#growup
Today I grow a year older
But I am nervous
Not because of my friend at my house
Not because of the embarrassment that hits you
But of growing up in general
I fear I don't have enough time
I fear the pain of being an adult
But most importantly
Forgetting my past.
I move on to being a teen
Not a toddler
Will I forget my spark?
Will I forget my made-up stories?
What would happen to me?
What would happen to my personality?
Will I change?
I don't want to change
I want to stay young
but maturing is crucial
One day
it will be remember when
instead of look at
So, I will possibly loose myself
But there will always be that small flame
intertwining my vague memories
between me and my preteen self.
Apr 4
Apr 4, 2026 at 11:53 PM UTC
As I get older
I slowly pull the plug
To my faint memories
Of those days during kindergarten
Those were the best days
I would go get pizza
At the corner of my house
But now
That pizza shop is closed
and it has been
for years and years and years.
The memories of being in the school playground
Children's laughs are still echoing in my ear
Those hot rubber mats always gave me tans
So sometimes I would hide under the slide
to shade from the sun
But now that playground is empty
and it has been
for years and years and years.
If only time could wait for me
I have caused many mistakes
Some of them can't be undone
If only time had a rewind button
then I could fix what was broken
It seems that time went on fast forward instead
And that is the only thing that it does
School and summer passing by
How is it already my birthday?
Was it just the start of school three days ago?
I can't keep up with the tape of life
My head is spinning from the speed
My mind is twisting from the events
I can't think any more like I used to
It's a shame how I used to think
"Nothing will change"
"Everything is fine"
Suddenly my friend is moving
Suddenly I get ghosted by someone
Suddenly I break my other friend's promise
Time never waits.
Death never waits.
I see that the tape of life is short
Shorter than a centimeter
One blink and you're already thirteen
No time to process it
You just age.
Before you know it
I will be 20
Then 30
Then 60
Then 80
Then I will die
Each moment is important
Imagine those who are already 60
or 80
You never know
How much time
they have left
How much longer
they can withstand
They can just
Vanish...
And when they do
time covers its tracks
and you forget that your loved one
even existed before.
If only you could playback time
Be at the happiest moments
When and where you want to be
I want to go back to the good old days
The days where I didn't feel stress
The days where I never felt upset
The days where I was finally happy
To my 5-year-old self,
You got your wish to grow up
But it is not what you think
There is more freedom
But also, more work
Less fun time
Luckily, I am still a kid
But with a lot of mental issues
My autistic brain doesn't process things right
It drives people away
I have a lot of suicidal thoughts
So, I just hide from the world most of the time
I can't get out of my shell
I am scared to grow up
I want to be like you again
If only I could go back
If only I could be young again
Mar 30
Mar 30, 2026 at 7:58 PM UTC
From playing house to paying bills,
from being a princess to being seen lika thing.
Is the world I have grown up in been a farce or does the reality of the real world seem to escape me?
Have I been lied to and thrown into the land of fantasy, or was it a necessity to shield me from my ultimate reality?
I feel like Alice in Wonderland, although instead of a hat through which I can return to my world, I am stuck in this nightmare
Tiaras an teacups have been
replaced by meaningless jobs and illusions of freedoms.
Work hard , they say, but stay feminin.
Be independent, but not to masculine.
Hate men, for they are the enemy,
but pay attention and smile when they have seniority.
Little girl grows up to be defined by her titles: a mother, a wife, a daughter
but all she dreams of is being a princess of her own Castle.
May 8, 2025
May 8, 2025 at 10:44 AM UTC
Sometimes forever is shorter than we think,
so we take people for granted then their gone in a wink.
We never can know which goodbye is our last,
we all should stop trying to live life so fast.
There was a day probably some time ago,
your mom kissed you goodnight for the last time and didnt know.
There was the last time that you played outside with your friends,
but on that day none of you knew it was the end.
One day you just stopped beliveing in magic,
and stopped looking for fariys outside its quite tragic.
Because we all grow up and then we grow old,
and we stop finding magic in the stories we're told.
So take pleasure in the little things that life throws your way,
because you just can not know if todays your last day.
Jan 10, 2024
Jan 10, 2024 at 6:07 PM UTC
You miss two or three celebrations, buy incentives, you beg me to come.
Meet and greet with brothers really different, we be bearing arms.
My family be at the table talking ****
guess that's the price of love.
Putting money in his pockets, but I'm stressed, so here goes a dub.
For years, been writing page after page just to get a head nod.
Stay out the streets, get killed, or suffer;
my reason for over night jobs.
Trying not to rob.
I've always dropped the ball so I gave it to God.
Hanging out the window with my stick, we was out in Cobb.
I wanted to be in the league when I grew up.
I wanted to be in the streets when I grew up.
I wanted to be like bro when I grew up.
I wanted all the hoes when I grew up.
I wanted to be like my daddy when I grew up.
I wanted my own family when I grew up.
I wanted to free my cousin when I grew up.
I wanted to make it out when I grew up.
Never knew what love meant, I had to grow up.
I never knew how to vent, I need to grow up.
I was acting like a little boy, I had to grow up.
I be feeling like a lonely child, I gotta grow up.
Mar 31, 2022
Mar 31, 2022 at 2:05 PM UTC
Grow up
Short version
Lives not a game
Adventures are treasurous
I need a vaccine
Long version
Why?
Maybe a little of
So?
And the traditional
I don't really care.
May 24, 2021
May 24, 2021 at 4:42 PM UTC
I forgot how much I missed you
Until we started talking again
I've been through lots of painful things
But not many compare to losing a friend
You texted me a week ago
You tried to apologize
It wasn't your fault
(You liked looking in my eyes)
Said you found this jacket
In the picture, it reminded
Me of a 80s quilt
I said you should get it, you did
Adults keep pulling on our sleeves
Telling us to grow up
Keep only what you need
Well I needed connection
And I needed a friend
You were running low on those too
Maybe life's out to get us
Maybe they just don't care
I know it's easier
If I have you there
Nov 26, 2020
Nov 26, 2020 at 11:01 AM UTC
The trees keep growing
The flowers keep blossoming
Shouldn't we still grow?
Jun 23, 2020
Jun 23, 2020 at 2:26 AM UTC
Age is just the earth going around the sun
What if the earth would just stop going around the sun?
Would we stop aging?
Would we know how old we are?
Your age is getting controlled by the earth
Age is scary
Growing up is scary
Disconnecting from people is scary
But this is life
Life is scary
The earth going around the sun is one thing controlling us
Missing is a part of life
Do I want to grow up?
-
I don’t know
-
Because of this actually no
Am I scared?
-
Yes, I am so scared of what is coming for me in life
Jun 19, 2020
Jun 19, 2020 at 6:20 PM UTC
The words roll-off
your tongue
like you've been
practising
in front of a mirror
Don't attempt
to humour me
Somehow I
want you
to wear my skin,
try it on
see how it
feels
But at the
same time I
don't wish
such a thing
on my worst enemy
Your jokes
always hit home
You told
each one
with a straight face
how was I
supposed to know
whether you
meant it or
not
You find it
frustrating just
being my guardian
imagine the torment
I go through each
and every day
trapped in this
skin of mine
You can't blame
Him,
so you blame
me
It's
sickening
Youth isn't
an excuse
it's a scapegoat
Please let me be, and grow up
Jun 10, 2020
Jun 10, 2020 at 10:44 AM UTC
sometimes
i think about being a kid again
back when i played tag..
running away from my friends was fun.
i remember how exciting it was to run fast.
i always got an adrenaline rush running away.
back when i would spin in circles over and over to feel dizzy and fall down,
and after i fell i would lay in the scratchy grass and watch the sky because it was fun to see the world spin for a minute.
it was new to see things spin that weren’t supposed to rotate.
back when a swimsuit was just a swimsuit that my mom got for me at walmart,
i didn’t care what it looked like because i just wanted to play at the pool
or in the sprinklers
or to wash the car with my siblings on a crispy summer morning
(but the water always ended up being dumped on eachother rather than on the car)
back when the only validation i needed to be happy was a thumbs up and an encouraging “good job shay may!” from my parents.
because i’m pretty sure they knew everything when i was 5 years old.
back when i heard the garage door and would run to give my parents the biggest hug because every hour they were gone felt like a week..
and now it’s different
everything has something motivating it..
as we learn more,
we hurt more
we feel more
and tbh it *****
because now
i run to prevent a mental breakdown
i run to burn calories
i spin in circles not by choice,
but because life is ****** and confusing
and makes your head spin..
it’s not anything new
i’ve grown accustomed to my mind
losing balance and falling over and over..
the ceiling spinning in my room at 2:00am doesn’t bring the same joy as the blue sky did.
now a swimsuit has to look flattering
and not show my body too much
because of course,
i’m actually a piece of ****
now i need validation from anyone willing to give it to me and also from the whole freaking internet
and honestly it’s still not even enough.
never will be
now when i see my parents
i walk up to them
and hug them and say
“hey how are you?”
it’s boring
it’s hard
it’s ******
and i wish i was little
when food was just food
and when running didn’t include
running away from myself
May 12, 2020
May 12, 2020 at 5:18 AM UTC
It's like I'm just a big kid
Who won't behave
I know I'm broken in this way
I am not the marrying kind
And I'm not fine
I don't need
Nor do I need to ever be
The One
Dec 19, 2019
Dec 19, 2019 at 3:19 PM UTC
look around you,
enjoy the hair clips and lip gloss
those moon-shoes and silly-bands.
too-long legs and frizzy hair
are the worst of your problems now
but it gets a whole lot darker,
and not a thing will stop
when you can't find a candle.
Dec 4, 2019
Dec 4, 2019 at 10:09 PM UTC
I gave so much of myself up
But was it ever enough?
I don't wanna grow up
Upside down
Can't turn around
Another day
And I'm a goner
Mama I don't wanna feel no longer
Oct 20, 2019
Oct 20, 2019 at 7:57 PM UTC
i am but a child with my eyes closed believing i am invisible
cloaked in my own curiosity
i tiptoe over sentences and ask about big words like
what does ************ mean?
My mother told me don't ask for it
What is it?
How do I paint my nails red without smearing the Polish?
When i felt (becoming a woman) run down my legs along went my wonder, childlike
My body was now poetic in the way it wrote verses across the pad
Apr 18, 2019
Apr 18, 2019 at 10:42 AM UTC
pots filled with life
brimming with memories
light, a mother's caress
water, ingredient to growth
waiting for the opportunity
to stand tall and beautiful
no other, the same
Mar 28, 2019
Mar 28, 2019 at 12:38 PM UTC
I am in a forest of people
They completely surround me
Encasing me in a shell of the unknown
I don't know where I am.
I don't know what to do.
If they are all White Willow then I must be the Weeping.
The sun is so far out of my reach
How do they know that is the way to go
How are they so sure that they must grow up
When I am unsure if I am growing down.
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 4:45 PM UTC
Freshman.
Living life like out of a book.
Holding onto the storybooks,
Their parents read to them when they were babies.
Now wanting to be the epitome of school.
Hitting school like a bomb,
Being North Korea against our school of Trump,
And reaching standards unknown to any man or woman before them.
They just throw their “Perfect” shape right into someone’s face,
And say HA!
To reach the standard of perfection,
They spend money on beauty.
Just styling themselves like the Kardashians,
And following Kylie Jenner’s shot glass lips challenge.
“Trends” is just another word for a wannabe utopian.
With parents, there is no worry over money,
As long as they are happy.
Happiness is Perfection.
Key to perfection is starvation.
Because being too big isn’t “pretty.”
Compare yourself,
To the preppy blonde cheerleader who thinks she is perfect,
cause she can shake her hips to the music.
To be like her you skip meals,
A day,
maybe two,
or even a week.
You're told, ”Go on a diet, you need it!”
To bad a genie can't make us skinnier with a snap of his fingers.
The genie did change the style.
Yelling “Attention!”
“The trends have changed.”
“Floral is now in.”
“So rid of those nasty old outfits, and pick up the new.”
“Paint yourself in the vision of everyone’s flower.”
“Invest in the fashion trends that make us “cool”.”
Now that you have the style,
You need friends.
Your bullies tease you,
“Oh lost puppy dog,
With your lonely eyes and scarce heartbeat,
Searching for someone to love you,
Too bad no one will.”
Dive head first into the sea of hope and status quo.
Taking in the account of who they dated,
Or what sport they are good at.
Cause Lord forbid you are friends with your ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend.
So stay clear of the nuclear reactors,
And just keep building your fumes,
With death glares and eye rolls.
“Oh No someone hold my earrings.”
Your ex is dating your best friend.
“SINCE WHEN!”
He isn’t worth losing your best friend over.
But you only argue and fight.
So start World War 3.
Be a slave to your own mistakes.
One mistake you didn’t make was advice on dating.
OH Wait,
You messed that up too.
The hottest guy in school was the one who held your heart,
Well sorry to say,
You aren’t good enough.
Oh, you want to catch his attention now?
Then attach yourself to his side,
Like a leech ******* all the attention from him.
Draining him of his status.
Just so you give up,
And say he wasn’t good enough.
Just like you weren’t good in school.
Boring lessons,
That makes you question when in life will I need this skill?
You think,
Oh, I will marry a rich guy and sit at home looking pretty.
REALITY CHECK.
Focus in school so you can sit at home and look pretty,
When you retire.
Gasp You are a rich girl.
Wait till I tell everyone what I just saw.
Such a disgrace!
No Lies.
No secrets.
Well too bad,
We know everything and tell everyone.
We can destroy you even if it isn’t true.
So keep your mouth shut,
Or don’t.
Miss Perfect of 2018 doesn’t spread rumors though.
She is too busy,
Getting her dad to pay for her.
Her $100 acrylic nails,
And $200 designer purse.
That is what you get when you meet a preppy cheerleader.
Daddy’s money is what causes happiness.
You can take daddy’s money and pay your friends.
No need for real friends,
Not if you are the most popular girl in school.
So be gullible and laugh at all their jokes and they will love you,
Not!
So Congratulations.
You are now the biggest brat in the school.
Don’t want all of this,
Be Yourself.
Jan 23, 2019
Jan 23, 2019 at 1:31 PM UTC
finding fake joy in little lies
finding fake self worth in some shoes
new branded item
no one looks up on you for them
just wait 'til the mud tear them down
tell me who what do you see when you look into the mirror
is it someone you like?
is it someone you wanted to be?
the kid in you says hi to me
asking you to grow up so that he can too
to face the real world
like a real man should
armed with ammunition
that is real self-confidence
stemming firmly on the ground of wisdom
not fake accessories and marketing gimmicks
clink another glass
because that's how you face your problems
pout another story
for your non-existent friends to tell
inflated self image inflated ego
who you gonna fool with your little bell
Aug 30, 2018
Aug 30, 2018 at 9:52 PM UTC
We're all as lost in rust and frost
and don't say otherwise
because if you don't feel the same
maybe your time is yet to come
But worry not you're in good companies
if only us would all share stories
if only us all would admit and accept
dancing along with no regret
Hanging out with the wrong crowd
just to feel that I belong
every night a different crowd
trying to play along,
but nothing seems right
only to stick out like a sore thumb
the sounds of the crowd muffled drowned by my own thoughts
non-existent cheers to the genuine me
muddy grounds and misty rain
fake laughters masking the emptiness inside
laughing only to play along
Someday maybe I'll get back to me
Someday maybe you'd find the old you
what your future tells, I can't say for sure,
but for now let's just pour us another
Swim along, I won't let you sink
you can hold my hand for support
and I'll hug you 'til you feel better
Aug 26, 2018
Aug 26, 2018 at 3:27 PM UTC
Sometimes,
I feel that 'Growing up' is the only mistake I ever did.
Jul 13, 2018
Jul 13, 2018 at 1:48 AM UTC