#shutdown
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I'm drowning
In the words
Toomuchtoomuchtoomuch
Shutting down...
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Jun 8, 2025
Jun 8, 2025 at 1:27 AM UTC
Once I was a caterpillar,
Curious but often naive,
Observing from the ground,
Waiting for my time to leave.
Then I was a luna moth,
Silhouette whispering to the moon,
Drawn to the heat and fleeting warmth,
Of men who did what they wanted to do.
When I was a black widow,
A man eater they'd say,
I lived recklessly in my villian era,
Until my empathy got in the way.
I think I'll try again as a hermit,
Not very brave but tired of bleeding,
I traverse through this sand,
Longing for a shell that won't demand meaning.
May 8, 2025
May 8, 2025 at 9:16 PM UTC
At midnight
I will scare myself
into the new millennium
with dates
and charts
and graphs
about fractions
and formulas
and fundamental folly
all because
some genius thought
that in the grand scheme
of things
2 > 4
May 4, 2025
May 4, 2025 at 11:20 AM UTC
that feeling.
you know the one.
all emotion is drained of your body and all worth is ****** away.
When you're so numb you can't be real, yet you feel every little thing that grazes your skin.
you feel tired, yet so overwhelmed and awake
and it hurts.
you cant escape
and it hurts.
that feeling of overwhelming upsetting forgetting and regretting.
your mind isnt your own, yet your body is undeniably so.
you cant even decode your own thoughts, for the mess they spew out is only to be just that, a mess.
your words come out as delirium, your heart racing and genuinely not functioning
everything
everywhere all at once.
like you have no mouth, yet must scream
have no control
incessantly and unequivocally continuous
that visceral, inexplicable feeling remaining, restraining
not just disorder, complete discord, chaos, absolute anarchy
inside the mind
and again this body remained still.
you couldn't possibly imagine could you?
of course not.
Apr 29, 2025
Apr 29, 2025 at 3:09 PM UTC
Let me slip into my
Queen.
Appetite,
Slumber,
Sloughs off of her
as easily as water.
She passes through, to
The other side of Fear
In her penetrability
She has no Peer
Shapeless threats of the night
Merely dampenings of light
Let me slip on my frigid
Queen.
Mortal fears free of her lease
Reign wild, at the very least
But before my Queen
They quiver, shrivel,
Into a sheen
Of ice, from sniffling drivel.
Her countenance a light deadpan,
Her governance, her birthright, tends
A sooty silence,
A dumb penance,
Mum.
Jul 18, 2024
Jul 18, 2024 at 9:01 AM UTC
Legs feel weaker
Eyes want to stay shut
It's like my body doesn't want to move anymore
Stop seeing anything but darkness
All my hurt and pain visibly coming out of me
One puke and tear drop at a time
My heart beats faster and faster as if wanting to complete all the beats it has remaining in this instant
I imagine this is what a robot experiencing a malfunction feels like
But then again, a robot can't feel anything
What I would give to be able to not feel anything right now
Or just be able to swtich off with the hit of a button
Jul 11, 2020
Jul 11, 2020 at 8:50 AM UTC
I can feel suicide in me
In the heaviness of my limbs
The numbness of my heart
The slowness of my movements
The emptiness encompassing me
Of course I won’t
But I find it disappointing
May 5, 2020
May 5, 2020 at 12:54 AM UTC
Her crisp vocals paint paths, long poised by me.
Her beauty is a reality where my ecosystem drives.
Her omnidirectional audio reads every touch and feels every string.
Her heart-bytes pump voltage in my device(veins).
Her smartness is a safe place, where I shut down.
© Feelings Coated
Jul 13, 2019
Jul 13, 2019 at 7:49 AM UTC
Your structure was tall like a tree in the night,
yet they shot you down faster than lightning.
I felt myself falling in this deep endless abyss,
while they stand tall above us in this empty place.
Nothing is clear to us.
One by one each payment is erased,
one by one each month is replaced.
the more we look, the more it hurts us,
as we sit here in a confused daydream.
Vulnerable people grasping onto what they can,
it sounds dramatic only when you feel safe.
They say their words represent our feelings,
yet every person I know never felt the same.
I never knew how to feel like them.
One by one each payment is erased,
one by one each month is replaced.
the more we look, the more it hurts us,
as we sit here in a confused daydream.
For you grew in a shell of a place,
I never knew from my experiences.
But, for the place I did know for years,
I feel the colours fade away.
Every hue, every shade.
One by one, each person begins to walk away,
one by one, they make out it’s our fault again.
Yet, instead of fixing what is broken in masses,
we find new ways to paint over it again and again.
For I wonder what becomes of us?
If I’m not enough, will we be enough?
Even then, will they come knocking,
for us to pay their debts?
My pockets are empty.
Jan 28, 2019
Jan 28, 2019 at 7:50 AM UTC
An electrical fence
Lines the inside of my body
Within it I can feel
The semblance of emotions
As they throw themselves
Furiously against the wires
Electric tremors flare through my limbs
Waves of whispered feelings
Tear through my muscles
Begging and screaming for me
To let them live and breathe freely
But my mind tells me not to
It says I can't trust my feelings
And if I am not my emotions
Then I can still trust myself
I'm told that feeling is dangerous
That it hurts other people more
Than not feeling hurts me
And how can I argue with that?
But the feelings keep screaming
They keep scratching at the floor and
Infuriating their essence with electricity
Please just let me be
Please just set me free
I'm suffocating under the pressure
Ripping apart from this tug of war
My brain promises that I'm fine
My feelings say that's a lie
All I know is that I'm tired
I just want a break
I can't fight like this forever
And it's not just me
While I'm exhausted and in pain
Those around me don't see
They think this is just me
But I can't connect to them
With my emotions behind bars
Theres no room for empathy
No room for intimacy
I am alone
Yet I can't feel lonely
What a well-oiled machine
This human without feelings
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 9:18 PM UTC
Impervious.
The defense of age.
Our hearts become small.
We’re loathe to engage.
We put up a wall.
Impervious.
In an armored suit.
Seeking protection.
To be resolute.
Avoid connection.
Impervious.
To one more heartbreak.
We like to think so.
But that’s our mistake.
Our hurt makes us grow.
Impervious.
I have tried to be.
It was just pretense.
For your love found me.
It pierced my defense.
Impervious.
Was never a thing.
I was closed off to
Almost everything—
Everything but you.
Oct 6, 2018
Oct 6, 2018 at 6:08 PM UTC
I fall from grace
upon jagged lands
and demand to be
the center of attention
Yet an overwhelming need for self evaluation
causes me to close my eyes,
shut doors I've just opened,
and breathe in the stale air of loneliness
I really am better in your dreams
Jul 28, 2018
Jul 28, 2018 at 3:55 PM UTC
I'm seeing you tonight
And it's been quite a while
Four days to be exact
I remember a time when
It drove us crazy
To not see each other most days
I act like I don't care
Sometimes it feels like I don't
But I feel the sadness looming over me
How can I not when
I know I want to see you more?
Life isn't that easy though
It's best not to feel
Not to care
A self-protective coping mechanism
That lets me function as human again
I'm nervous to see you
I don't know how I'll feel and
If I really am compartmentalizing
I know it doesn't hold up
When I'm laying next to you
I don't want to want you this much
I still want to be with you though
Just not so invested
It's unsafe
It's uncontrollable
And as someone who needs to feel
A variation of both of those
I'm terrified that seeing you
Will destroy these walls I've built
Until I'm left with nothing but
Myself
and
My feelings
Mar 29, 2018
Mar 29, 2018 at 2:56 PM UTC
Is it not a foe who taunts —
that in itself could be borne
Is it not an enemy's tirades—
from them one could hide
Instead, an arrogant intimacy—
life's equal, companion & friend.
What close companionship
now scattered in the chill
of uncaring autumn winds
from familiar paths once
walked together in gardens
of fond affection and glee.
Mar 11, 2018
Mar 11, 2018 at 5:31 AM UTC
Pause.
Start again.
It's too dangerous to stop.
What's on your arm?
Tug your sleeve down, refuse to talk.
Don't let them know
or your secret will be out.
You could stretch out your arm
reach for someone's hand,
but they will never fully grasp
the weight of your situation.
Close your mouth,
your eyes,
your mind.
Just shut down.
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 11:08 AM UTC
Isolated, trapped in a dark abyss,
Remained under her lulled admonition;
Never wished to depart, but to depress,
Grieve then be stiff, yielded in damnation.
Cut off away from the world’s speed of light,
Off she choked a too petty eulogy;
Swore never to venture off from its sight,
Deprive hope, ****** apathy with elegy.
The dark poet’s ode continues to cruise,
Spills & spreads to her frail soul like poison;
Intoxicate & numbs her as a bruise,
Nullifies every positive motion.
Go better off now, my little sweet one,
The world has just locked away your sunshine;
Forget about help, you’re banished & gone,
Sleep it all away, not one can outshine.
Jul 6, 2014
Jul 6, 2014 at 9:04 PM UTC