#manicdepressive
Whatever you were
going to assume,
assume the opposite.
Whatever you feel,
ask yourself if you'd
feel the same on a good day.
Whatever you think,
don't just think it twice,
think it four times over.
As far as your hopes go,
keep them high,
but prepare for a low.
Jun 3, 2019
Jun 3, 2019 at 9:45 AM UTC
What is life without loss?
Love without suffering?
Laughter without tears?
So many emotions for one night,
I'm screaming out for help to fight...
I just want a ******* middleground.
Drink a little drink and say a prayer,
Throw some salt into the air...
Anything to escape the hell I'm in.
How do you turn your life around?
I've got so much **** to figure out.
How do I feel joy...yet want to die?
Take the meds they put ya on,
Only to become a shell of yourself.
Gotta figure this **** out...
Good luck...here comes mania.
Can't stop now...dance, sing, sketch,
Run, swing...build a ****** tree house,
Rinse, wash, & repeat until depressed.
Looks like depression's back at it again
Scratch your eyes or slash your wrists,
Looks like you're all ****** up again,
Take your pill and be someone else.
"Welcome to hell, we hope you enjoy your stay. We'll make you feel insane every step of the way until you finally snap...
And just like your sanity,
Your neck shall snap too."
The demons chant in your mind.
This is what it's like to be me at 2 o'clock in the morning...
Welcome to the hell of bipolar disorder...
We hope you enjoy your stay,
It's a lifelong adventure.
Nov 13, 2017
Nov 13, 2017 at 2:43 AM UTC
Remembering oats at bedtime,
a little light pops on.
The mind races,
frantic about the decision.
Act.
10 minutes, Hell in 2
a downward spiral
assaults my mood.
Should have remembered
should have done this sooner for rest.
Distracted. Lazy
Insufficient.
STOP!
Hands working swiftly,
be mindful.
The rabbit runs a maze,
give it way to light.
Get lost in the goodness that you do.
for you.
Let your fingers move with love.
The sustenance you create.
Store it away.
As I lay my head to rest
it sets,
a smile fires through my brain.
Chemicals brew a joy that fills my limbs
fulfillment in my day.
This is manic high.
The intoxication of my last act,
the will to steal a moment
and prepare the coming dawn.
Pride.
Should those demons start to speak
raining blood and black on my resolve,
I remembered oats
and shan't be weak.
Jan 10, 2017
Jan 10, 2017 at 10:02 PM UTC
stability only lasts so long
when at any moment i could break
myself into pieces
presently, gently wading,
floating on the surface
presently
waiting
dragged beneath myself
devoured by the beast
pulling me
down
down
down
to a place inside myself that i have not yet discovered
a place even i dont recognize
is it self harm if you dont do it on purpose?
am i hurting myself if i want it to stop?
im a depressed maniac
BANGING!
BANGING!!
BANGING!!!
on the door to my cranial corridor
im a manic depressive
slipping
slipping
slipping
into my grave
a grave that has been dug
for me
and by me
i **** myself on the inside
only to awake in the hell i swore i just escaped
Jul 7, 2016
Jul 7, 2016 at 10:58 PM UTC
lithium
keeping me from iridescent mania
cutting of the air to my lungs
strangling me with snaky grey
v
i
n
e
s
oozing with itchy slime
that gets in every pore
depression and self loathing set in
why is this my prescription?
Jul 6, 2016
Jul 6, 2016 at 10:59 PM UTC
june tenth
the pale lamp in my room is flickering again,
you told me fifty three times to fix it,
i never did.
september twenty-first
every morning i drink apple juice,
you liked orange juice and always asked me to buy some,
i never did.
september twenty-fifth
wednesday: the day you were born,
once you were gone i was supposed to forget,
i never did.
october third
halloween is coming up,
you told me to dress up as captain america,
i never did.
may second
it's spring time and the flowers are hopping up from their beds, (another thing i never did)
i can't believe the world still goes on but,
i never did.
may eighteenth
i read the fifth harry potter book,
i skipped two and four; you once told me to write my own story,
i never did.
may twenty-seventh
you always laid out my meds for me on our lillypad green paper napkins,
but whenever i'd take them you'd vanish, so,
i never did.
june first
i played a mel tormé record,
you said i had a better voice than him whenever i sang along but,
i never did.
june sixth
i cried for the first time in three days,
the world felt heavier today, i tried to let it crush me but,
it never did.
june tenth
now its been,
well,
time seems a bit funny to me now a days.
but i guess its probably been two months or so,
but the calendar says four years,
but the calendar wouldn't be the first thing to lie to me in here.
but i want to let you know:
i don't have lamps now,
i only am allowed water,
they never tell me what day it is,
i haven't even seen a halloween since your absence,
the only thing close to flowers in here is the pattern on my gown,
the "library" here ***** there is a total of nine books. they are all gross romance novels,
my meds now come in a tiny paper cup four times a day,
they only play country here and thats only on music therapy days,
the world floated up
up
up
and away, i assume it took you with it,
i guess it is just and fair that this happened to me,
i mean look at all the things you asked that i did not do for you,
but i asked you one thing,
and you said you'd always be with me, but,
you never did
no one ever did
Feb 22, 2015
Feb 22, 2015 at 2:24 PM UTC