#spam
The kitchen cupboards empty, there nothing much to eat
But I spy a round of soft white bread and tin of luncheon meat.
A bit of sauce, a cup of tea now this will do just grand
So off I go to start my lunch, butter knife in hand.
The bread is soft the butter hard but still I get it spread
A little bit unevenly but I cover all the bread.
A tricky start I’ll give you, but I’ll take that little win
For now I face the challenge of the luncheon meats **** tin.
I break one nail before I can remove the ****** key
So the butter knife is utilised to prise the ****** free.
I thread the key like needle hole around the tins small tag
And start to turn but suddenly the key begins to snag
I turn with force and now the coil of metal starts to bend
It spirals off the little key long before the end.
So standing with half opened tin I can’t believe the strife
This little tin of luncheon meat is bringing to my life.
So I grab the nearby butter knife and insert it in the tin
And push and bend and wiggle it, the ******* will not win.
So here I am still hungry with a towel wrapped round my thumb
In Accident and Emergency my whole hand feeling numb.
I swear again as I’ve done before, I’ll never buy again
The tin of ****** luncheon meat that always brings me pain.
Sep 21, 2025
Sep 21, 2025 at 8:19 AM UTC
I gave my light,
soft and true,
but hands that took
just let it bruise.
A hand once open,
now worn and sore,
kindness bent
became the floor.
Feb 28, 2025
Feb 28, 2025 at 5:07 AM UTC
Guys don't open any messages from sgg. In inbox please report as the message they send is linked to a virus. Please report and block so we can crack down on this asap.
Nov 20, 2024
Nov 20, 2024 at 3:41 PM UTC
please fix what's broken inside me
i've tried a hundred times
and i can't seem to make it right
there's nothing inside me that shines anymore
i killed off yesterday
so there wouldn't be today
yet i woke up again this morning
Aug 7, 2021
Aug 7, 2021 at 7:28 PM UTC
"You're boring"
I know...
"what's there to love about you?"
Please...stop...no...
"this isn't working out"
I thought we were meant to be?
"I'm leaving"
please...
don't....
leave....
me
Feb 15, 2020
Feb 15, 2020 at 9:32 AM UTC
I think too many people
equate love with
passionate fireworks,
and while love can certainly
produce this,
it in itself is not love.
Love is more than
a feeling or a fancy,
it is a principle,
a preserver,
a law that governs action
and behavior.
To put it simply,
it's a can of Spam
in the back of the cupboard
that remains good
long after everything
around it has come and gone.
Feb 14, 2020
Feb 14, 2020 at 8:27 AM UTC
You must read my novel. I don't make any money from the hard-copy sales. It's the lowest possible price that I fixed for it. I did so because I want people to read it and take home the goodness hidden in its story.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1520680961
Jan 2, 2020
Jan 2, 2020 at 11:45 AM UTC
Green eggs, Spam and grits
Sam and Pam had their fill,
Then made their way to Main Street
Down WhoDat’s Whatsup Hill.
Waived "Hi!" to their neighbors
To show them that they cared.
All smiled except two who
Just stood there and glared.
Hulu Q Hopps and
His shorter half-brother
They came from two pops but
Shared the same mother.
Hopps came at them fast
So they quickened their pace
Sam and Pam flew past him,
Boy, this was a race!
Hopps huffed and puffed,
While shouting very gruffly:
"You better stop now, or
I'll treat you roughly!"
"Just what have we done
To make you so mad?"
"If you don't stop right now,
I'll do something bad!"
Pam and Sam finally stopped,
Turning right around,
Awaiting their fate while
Standing their ground.
Hopps wide-eyed and breathless
Finally stopped within inches
"Listen real closely now,
Your see Mr. Pinch is
Hot on your trail
Looking for retribution
Based on your failure
To give restitution."
"We don't know what that means,
We don't know what to say..."
"Doesn't matter at all,
Pinch is coming your way!"
Since Mr. Pinch meant
To slow cook their goose,
Pam and Sam agreed to do
What they learned from Dr. Seuss!
They asked all their friends
To lend them some help.
Eucalyptus, Betty Loo,
JaeJae and Miss Kelp.
Hortman, Octavius, and
Hopps stepped up to bat.
Even Kat came back
And threw in her hat!
Off in the distance
The Catawampas growled
And soon after that
The Terrormasu yowled.
Down came Mr. Pinch
From atop Mount Dumpit
In his impedimenta SUV,
Like it or lump it.
Rolling into town
Entering WhoDat's Square
Pinch shouted "Sam and Pam!
Are you hiding somewhere?"
"You must pay the piper,
I'm here to collect.
Excuses mean nothing,
Your pleas I'll reject!"
Pam and Sam stepped forward,
Friends forming a line.
"Pinch, you won't get away
With extortion this time!"
With that Betty Loo
Pulled out her didgeridoo.
The others pulled out
Their instruments too.
All began playing strong,
Singing loud and clear:
"You are hostile Mr. Pinch
And your breath reeks of stench
But we're stronger than you
So you can't make us flinch.
Mr. Pinch you are mean
So you better flee the scene
You're a ****** like no other, Mr. Pinch..."
They droned on and on,
A multi-stanza bonanza:
"You're a villain Mr. Pinch...
"You are ****** Mr. Pinch...
"You are nasty Mr. Pinch...
"You're a ****** Mr. Pinch...
"You disgust us Mr. Pinch...
Mr. Pinch screaming loud
With hands to his ears,
Made a beeline to his
Impedimenta SUV in tears.
Then Pinch did the math
Calculating the odds
He wasn't going to get
Anywhere with these clods.
"You haven't heard the last of me!"
Fist pumping as he shouted.
When he left, all WhoDat cheered,
Disaster had been routed.
Sam and Pam thanked their friends
In a way that befits.
A WhoDat picnic serving them
Green eggs, Spam and grits!
Oct 23, 2019
Oct 23, 2019 at 7:47 PM UTC
Ladies of the Net… A warning to male adolescents everywhere…
“Hi Honey….I just got matched with your profile”… At least that’s what I think it said.
Brilliant I thought because I’m available and life round here is, well…it’s dead
“I’m looking for an experienced guy who’s good in bed… been round the block, but not the clock…
One with plenty of experience and a huge…err…appetite…
for hooking up instead of these inexperienced boys…
They’re all excitable, probably all over too quick…
need someone with poise reserve and a twelve inch errr… Libido?… ego?
Click my pics kiddo and let’s get it on… you Stud!… Well I would!
****** hell! I’m overwhelmed but let’s not peak too soon…
There’s loads of stuff coming in as Spam that would probably make us all swoon.
So check it out…without fail, “eeeh!” They’re all there - these ladies of the net - they crop up daily -
Sheila Blige… Tanya Hide… Mandy May, Bette Sheedus, Lovinia ****
I’m not sure if these are their real names... But - Phew -
with things like this going on round here we could all get *******
She says she’s just round the corner, you know like Sompting, Steyning, LA (that must be Littlehampton)… Southwick…Little Haven Halt, Portslade.
We could meet in a lay-by and we’ll get laid… just an innocent little escapade.
It won’t be my fault if you miss this chance…
Just try it - I’ll handcuff you to the bed and lap dance.
Click on my pix, big boy, they all beckon.
Take a closer look at these sonny boy - now what do you reckon?
Well, you’d have to say they do look very alluring in the taster…
so why not just click...
to the next page… see the site… don’t waste-ya time…CLICK!
****** hell! The screen’s gone blank…
now I won’t even be able to have a ____
Knock, Knock, Knock!
"Kevin!!!?"..."Mum?" "Is that you?" "Yes Mum!… Everything’s OK!… I’m just turning out the light… G’night!"
Apr 1, 2019
Apr 1, 2019 at 5:45 AM UTC
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Feb 2, 2019
Feb 2, 2019 at 11:39 PM UTC
I want to save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
because she tells me it is my destiny,
and it is all in the email she sent me.
I want to save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
because she possesses many Riches,
and she has promised me all of them.
I want to save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
from her wretched uncle,
who will steal her wealth and lock her away.
I would save this Princess from Zimbabwe --
but she only needs my Government ID,
Bank Account and Social Security.
Dec 13, 2018
Dec 13, 2018 at 3:48 AM UTC
There once was a spammer from Prague
his traffic a plague, and a fog
till came the day
they took him away
now Interpol's lacky, and dog
May 17, 2018
May 17, 2018 at 9:28 PM UTC
"Lost love spell caster voodoo spells"
The spammy text-posts read
Let's write them off, as so much bunk
That nobody would heed.
"Love marriage specialist
in Ahmedabad" said another
Finally you could be betrothed
And satisfy your mother!
Voodoo spells and marriage vows
For only a few rupees,
The challenges of life, all quickly solved,
With very modest fees.
Aug 7, 2015
Aug 7, 2015 at 11:25 PM UTC
sam i yam not,
nor will this 'lo bot go away
cuz, every coordinate in cyber space allows,
enables and provides
an opportunity to bray,
and thence get access
to each excel lent power full point
one among the beguiling bajillion,
thus this ming boggling concept proffers
(even the generic mom and pop hacker
tubby in her/his element field gloating
as if they won
the Irish Sweepstakes that day
despite neither could claim
direct lineage, sans Emerald Eire
analogous to Celtic temptress,
whose grand geography
beckons toward entranceway,
where sensory, levity,
and ecstasy punctuate foray
boot that diverges one hundred
and eighty degrees asper gateway
onrush of spam enters electronic hatchway
spilling forth like
offal horrific bilge interlay
sloshing violently, revoltingly,
and nauseatingly, witnessing a jay
bird donning mask (yule hating)
beak coming contrivance fashioned keyway.
force full brainstorm to firewall
to place on indefinite layaway
inundation of spam midway
between now and eternity,
essentially noway
no more, and if necessary
hermetically seal myself
stationing a pal in drone willingly overpay!
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 1:22 AM UTC
Excuse me sir
I am a Nigerian prince,
and I need you to take my cash since,
I need to copy-paste this chain
to avoid this curse of eternal pain.
Dump the cash in all these
***** enlargment pills.
Did you know you're my nine-thousandth ninety nine
nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine nine
insert name here?
Click here for more.
Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 12:26 PM UTC
You'll eat meat
And love a bacon sarnie
When you're ******
You'll smash a biryani
But when it comes to
Chopped pork, rinds and ham
No one wants to eat spam
In the Great War
We survived on rations
And beat zee Germans
With ******* passion
The lads didn't complain
About what they had to eat
Whether it was a le carte
Or mashed-up meat
But these days
That's not your jam
And no one wants to eat spam
It's great in a fry up
And ******* lovely in a butty
Get the kettle on
And get comfy
And enjoy
A cup of ******* tea
And eat your spam
Perfect with ketchup or HP
And don't complain
That it ain't real meat
Just get it in your gob
And enjoy this tasty treat
But most of you
Are to blame
And like the majority
Don't think it's the same
You're into avocados
Poached eggs and all that
And can't stand the thought
Of a chopped pig in a can
When you were young
You should've listened to your nan
Now it's a ******* shame
No one wants to eat spam
Oct 10, 2017
Oct 10, 2017 at 5:01 PM UTC
Dear James,
We hereby confirm
that we have accepted your request for a new Smartphone.
You can get the award-winning Doogee Android Smartphone
for only $1.
However,
it looks like you still have not given us
your delivery address.
Once you have done this,
we can send you your gift.
Confirm here!
Apr 27, 2017
Apr 27, 2017 at 6:55 AM UTC
Please forgive me, Star.
I seem to have spammed you with
Notifications.
Dec 22, 2016
Dec 22, 2016 at 9:18 PM UTC
eight inbox emails were
received by me on Saturday
with a link direction
how to access a poet's http-bay
these sorts of messages
are very similar to spam
I can't remember asking
for this butting in ram
as soon as I see the
red ink dot com address
that's my cue not to
peruse the sender's press
Sep 11, 2016
Sep 11, 2016 at 8:57 PM UTC
Here, there is a surfeit of Spam,
Fed to us by government man,
Democracy's harrowing tale,
Setting us up to fail,
Pollies' synchronised team,
Is all this what it seems?
Total cant and hypocrisy,
A merit myth of futility,
Spam surfeit, no caring beyond duty.......
Aug 7, 2016
Aug 7, 2016 at 6:02 PM UTC