#serotonin
i heard them say it's bad to push away the negativity
under the blanketing embrace of a nice evening drink
but my mind isn't well and my time seems at an end --
do i really have a problem when i worry that i'm the problem?
do i need to abide by the constructs those i do not know
have created for people like me to stand beside and follow
despite the everyday occurrences that warrant the attention
of those who sit and wait and do not listen?
shall i walk my way down this narrow street
under the dimming streetlights as cars pass me by
just because that's what's supposed to help me survive?
or perhaps i should visit the dwindling spaces
occupied by those paid to sit and listen
to the life stories of those they do not know?
shall i trust their intentions and pray for remission
of these symptoms that never seem to fade?
no -- instead, i think i'll bask in this sun
and reach my quivering hand to the right
to pick up my drink tilted on its side
and press it to my lips to taste the bitter embrace
of this warm can of serotonin and dopamine.
Aug 31, 2023
Aug 31, 2023 at 6:58 PM UTC
I was an empty vassal,
She poured out her ocean of love
As lucid as I am, it permeated through me
Now I am feeling amorphous, vivid chemistry reaction...
Feb 21, 2021
Feb 21, 2021 at 8:07 AM UTC
I like it when people pat themselves down
to make sure they have
all of their belongings before they leave.
It's even better
when they mutter the words
out loud
to themselves.
Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet, and Watch.
I like it when people's faces light up
when they are waiting for a friend,
and finally spot them.
I like it when people get startled
and apologize for it.
Like their fear may have
inconvenienced you.
I like when people look around
and make eye contact with strangers
when the subway slows down
or stops unexpectedly.
I like it when a large group of people witness something strange,
so strange
that they are forced
to talk about it
with people they may never see again.
I like it when somebody drops something,
and a stranger chases after them to return it,
even if it's just a mitten.
I like it when someone asks for a light
from a stranger, and they get one.
Even better if the stranger
lights their smoke
for them.
I like it when people ask for directions,
and the person giving them
uses large hand gestures.
I like it when crossing guards
protect grown adults.
I like seeing a couple during their honey moon phase.
All over each other and a little bit
inappropriate.
I like ti when babies make eye contact with you
as they pass by on their parents back.
I Like when several people stop
to admire a cute dog.
I like it when pedestrians
are nearly hit by a careless driver,
and all stop to talk **** about them
for a moment.
I like it when people casually
sing, hum, or whistle.
I like it when several people
have to gather around a small device
because they all want to see what's happening
together.
I like seeing children I don't know
trudging home
in the snow
with toboggans,
rosy cheeked
and daydreaming of hot chocolate.
I like catching someone taking a selfie.
I like it when people open their palms to check if it's raining,
even though they can probably see that it is.
I like seeing people reading on the train.
I don't know.
Human's can be cute.
Dec 4, 2020
Dec 4, 2020 at 10:51 PM UTC
one thought, quietly
sneaks through the 30 milligrams of amitriptyline
in an unmistakable and perfidious way.
and whispers, full of dark foreboding:
"I know serotonin isn't enough for you,
my darling."
© fey (29/09/20)
Oct 5, 2020
Oct 5, 2020 at 4:45 AM UTC
The flash flood of euphoria,
is swallowed by the thirsty ground,
eternally unquenched.
I will smile,
and fix my eyes on the desert sun.
I will grow roots and bloom,
an endogenous cactus,
while envious drifters lick the sand,
desperate for a drop of rain.
Sep 25, 2020
Sep 25, 2020 at 11:58 AM UTC
i'm feeling,
i'm dreaming
exceptionally lonely today
stumbeling from phrase to phrase,
like a toddler learning to
get used to the endless space
of walking.
serotonin is a fleeting butterfly
as equally lost as the moth that died
while diasappearing in the crescent moonlight
i need a better molecule structure,
maybe a more sophisticated formula
to deminish the activity of the stupid receptors
i just want to be happy.
© fey (14/09/20)
Sep 14, 2020
Sep 14, 2020 at 4:05 PM UTC
Serotonin spike
Glorious *** kicking queen
dethroned, ass-kicked fail
Apr 25, 2020
Apr 25, 2020 at 8:16 AM UTC
my lover is leaving
dancing far away with another
her name, Nin
and as she goes
so does Will
Will who?
Will to live, of course
Nin and Will run far away
leaving gaps in the seats of the theater
empty spaces that will be filled
with people clothed in red
wearing masks labeled
happy
love
nice
giving kisses that leave you empty
flowing out into the bedsheets,
the bedsheets that you and Nin used to hide under
when the thunderstorm hit
when the lightning flashed
and you and Nin watched movies
until Will came in and tucked you to sleep
taking Nin with him,
and you would sleep peacefully,
knowing that they are right outside the door
but when you wake up
there is somebody else in your house
in the spaces that should've been filled
they whisper their names,
they could never speak loud enough to be noticed
Mia
Ana
Nia
There will be no more calm in this house
it is filled with the sound of shattering glass
breaking bones and ripped clothes
ring through the shell of a house
the house that once stood tall
now slumps in front of a heavy backpack
not able to be heard or seen
and you wait for the return of Nin
and for Will to make their way back in
and they come back
in the form of a blue pill
oblong in shape, and glimmering in the light
almost as beautiful as Nin was
and the ingredients on it say
Serotonin
Mar 13, 2020
Mar 13, 2020 at 1:16 PM UTC
Happiness is blue and round
Happiness lives in a bottle
Happiness fits in the palm of my hand
Happiness is taken with water
Happiness lasts from seven to six
Happiness tastes like chalk
I take my happiness every day
So why can’t I notice a difference?
Apr 4, 2019
Apr 4, 2019 at 11:53 AM UTC
Watching you dress under the lights,
Another bottle by my side,
I know where you've been,
I know where you've been.
I need a little more serotonin,
If I'm to keep it all in,
Because I know where you've been,
Yes I know where you've been.
I'm still scared to find out why,
You turn your back at night,
When it's getting colder,
We should be shoulder to shoulder.
Staring at a blank wall,
Don't know what you're thinking of,
But it's getting colder,
We should be shoulder to shoulder.
Mar 21, 2019
Mar 21, 2019 at 8:01 AM UTC
One that's rare. At least, to me.
It's nothing you can see
Because it's deep inside all of us
But to me, it's an absolute must
Now I don't ****** anyone
To get my kicks and my fun
I don't open them up with a slice
Because this doesn't require the taking of a life
If you wonder how I get it
Let me go on and chat-chit
I'm incapable of production of this substance
So every now and then I do my stunts and hunts
Actually my supplier kind of gives it to me
His name's David, has a PhD
He hands me the bottle of the pills
So I can take them, and get my fills
The pills are a gateway to the drug
That I lack but especially love
It takes long to kick in
But it also let's me once more grin
I'm addicted to a drug
That makes me feel snug
Its name is serotonin
And it just gets me going
Nov 2, 2018
Nov 2, 2018 at 4:07 AM UTC
Your chiseled body
With skin
So delectable
My fangs
At your neck
I taste on you
Sweet serotonin
Setting me high
Catch me
If you can
For I’m falling
In love
With the sweet throbs
Of passionate burst
When your fingers
Draw your desires
On my petals
Aug 25, 2018
Aug 25, 2018 at 1:04 AM UTC
You provided all the serotonin I needed
To say I had become dependant on you,
was an understatement.
Now its back to pills and lesser things
night time visits with regrets and memories
Aug 15, 2018
Aug 15, 2018 at 4:03 AM UTC
Day 33, a review:
*Without it, I sit,
And if I'm bored, then I sleep.*
With it, I am up:
I look with wide open eyes,
Eyes that see the world
And all I could be doing.
I step with purpose,
Standing tall and confident.
I wake, take the pill,
Eat my food, drink my coffee,
And drive off to work
With an automatic smile,
And I sing along
To the songs I know by heart.
*Without it, I sit,
And if I must stand, I lean;
Dragging tired feet,
Holding a troubled tummy,
And wishing I'd wake.*
In the end, on these days off,
I find energy:
I discover the reserves
Of serotonin,
Dopamine and endorphins
That my body saved,
Keeping stored for "the future."
My brain slowly learns,
And the fuel to keep going
Isn't out of reach.
So on these days off,
I won't despair or decay.
I used to collapse,
Before I knew my full strength
And what it felt like
To set my mind and finish.
*So help me today,
God, let this Adderall work
To give energy
And to strengthen my body
For this scary four-mile hike.*
~didn't get my refill before leaving for vacation~
May 13, 2018
May 13, 2018 at 11:12 AM UTC
I live on Melancholy Hill
A place quite hard to find
I live my life running low on serotonin
The gasoline that makes me go
I will never be fully satisfied
Curiosity and creativity go hand in hand
I stare out over my hill and wait
Always waiting and waiting to be rescued
I live my life in my mind
Talking has never been a strong suit
I sit on my hill with a megaphone
Its the only way I'm heard
I am rarely seen, always listening, and perpetually dying
People forget about me
I am told I have a black soul
Only I like the way it feels
I feel every emotion more than other people
Highly sensitive and dramatic
I know when you're lying
But sometimes I'm wrong
I can't seem to get happy
My happiness depending on others
I have goals and dreams
They are as far away as the stars J loves
I love too deeply
It never gets returned
I am learning to be myself
Doing things because I want to
I walk down my hill and into the the forest
A map has not been supplied
I live on Melancholy Hill
Forever feeling too deeply, Hardly ever happy.
Mar 31, 2018
Mar 31, 2018 at 12:02 AM UTC
i always have everything
everything .
Except for serotonin and dopamine
Mar 2, 2018
Mar 2, 2018 at 10:51 AM UTC
Drug; he controls my brain.
He stirs an irresistible blend of chemicals in my body and convinces me to fall for him; he increases blood flow to the primitive areas of my brain and activates the circuits responsible for love and desire.
Adrenaline; he balances my stress.
He keeps my heart strong and healthy as thoughts of him and us dominate me and excite me, prompting me to get tachycardia (fast heart rate above 100 bpm) and my blood pressure to rise.
Dopamine; he regulates my focus.
He stimulates desire and triggers pleasure in me; I remember everything about us, then forget about my surroundings; I am motivated to please him, then I daydream and become unable to stay on task.
Serotonin; he stabilizes my mood.
He charms and induces me to perspire and relax, crave and distance him, lose and gain sleep, feel pain and relief, get happy and upset, and decrease and increase my immune system functions.
Medication; he forces my loveswept cells to go haywire.
He has cured my lovesickness, shooed away my regrets, helped me move on from my past, boosted my (self-)confidence, made me look forward to tomorrow, and offered me a ticket to bliss.
Oxytocin; he enables me to produce lovestruck hormones.
He affects my moral molecules as he attracts my undivided attention, pushes me to trust him, raises attachment and empathy, brings psychological stability, and encourages me to want to be closer to him.
Vasopressin; he causes me to secrete lovetastic chemicals.
He renders me monogamous and continues to have me hooked onto him; he makes me thirst for him, display amorous behavior, defend him and us, and maintain a strong partnership.
May 5, 2016
May 5, 2016 at 7:18 AM UTC
Constantly searching for serotonin. Because norepinephrine won't let me breathe. Dopamine, you're my dream. Epinephrine you stagger me.
Mar 15, 2016
Mar 15, 2016 at 11:32 AM UTC
White cotton kisses
I pretend you occupy the space of this pillow
I remember your navy sheets
I think they kindly absorbed the blood
it was there, somewhere.
beating or gliding within walls of muscle.
This type of loving has become liquid and electrical.
It is certainly electrical.
spiky pains edging fingertips
Strands of copper threaded into the grooves of your fingerprints
It has a real colour. I don't know what that is.
It's weight fits inside your body.
It is manufactured.
Maybe the ***** triggered it.
Or the serotonin shots when I see your face.
All I have with me now is bone dry fabric and wadding
Jul 20, 2014
Jul 20, 2014 at 3:47 PM UTC
Overwhelmed .. by your sweet smile.
Crushed, defeated ... I like your style.
Taken once again by your guile and charm.
A dopamine rush straight in my arm.
There ya go again, givin it the patter.
I lose control .. but does it matter?
Hatin myself for being unable to resist,
I try to fight the feelin,
but your a catalyst.
wrapped once more in your desire.
tryin to fight it ... but I just get higher
rushed once again .. serotonin flood
I try to hold back .. but ya just so good
(c) mandy rigby 20/05/2014
May 20, 2014
May 20, 2014 at 1:08 PM UTC