Loving me will not be easy.
There will be days too long
To handle my wavering heart
And nights too short
To hold my rarely steady hands.
I won't believe your compliments
And ask to stay in bed
Because the world I live in
Is too dark for
The light of your universe
To get in.
Loving me will be a battle.
There will be wars I wage
And battles I lose,
Ghosts you can never
Chase away
But, will feel every time
You touch my leg,
Arm,
Or lower back.
You'll have to wake up
When I do at 3 in the morning
After they've filled me to the tip
With memories and nights
I don't tell you about.
Loving me will not be easy.
There will always be lead feet
In my shoes
That won't understand why
Yours won't help them
Pick up the pace,
Steel feet that won't understand
Why yours keep getting so far away,
Concrete feet that won't understand
Where they went wrong
If they were never moving
In the first place.
Loving me will be exhausting.
I will watch your eyes
Pack up our laughs
In dark blue bags,
Watch your arms
Throw them over your shoulders,
And watch them sink
Under the burden of demons
You aren't sure are real.
I will watch you carry
Those bags out the door
And dump them down
By our curb.
I'll watch you yawn
As you watch me finally
Wake up for the fight.
Too little, too late
I know;
I know loving me will not be easy
But I know
Loving you trying to love me
Will be.
Dec 20, 2015
Dec 20, 2015 at 12:26 AM UTC
I had never seen
A single soul
Fly away as quickly
As yours.
It was almost as if
Your 280 pounds
Of muscle, blood,
Calluses, and scars
Broke all the way down
To their atoms
And dissipated
To the east
With February winds.
I feel your atoms
Creeping up the nape
Of my neck,
Raising hairs
And wrapping
Around my waist-
They still find
Their way
To the warmth
Of my heart.
October in Oklahoma
Keeps heating me up
With gusty touches
Of you
And I'm terrified
You're the cherry
On my tobacco body-
Slowly burning down
With each inhale
Until all that's left
Is a stained shell
Making it's way
Across oiled grounds.
Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 12:25 AM UTC
I thought
With all
The things
I kept
Forcing into
My body-
Men and drink,
Smoke and pills,
Powder and laughter,
That there
Would remain
No space
For you
To infiltrate
All my
Muscles and molecules,
Crevices and atoms,
Or the
Mind and heart
But, just
Like these
Reaching words,
Your touch
Never ends;
By twos
Or by threes
I'll shed
Salty tears
And swim
Harsh seas
Until my
Shoddy body
Heals and
My weakened
Muscles build.
Sep 28, 2014
Sep 28, 2014 at 5:14 PM UTC
I'm a ***** for hopeful words
And a ***** to anything true,
This is why I stayed and slept
With you-
The loneliness of your skin
Bumping against
The desperation of myself,
bold( 3am, eight months later )
Still feels like perfection
In bleached briefs.
Sep 28, 2014
Sep 28, 2014 at 5:11 PM UTC
He says to
Come on over,
Pleads
For movies
And my spine
Against his stomach
But,
I'm sober tonight
And the thought
Of allowing my body
To fold into his
Without his
Going into mine,
Shakes me into
A reality too
Cold and harsh
To bare;
I'm not available
For sobered up love.
Sep 28, 2014
Sep 28, 2014 at 5:09 PM UTC
It starts at the bottom
Of my belly,
Right above your
Favorite spot,
Then it pings
And pongs
From elbows to knees,
From toes to shins,
From heart to biceps,
And from head to fingers,
Taking it's final bow
On the parts of my back
You sculpted-
This is how I miss you,
In every bend, crack, snap, and creek
In every bone, vein, muscle, and tendon.
Sep 27, 2014
Sep 27, 2014 at 10:47 AM UTC
As I sit here in the sun
On a backyard's step
Cigarette in left hand
Blowing clouds from my
Rusty lungs
The end comes
And it doesn't justify a thing
The end is just
Pure m a d n e s s
To wake up one day
Whether the sun shows
Its face
Or the sky's all gray
And not feel
The love
The loss
The hopeless weight of
Wanting what can't be touched
Is a true sadness
The weak wrap themselves in
The end is madness
Because the beginning
Still exists
Sep 25, 2014
Sep 25, 2014 at 11:23 PM UTC
With all the debris
Collecting in the gutters
That separate heart
And mind
Soul
And spirit
I should call upon the city
Alert the press
But, they laugh
And I realize
No one cares
About the grime
The sludge
The pollution
That comes with an
Ended love
Everyone's dumping something
Into the oceans
Sep 25, 2014
Sep 25, 2014 at 11:20 PM UTC
I thought there was an earthquake
Shaking the acid in my stomach
The matter in my brain
All the blood in my body
And it made me grow anxious
My boulders rattling
Like the homeless in
This city
Those who have the power
Of will and want
Of love and loss
They skip down their roads
Happy in their lives
And I
I sit at home
Thinking of what fools they are
Sep 25, 2014
Sep 25, 2014 at 11:18 PM UTC
Could there ever be a
Home in me again?
Ran so far away, all
I
See is the end.
Tangible, you are not.
Instant sacrifice is my lot.
All the blue,
Nestled too deeply in my feeble bones.
Don't
Ever
Answer,
No.
Will my blood boil thick for
Anyone else?
Keepsakes tell me it's
Easily a loss of time.
Now, go, my love.
Everyone
Loves
Someone else.
Over and under; I'm
Never more than just a vacation.
Sep 25, 2014
Sep 25, 2014 at 11:16 PM UTC