#polyamorous
i think i might be destined to be alone
mismatched attractions
never aligned
well, maybe aligned
for a night
but not much more than that
and i do cherish the nights i have with others
but afterwards i just feel lonely
my heart yearns too much for things it cannot have
i get jealous about things that arent mine
and wont ever be
i know my heart isnt destined to be with any singular person
and i dont know if i
will ever meet someone who understands
and besides
i have always been told (albeit, indirectly,) that i am unlovable
undesirable
at best; a means to an end
sometimes it feels like
as long as i can be useful to someone
used by someone
i would have some kind of purpose to fulfill
and then maybe i could be
worth something
the reasonable part of my brain knows,
obviously,
that that is stupid
but when someone tells me how good i have been
while putting their hand against my skin
i will lean into it
every single time
Dec 9, 2025
Dec 9, 2025 at 6:40 PM UTC
For what once I finally thought would be an addition ended in an addiction.
The eyes that glow when we walk into the room,
The eyes that wander from across the room
But no words spoken.
And not because the blood isn't there
The desire of the affairs, the heat of the bodies..
But no words spoken.
The eyes still wander, the passion still lays, the hope for more and
The heartbreak to know it won't
But no words spoken.
Jul 19, 2025
Jul 19, 2025 at 11:32 PM UTC
T'was never meant to be,
Never meant to last,
Mistakes yet again from the past
You sing them like a tune
From a time nearly forgotten
My heart now decayed, rotten
Through closed eyes
I see a dark, distorted paradise
Where perhaps they understand
Where perhaps they accept it
Accept me for who I am
For what I am, alas,
They do not, they cannot
For I am what they shall never understand
What they cannot stand, nor comprehend
Every time they fall in love
With little old me
They cannot help but wish to keep me
An indoor cat, they cannot trust
Jealousy, jealousy, it's never pretty
But I am not meant to be
Trapped indoors all of my life
I wish to roam, to be free
To return and still love my home
Even if it were more than one
One can have more than one home
And love them all the same;
This they can never understand
All well, I should have known
In part, perhaps I did
Merely waiting for the other shoe
To finally drop
Hit the floor
Echo, and echo...
- Jay M
August 12th, 2022
Aug 13, 2022
Aug 13, 2022 at 2:57 AM UTC
I have a vision of my future
one I’m not sure could ever come true
A vision where the world won’t judge
the love I share with you
A vision of my future
where I could have the guts
To hold your hand in public
Hold each other on the bus
I wish that I could find a place
where I will not be shamed
For gazing in your pretty eyes
that lack in any pain
I wish we could get married
without hearing a complaint
And no one thought twice of our lives and we were normal, plain
But as we walk the sidewalk
most people stare and gawk
As though we are a freak show
or evil they must stop
I only want to love you
Without living in fear
I wish that I could say “I do”
and keep my lovers near
May 21, 2021
May 21, 2021 at 10:55 AM UTC
what is it to be 40
twice the man, you were at twenty?
four times the man, you were at ten?
is it being wiser
and having your means meet the end?
finances sured up?
with no need, for to be the miser
a divorce or some
perhaps a strong marriage
polyamorous loves
to your heart's desire
addictions? vices? troubles stifling?
death breathing down your neck
to the thumping of your heartbeat
beads of sweat, gather
and run off your chest
like your shoes on the concrete
you are dying
even while you're living
and you know one day
it'll be your last
cause we only get so long
and time goes fast
a baby is born
the next afternoon
an old man is buried
tomorrow could never come
would you ever know it?
Apr 12, 2021
Apr 12, 2021 at 11:06 AM UTC
I know I can't be everything to you
But I can be something
That something is the best thing
It's the thing you'll love
You'll love to have
I don't want to be your everything
I want to be a golden something
The one thing you love
And more of that one thing
Is the everything I offer
That one magic thing you want
It's everything I am
It's everything I want to be
It's everything to be that one thing
It's everything for me
If I give you my everything
I know I can be that something
That beautiful thing
That you need in your life
It's my everything
It's me
May 15, 2020
May 15, 2020 at 2:40 PM UTC
Yes, you are poliamorous
Yes, your heart will break every time.
But, I gave up fallin' in love 'cause it hurts,
For I tend to stuck in my mind
With a person I love
Dec 19, 2019
Dec 19, 2019 at 10:41 AM UTC
Why can't I just be happy with one?
Why couldn't I have just fallen in love?
Jan 21, 2019
Jan 21, 2019 at 12:05 AM UTC
Commitment issues
This again?
Yes but this time these are my words
Not the labels thrown at me by exes
Like arrows attempting to pierce me into place
I thought it was meant to trap me
But I think they just wanted me to stop
To think
To really evaluate myself
To see the truth
Im afraid of commitment.
When I've been told this in the past
I read it with the understanding that
Commitment issues meant I
Just couldn't have or didn't want a relationship
And that just couldn't be true
I mean just check my track record
No, see
My having commitment issues
Is rooted deeply within my past
These problems originate in an exciting mix of
Trust issues
Abandonment issues
And a variety of other traumas
I am not afraid to enter relationships
And I do not avoid love
Actually, I am obsessed with finding love
With being loved
All the while trying to love another
Thinking I'm succeeding
While subtly sabotaging myself in the process
When I was small
I did not receive the respect and care
Needed to show I was loved
Though my parent said they cared
They didn't protect me the way they should have
I had to take care of myself
Look out for myself
Because I was the only one I could trust
Anytime I got close to someone
They'd either decide to leave
Or get ripped away by outside forces
I was alone a lot
And not great at making friends
With the abuse happening at one house
And some solace found at the other
I was constantly fluctuating between
Hellhole and liberation
All while trying to have a childhood
And survive adolescence
So when they say I have commitment issues
They're probably right
But not for the reasons they think
Not because I'm polyamorous
Not because I don't want to commit
Not because I don't love and
Not because of who I am as a person
My issues come from a long line of
Different abuses by people who
Were supposed to protect me
But didn't
So if you think to judge me
For the trouble I have with trusting you
And trusting you won't hurt me
Or decide to leave when I'm "too much"
Understand that I did not choose to be like this
I didn't choose the pain that led me to love
In such a haphazard way
But I am choosing to do something about it
Sep 2, 2018
Sep 2, 2018 at 8:48 AM UTC
Free love is hard
But I wouldn't be here
If I didn't love you
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 6:04 PM UTC
I am constantly checking myself
When problematic thoughts enter my mind
Or negative feelings originate in
The messed up ways I've been socialized to think
I do not wish to own anyone or anything
Yet sometimes possessive thoughts plague me
I must remind myself that we are all only humans
Trying to find our best route to happiness
This one article stated that
The hardest part of polyam relationships
Lies in the negotiation between
Your and your partners' needs
So I must always remain on guard
Because the jealousy and sadness coming from within
Was bred by the broken systems we grew up in
And redefining those is a part of my resistance
Monogamy stems from the patriarchy
And sexism lies within that
Possessiveness and jealousy are not cute
They only lead to blaming others for your own inconsistencies
And I am a mess of inconsistencies
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 6:00 PM UTC
"Commitment issues"
Commitment: a designated set of time
Issues: problems
So I cannot, successfully,
Designate an "appropriate" amount of time
To a relationship
Is that right?
Keep in mind,
These women enter my life
And I tell them I don't believe in marriage
And they say "that's ok"
Until it's not.
Maybe it's a comment I made
Or maybe they forgot
But something changes over time
And I am not an object
I am not some possession
That people can lay claims to
I am a human
With ever-changing needs and desires
With thoughts and feelings
And my own perception of reality
So maybe I get anxious when people
Try to put some hold on me
You chalk it up to commitment issues
What if I just don't like feeling owned?
What if I simply refuse
To let anyone remove my autonomy?
And what's even wrong with that?
Who gets to decide what is an
"Appropriate" amount of time?
Oh, wait,
That's "forever" right?
Says who?
Why should I continue to chase this
Socially-constructed dream
Of spending my entire life with one person
If that's not what makes me happy?
Trust me, I've tried for a long time
And I could never seem to find
A singular being
Who I'd willingly spend eternity with
If that even exists
And until this point
I've been unhappy most of my life
Reflecting on my failed attempts at
Happy monogamy
I am finally happy now
Free love is beautiful
It has liberated my soul
It has liberated my love
And my sense of self
For once I feel happy most days
I am focusing on myself now
Instead of pouring everything into another
I'm growing more everyday
And learning more about who I am
But you just brush that off
Saying my polyamorous identification
Is a manifestation
Of some fear of commitment
It couldn't possibly be the real me
It couldn't possibly be the way I feel happiest
Because it's not the "normal" way to desire?
It's not the logical form of love?
Or it's just different
Or it's just new
And you rejecting it within me
Means you aren't accepting me for who I am
In this moment
If that's the case
Then I don't know who you're in love with
Because this is who I am
Whether you like it
Or disagree with it
Or not
This is who I am
And I'm so over
Trying to validate
Justify
And explain myself
Just because someone disagrees with my form of loving
Jan 9, 2018
Jan 9, 2018 at 11:45 PM UTC
I didn't lie to you
Everything I said was true
At least in that moment of time
I told you back then
Even if I believed in soulmates
I don't believe in only one
If I remember right
You agreed
Our feelings thrived through 5 years
When we didn't say a word to each other
That's definitely something special
And I'm not saying my feelings have changed
But my place in life has
Yes I'm polyamorous
But that's not why we didn't work
Sure, maybe I could've tried harder
But I felt trapped and couldn't breathe
Even though we weren't close
You needed me constantly
Which was fine until the pressure caught up to me
I'm not blaming you
I was there for you 1000% at first
Then I stopped trying so hard
You thought I was giving all my attention to her
She thought I was giving all my attention to you
I should've been giving more attention to me
Because life was killing me
Working full time
And trying to survive the semester
Now add that to the balancing of two relationships
Plus an ex who acted like Jekyll and Hyde
Imagine trying to address
The intense emotions you had
Plus those of my ex
And those of my other partner
Let alone my own feelings throughout it all
That's a lot to handle
And yes I dug my own grave with it
But I figured it'd be worth it in the end
You seem to think that
I'm some unstable person who
Tears everyone down with me
But, even in these last few months
I've grown and changed so much
And I'm finally learning how to make myself happy
I stopped starving myself and joined a gym instead
I am practicing mindfulness to understand myself and the world
I learned how to talk myself down from my feelings
I finally feel comfortable being myself
Radical as **** but still sensitive
I can finally exist alone and at peace
As for believing in reconnection
It's not just 'us' involved anymore
That's where people seem to forget
Both you and my ex seem to expect
That I can't just make these decisions
Without thinking too much about the others
I understand why
You'd hope my present relationship will fail
But I've grown a lot as a person
I've learned more about myself
And what I want and need
With her there is no co-dependence
There's open communication
There's honesty and transparency
That doesn't mean it's 'better'
I am not degrading ours in any way
It does mean it's different though
So how can I reenter a relationship
That was definitely unhealthy in some ways
After realizing what healthy means?
Despite all of my love for you
Despite how much I care
We can't be more than friends right now
Because anything else would hurt us both
If our souls do meet in
Whatever world exists next
Then you can slap me silly
But right now this is what's best
Jan 9, 2018
Jan 9, 2018 at 11:42 PM UTC
Nothing fancy
Just little stuff.
Using our real voices
Not the shallow mockery
To sing in the car.
Confessing our crushes
Honestly and gleefully
Dreaming and scheming.
Shoving our cold feet
Under each others' warm butts
With ice cream and SNL.
Nobody's perfect
(Least of all us)
But we certainly have our moments.
Nov 3, 2017
Nov 3, 2017 at 8:41 PM UTC
4/17/17
You ever wanna lick a lollipop?
You ever wanna take turns licking the lollipop
With your loved one?
You ever wanna lick the lollipop at the same time
But your loved one shoves
the whole lollipop
stick and all
Down their throat
Swallows it
Asphixiates on the mere Concept
Of ever having licked the lollipop in the first place
Let alone the reality that you
You, the love of their life,
They, the victim of ultimatum
Have both licked the lollipop?
.
.
.
Have
You ever been the lollipop?
Apr 17, 2017
Apr 17, 2017 at 11:20 PM UTC
4/8/2017
Monogamous Cat
Today I met a monogamous cat.
I was twirling the keys to my Black Saturn
Sauntering from my Clients home After making him breakfast
And In the wide paved road
sat a fluffy orange cat with a pink collar.
Staring at me.
I put my keys away and knelt down in the middle of the road.
My red converse cracking a bit As I bend down to present my hand.
The cat came over when I called
Sniffed and let me pet her on the head, neck, and back
Nuzzled into my Khaki pants
I took this as a sign of friendship
naturally,
I went to rub this cats belly
oh, boy,
was that the wrong move.
The messege was clear.
I was not this kitty's owner,
And she was having none of my ****
She left my hand,
more blood than skin
I pet her on the head
one last time to let her know
We could still be friends.
I shouldn't have been so forward.
But how am I supposed to know
a species notorious for hedonism
produced a monogamous cat?
I am greatful she knows her boundaries
that she is comfortable
cutting a man
When he crosses them.
Apr 8, 2017
Apr 8, 2017 at 11:06 AM UTC
Pick yourself up my kleintjie
Your heart is in your eyes and your tummy is empty
There's always home in our arms
Always a bed to keep you warm
My lover and I will keep you sane
The others don't know, they don't understand, they aren't the same
They all blame me for your possible demise
But all I want is to hold you tight
They push you with hard words and take no pity on your gentle soul
We want you to be okay
We understand
We love you whole
Chin up my kleintjies
You are the two who fill the holes
Apr 6, 2017
Apr 6, 2017 at 9:02 PM UTC
He looks at me, and I look at her.
Exchanged glances between passing seconds of meaningless stares dreaming of meaningful dances
He holds me, and I touch her.
Bashful brushes of skin to skin in public places with filled seclusion in a hovering grey
He loves me, and I love her.
Simple questions while known answers linger in stolen kisses in dreamt lust and lost seduction
He has me, and I lost her.
Stalking envy in new lovers and torn pictures reflecting golden rays from shining eyes and broken ties
Oct 4, 2016
Oct 4, 2016 at 2:55 PM UTC
when i was younger
i was never able to pour
my hands shook too much
trembling with each thought
each drink i attempted to serve
would splash right out
i put too much force, too much pressure
or simply didn't give enough
i'd shake the cup
the spout
change my mind on the direction
flighty and afraid to give
there were many stains
in my childhood
some never washed out.
slowly i learned
how to steady my hand
my enthusiasm sparked over many glasses
passed around to visitors
a bartender
with no cost
i searched for myself
in the midst of others
in the missing hours
in the scattered napkins
i never stayed long enough
to learn if they liked the drink
eventually my arms grew weary
all of the vessels
heavy and solid
they wore on my mind
i had given too much
it was only when i had stopped pouring drinks
that another's lips
asked for a sip
with hesitation
i poured a cup
...
he did not drink
instead we spoke
while the ice melted into the glass
finally he took a taste
of the watered down basin
i was sure he would spit it out
we had waited too long
and i didn't think it was good in the first place
he looked up from his glass
and i felt conscious
of my freckles
my crooked smile
the way i laugh when i’m nervous
i wanted nothing more than to melt away
when he politely asked if i would pour him another cup
as he had finished his
and then that i knew
that this cup was meant for him.
we shared our drinks many times
he poured me new and exciting tastes
and i returned the favor
there was always the right amount
of sweet in the drinks he served
happiness was found in the cabinet
where our cups clinked together
until the day i found myself
waking up, stumbling around,
and my cup had grown
confused, unsure
i poured his drink
he sipped his morning coffee
but there was some remaining when he left
how could that be?
i asked myself
glancing around, expecting the sunlight to whisper me the answer
i grabbed my cup and ran off
not wanting to let the drink go to waste
but not knowing what to do.
through the street
through the grass
i wasn't sure what i was looking for
when i saw them pass into my gaze
they gestured me over
the blanket beside them, a gesturing hello
we spoke of the trees and souls
and how one could fall in their sleep
the wind tickled our hair
as our colors fell into one
natural and free
we laughed and i remembered the cup
burning in my hand
not empty
i placed it in their hand
as if that was what i was supposed to do
i told them i had made this drink
and given it away, but some remained
without realizing that it could be wrong to share
a smile was all it took
for me to realize
that this cup is made for more than one.
Aug 1, 2016
Aug 1, 2016 at 1:16 AM UTC
Imagine having as many hearts as you have hands.
Imagine one Doesn't Belong to you.
Imagine how easy it is to juggle two things
Imagine how hard it is to juggle three things.
Imagine catching three hearts
Imagine dropping one
Imagine picking it back up.
Imagine juggling four hearts.
Imagine being so talented you can catch two in each hand.
One day.
Imagine the one heart
covered in bruises.
Always dropped.
Always picked back up.
Imagine it doesn't belong to you
Nov 8, 2015
Nov 8, 2015 at 10:44 AM UTC
We three wished upon a star.
One is fairest, one had the car.
One is the bind that is the love.
We three stare at clouds above.
Slowly, softy, changing shape;
Like we; folding, holding, loosening chape,
Warmth of breath upon taut strength.
We roll, and stick, and cling.
For each other, we sustain.
Pleasures ache, quakes refrain.
Touch brings shivers, slivers wide,
Ever growing, rolling tide.
Upon the Earth, beneath the sky.
We three embrace, nuzzle, sigh.
We recede from the crest.
Reluctantly, we rise and vest.
Oct 23, 2015
Oct 23, 2015 at 1:44 AM UTC
ching, ching
Two men walk into a local cafe.
A city boy, and a Townsman
The cityboy sports
Slicked up hair.
Blue button up shirt,
Grey slacks.
Dress shoes.
The townsman simpler.
Brown hair.
Orange T-shirt,
cargo pants.
Work boots.
"Hey there!" Says the city boy.
walking up to the counter.
"Do you ladies have different roasts of coffee?
Or do you have just one kind?"
The Register girl looks at him sideways.
"What are you talking about?"
"I want a black light roast if you have it. Also, two shots over ice."
He hands her his travel mug.
"What's this for?"
The girl fondles the travel mug.
"I'd like my coffee in that please."
The manager puts a hand to the girls shoulder.
"The house coffee is a light roast doll, give him that."
"Cream and sugar?" Asks the register girl.
"Oh god, please no." Laughs the city boy "Thank you."
Handing over a credit card.
The register girl does not understand
what is so funny about cream and sugar.
"Cash?" Says the manager.
"Is there an atm? I can only offer this, but I know how to change that if you point me in the right direction."
"No ATM. We just Offer a discount for cash, we'll take your card." Says the manager.
The city boy waits for his drinks.
The townsman, walks up and says
"Coffee, please"
The manager hands him a paper cup with coffee, cream, and sugar.
He pays them in cash.
smiles, nods. Says: "Thank you"
Then waits for the city boy.
"Here's your sippy cup."
Says the register girl.
Handing over his travel mug.
The city boy stands there waiting patiently.
"Are you waiting for something?"
"Yes. my two shots over ice?"
"Oh I put it in there."
"Could I have two shots over ice please? I'll pay for it again if you forgot."
"Oh we don't have an espresso machine.
Our shots are like a syrup."
"Oh... Is there syrup in here?
I just wanted two shots over ice."
"Well like... I mean our prices are so low anyway, it's no big deal, but we don't have an espresso machine so..."
"Sorry" says the manager.
"Thank you ladies." Says the townsman.
The cityboy grabs the townsmans hand.
They leave the Cafe.
The city boy sips his
Botched coffee.
"I've had good, bad, and know what I want.
I don't want to be seen as difficult because I'm educated."
He tolerates it.
The townsman sips his
Familiar Coffee.
"Sometimes ignorance is bliss."
He enjoys it.
Oct 5, 2015
Oct 5, 2015 at 10:31 PM UTC
The box is shut
She begs you for a reaction,
to want her to stay,
to promise you'll make an effort.
But the Box is shut.
He asks you to stay,
to accept his love,
and bear his child.
But the Box stays shut.
They break your heart,
when they leave,
because they don't need you.
You open the Box this time.
This heart joins
the broken parts of you
you kept inside.
**Once Again.
The Box is shut.**
Apr 23, 2015
Apr 23, 2015 at 2:02 PM UTC