#substances
I woke up wired, heart beat fast,
told myself this time’s the last.
Lines on the sink, shame in my head,
texted some lies, stayed in bed.
The crash is gone but not the mess,
some days I still can’t catch my breath.
I stay away from what the old me craves,
and that part is still digging its own grave.
There were nights I almost called it quits —
and if the ceiling of my old apartment was strong enough,
I wouldn’t be writing this.
Jul 10, 2025
Jul 10, 2025 at 5:39 AM UTC
I am filled with emotions I cannot bare
Mary is there to make sure I ate
She helps me relax and rids me of self-hate
To help me calm down everyday, she sings me her song
A wonderful tune I hear through the bubbling of my ****
I feel her warmth on my chest
She truly does help me rest
Mary is like no other
Her voice and touch cannot compare
Though she says I’m no bother,
I fear I depend too much on her care
Mary is always willing to provide
Even when I take more from her than I should,
She always gives me her warmth and a place to reside
Since I can remember,
Mary has been by my side
No matter the extent to which I’ve been upset,
She’s always been a helping hand in making me forget
I can no longer hide within her convincing high
I’m starting to think we won’t always see eye to eye
Mary is my best friend
I’d hate to say goodbye
But I’ll always wonder if this relationship should end and finally die
May 19, 2025
May 19, 2025 at 10:18 AM UTC
"I'll quit tomorrow"
Say once again
I spoke those words yesterday too
Would take the easy route out of this
No shortcuts in Hell-I must go through
An excuse not to surfaces
Legitimate or not
Before I know it repeating mistakes
Hit after hit
Shot after shot
Of the places I've visited
Don't think I have ever reached one quite so low
Seeking whatever fleeting remedy
Leaves the least room to grow
You've got to wonder why I make these decisions
Swearing that "this time" I'm done
Got my back pressed against a concrete slab
Simply isn't anywhere else to run
Maybe I have gotten used to the fire
Been so long since my universe went up in flames
May be difficult to see through the smoke
At least that way there's a scapegoat to blame
I cannot claim I don't know any better
After two or three times learned getting sick
Regardless how many nights spent fighting withdrawals
Sobriety never seems to stick
Maybe I should give up on this battle
Surrender war and wave a flag of white
Let demons have their way with my soul
Accept that I'll never be alright
I am exhausted sprinting in circles
Find myself in the exact same place
Watching world spin around me so fast
While own life I only waste
Apr 22, 2025
Apr 22, 2025 at 5:02 PM UTC
In through the nose
Straight to the brain
That chemical drip
I attempt to refrain
White of the snow
Sparkle of ice
Set it before me?
Doubt i’d think twice
Dec 15, 2024
Dec 15, 2024 at 3:35 AM UTC
My honey isn’t a sticky cure-for-colds;
She isn't viscous, warm, glistening amber;
My multicolor baby burns---
A thin spicy liquid who coats my throat
And spreads fuel through my body
Until her hellish heat bonds with my blood.
A preview into my afterlife,
For if I can accept this addictive pain,
I will die with ease.
Aug 27, 2024
Aug 27, 2024 at 2:01 AM UTC
Drown out the memories with another pile of powder
Railing line after line just to rid all the pain
Using these substances every waking hour
Geeked out my mind and feeling insane
Still it feels better then being alone
Mar 13, 2024
Mar 13, 2024 at 10:49 PM UTC
A glass of whiskey will not stop the pain
Sweet as it might taste
Broken
Too empty for *****
Would be a waste
Jan 1, 2021
Jan 1, 2021 at 4:27 AM UTC
That glass piece,
fitting so perfectly
into my palm.
Smooth, cold, round,
holding my hand tighter than any ex-lover before.
That ginger kiss upon my lips,
sending smoke to hug my lungs.
Those IV bags dripping of happiness,
shooting euphoria through my bloodstream.
Anything to keep me from feeling numb.
Anything to prolong my inevitable fall,
back to my own personal purgatory.
Oct 21, 2020
Oct 21, 2020 at 8:30 PM UTC
Oh but Mama, the liquor feels so good in my system
so warm in my blood
I'll bet you never thought I would've listened
but now look at me
filling your shoes, so lost in my boots
I look a little something like you would've
I believe I would reckon.
And Mama have you seen
what a mess I've let these men make of me?
Most of them built on apologies
but they mean what they say
and they like to say it when they're mean.
Oh, Mama,
you should see the things you didn't mean to teach me.
Mama? Please don't be sad,
or hurt, or guilted, or shamed,
you did the best you could with what we had to our name,
My heart's bigger than most
and my eyes are wider all the same
I'll hold it all on my shoulders
I've learned to balance peace with the pain.
Dec 7, 2019
Dec 7, 2019 at 4:47 AM UTC
You tried
To love
A girl
On the verge
Of losing
Reality
A stage
In her life
Where
All
She could
Do
Was
Write
As a
Form
Of
Psychiatry.
Jun 10, 2019
Jun 10, 2019 at 2:37 AM UTC
At one point, reality was observed
With a revered gaze
Unfortunately, now
I would trade sobriety
For white lines.
Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 8:18 AM UTC
I want to write of love and lust
but, I've done all that before
I want to prose, a beauty rose
but, I can buy more at the store
I have to say that we're unique
and I feel it in my bones
I have to look you, eye too eye
and know, I'm not alone
I know that days are numbered
so I'll keep this short, on point
I know the joy of your love, my dove
so let's smoke another joint
Sep 6, 2018
Sep 6, 2018 at 12:40 AM UTC
Last night you got high
Had a shot to **** the pain
And you live your life in misery
From the mistakes and pouring rain
Were pulling you to darkness
Today wake feeling groggy
Regretting the same moonlit decisions
You like it better when head's foggy
You are not the only one who likes to get high
Yet plenty of others abstain
Must decide what matters more
Your life or influence over your brain
Clear you can't have both though you try
Juggling problems, they fall out of the air
Watching what you love swirl down the drain
Losing your life, why don't you care?
Jul 16, 2018
Jul 16, 2018 at 5:59 PM UTC
I wanna see the blood
I wanna see the pain
I wanna prove that my body
Is nothing more than a frame
My mind is screaming
Parts of it beg me to bleed
The others demonize those pleas
I just don't want to feel this way anymore
And I suppose it's my own fault
I know how I get
When I start drinking then stop
Maybe that's why I always overdo it
Because then I can get sick and sleep
Before this depression takes its hold
And sets my demons free
Digging and clawing at my mind
Until I do the same to my own skin
Jan 15, 2018
Jan 15, 2018 at 12:39 AM UTC
I am very healthy,
In perfect health,
For both of us, and,
Our future children too.
This 'Mayonnaise' here,
It's only for you, and,
Only you will use it,
Your health will only improve.
Dec 30, 2017
Dec 30, 2017 at 1:26 AM UTC
It oozes from the holes
the eyes, the ears, and nose
from other places too
your *** your **** or hose
In the flow of lives fluids
Our DNA is refined
Every cell rejuvenated
As we wipe or ******
Behinds
As humans, we have functions
most of them rude and/or obscene
substances, fluids, juices, or gases
from clear, ugly brown to icky green
The actions of our hips
Will surely make things drip
In the flaky flesh of our dallying
We renew our former skeletons
Every last bio particle
Of our human bodies
Secreted and left as poo
Or something more snotty
More akin, to doo
So be squeamish if you choose
and cringe, upon the sights
of all the nasty substances
exuded and extruded
morning, noon, and night
Aug 14, 2017
Aug 14, 2017 at 7:14 AM UTC
i forcefully chew the xanax into pieces,
letting the bitter taste coat my mouth
as it reminds me of what will soon be in my system.
i let it calm me down as i contemplate more,
deciding on acid instead. god i’m ******* up my body.
five trips in two and a half months and i feel
like this is never going to end.
i’m going to keep buying xanax and i’m going to keep taking it
and it might even ruin my life but i don’t give a ****
take my fifty and hand me a dozen bars and i’ll tell you
i’m in love. the other night i took some and drank
and my mom was worried but she figured it was
just my medication. i owe you neurotin,
i contemplate my new bruises just as colors
start to dance. i want my love back but
in the meantime, this artificial intrigue
will just have to do. hopefully i live
long enough to see my darling again.
Jun 17, 2017
Jun 17, 2017 at 3:52 PM UTC
My entire life I've had an interest in substances,
Psychedelics mainly.. and all it encompasses,
The idea of letting loose from this world,
and witnessing something truly absurd,
but my opinions on substances aren't always preferred.
I have always been a man of science,
A sceptic in every sense of the bias,
but there's a substances in the world called DMT.
Dimethyltryptamine to the science community,
It appears in every tested plant, mammal and tree,
and It's effects are a total MYSTERY,
I could spend hours trying to explain what it's like,
Like taking a tour of the another universe on the back of a bike,
Been guided through an uncomprehendable place,
With a character and culture of what seems like another race,
The standard laws of physics don't apply,
A tingling sensation, and off you go,
Leaving your ego to die.
coming out of it you laugh,
you cry,
totally lost for words,
again, “What's it like?” people ask,
but explaining it is an impossible task...
“Druggies” they say,
Tarring me with their cliché.
Judging me on this factor exclusively,
Foolishly, thinking that's what matters,
An image of a man with his life in tatters,
but delve a little deeper and hopefully that illusion shatters.
I'm just a stereotypical geek,
I love scifi, fantasy and Jonathan Creek,
Spend my week days programming and drinking tea,
moaning at how ******* footballers treat the referee,
or wondering if I should have gone back for my masters degree,
How can you have an opinion on something, you've never done?
A world in which you've never come,
and what initially seems scary,
can be enlightening or fun,
but it's natural to be scared of what could become.
This isn't me saying, I think everyone should take drugs,
They're DEFINITELY not for everyone.
But do you think you should be allowed to judge?
How I spend my own time, with my own body?
There's a common phrase “Drugs are bad”,
As if an inanimate object has a moral compass,
and can know the difference between unlawfulness and justice,
Chemicals have no objective opinion,
No way to tell their right or reason.
Go to the pharmacy, “Paracetamol please”
no one ever questions this need,
People portray this drug as accepted,
while others are shunned and rejected,
this judgement isn't made with logic,
and the papers will slander with no justification,
“YOUNG GIRL LOOSES LIFE!” the headlines shout,
those words in your face like a covonia clout,
no one cares about the coroner report,
All they see is a picture on the front page,
Of a poor girls mum distraught,
These are portrayed as the rule as opposed to the exception,
a perfect example of media deception,
then again we all know it's been that way since it's inception.
We all know drugs can have negative effects on lives,
I've experienced first hand the darker sides,
such as my friend Dave who tragically died,
an amazing person I'll never again be alongside.
****** abuse can be a ******* awful thing,
a cardinal sin,
it can change people....
make them a different person in the same skin
With no idea what it contains,
It is injected directly into their veins,
*** and Hepatitis C,
Collapsed Veins and crutches plain to see,
That's not how anyone should have to be.
But is it the substances which are to blame?
Is it helped by the way society, publicly shame,
People who have had lives I couldn't even BEGIN to explain.
Needing something to take away the pain.
but ending up with zero gain
and although it's not always the same
People often don't like what they became.
The aim of this poem isn't to force my view,
It's to hopefully make you see I'm not much different from you,
and to not shun what you don't understand, but listen with open ears, and potentially lend a hand.
Jun 4, 2015
Jun 4, 2015 at 7:02 AM UTC
Melodies once created my identity,
an addiction-driven crisis mixed with anxiety and loneliness,
I longed for love yet my ears tuned into hardship.
Melodies once molded my identity,
a clean and pure existence mixed with clarity and acceptance,
I longed for love yet my ears tuned into freedom.
Melodies once saved my soul,
a newly-formed identity mixed with a fresh conscience and patched relations,
I live with love for now my ears are satisfied with my lover's melodies.
May 27, 2015
May 27, 2015 at 11:10 AM UTC
I thought
With all
The things
I kept
Forcing into
My body-
Men and drink,
Smoke and pills,
Powder and laughter,
That there
Would remain
No space
For you
To infiltrate
All my
Muscles and molecules,
Crevices and atoms,
Or the
Mind and heart
But, just
Like these
Reaching words,
Your touch
Never ends;
By twos
Or by threes
I'll shed
Salty tears
And swim
Harsh seas
Until my
Shoddy body
Heals and
My weakened
Muscles build.
Sep 28, 2014
Sep 28, 2014 at 5:14 PM UTC