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#stillborn
To a heart born blue with the moon on one’s face A butterfly flew and flew, trying to get out of that locked cage A deathly curse to sleep was a fairytale come true A life of mere seconds, a life of a heart born blue Nameless masks stolen, words forged in the blacksmith’s hand A merciful lie becomes armor, a purpose of a life that doesn’t beat Though the prince searched long and wide for someone to slay the dragon in the land; A wave would come, building up and up till all is still but the sea A fated doom that could not be avoided, a said hero that played along Crouching at god’s feet, his feathers falling even as he sings his lord’s songs What mercy, must it be, to have a heart born blue What mercy, must it be, to see the world and to fall again, for it too Wasn’t the angel that claimed the breath, but the reaper whose sorrow was far too great To watch sons and daughters fall from his hands, to be held was a wish granted far too late Alone, must he be, sad, must he be To see a thousand lives, wishing for one, to live and to breathe and not just see For death to come at his hands, even if he sits at the top The clouds fall away and the land becomes grey, and he knows not how to make it stop Too late, would he grasp the child’s hands, too late would he rise Too late would come the sun into dawn’s crying eyes At but last, how to cry out and to be free, of a curse of eternal life To not bring the love, the dear, into god’s arms and chosen, promised lifght Far apart, the rain shall fall. And still the torn souls scream to be free, to fly But alas, a mercy. To have a heart born blue. Through this cycle, of endless tries and fails, to hold and to lose the memory With tears as stars even as it is silent, the birds do not sing To sleep for a thousand years, and to awake a mother of time And to become a reaper’s child, one never kept out of sight Oh, to a heart born blue, no blood to take away To drown on it’ own breath, but alas, a mercy. Such a mercy, for in life they do not stay With a heart born blue
0
Sep 10, 2025
Sep 10, 2025 at 10:17 AM UTC
A Heart Born Blue
To a heart born blue with the moon on one’s face A butterfly flew and flew, trying to get out of that locked cage A deathly curse to sleep was a fairytale come true A life of mere seconds, a life of a heart born blue Nameless masks stolen, words forged in the blacksmith’s hand A merciful lie becomes armor, a purpose of a life that doesn’t beat Though the prince searched long and wide for someone to slay the dragon in the land; A wave would come, building up and up till all is still but the sea A fated doom that could not be avoided, a said hero that played along Crouching at god’s feet, his feathers falling even as he sings his lord’s songs What mercy, must it be, to have a heart born blue What mercy, must it be, to see the world and to fall again, for it too Wasn’t the angel that claimed the breath, but the reaper whose sorrow was far too great To watch sons and daughters fall from his hands, to be held was a wish granted far too late Alone, must he be, sad, must he be To see a thousand lives, wishing for one, to live and to breathe and not just see For death to come at his hands, even if he sits at the top The clouds fall away and the land becomes grey, and he knows not how to make it stop Too late, would he grasp the child’s hands, too late would he rise Too late would come the sun into dawn’s crying eyes At but last, how to cry out and to be free, of a curse of eternal life To not bring the love, the dear, into god’s arms and chosen, promised lifght Far apart, the rain shall fall. And still the torn souls scream to be free, to fly But alas, a mercy. To have a heart born blue. Through this cycle, of endless tries and fails, to hold and to lose the memory With tears as stars even as it is silent, the birds do not sing To sleep for a thousand years, and to awake a mother of time And to become a reaper’s child, one never kept out of sight Oh, to a heart born blue, no blood to take away To drown on it’ own breath, but alas, a mercy. Such a mercy, for in life they do not stay With a heart born blue
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31
Cradle song woven upon a mothers arms,                         no tears,       no cries. Just mothers tears,          cuddling her baby. No  fret just stillness,                         she sings            her to peace...
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May 2, 2020
May 2, 2020 at 6:09 PM UTC
Music For The Silent Moments..
Hey ez. Just wanted to say, you would be 5 months now. Almost to 6 baby girl. Cousin Ellie just got to 7. Shaydens at 1. Liliana is at 8. You would’ve been right in between. Just perfectly spoiled rotten with love. We miss you. I do. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I don’t think of you often. But thinking of the could’ve and would’ve beens leaves an ache inside that hurts too much. I guess I’ve associated you with so much pain that I think of you when I’m feeling low. I’m happy for the most part. You know? Like.. things feel okay. I held shayden the other day remember? I dreamt of you that night and felt like I was holding you and I felt like that was a push from you to tell me that it was okay for my arms to hold a baby even if it’s not you. It’s just hard for me tho. To have to be awkward and laughed at and watched over as I hold a newborn when I should’ve been used to it by now. I should’ve been the one to be able to tell the best way to angle the head and even know how to burp them. I know others don’t mean to be insensitive it’s not their fault.. I’m the one who always shows them how strong I am and that im not still healing. Thanks to you. I don’t know some times wether to thank you or not because if you were here I wouldn’t have had to find out what I’m capable of. If you were here I wouldn’t have had to find out what being strong means. You showed me the purest love in the most simplistic way and I wish there was a way I could feel that again. Maybe the hurt inside me when I think of you is that love still just not so pure anymore since it’s marred with losing you. I know it’s bad that I don’t talk about you. But baby, it’s only been 5 months. How does anyone expect me to just be okay with it now? 5 months of you being alive would be you still being brand new. 5 months of you being dead means that I’m still holding on. 5 months of me trying to go back to normalcy. Staying with friends, going for drinks, laughing and making jokes. Some of it feels more fake than others. I don’t think you realize how much happier I would be with you here. I sometimes get a thought in my head that is terrible, but that I think is my way of coping because it isn’t how I really feel. You know? That maybe I wasn’t ready for you. Maybe I was too ill prepared. I mean come on look at us. I can barely make it by and there’s just two adults. No car. No home. No baby. And we’re still struggling. So sometimes I think, yes maybe it is better for you.. that way you won’t ever have to know how much this world really is just a climbing ladder and a lot of the times we’re at the bottom. Maybe sometimes it would be easier if you were here, maybe you would be motivation. Something to get us out of our hole we’re in. Or that I’m in. I don’t know what’s right anymore. I wish you were here so I could just talk your little head off again. I miss those morning drives of just telling you what I had in store for us. Of complaining about nonsense and always losing track of what I was saying but actually feeling listened to for once. You made me feel so much peace just by talking to you. I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. Everyone has their own problems and me adding to theirs when my problems are easily fixable seems pointless. Idk. I just miss you. I’m sorry that I’m a bad mom. I didn’t deserve you but I thank you so much that you gave me you.
0
Apr 19, 2020
Apr 19, 2020 at 11:01 PM UTC
Dear Ezra
Hey ez. Just wanted to say, you would be 5 months now. Almost to 6 baby girl. Cousin Ellie just got to 7. Shaydens at 1. Liliana is at 8. You would’ve been right in between. Just perfectly spoiled rotten with love. We miss you. I do. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I don’t think of you often. But thinking of the could’ve and would’ve beens leaves an ache inside that hurts too much. I guess I’ve associated you with so much pain that I think of you when I’m feeling low. I’m happy for the most part. You know? Like.. things feel okay. I held shayden the other day remember? I dreamt of you that night and felt like I was holding you and I felt like that was a push from you to tell me that it was okay for my arms to hold a baby even if it’s not you. It’s just hard for me tho. To have to be awkward and laughed at and watched over as I hold a newborn when I should’ve been used to it by now. I should’ve been the one to be able to tell the best way to angle the head and even know how to burp them. I know others don’t mean to be insensitive it’s not their fault.. I’m the one who always shows them how strong I am and that im not still healing. Thanks to you. I don’t know some times wether to thank you or not because if you were here I wouldn’t have had to find out what I’m capable of. If you were here I wouldn’t have had to find out what being strong means. You showed me the purest love in the most simplistic way and I wish there was a way I could feel that again. Maybe the hurt inside me when I think of you is that love still just not so pure anymore since it’s marred with losing you. I know it’s bad that I don’t talk about you. But baby, it’s only been 5 months. How does anyone expect me to just be okay with it now? 5 months of you being alive would be you still being brand new. 5 months of you being dead means that I’m still holding on. 5 months of me trying to go back to normalcy. Staying with friends, going for drinks, laughing and making jokes. Some of it feels more fake than others. I don’t think you realize how much happier I would be with you here. I sometimes get a thought in my head that is terrible, but that I think is my way of coping because it isn’t how I really feel. You know? That maybe I wasn’t ready for you. Maybe I was too ill prepared. I mean come on look at us. I can barely make it by and there’s just two adults. No car. No home. No baby. And we’re still struggling. So sometimes I think, yes maybe it is better for you.. that way you won’t ever have to know how much this world really is just a climbing ladder and a lot of the times we’re at the bottom. Maybe sometimes it would be easier if you were here, maybe you would be motivation. Something to get us out of our hole we’re in. Or that I’m in. I don’t know what’s right anymore. I wish you were here so I could just talk your little head off again. I miss those morning drives of just telling you what I had in store for us. Of complaining about nonsense and always losing track of what I was saying but actually feeling listened to for once. You made me feel so much peace just by talking to you. I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. Everyone has their own problems and me adding to theirs when my problems are easily fixable seems pointless. Idk. I just miss you. I’m sorry that I’m a bad mom. I didn’t deserve you but I thank you so much that you gave me you.
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2
He appears to meet all the throbbing needs of my heart deep within my long lost desires My pulsating veins pushing through for a fight But still, I decided to start, to start that struggle Only based on the fact that he is too perfect Yeah, He is, but what about the thousand miles between? Distance and time brings us to our knees at night as we hold our hands up high wishing for a better way to feel hoping that somehow the universe will shrink He carried my heart too perfectly Yeah, He did, but what about the thousand miles between? All these sweet words I use Just to describe how in love I thought I was With the idea of a flawless story, this would be Or the perfect stillborn we continue to nurture We held on to each other too strongly Yeah, We did, but with the thousand miles between, its time to let go.
0
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019 at 10:11 AM UTC
Yeah, But...
blue eyes and blue skies your white pillow lips your spider leg eyelashes and the soft, brown bruises that tiptoe up my wrist soft downy, warm skin a tiny entity in the pale moonlight purple and yellow wet and slime and rawness but empty, flutterless, cooling: the bare nakedness we created no longer exists dribbling words a tipsy house that leans to one side gentle breeze and creamy clouds- mashed potatoes to slather with butter or the fluid that drips down my leg asphalt, cold but burning a right a left a straight and i stumble press a hand to the leftover lump of my abdomen and turn toward an empty, flickering highway
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Feb 10, 2019
Feb 10, 2019 at 12:41 AM UTC
Flutterless
Her tiny little face, So innocent and gentle, So close to being free, To being alive. Perfect little fingers and perfect little toes, My whole life through a moment in her eyes. Too beautiful for me, Too precious to let be, A glimpse of what could be for me to know, Now I know I can’t stay here, Suddenly it’s all so clear, She needs me, I have no choice, I have to go.
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Feb 26, 2019
Feb 26, 2019 at 4:31 AM UTC
The Right Wrong
I bury this year's stillborn dreams in the soil of despair, before the new year begins with colorful explosions embroidered in the sky.
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Dec 31, 2018
Dec 31, 2018 at 3:07 PM UTC
2019
Thoughts descend in neon whites of infinity to hit the keyboard as an avalanche of words to leave thumb-prints of ingenuity. Words become cadaverous, impotent to birth them. They leave stillborns with pale yellow shadows! An eerie pain numbs my senses. I suffocate. O, had I become the unuttered word!
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Sep 26, 2018
Sep 26, 2018 at 6:36 AM UTC
The unuttered word
The "us" in my head was just a stillborn dream of mine. But in another life, that dream would live and breathe with us.
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Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 1:58 AM UTC
In Another Life
I heard the silhouette of your heart        echoing in the eyes of our love. You were a seed that grew entwining                   around our everyday lives. Like a petal you were blossoming,               but then the wilted slowly. Never did we think beauty could fade,         every heartbeat a precious reflection. Where once we had joy, then sadness        enveloped our hearts, as still as yours. When you were born, no tears of joy as        petals had fallen, and stillness entered our lives. "Every beat is precious,                       hold everyone one like its a delicate petal"
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Jun 12, 2018
Jun 12, 2018 at 7:11 AM UTC
Still Within Our Hearts
Silence greats a mother precious life....
0
Jul 12, 2017
Jul 12, 2017 at 10:02 AM UTC
Entombed Within 6W/S
I didn't expect this dream to be a stillborn after so many years of seeing this false image of reality it never arrived intact.
0
Oct 30, 2016
Oct 30, 2016 at 1:39 AM UTC
Stillborn
Desperate for a baby. Ultimate sacrifices to make one. One pregnancy test! Years of waiting. In that moment, our dreams came true. I cried joyous tears; I was going to be a mother. Most importantly, your mom. The love grew instantly. I saw your heart beating and heard the wonderful little thumps. Striking my senses in amazement. An intimate sight. Watching you grow at each ultrasound, as I grew closer to you. Impatiently waiting to feel you, your first kick. That anticipated day finally came. We shared our first moment together. You never disappointed me. You gave me everything. I carried you and loved having you in my belly. I did everything to protect you. I had many dreams for you. I imagined your first smile, your first word, your first step. I read to you, played with you, hugged you, and kissed you. I carried you for 31 weeks, that makes me your mother. I always wanted to be a mother, the best I could be. I never realized I would be faced with losing my child. I never expected a mother could be childless. I don’t understand why life can be horrifying; You were little, treasured, and perfect. My world doesn’t make sense without you in it. A few memories of you is all I have. Your delicate face, you looked just like your father. I stared at you, while you never looked back. You seemed peaceful in my arms. I wished you could have seen me, your mother who loved you so. I hoped your muted eyes would sparkle, yet they remained shut. A couple of hours with you, hours that I would cherish forever. I embraced and cradled your chilled motionless body. I gently kissed your soft tiny nose, as a tear fell onto your face. Pleading to hear you cry, only you never cried. The cries ringing in my ears were not yours. It was time to give you to the nurse. The hardest part was letting you go. Conceiving ways of escaping and bringing you home. A plot remained untouched. Your father and I left the hospital with a box, as we watched new parents leaving with their babies. Why did this happen to us? We nourished you with endless love. A senseless tragedy I can’t wrap my mind around. Convinced this is a miserable dream, still I wake up without you. Inconsolable and heartbroken Wishing to be occupied and busy. An instinctive desire for sleepless late night feeds. My reality of days drowned by sadness.   As the tears generate a stream in my house. This lifeless belly; I ache for your little kicks. Empty and disoriented without you, will this suffering ever stop? I wanted a baby. My dream came true, I had you. . Goodbye Alex, my son, my love, my angel. © Jl 2010
0
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016 at 10:08 AM UTC
My Son, My Love
Desperate for a baby. Ultimate sacrifices to make one. One pregnancy test! Years of waiting. In that moment, our dreams came true. I cried joyous tears; I was going to be a mother. Most importantly, your mom. The love grew instantly. I saw your heart beating and heard the wonderful little thumps. Striking my senses in amazement. An intimate sight. Watching you grow at each ultrasound, as I grew closer to you. Impatiently waiting to feel you, your first kick. That anticipated day finally came. We shared our first moment together. You never disappointed me. You gave me everything. I carried you and loved having you in my belly. I did everything to protect you. I had many dreams for you. I imagined your first smile, your first word, your first step. I read to you, played with you, hugged you, and kissed you. I carried you for 31 weeks, that makes me your mother. I always wanted to be a mother, the best I could be. I never realized I would be faced with losing my child. I never expected a mother could be childless. I don’t understand why life can be horrifying; You were little, treasured, and perfect. My world doesn’t make sense without you in it. A few memories of you is all I have. Your delicate face, you looked just like your father. I stared at you, while you never looked back. You seemed peaceful in my arms. I wished you could have seen me, your mother who loved you so. I hoped your muted eyes would sparkle, yet they remained shut. A couple of hours with you, hours that I would cherish forever. I embraced and cradled your chilled motionless body. I gently kissed your soft tiny nose, as a tear fell onto your face. Pleading to hear you cry, only you never cried. The cries ringing in my ears were not yours. It was time to give you to the nurse. The hardest part was letting you go. Conceiving ways of escaping and bringing you home. A plot remained untouched. Your father and I left the hospital with a box, as we watched new parents leaving with their babies. Why did this happen to us? We nourished you with endless love. A senseless tragedy I can’t wrap my mind around. Convinced this is a miserable dream, still I wake up without you. Inconsolable and heartbroken Wishing to be occupied and busy. An instinctive desire for sleepless late night feeds. My reality of days drowned by sadness.   As the tears generate a stream in my house. This lifeless belly; I ache for your little kicks. Empty and disoriented without you, will this suffering ever stop? I wanted a baby. My dream came true, I had you. . Goodbye Alex, my son, my love, my angel. © Jl 2010
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62
I remember when I held you in my hands I couldn't stop staring at you promised I'd be gentle as I can and I think you promised, too you'd look like you were sleeping if your skin wasn't so cold even though your heart's not beating it's you I wanna hold can I cradle you for a little while? if you don't mind and they don't care i bet you'd have your mother's smile i see you have my messy hair i know I'm too young to be a dad but I'd have tried my best it wouldn't have been all that bad i think you'd be impressed i don't have all the answers, i can't tell you why i never got to say "hello" and you never said "goodbye" let's just stay here a little longer i promise that a little later i'll be a little stronger
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Sep 3, 2015
Sep 3, 2015 at 9:16 PM UTC
stillborn
They waited. They waited long enough.. There he was.. Their bundle of joy.. He hadn't breathed yet.. And now he never will.. Tears won't justify the pain.. Only time will tell.. Show them.. Healing.. A simple act of kindness.. They wait again..
0
Jul 14, 2015
Jul 14, 2015 at 8:19 PM UTC
The Unborn;
Sweet little heart; a shiny new clock that wouldn't start. -ARI
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Mar 28, 2015
Mar 28, 2015 at 8:12 AM UTC
Stillborn
any nu::)mber and you'd b r. -eak witho ut a c!lue. ? yo{u're not s}}ad; nah, that ain't you. you're _just [giving up on razor-thin notic.e/
0
Feb 16, 2015
Feb 16, 2015 at 12:10 AM UTC
θνησιγενές
open the floodgates water now broken dead stone weight escapes breath never drawn mother's tears let me hold It stillborn nocturn broken refrain
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Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 4:47 PM UTC
stillborn nocturn
All of hell is wrapped in ice And lodged in our throats. Sibilating we die, pale and Cold like a thin rain that Washes blood from The summer fields. Cacophony. A thousand Shrieking crows produce Our crepuscular sky. We suffocate under this Stygian Blanket, like a naked, stillborn Fetus on the winter road. Train me to walk; Stand my Splintered feet On the fraying rope - And watch me go.
0
Jul 5, 2014
Jul 5, 2014 at 7:30 PM UTC
Stillborn