#lyme
4 years... Daily fears. why do I stay?
because tomorrow brings another day.
Strong to survive this nightmare
Though nothing about it's fair
counter each negative with a positive
I've always been a leader, now, submissive
ready to reemerge, rebuild, and reclaim
wasting this precious life would be a shame.
Apr 15, 2020
Apr 15, 2020 at 5:26 PM UTC
I am weak
And wobble as I stand
Like a baby bird
A phoenix, perhaps
Rising from the ashes
With a bit too much smoke
Left in its lungs.
The old husk
That shell built over many days
Of spring and rocks,
Gentle grass and balmy river
When it forgot it’s name was phoenix
Has been torn off
Too soon, like a scab
And the new skin underneath
Is tender in its infant stage
Under thin and ashy feathers.
Yes, it lives
Yes, it is rising
But one cannot go
From flames to flight
In an instant.
Let it instead be overnight
And let you, sweet bird
Rest
In the meanwhile.
Jan 6, 2020
Jan 6, 2020 at 1:26 PM UTC
hello roaring monster
screaming beast
i've missed you
the way you put me in perspective
you are my war
and i am my champion
you are my dragon
and i am the princess
who slays you herself
but not yet
because if I slay you
I must return
go back to my kingdom
(or not,
and break my family's hearts)
and i am not ready for that
I have been gone for so long
what if the kingdom has moved on
without me?
and
besides
I understand this dragon
but what if once i am free
another comes?
to learn to be held prisoner
again
by another
would destroy me
so what is free?
I have tamed my dragon
learned to live
it is not enough?
i want it dead
dead and gone and buried
the war cries in my ears
and crescents bleed from my palms
a scream builds in my throat
i cannot **** it
because with familiar comes safe
Oct 30, 2018
Oct 30, 2018 at 9:09 PM UTC
I did
I think
But it's been years
Years
Years
When I was not
And I don't remember
quite
What being well
is like
I mean
I mean
I am always well
I am
Always moving
Because an object at rest-
I've said this already
So I'll rest when I'm dead
Or I'll die when I rest
And I'm not ready
yet
I haven't made my mark
yet
I haven't swelled my voice
With the chorus of those
who came before me
yet
I haven't heard that note
One note
In a symphony
The glorious harmony
I
Haven't drawn a breath
and
Heard the empty space
and
Felt the sharp ***** of awe
That the gap
Is for me to fill
Little me
Little
Gap
And that
I think
Holds me here
Roots my feet to the ground
To Earth
Because humans
Are delicate
It would not take so much
To flee this mortal form
But
I am not ready
It is not my time
I am secure
Knowing my days are numbered
Measured out
By One
Who does not lose count
Lose thought
Think
All in the wrong order
At all the times
Which are
Most inopportune
It is my greatest honor
It is my greatest humbling
And anyways
I am well
Well enough to sing
To dance
Well enough for joy
To light its fire
Bursting pyrotechnics
In my chest
Except
Of course
When I am not
Not when my thoughts
Take the wheel
And I am caught in loops
Loops
Loops
"Shape without form
Shade without color"
I drift
In monochromatic waves
Clinging to the memory
And hope of hues
Beyond my mind's walls
I drift
In soft piano melodies
And synesthesia winds my senses
In a great tangle
Melancholy tastes like apple
But un-achored
Only smells like dust
Looping and twirling in the breeze
Over the ocean
Invisible
Under the too-wide sky
Over the too-bright sea
Until it hits city
And the city
Brings it back down
Tears it into a million
Tiny
Fragments
They used to be it
They used to be whole
They were once
But now
Not
And just like that
The conclusion
Brings me down
With a jolt and a bump and a thud
Like a plane
Or the clanking chains
Of a rollarcoaster
My stomach is doing rollarcoaster loops
Loops
Loops
I used to be well-
(i've said that too)
-But sometimes
I am well
Now
And I forget
That with a breath
I can be
Not
It is terrifying
But I am not scared
You know
Part of life
Is living it
May 25, 2018
May 25, 2018 at 9:54 PM UTC
An object in motion
Will remain in motion
And today I am glad
Because even hurtling
Through space and time
At dizzying speeds
Through blinding oceans
Of stars and rings of planets
And meteors and comets
(I always seem to dodge
Last second)
Even then
I know that
If I keep
Moving
Forward
I will not
buckle,
crumble,
collapse.
May 11, 2018
May 11, 2018 at 4:26 PM UTC
Cloudy today
The weatherman would say
Of me
Of my mind
Clouded haze
Foggy thoughts
Like wading through the humid day
When
It’s supposed to rain
From all accounts
But the clouds
Are huffy
And say
They’ll take the 12%
Chance of a light breeze from the nothwest
Chance of seeing someone you like
Chance of meatballs
For dinner
(for eight hundred, Alex)
It might clear up tomorrow
He’d continue,
Scratching an itch on his neck
Smiling for the cameras
Because there are people watching
Always watching
And they rely
On the weatherman
To predict
To announce
To call
With accuracy
It might
He says again, looking less certain
With every word
It might
It might be sunny, with bright
Wisps of white
Glossing across the cerulean sky
Wouldn’t that be nice?
And a warm
Breeze
And
Who knows?
Really
After all
There must be showers
Before the roses bloom
After all
He repeats
Looking to the left
Stage right
Where the rain
Is not planning to fall
Not yet
Not today
Not yet
And the whole
The whole of it
Whole comedic
Scene is trapped
In limbo
(like the space
Before a bathroom
Where there is no bathroom
Sink
Mirror
Too sheltered to loiter
Too exposed to cry
Which serves no purpose
In the grand scheme)
In my mind
But that’s all there is sometimes
Cloud
Haze
Fog
With the promise
Of sunshine
Tomorrow
(Or just
tomorrow)
May 9, 2018
May 9, 2018 at 8:16 PM UTC
The grass is dead
Frozen solid
It is hard and brittle like shale
Cracking beneath my feet
Lumps and dips and valleys
petrified under me
I am alive
But even my breath turns granite grey
Heavy in the marble air
And I think
Maybe
The whole world
By unanimous decision
Is stone today
And I overslept
Rushing
Missed the memo
Cosmic sticky note
etched in the corner of my eye
A Reminder
That Today
We are Collectively Asleep
But the Words bubble up inside of me
big words
With the space of galaxies between them
Like continents
Each word
is
An island
I'm tapped into the spring of the universe
Drawing from the wealth
of our million words unsaid
Stone?
Stone is dead
I hear
I see
I breathe
I feel
I am
too much to be stone
So on I walk
The only living thing in a mausoleum
With a burning heart
To stave off the welcoming void
May 8, 2018
May 8, 2018 at 3:19 PM UTC
‘Felt the heart’s old persistent music,
Beyond logic, beyond hope,
And so I didn’t heave myself
Into the blanket of fear.
To this perilous land,
I lived with you all along.
Either latent and exposed,
Still I know there’s a vivid side.
Extrajudicial atrocities
And related political violence
All over the globe;
But what your status became,
Was second among all nations!
This politically motivated murders,
Has unfastened the eyes of many.
Everything comes to blows;
Transgression and lapse like these,
Surely we’ll meet in the future.
This is the world now;
When one opt to fight or not,
Darkness will still scrap the true light.
(9/11/13 @xirlleelang)
May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 10:11 PM UTC