#sickening
Do the words that come out of my
mouth sound like a string of expletives?
Does my perfume stick so closely to my
clothes that it is sickening?
Every time you hear the rattle of a
key chain, do you worry it might be me?
_Do I sicken you?_
Nov 27, 2024
Nov 27, 2024 at 7:39 PM UTC
It is so hard to watch you leave.
Especially,
when you turn away
without saying a word.
It feels as if someone has stabbed
through my heart with a sword.
I can’t breathe, it is as if someone
is breathing the life out of me.
I want to break free
but I am too weak.
I am too frail to even try and fight.
This feeling is sickening
and it is filling my heart with grief.
A grief that I didn’t know existed
till I saw you leave.
I see your hands touch the door ****
and I want to scream your name,
but all I can do is sit and watch.
No, I can’t watch!
I can’t watch you leave
because it fills my heart with grief.
Instead I will turn my back on you
and let you go.
May 5, 2020
May 5, 2020 at 1:39 PM UTC
I went to use my voice as I awoke
But as the words were about to be spoke,
A hundred knives poked into my throat
Each syllable gave a jab and poke.
Quietly, I laid in bed, not speaking another note.
I went to my medicine cabinet
Grabbing a handful these and those,
The water on the stove is bubbling
To a cherry flavored packet of bovine bones.
Reading an article telling to drink the mixture,
Looking into the bowl, I whispered, "no"
My head is starting to pound,
Eyes starting to feel heavy and thick
Hearing only a heavy pulse for sound,
I think I'm starting to get sick.
Feb 8, 2020
Feb 8, 2020 at 12:22 PM UTC
The worst part waking up each day
Realizing my life is still this way
I want to change
Be something more
Don't want breathing to feel like a chore
With a man who does best to make
Smile though his I only take
I am a thief
Happiness and joy
What I steal I don't get to keep and enjoy
I know wishing others to understand
Make them see it from where I stand
I just **** them with destructive habit
In pursuit of an unreachable white rabbit
I am sick of picking scabs on my face
Screaming to world that I am a disgrace
But distance between where I am at
Where I was
Is a reminder that
Nothing but the loneliness feels the way it once did
Am so hardened
My feelings I hid
Because no effort is ever good enough
No longer try
But I'm failing to bluff
They asked if okay
If I'm sure I'm alright
Lie but it's clear that my answers not right
Nothing hurts because I've gone numb
The awful monotony I've all but succumbed
Rock bottom and bottoms up!
Where I'm stuck between
Each day follow the same sickening routine
Dec 26, 2019
Dec 26, 2019 at 4:59 AM UTC
Tell me a story
Tell me a story on how indescribable the way you feel for others is
hatred to the deep gut, to love from an open heart
Tell me a story where you can write all the words
but it never seems just about it
tell me how much you can love someone that you can be lead to lies easily
how much you can hate someone to the point you despise every spec of them
The story of how you can't speak
but the story of how you can feel what those people mean to you
because it's the closet you can get to showing me
how truly those feel to you
tell me a story on how you hear
how dread and horrid it can sound, to how blissfully warm
I wanna feel every shiver of warmth and cold
so I know how it engulfs you
tell me a story on how it feels to touch them
from how jagged, to how soft
tell me the biggest story of those one's
I wanna know those ways you feel
how you think you can't explain it just right
how it's so painful to listen too
to how much you can't get enough of that voice
how uncomfortably cold it feels to touch
to how it feels like it's gonna wrap you
like a big, fluffy, warm blanket on a cold winters night
tell me a story on how you can write this all out
but never seem to stop
never seem to get it perfect
never placed in the right ways.
that's the story I wanna hear
and maybe it'll sound so heavenly
maybe even so atrocious
I couldn't say how it sounded
Dec 28, 2019
Dec 28, 2019 at 3:59 AM UTC
Should I open my eyes?
Should I face reality?
The reality that I'll always have this feeling?
This unstoppable, overwhelming, consuming, sickening feeling of being alone?
Maybe I should just
Accept it.
I know
I know I'm gonna be alone.
That no one's gonna love me.
That I'm never gonna be good enough for anyone.
Aug 16, 2019
Aug 16, 2019 at 2:14 PM UTC
sadly, I'm sadder
in this moment than I was
just moments ago
Jan 15, 2019
Jan 15, 2019 at 10:22 PM UTC
You never knew how much I loved you.
Sitting on a tree.
Minding the stump.
I was afraid you might fall!
Burlesque minds make fun of you.
Call me an idiot too. I think.
But every time I hear the screams,
I just can't get over that you'd tell me to delete you!
Since when was a man measured by the viscosity of his morals.
To invest online my heart.
But the world told me too, I never had a choice. Because the world decides whether I'm fated to invest in your company. But where would it end? Easy, the world cuts off your existence like a hot knife through crying butter. Could a fate ever be so cruel as mans resistance to the reproachful sickening thud of two people never being able to feel deeply about each other again? But the world doesn't tell the moon what to do. She sits there, waiting patiently for someone to come **** her. She's come to understand that life without a heartbeat is not a life worth living. because everyone who came into the world, our moon included gave their heart to someone. The world told her too. So what if its painful? So what if it's pitiful? Everyone does it so it must be correct, truly. Those words. I love you. Just having you by my side keeps me from hating myself a little. I like the pain of being with you. I don't ever want to leave this place, it's lovely. No one ever liked me before I met you. Touch me harder, rub me harder. I will achieve your dreams with you. I don't like to see you sad. My heart has been connected to you since the day we met. I like guys with long hair. I like girls with a nice *** I'd give up the world for you. Now you know that I like you. Don't ever think you are alone. Even if he doesn't like you, I like you, I love you. When we become ghosts, we can be together forever. You're my hero. Don't ever leave me. You're my purpose for living. We don't have to be rich, we're happy together. It's not that I like you! I just wanted to help you. You're the only one who understands me. My reason for being is you. I've always loved you. You're the only scream I like. Don't ever make me cry, I couldn't stand it if you made me cry. We can stay in heaven together honey. I'll stop whoever makes you sad. Please come back tonight, I miss you. My heart can't take anyone else, just stay with me. We'll be the best of partners! No one could ever touch me like you do. I had a really good time, I mean that. I cherish the world for bringing me you. I will marry you. He could never hold a candle to you. You've ruined me for all other men. I can't be with anyone as long as they're not you. Keep me in your heart forever. We'll get married when we grow up. I will love you, so don't ever say such miserable things, you're running away. Please don't delete me, I love you. I'll be here forever.
But the world just kept on moving.
It never stopped to tell the moon those words she wanted to hear.
That it was sorry.
The responsibility was just too much.
Aug 28, 2018
Aug 28, 2018 at 7:47 AM UTC
laugh in the face of
sickening doubt
because that doubt
is the one skeptic of your ability
to ever laugh again
Jan 2, 2018
Jan 2, 2018 at 11:18 PM UTC
He killed Glenn and Abraham
almost took the kid's arm
A kind of, "I don't give a ****
raising the alarm
Maggie still needs a doctor
almost forgotten in this script
Rick no longer the officer
taken on a Neegan trip
Dismay and disaster
the theme and the play
Defining the master
showing us, a violent way
The producers and writers
holding us in contempt
Say "you don't define the fighters"
no one on the show, exempt
As Neegan to the owners
and to Rick do we relate
Held to the bitter end
no choice, within, the fate
Oct 24, 2016
Oct 24, 2016 at 11:43 AM UTC
Maybe next year, the fire inside of me will burn out and I'll see that the sky is clear even when I'm not with you. Maybe later, I'll stop screaming out your name whenever I got drunk and maybe then I'll realize that you had always been poisoning my lungs.
Maybe, maybe I will stop letting you in. Maybe I can stop romanticizing the harmful things you did to me, maybe.. Maybe then I'll start feeling better. Maybe then I won't feel like I'm going to die.
Dec 28, 2015
Dec 28, 2015 at 12:51 PM UTC
**Drop your Grudge Rants
by the door
We Will Not Tolarate
This Anymore
Edit and toss Distasteful Rhymes
Ugly Poems with Vain designs
Haughty thoughts and
bitter words
Childish petty accusing verbs
Who did What to Who and When
Will this Clusterfuck never end?
Selfish actions, Spoiled Children
We Refuse to be your Minions
Like CNN
And Drone Fox news
We've had enough of
Self Serving views
Hurting hearts, far and wide
tender Poets with
tenuous pride
Yet, Strutting and Indignant
for who I ask?
All those involved,
A Donkeys ***
Not a home for
Egotistical Zealots
Nor a place for
flinging pellets
We come in Peace, HP to share
Not get caught in ugly snares
And to the few that
have the gaul.
"If you have nothing decent to say,
say nothing at all"**
**YOU CHOOSE TO USE
HP THIS WAY.
GO AWAY. FIND SOME
WHERE ELSE TO PLAY.**
●HELLO●HELLO●HELLO●
Copyright © 2015 Christi Michaels.
All Rights Reserved
Dec 13, 2015
Dec 13, 2015 at 6:55 PM UTC
Right when she betters herself
she falls sickening with the blade of a razor clenched in her hands
Holding onto that piece of metal
As if her life depended on it.
Oct 10, 2015
Oct 10, 2015 at 1:54 AM UTC
Did I really do that?
Turn you into this person who stands today?
You look at me and all I see is anger
I can feel your hate from these hundreds of miles away.
I can sense you feel no guilt, which is funny
Because you have plenty to be sorry for
Patching up these holes in the walls
And staring at the broken hinges on every door.
Your rage with me began so long ago
And yet it had nothing to do with me
The first time you choked me unconscious
I woke up and realized how dangerous you could be.
The first time you shoved me with our daughter in my arms
Across the room then ran to our rescue
Revealed a side to your wickedness
That I always wish I never knew.
The first time was not the last time,
And somehow it is still at no end
You decided to push me away for six long years
Then suddenly you wanted to be my best friend.
You're hurt because you opened up to me
And finally gave me your heart and soul
But by the time you wanted this thing to work
I had already turned cold.
Stop calling my phone and playing victim
Continue to gossip about me to your family
Solitude suites you so well old friend
Just forget about me.
Sep 4, 2015
Sep 4, 2015 at 2:10 AM UTC
Early morning and the head is pounding,
The unwelcome taste of something strong,
Dancing at the back of the throat,
Sit up, stand up, sit back down,
Vision spinning one way and stomach the other,
Staring into the mirror at a depressing cocktail,
Of two parts painkillers and one part regret,
And don’t hold back on the ice
Then it hits,
An acidic burning shooting up the throat,
As a black poison is spewed into the sink,
Only to wash away leaving a foul stench and worse taste,
Coughing and swearing,
Head in hands,
The age old lie muttered through tight lips,
“Never again...”
Aug 28, 2015
Aug 28, 2015 at 6:28 PM UTC
Daily upon the screen
I seeith young men
Sent off to war;
As tis I seeith the greedy men
Getting rich from them
As tis I thinkest,
What for?
CONTROL.......
©Brandon nagley
©Lonesome poet's poetry
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 8:37 AM UTC
I cannot believe the **** culture that exists in these modern times. We, as Women live life thinking that our rights have have come a long way since those times when we had little to none but have they really? Have our rights gone anywhere when we are still, now WARNED about **** when we are told ‘you need to be careful, you’re vulnerable, watch out for **** Why is it our responsibility to not be ***** why is it not our responsibility as a nation to educate our young Men on **** to educate them on a Woman’s right to say ‘No’ and to not have it ignored, argued with or discussed, to have it accepted, respected. Why is this placed upon our shoulders, something for us to guard against, something for us to worry about as we walk down a street, as we walk through our towns and something for us to be blamed for when we wear a short skirt, a tank top, tight jeans and are therefore ‘asking for it’. I was warned about being ***** today on the bus, an old man said to me ‘you be careful, you watch out, a young woman with a body like yours’. This is the body God gave me, this is the gender God gave me, this is the woman that God made me and why should I therefore have to protect myself against being ***** because of it? This is **** culture and it needs to change NOW.
How can this be accepted? How can we ignore this when we have daughters, granddaughters, sisters, nieces, friends, sons, grandsons, brothers being raised with this perspective, this ideology, this **** culture?
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 9:25 PM UTC
All this time I thought of us lying,
lying together,
lying alone,
trying to protect one another
from the truths created in his bed and home.
Holding me close, i thought it was right.
Letting me go, I only proved him right.
I was just as safe with him
as I was without him.
Sickening.
This is sickening.
May 25, 2014
May 25, 2014 at 4:58 PM UTC