#notsorry
feel lost within’ yourself,
it’s scary
because you attack yourself,
left alone in self-containment,
the blood flecks the inner walls
and you see red;
shutting out other voices,
you fall far and fast -
the self becomes as vast and terrifying as outer space,
a cage becomes a spaceship;
given the tools to survive
until you run out of oxygen,
beating yourself into submission
only to realize how, bloody-faced,
a self-made martyr
floods the causeway without recourse to part the tide...
no way to progress -
to shepherd yourself through the grim darkness and uncertainty,
locked in what feels like
an eternal battle:
depressed, anxious, lonely, tired -
the vandals of personalities past and present -
come to me for round one, two, three,
wash away in the silt fragments
of time that elude me,
slip through the cracks in my brain and disappear
only to implode
when it feels like you need them the least
(because that’s life).
do you let the shards of self-pity shatter you?
do you let the tide close in on both sides
and consume you whole?
do you **** a mind that seems to never learn
what it means to love itself properly?
or do you write and hope the phantom pain,
the biting cynicism,
the bitten tongue,
and
the burning trauma
die down for the time being?
there is no answer.
or else you’d find it
tattooed on each cerebral
hemisphere,
coded into the DNA
that malfunctions perfectly
to make us each
imperfect.
Dec 4, 2019
Dec 4, 2019 at 3:24 PM UTC
I’m not sorry you couldn’t find a blessing in me
I’m not sorry you couldn’t find peace within me
I’m not sorry that I lacked what you needed
I’m not sorry that I ain’t who you wanted to be with
See, my Ebonics starts to increase when I feel deceived
My voice starts to increase when it feels weak
My presence starts to decrease when it feels defeated
Now, you tell me if I ain’t who you want to be with
Jul 20, 2019
Jul 20, 2019 at 12:50 PM UTC
A thousand steps
A hundred ripples
Hurried heartbeats
A leap of faith
A journey from "it's me to that's me"
Jun 9, 2019
Jun 9, 2019 at 2:59 AM UTC
I apologize that I have been absent
My mind has been running away from me
and I keep losing it
I've been chasing it this whole time
I cannot lose myself again
I'm sorry
I apologize that I have been absent
My lungs have been full of aching sadness
and it's hard to breathe
I've been taking deeper breaths
I cannot let myself drown again
I'm sorry
I apologize that I have been absent
My body is too weak to move
and I don't know where I am half the time
I've been trying to connect with it
I cannot let myself slow down again
I'm sorry
I apologize that I have been absent
My demons decided to hit me hard
and hid away the part of me that loves
I've been trying to find my feelings
I cannot view the world feeling nothing again
I'm sorry
But in the end
I shouldn't have to apologize for any of this
I'm trying to be okay again
I don't owe anyone anything
Sep 30, 2018
Sep 30, 2018 at 12:10 PM UTC
One day you'll see me.
I'll be the girl that illuminates your world Everything will be in perspective
A gleaming stream filtered with deception
A disillusion filled with remorse
Because when you finally see me I'll have left a long time ago
What you see, It's just a projected memory of me slipping through your grasps
I'll flow through the fingers that once confined me
You lost my worth but don't worry it's in better hands
Sep 29, 2018
Sep 29, 2018 at 5:37 AM UTC
Wash away my sins
Im the devil in the angels garden
unbound me from this guilt
I am creation of my own catastrophe
I will let my scars bleed dry
I will my screams suffocate the silence
I will embrace the my wild and burn for my truth.
Apr 18, 2018
Apr 18, 2018 at 1:44 AM UTC
“Sorry isn’t enough.”
I know.
But it’s all I have.
Maybe it is better to stay silent
Than to give an apology
That isn’t enough.
Apr 15, 2018
Apr 15, 2018 at 2:48 PM UTC
i'm sorry
that i don't fit
your definition of male.
i'm sorry
i don't have testosterone
running rampant in my veins
i'm sorry
i don't have a bulge
like the mound on a hill
i'm sorry
i don't have a flat chest
acceptable enough to expose in the summer
i'm sorry
you can't begin to understand my heart
before judging my body.
i'm sorry
you were raised to define a man
by what's in his pants.
i'm sorry
you would rather spend your life
invalidating me
and so many others
than open the doors
that beg for a chance
but i
am just as much of a man
as the next guy.
Apr 13, 2018
Apr 13, 2018 at 2:22 PM UTC
5/24/17
speak of her
when we all know
i'm just a downgrade
from the one who got away
and you're the one she left
to find the one she decides to wake up to
each morning
Jun 7, 2017
Jun 7, 2017 at 3:51 PM UTC
You were a statement,
a brick wall,
covered in small pieces of graffiti,
lost in a noisy city.
Barely noticed.
So you changed.
You tore yourself down,
giving away pieces
to anyone who would take them
destroying the subtle art.
I had to leave,
unable to stand the gravel
of you at my feet,
like a part of me
was in that rubble.
They all noticed you then
a small glimpse from the corner
of their eyes,
no one pays attention
to a neon jumble.
When I came back
you had lost all but three
spray painted pieces,
no matter how much I tried
I couldn't recreate you
Nothing will live
in the broken space
you once occupied completely,
so I walked away for good
You are not salvageable.
Feb 25, 2017
Feb 25, 2017 at 5:47 PM UTC
**For the most part your not a victim
You put yourself in the situation
I tried to help, but I was the bad guy for helping
So I left and now since I'm gone
I'm totally the bad guy
I don't understand
Please help me understand.**
Mar 2, 2016
Mar 2, 2016 at 4:00 PM UTC
I said I can do it
I was on a four month roll
I had it all
Then I joined the old group
And they had what I was deprived of
I thought I liked being away from it
But once I smelt it
I was back to it
Wanting it
Loving it
Inhale, exhale
Uphill, next hill
Pocket dragon me, blazer.
Aug 12, 2015
Aug 12, 2015 at 4:57 AM UTC
Bleak eyes and sore throats,
Dark room and elevated pulse,
Several broken promises
Floating away on Aladdin's carpet.
Leaving the premises of my heart.
Burning bridges all around me
Consuming me and setting the world on fire.
They burn the city up like fireflies
Disappointments and expectations gone awry
Exhaustion and anger is what remains
Empty broken bottles line my kitchen floor
One stuck on the door won't let it close.
Sleeping is burning through me
Anxiety won't let me sleep
I cannot recover the harsh words
Said in anger and distraught
Adrenalin has its peaks and ditches
Mine is still roaming around scattered
Words I always wanted to say
are imprinted on their minds
And recorded in their ears
So are theirs on mine
I cannot forget them.
Mother always said going forward and regretting is always a waste and believe me I'm in no haste
Although in my darkest time I do regret
I can't take back my words
And I won't let them take back theirs
Apr 23, 2015
Apr 23, 2015 at 6:27 AM UTC
There's nothing like holding someone in your palm and looking down at them
when they used to be so raised up and universes out of reach
that only when you finally turned your back and pointed your eyes at the ground
did they descent to walk amongst mere mortals and fall into your path
steps tripping feet as they open arms once gold-gilded, now bitter, scuffed and burnished
and no longer quite blinding enough for you not to see, unfeeling,
that they are not who you wanted them to be.
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 7:50 AM UTC
I'm always apologizing
Left and right
My apology is requested
From every peson in sight
But I don't think
This is right
They should be apologizing
For acting like I'm not there
For pretending I'm invisible
With no one to care
So next time you're looking
For my regrets
Just walk right by me
Because you won't be getting them yet
Nov 21, 2014
Nov 21, 2014 at 7:20 PM UTC
She says that she's sorry,
But don't believe
She is nothing
But a thief
Not sorry she stole
And whose only thought
Is that she's sorry
She got caught
Oct 14, 2014
Oct 14, 2014 at 2:26 PM UTC
Sorry I wasn't there when you needed me
Sorry I couldn't take away the pain.
Sorry I couldnt see you needed me.
Sorry I couldn't see you hurt
Sorry I couldn't help
But I'm not sorry you caused my pain
Oct 3, 2014
Oct 3, 2014 at 1:28 PM UTC
I'm sorry
I don't know if its for me
but i fell for it,
your love trap captured me.
Or is it that
I wanted to fall?
for you to catch,
don't leave me to crawl.
I'm sorry
I see you in everything
the sky that cries,
the sun that bids me for the night
I'm sorry
but baby I want to
bombard you with my love
to hold your hand
to kiss you goodnight.
I'm sorry
I can't keep this anymore
You're my comfort, my escape.
My curse, my endeavor
*Its a different kind of love
but I still do,
baby, I don't want you;
I need you.*
These words I cannot carry
baby, listen to me.
I just want to tell you I'm sorry
but I'm not sorry.
Jul 21, 2014
Jul 21, 2014 at 7:09 AM UTC
I accept my fate at last
I burned you
You turned on me
Goodbye forever
I don't need you any more
Than you need me
Dead weight you were
For weeks now
I've just been too kind to say anything
Throw your darts all you want
Spit your poison
And fire your guns
I don't give a flip
Aug 11, 2014
Aug 11, 2014 at 9:31 PM UTC
im sorry that i left you hanging
im sorry that i kissed your lips then left
im sorry that i held your hand and then let go
im sorry but you cheated on me with your ex
so..
im sorry that my lips werent as sweet as you thought
and im sorry that my fingers didnt fit good between yours
and im sorry that my hugs made u more colder then hot
and im sorry that you couldnt get any scores
and.. im sorry
but **** off
im a ******* boss
you piece of **** its your loss.
Jul 6, 2014
Jul 6, 2014 at 8:49 AM UTC
I’m sorry for hurting you.
I’m sorry for pushing you away.
I’m sorry for every insult I ever said.
I’m sorry for screaming, even when I had every right to.
I’m not sorry for walking away.
I’m not sorry that things are over.
I’m not sorry that you couldn't see what you were doing to everyone around you.
May 30, 2014
May 30, 2014 at 8:57 AM UTC