#si
There are cuts
straight and diagonal
all over my skin
Feels like I let my thoughts win
and broke all my promises
to my younger me
And maybe I did
Maybe I'm weak
Maybe I secretly care what everyone thinks
oh
Don't you know I'm sad inside?
Don't you know I'm satisfied
with when I bleed,
with when I bleed?
oh
Don't you know I love it
when my emotional pain shows up
all over my skin,
all over my skin?
never thought we'd be this way.
What the hell happened?
Why we cut ourself open?
I thought that we'd be happy,
we knew things wouldn't be easy,
but seriously?
You made me a promise
that we would be better
Why do you keep breaking it?
Why'd you lie to me?
We used to skip around the playground,
we used to shriek with laughter.
Don't tell me this is your version of
better.
Maybe we are weak,
maybe we secretly do care what everyone thinks.
oh
Don't you know I'm sad inside?
Don't you know I'm satisfied
with when I bleed,
with when I bleed?
oh
Don't you know I love it
when my emotional pain shows up
all over my skin,
all over my skin?
no,
you don't understand!
You don't know what they did to us.
You haven't lived the pain yet,
don't act all disappointed!
You would do the same.
It's not really our fault, kid
They made us like this.
They told us our feelings were valid
only to punish us.
They stuffed us in a box,
we weren't allowed to punch pillows anymore.
They told us to stuff it inside.
They said we were letting satan in,
so we learned to prove them right.
We gave them something to yell about,
something real,
something big.
And then we got tricked,
and our brain got twisted up,
we don't think the same way.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry
I couldn't
save
us.
oh
Don't you know I'm sad inside?
Don't you know I'm satisfied
with when I bleed,
with when I bleed?
oh
Don't you know I love it
when my emotional pain shows up
all over my skin,
all over my skin?
Stop with the excuses.
What happened to
'I never break my promises'?
Is that only for other people
Did you hate us so much that you didn't care,
or are you trying to say you gave up?
What happened to
'we got this'?
What happened to
'everything will be alright'?
What happened to the nights that we would cry
and you would say,
'When we're older, things will be okay'?
Couldn't you keep up?
Is that why we always say
'i miss...',
but never finish the sentence?
Is it the younger us you miss?
Is it the time when we weren't like this?
oh
Don't you know I'm sad inside?
Don't you know I'm satisfied
with when I bleed,
with when I bleed?
oh
Don't you know I love it
when my emotional pain shows up
all over my skin,
all over my skin?
Yes, you're right,
I miss smiling in the dead of night.
Imagining this bright future,
where we were considered cool.
And we had tons of friends,
and everyone liked us,
and we had amazing parents.
But you have to understand,
we aren't gonna change
until our environment does.
We'll never be the same,
but we can get better.
And I'll make a promise right here,
we will get away,
and have an awesome life.
And maybe our scars will never fully heal,
but I promise we're gonna get help.
May 23
May 23, 2026 at 12:15 PM UTC
i want to leave not because
the world is too much,
but i am.
dancing in the sunshine,
singing in the rain,
smiling as if my life is brilliant.
my outside life if pretty perfect,
but the inside is rusty.
too many cracks and snags,
too many broken pipes, fractured beams
to be useful
anymore.
you wouldn’t use a vase that can’t hold water,
so why use a life that can’t hold joy?
Mar 1, 2025
Mar 1, 2025 at 11:49 PM UTC
and finally
i had my happy ending
even though
i was laying on the floor
with no mind to house my body
anymore
i must have been happy somewhere
Jan 12, 2025
Jan 12, 2025 at 6:09 PM UTC
I tried to **** myself last week
But all did was throw up
And give you another medical bill
I made the school work pile up
and my friends mildly worried
gave myself a big bruise
And nearly cried from the emails
Explaining that i couldn't do the math quiz on Friday the 15th
Because i tried to **** myself last week
Jan 27, 2022
Jan 27, 2022 at 10:40 AM UTC
I was outside in the cold for hours that day
thinking about how to end things
i passed your body
On my way upstairs
Before spreading out my saved pills
And unlocking a knife
Crimson spread along my thigh
And my stomach became upset
My water is now empty
And all that's left on the counter is dust
A little bit of red stains the blade
And i pull up my pants nonchalantly
Jan 26, 2022
Jan 26, 2022 at 11:43 AM UTC
the singer should have warned us about his out of tune song
it was so undeserving of our live ears
the melody was unpleasant and the tune horrific
how could there be devotees to such bad talent
it just shows you that some ears are deaf...
Brian Hill - 2020 # 241
Sep 2, 2020
Sep 2, 2020 at 9:06 AM UTC
I’ve never felt like this before.
The blood that the weapon and the battle bore
Has splashed the walls and warped the floor,
But I’ve never felt like this before.
I’ve never breathed like this before.
My chest getting tighter at my heartbeat’s roar
And I’ve felt myself panic on anxiety’s shore,
But I’ve never breathed like this before.
I’ve never hurt like this before.
I’ve been battered and beaten as the barbs would gore
My frail little heart ‘till it beat no more,
But I’ve never hurt like this before.
I’ve never burned like this before.
The witchers with their torches tried to “settle the score”,
And I kept on burning to the crowd’s “encore!”
But I’ve never burned like this before.
I’ve never been lonely like this before.
I’ve been abandoned, sure; thought that I was done for,
When I reached out to people and they slammed the door,
But I’ve never been lonely like this before.
I’ve never felt like this before.
The walls are closing in and I’m losing the war.
See my broken salute as I fight on, I’m trying!
But my courage is dying
And my smile is lying
All the tears that I’m crying
Are so subtly implying
That I’m NOT OKAY
Someone help me, please!
I don’t want to die alone
But all the sweet words that you give me only pile up on the throne
Of my broken wishes, of my long-gone home,
And at the end of the day, you won’t know how hard I tried,
But the world would still be better off if I-
’ve never felt like this before.
Dec 12, 2019
Dec 12, 2019 at 11:15 PM UTC
surprisingly enough,
steak knives aren't any good for cutting flesh,
ceiling fans don't hold as much weight as you'd think they would,
your family isn't as understanding as they say they are,
because no one can understand you, not even yourself.
and no matter how many times they say they won't forget,
won't forfeit the game of remembrance,
you know they will, and they'll be glad once they have.
Because you don't need a stain like me on the artwork that is your life. scrub me off quickly before the memories get dry and you get used to them.
Because I know from experience that only one soul will remember a suicide by the next year.
Because I know from experience you don't have to be dead and gone to be dead and gone.
I have already been forgotten by most, but then again,
I don't want to be remembered.
Jul 5, 2018
Jul 5, 2018 at 5:29 PM UTC
Tu es mon meilleur ami
Je suis très désolée
Mais je ne sais pas pourquoi tu aime moi
Peut être tu es soif pour quelque chose nouvelle
Peut être il est vrai, ton sentiments
Ton mots
Je m'en fiche du passé
Je sais que tu t'en fiche l'un ou l'autre
Mais je suis malade avec mes décisions
Pourquoi je suis le criminel
Pourquoi je suis coupable
Je ne devrais pas existe
Tu es très spectaculaire, génial, magnifique
Mais je ne peux pas continuer avec toi
Avec nous
Avec la planète
La terre n'est plus ma maison
Je n'appartiens pas ici
Je suis désolée
Très très très désolée
Mais il doit être fini
Au revoir mon meilleur ami
Mi amour
Mon amour pour toujours
Au revoir lune brilliant
Et toute ta beauté
Je aller me manquer ton façade
Je reviendrai
Pas bientôt
Mais éventuellement
Quand tu ne m'aimes pas plus
Et je peux être libre de moi
Mais rappelles toi
Je t'aime toujours
D'une autre façon
En amitiée,
Ton copine
Apr 19, 2018
Apr 19, 2018 at 9:22 AM UTC
i am
just another stain
another ****** stain
on a shirt
on a bandage
dripping onto the floor
because no one caught it in time
another stain to wipe away
i am
just another mark
another ****** mark
on my bed
on my hands
dripping onto the floor
because it hurts to open my mouth
another mark that just won't scrub out
i am
just another cut
another ****** cut
on my arms
on my legs
dripping onto the floor
because feeling pain is better than feeling nothing
another cut that won't heal right
Mar 28, 2018
Mar 28, 2018 at 3:45 PM UTC
I can't write-
When my wrists are cut,
And I can't guide you-
When I hold my eyes shut,
I'm sorry if-
I disappointed you,
But I can't do this-
I'm black and blue.
Mar 4, 2018
Mar 4, 2018 at 8:03 PM UTC
mine myopic eyes stare intently in2 cyberspace
folk kiss my sing song snap chat ting
mine eyes fixated b4 ur image seconds erase
with an exclamation of eureka a ha -
u look familiar at least yar face
mebbe we both lived during the same time
centuries ago, eh
perhaps in adjoining caves some place
and/or dashed off the starting line of tha human race.
this yo dull ling josh hing glute max a mess ****
tooting ring ding oof a max i mus drake
haint named bruce
boot ah do like the taste of cous cous
what the deuce
as i goose
step wit a ***** loose
whereby bull winkle the moose
n natasha the squirrel plus otter creatures
tink i lack mental juice
er purr haps goot a ***** el loose
i.e. ja dat - right duh gray matter
of dis knit wit "infamous" noose
cents, sum hmm iz amiss
from dis indigent guy
still lugged in a papoose
cob bulled with whirled wide web
peppered with rotten green tomatoes -
prompting n immediate VAMOOSE
& find my rye ming ting ab
solute zero in chime with zee cuckoo
ready 2 call up doktor demento ore zeus.
thus, this friendship introduction
will mutual ideally nada blow
based on ma unseen essence of body, mind
& soul moreso than dough
i.e. money, which tends
2 be a superficial criteria
viz assess worthiness to flow
toward greater comprehension
akin 2 a garden
that requires one 2 **** din ***
thus, this common non sloppy joe
maw owl ease keeps 2 himself i.e. ya know
a contemplative sort & writes ha low
2 you crossing fingers
no immediate aversion arises,
yet an emphatic "no"
toward me would be taken
in stride per this poe
it, whose ability finds comfort
within the simple pleasures
of life while invisible 1 that doth row
this creaky human vessel,
yes on occasion calls out 4 a big tow.
mebbe as a d liver e purse son
2 supplement social security income
(this disability 4 generalized anxiety)
within me gray matter doth lay.
Feb 26, 2018
Feb 26, 2018 at 12:16 PM UTC
I stand here knocking
On Death's door
I am asking to come in
Life is too overwhelming
I am ready to move on
Maybe the next life
Will treat me kinder
As this life has been hard
So I stand here knocking
On Death's door.
Oct 18, 2017
Oct 18, 2017 at 8:06 PM UTC
*so this happened...
it has happened before
then i can stop
but it always comes back
back to the blade
the shiny blade
it calls my name
begs to feel my skin
as it slices
red bubbles up
and runs down my arm
funny i don't feel the pain
so it cuts again
and again
making thin red lines
so this happened....*
Oct 16, 2017
Oct 16, 2017 at 7:45 PM UTC
*Self
Personal
Me
Alone
Judgement
Punishment
Deserved
Guilty
Facing
My
Own
Inadequaties
Self-Judgement*
Sentence passed
Only death will pay
Oct 4, 2017
Oct 4, 2017 at 10:17 PM UTC
my hand roars
with searing pain.
"i dont know how
this happened,"
i explain. but in truth,
my art teacher
left a box of sharp objects
on her desk
and my little hands
just wanted to grab one
just wanted to try
May 22, 2017
May 22, 2017 at 1:59 PM UTC
I...
Still
Earn
Love,
Find
Hope
And
Recover
More
Every
Day
Dec 1, 2015
Dec 1, 2015 at 11:02 PM UTC
**I'm not trying to **** myself
My cuts are merely a cry for help**
You could read them like a journal if you were to look hard enough
This one from the time I cried until I could't cry anymore
That one from the time when sleep was oh so far away
And that one there, just a scar
That was my first cut, the one that began it all
Sometimes the only way to bury the emotional pain
Is by covering it with the physical pain
Like the bite of a dull kitchen knife against your stomach
Or the burn of a sharp one
The little beads of blood welling to the surface
Like the tears of my emotions
In physical form
Dec 1, 2015
Dec 1, 2015 at 10:52 PM UTC
I have tried so hard to move forward
I really want to be happy
To accomplish things
Put the Past behind.
But the voices in my head
They whisper and yell
Lies, and half-truths
They make me doubt.
They can twist everything
Make it seem like I am
Unwanted, unloved
A failure.
I do not know how to silence them.
Sep 10, 2015
Sep 10, 2015 at 7:58 PM UTC
I am his little puppet
He calls, I run
He hits, I break
He touches, I cringe and endure
He controls me
He controls my spirit
He controls my mind
I try to untie the strings
And be a real person
But each time I slip one off
He is right back to tie it on tighter.
The puppet master
He beckons for me
He wants to see me dance
I dance for him
With silent tears
rolling down my cheeks.
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015 at 5:11 PM UTC
*I try so hard to not let him win
But then the letter or call comes
And I am right back there again
Under his control.
Feeling lost and hurting
Wanting all the pain to leave.
My head hurts
My heart is broken
I am a mess.
I cannot function like this anymore
I am done
He has ruined my day....again.
Happy Birthday to me
He's back.*
Aug 2, 2015
Aug 2, 2015 at 8:39 PM UTC
*Laying outside.
Got a shiny new blade in hand.
I love the way the sun shimmers off it.
A new blade...needs to be used.
I am actually feeling good.
But still have the urge.
The* urge *to cut.
To feel that* slice *into skin.
I am* addicted *to cutting.
I feel a rush knowing what is coming.
The quickness of the* blade.
*The slight pull of the skin.
Then the* red bubbles of blood.
That led into a path of red *running
Down my arm.
Initiating the new* blade.
*Cutting tonight.
Not to dull a pain.
But out of a* desire to feel it.
May 28, 2015
May 28, 2015 at 8:22 PM UTC
*In a few hours I will be facing the monster.
The one who took my innocence,
My childhood, my soul.
I need to take back control
I pray for strength.
He needs to pay for the hurt
The hurt then and now.
My lack of being able to function normally....his doing.
I need to stand tall
Be firm...make him suffer
Like he made me.
I can do this
The time has come
Today you pay!*
May 22, 2015
May 22, 2015 at 2:06 PM UTC
*My heart is longing
Longing for something
Or someone
To fill this void in my life.
Someone who will love
All of me
Including the bad and ugly parts.
Someone who will take the time
To learn my secrets
What haunts me at night
Who will not run away when it gets tough.
Someone who will help me
Fight the demons inside
Who will stand next to me
And hold my hand.
My heart is longing
Longing for something
Or someone
To fill this void in my life.
I am here
Where are you??*
May 20, 2015
May 20, 2015 at 11:11 AM UTC
I am
NOT
*Your
Pet project!
You cannot fix broken!
Walk away
Don't look back!*
STOP
May 7, 2015
May 7, 2015 at 11:16 PM UTC