed by a baking bonanza.
Now, slow-cooked casseroles
seem to be on the menu.
It's like the seven stages of grief,
…in groceries.’_
May 1, 2020
May 1, 2020 at 12:39 AM UTC
Life at this moment you cant be bullshitting
me. There isn't an April fools that's getting
even close to what we find ourselves hitting
any where near to this. it's so unfitting.
But no matter the **** hitting the fan, I haven't got
any bog roll. I can only poo outside before I'm caught.
But leaves are natures wipes and I'm dammed if aught
I'll sleep with skids on my sheets, but if I do I'll just smile.
But underneath I gag as the sweet corn is natures reminder
to wipe before, as they feel like coffee not put through the grinder.
I feel like crap my legs woefully tanned, not because of the sun,
crap skidding my legs, as if you lift the sheets its a gross viewfinder.
Apr 10, 2020
Apr 10, 2020 at 5:33 PM UTC
Some guy eats a ****** bat
do dah do dah
All I say is "fancy that"
all the do dah day
keep your distance, give me space
do dah do dah
remember do not touch your face
all the do dah day
wash your hands all night
wash your hands all day
wash your hands and wash them right
and you wil be ok.
keep your groupings under ten,
do dah do day
that goes for women and for men
all the do dah day
stay inside and don't go out
do dah do dah
the virus is all round about
all the do dah day
wash your hands all night
wash your hands all day
wash your hands and wash them right
and you wil be ok.
toilet paper's hard to find
do dah do dah
some folks have just lost their mind
all the do dah day
buying everything in sight
do dah do dah
i've got to say that isn't right
all the do dah day
wash your hands all night
wash your hands all day
twash your hands and wash them right
and you wil be ok.
if we all play by the rules
do dah do dah
and quit acting like ****** fools
all the do dah day
this will pass i promise you
do dah do dah
do what the doctors tell you to
all the do dah day
wash your hands all night
wash your hands all day
wash your hands and wash them right
and you wil be ok.
Mar 29, 2020
Mar 29, 2020 at 5:01 PM UTC
suddenly, and with incredible momentum, times changed
evidence of the past was soon to be forgotten
oceans evolved into landmass
rivers flowed uphill creating waterupfalls
mountains eroded in reverse gaining magnitude and significance
Toilet paper turned into sand
what is the reason
will this paradox ever be solved
it happened, can it reverse back
oh wait, that's what a paradox is
Brian Hill - 2020 # 77
Mar 17, 2020
Mar 17, 2020 at 11:01 AM UTC