#panick
Her eyes becoming dust
As she locked them away
Refusing to let them surface
To let them
For if she
If she let them stray
She would surely crumble
Crumble into yesterday
Mar 16, 2025
Mar 16, 2025 at 10:05 PM UTC
Everywhere you see masks
Cities in panick
Shouts of corona
Life's indeed
For rent
Mar 21, 2020
Mar 21, 2020 at 4:50 AM UTC
The walls are
Closing in
The silence
Is unbearable
My breaths
Come faster
Chest heaving
Wild eyes
Unfocused
Nails
Digging into my skin
Trying
To ground me
Tunnelling vision
Scattered
Afraid
Help
Losing strength
I can’t breathe
Panic
Deafening silence
Desperately grasping
For anything
To ground me
Pain
Nails digging into skin
Teeth
Biting my lip
Grounded
Focused
Breathing
Lost
-jt
Sep 16, 2019
Sep 16, 2019 at 6:05 AM UTC
Melting mechanically into nothingness, hiding behind my own imperfections.
Fading inside, no one notices, no one notices.
It's ok though I’ll be ok, I always make it through.
Channelling pain to make my own pains disappear; looking down at my open palms wine red crescent moons passing across my vision.
I look up; It's my secret.
Closing my fist; exposing my broken nails.
A way of coping?
Or a way of avoiding?
Having to scream having to cry.
In my blurred vision, I look up, but there's no one nothing just white.
There's no one, I need someone, there's no one.
They say their there for me. They say their here.
But when I say, they say I talk too much.
When I don’t they ask what’s wrong.
A continuous circle.
Never ending?
Or never beginning?
Feb 11, 2019
Feb 11, 2019 at 3:21 PM UTC
I heard that all night
They didn’t say it to be mean
They said it to point us out
To make it known
That we were, in fact
“Being gay”
For each other
Like a couple
You’re cute and sweet
Mean and rude
Weird and dorky
Nerdy and geeky
You’re hot and manly
Charming and handsome
Smart and interesting
Strong and masculine
There are just so many things
That I can think about
As to why I really really
Really really really really like you
So many reason as so why
You are different
You are special
Not like anyone else I’ve ever known
You’re so cuddly with your friends
But more so with me
And I love it
I love that we can play fight
And be mean to each other
But in the end
I ask if you’re okay and vise versa
And we hold each other
Maybe we’re just two boys
Who are mainly into girls
And maybe we’re just two boys
Who are too weird to say it out loud
Maybe we’re just two boys
Who like to cuddle with each other
And maybe we’re just two boys
Who happen to be gay for each other
Our friends always say
“Stop being so gay”
To point out that we are
In fact “being gay”
Because we are
We’re always being pretty gay
For each other
And I ******* love it
Dec 24, 2018
Dec 24, 2018 at 1:22 AM UTC
Panic at the door,
Knock, knock.
I feel my waning mind,
My breath distressed as I try not to answer,
My heart beating in ominous tune.
The anxious wait,
Streaming thoughts turn to screams,
Thoughts darting here and there,
The incessant drumming,
Don't open the door,
Or everyone will see...
~Robert van Lingen
Jan 29, 2018
Jan 29, 2018 at 7:00 PM UTC
Can’t move.
Can’t think.
Terrified.
Stand as everyone stares.
Head being squeezed.
Being squeezed more and more.
Eyes water.
Tears make rivers.
No control.
Lost control.
Happened again.
Stuck.
Calm down.
Shake away everyone that crowded around.
“It was nothing.”
“Don’t worry.”
They go away.
Continue the day.
Don’t let anyone know what happened.
That it happened again.
Dec 21, 2017
Dec 21, 2017 at 7:47 PM UTC
Last night you told me you loved me.
That's all I've wanted to hear for the last year.
But something seemed to come over me, and I panicked.
I wanted to believe those lovely words but my heart wouldn't let me.
Because I'm enough for the moment, but I'll never be enough truly.
I never am.
Sep 10, 2017
Sep 10, 2017 at 3:05 PM UTC
waves tossing from left to right
my hope crashes against the next wave's might
quivering in fear of what would seem
to be the end of this never ending dream
slowly but surely this life will drown
without the help of the One with the Crown
thorns of beauty, thorns of grace
these tides cannot reach the place
where souls are snatched from distress
my SOS heard, saved from opress
oh Mark, how wondrous the word of your word,
my storms are calmed through our Saviour's loud Word!
Jun 23, 2016
Jun 23, 2016 at 9:20 AM UTC
your alone.
God that hurts
The world wont stop spinning
God that's hell.
Just stop trying
But I cant
I cant let go of them
but they don't looove you
No, but I love them
Mar 25, 2016
Mar 25, 2016 at 11:22 AM UTC
I literally just had a panic attack.
It was scary.
My heart began malfunctioning in my chest
It was doing 150 beats per minute at best
And all I did was thought of the possibility, that we'll never be.
This is what you do to me.
I spent, half and hour under the shower,
Trying to get my breathing under control.
In... out... in, out and hold..
Holding my breath in hope it would lower my heart rate,
Before it was too late.
I watch my chest flutter like humming bird wings,
My chest, tensed violin strings,
A melody I know too well.
Symphonies and notes that tell,
You are my heaven and my hell.
Will someone please call the doctor?
Jun 7, 2014
Jun 7, 2014 at 5:34 PM UTC