#grownup
It’s 4am and all I can think about is the way we used to laugh together, like nothing bad could ever change anything that we were.
I called you best friend; I called you wife; I called you my other half. Where one was, so was the other and everything was right.
What did I do wrong?
I protected you the fiercest I knew how, held you up when the world pushed you down, held your hand through nights spent crying, talked you through panic attacks.
What do I do to get you back? What do I do to change what’s been broken?
What did I do wrong?
Mar 17
Mar 17, 2026 at 4:04 AM UTC
Every day —
I pass a hundred faces,
With eyes that flicker with stories
I’ll never get to hear.
Once in a while, travelling in the local,
Questions pop into my mind without my permission...
Do we ever realise?
The people we meet for the first time
might be our last chance to have their glance.
Strange... to wonder if they ever mattered, ever cared.
Do they know?
That this was our only meeting?
That this smile
was our first and final exchange?
We keep living,
like we have time—
like we don’t say goodbye to Strangers.
But, unfortunately,
we just never see them again.
And that’s why I’m afraid to call you a stranger.
Because, you know what?
I don’t want you
to be that stranger in my life
ever.
The one who leaves without care,
who disappears into distance...
Where are those promises, those talks, those glances?
Even if someday... we became strangers,
please be the one who might leave my heart—
but never my soul.
Aug 23, 2025
Aug 23, 2025 at 5:16 PM UTC
From a window up high
I can hear the rain
Drumming down
Grey
Sloshing through streets and
Ruining leather shoes
Children scream in delight
And scatter
Running with their school bags or jackets
Up over their heads
Some not even bothering
No umbrellas
Revelling in their drenched clothes
Water dripping down their noses
And I think about how
It happens one day -
You start to step over puddles
Instead of jumping in them
Oct 14, 2024
Oct 14, 2024 at 12:31 AM UTC
Do you know what's most heart breaking about growing up?
When the sand castles built in your youth are
eroded by the waves of time
When the card tower built on childish whimsical fantasy
tumbles down when dealt the hand of reality
Then the world turns from the magical into the mundane
The wonder is lost quickly as the transient towers of naivety break
What else can it do but break?
It's foundations were steeled by a faith in an illusion so strong it became concrete
When the faith is challenged and it is lost, the illusion becomes realized and the tower falls
Just like the sunset of yesterday, the miracle of adolescence becomes a beautiful memory
Lost quickly to the tides of time and is gifted just once
Never to be experienced again but whose evanescent beauty is indelibly burned into the heart
A reverie once simply just life
This road of life is one way
The only direction is forwards
We're limited to looking back through the glass of the present
Do you now what's most heartbreaking about growing up?
It's when you've realized what you've lost
when you've already lost it
Dec 5, 2021
Dec 5, 2021 at 11:00 PM UTC
Why did no one warn us what being in your 20s is actually like?
There are 25 year olds married.
There are 25 year olds just starting their career.
There are 25 year olds living with their parents.
There are 25 year olds with babies.
There are 25 year olds living with friends.
There are 25 year olds in school.
There are 25 year olds buying a house.
There is no rule book.
There is no timeline after high school.
It's daunting.
Some days you may feel behind.
Other days you may feel ahead of the game.
When in reality there is no finish line.
There is no winner or loser.
Just a bunch of kids living life, figuring it out along the way.
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 7:17 PM UTC
The mirage of the naive sunsets
dawns upon me as the debts
of an unknown world
presents the swirled
twists that lured the mature
to manifest its charm to endure
the gnarly waves of emotions,
the winds of commotions,
the thunders of freedom
for executing the wisdom.
The veils of innocence
revealed my ignorance,
that remained hidden
as I explored the forbidden.
The roots remain nurtured,
for I shouldn't get weathered
in the calamities of the times,
that may wipe off smiles.
Aug 19, 2020
Aug 19, 2020 at 2:28 PM UTC
They said you have to
be a man.
Tell me,
did you ever feel small
driving your motorcar
to that bank?
~
We came from the clouds
but not for you.
Still,
we hope you saw
your children
fly
Aug 3, 2020
Aug 3, 2020 at 10:04 PM UTC
Hand-written letters are overrated
almost non-existent.
Like love,
as a child, you have longed to experience and even rushed.
You knocked on hearts to know what it felt like but all you had were broken bottles of liquors
that made you dizzy.
Red champagne and Rosé
you learned to immune yourself to
like water and air you breathe in everyday.
Broken dishes on the counter and sink you never washed because you never went home,
because there was nothing to go home to.
Everything seemed to change when I blew the candle on my 25th birthday cake
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 2:08 PM UTC
When I was on the way to grow,
To understand anything I was slow
Like a river in own way I love to flow,
In my dream world with truth, my face glow
All happiness were kept and devil gloom is to blow,
Only I walk to the way that I draw
That was my dream world where my face glow
But now I am grown,
For my mistakes, people call me frown,
I met people many of them are con
They are happy as they are and say,
This way they are born,
In my dream life, I flow but now I can only drown,
I felt pity and for them, I mourn
But this is the way life goes on and on and on........
Jun 11, 2020
Jun 11, 2020 at 2:47 AM UTC
have you ever heard somebody saying: "teenagers today are ruder, more violent and so much hornier than we were."
i don't think so. it's not like that. most grown-ups have forgotten over the years what they did and how they acted out.
we surely have a lot of vivid memories about our youth. but our feelings of teenage experience disappeared.
history repeats itself.
Dec 23, 2019
Dec 23, 2019 at 5:44 PM UTC
I remember the first time I left you at the childminder's
Walking down the street feeling strange but free
Nothing to push or carry
And now you're moving out
For the second (or is it the third?) time
And I feel exactly the same
Is that wrong?
But I think that I will feel that something's missing
When you take your Lego men off the shelves
May 16, 2019
May 16, 2019 at 6:04 PM UTC
Growing up is finding out the real world is cruel
Growing up is finding out what you once knew isn't real
Growing up is realizing a movie or fairy tail
Growing up is learning to hurt, and learning to fail.
Growing up is truly learning how to fake a smile
Growing up is finding out your grandfather is a *********
Growing up is finding out your family hates you for something you cannot control
Growing up is going to the mines so you can support your hateful family by mining coal
Growing up is coming to terms with death
Growing up is learning your mother does ****
Growing up is realizing your father is abusive
Growing up is forever being inconclusive
Growing up is pain
Growing up is hate
Growing up is raze
Grown-up is a four letter word.
Feb 1, 2019
Feb 1, 2019 at 7:02 PM UTC
The house was perfect
No matter how small.
Forget the broken window,
The stain on the carpet floor.
The explosion of toys over the floor,
The tea parties,
Cubby houses,
And Zombies at the park.
The urgent rush to tidy up
Before mum walked in the door.
Stories with Dad
A run-away lawn mower,
Bruce the shark.
On Christmas mornings,
When we would wake up,
To find map,
Guiding us to the treasure
In this house, I learnt what having a brother was like,
lots of cars
lots of trucks
lots of blocks
Where I learnt to walk
And talk
And laugh
Where I discovered the power of words,
The importance of doing your best
Taking pride in your work.
Treating others with kindness,
Not putting yourself first.
All the memories,
Echoes of laughter
The photos of a happy family
Like trophies on a shelf.
Clocks ticking,
Moving fast
Too fast.
Until one day,
We outgrew the house,
Small was just too small,
Where would we find space,
For the things that needed a place?
So, we packed up and left
Shutting the door
On memories and expired dreams
That weren’t around anymore
But we set off,
To make another house of bricks,
a perfect home.
Nov 28, 2018
Nov 28, 2018 at 3:10 AM UTC
We went from “who loves orange soda?” to take a shot for me.
To waiting in lines at the DMV, from waiting in lines at the school dance like “bruh hold my spot for me”
From N64 controllers to leasing a Toyota Corolla
Dealing with these adult life problems we don’t have no control of
From pillow forts to the rents due
From action figures to hopes of six figures
From razor scooters to shaving with razors
From love letters to car notes
crazy right?
The only losses we worried about were argued through Rock Paper Scissors.
Now we worry about losing jobs, material things and on the news daily we lose our brothers and sisters.
The only pain we felt was scraping our knees on the concrete.
Now we scrape change tryna pay the bills hoping that our ends meet.
I wish I could go back, I close my eyez with my memories and feel gratification.
And the thing I miss most of all at that tender age is my imagination
I can’t believe I couldn’t wait to get big
Sep 26, 2018
Sep 26, 2018 at 11:24 PM UTC
you were a wet lump of mud
in front of me
i gave you shape
i gave you
a mild shape first
when you took your first steps
then i gave you a good curve
when you smiled even when you were sad.
i gave a smooth finish
when your teacher told me
what a good human you were
but now
when you are about to dry
did i give you a curve of love?
was i good parent
O! child , don't leave me
you were a wet ***
but now you are a free bird.
fly
fly
make me proud.
Sep 2, 2018
Sep 2, 2018 at 1:34 AM UTC
So I'm supposed to be a grown up now and do grown up things,
Like pay bills and actually go to the gym to do more than look at cute guys.
And I am supposed to find a place to live on my own,
Where I will do groceries and cook meals, healthy meals that are not craft dinner out of the ***
And I'm going to have to clean everything by myself,
I guess I need to buy cleaning supplies, like a vacuum and toilet cleaner and windex.
And I will work, go to a job everyday,
But it can't just be any job, it has to be something I love because I don't want to be one of those people who hates their job.
And now that I am a grown up I will watch the news,
And shake my head at the politicians and vote.
And my room will always be super organized,
With little boxes for everything and dressers I bought and assembled myself from IKEA.
That's right, I assembled them myself. I may have had to borrow my Dad's tool box but I did it myself.
That's another thing I need to, buy a tool box.
All of these things need to be done now because I am a grown up.
But how am I supposed to be a grown up when I still feel like a kid?
May 11, 2018
May 11, 2018 at 11:40 AM UTC
#**Six to Twelve
(My Big Sister)**
My sister,
she’s a silly ol’ priss.
Know what she did?
She gave her boyfriend a kiss!
Blech! Doesn’t she know
boys are just yucky?
Doesn’t she know
they’ll make you buggy?
We used to do things together,
my sister and me.
We’d play in our yard
And climb up our tree.
But now when my sister
Arrives home from school,
She calls up her boyfriend.
She thinks she’s SO cool.
She giggles and whispers
Closed up in her room.
She stays there forever!
Well…
All afternoon.
She’s acting so silly.
It must be a stage.
But I won’t be like that!
When I get to her age!
**Twelve to Six
(My Little Sister)**
My little sister,
she’s such a pest.
She goofs off in the morning
when she needs to get dressed.
She has to be reminded
to brush her teeth and her hair.
I have to tell her what to do sometimes
and even what to wear.
She can really get in my way.
I want to be serious,
but she wants to play.
I wonder will she ever grow up?
Will she be cool like me?
I know I was her age one time
but I was more grown up, you see!
Apr 24, 2018
Apr 24, 2018 at 9:20 AM UTC
daytime rhythms
of coming and
going
a-swish
a-yawn
a-slam
a-trudge
out the door
in the car
to the place
there
twiddled thumbs
swivelled chairs
barked-up trees
and morning teas
and banter
hands
on knees
and eyes to
clock
and this meeting
here
and that duty
there
tick tock
a-flow through
time and space
and light
as the
sun turns over
in its sky
and rests its
head down on
the other side
then
out the door
in the car
to the place
for something quick
to have for dinner
then
home
© 2017 Adelaide Heathfield
Feb 28, 2018
Feb 28, 2018 at 2:02 PM UTC
Sometimes I look at the old photographs
Pressed between worn out pages
Of times I do not remember,
For the times I keep guarded
I keep no mark of.
So I stare at that little girl
Whose eyes are same as mine
And has seen the same wars as I,
Because the damage was done
When I was a kid.
From then to now
The wars have ceased,
That little girl has seen too much for her age
Than now I ever will.
I wonder when I look at her face,
I fail to connect
That's how I stay away from people.
I wonder if she thought of the future ahead
How her strength then would let her live?
If she knew why she continued to fight ,
If she ever had any hope at all,
Or she thought she couldn't simply die?
Because all I can think now
Is ending it here.
I have hope, I really do
But I look at her decades back
And I don't see the point.
She was so scared, all the time
She had her walls so high
She, the moment she understood
Spent her time wishing to save others.
Her life contained days
That belonged to everyone around,
Her fight thereupon easier.
I guess the problem ensued
When she started to have her own.
I look at her, I look at her
She doesn't look anything like me,
I don't feel anything at all
But pain.
I want to tell her
That is all she will ever feel,
That pain she thought would go away
Would bury itself in her soul
And she will never feel alive again.
I never really recognize her by her looks
It's always how she makes me feel,
I stare at her
And the sadness has remained,
The fear still lines up
And happiness for some people
Is a momentary event
That simply intensifies the pain.
Apr 18, 2017
Apr 18, 2017 at 1:24 PM UTC
remember your first bicycle?
i was so happy, so eager to learn,
i remember going through so much pain
falling on my face, picked up by my dad
as i cried and he kissed my feet saying
'there, it's all good now'
but then the bicycle ended up being my life
for a few short years
but then it is too small, and i was too big
i have grown, and it hadn't.
so i said goodbye and put it on the corner of the garage.
bought a brand new one.
i realize now, it's kind of like you and me.
you have grown, back then, and i hadn't.
you've made other friends, and i hadn't.
that's why when i'm not what you wanted,
not what you needed anymore, you left,
little by little.
you replaced me, just like the yellow bicycle
that leans onto the wall, unused and forgotten.
Mar 19, 2017
Mar 19, 2017 at 1:17 PM UTC
Picking up the pieces
The trail she left behind
Words of endless dreams
Made many broken promises to herself
Always wanted to be here
In this position
Now she is standing tall
Watching the world revolve
She watched the chaos
Watched the feuds
Every silent war
Every battle fought
Innocence shattered
Dreams destroyed
Beauty turned ugly
Forced to accept, every nightmare
Often asked
How did you change so much?
The answer is plain simple
She has grown up...
...maybe a little way too fast
Aug 30, 2016
Aug 30, 2016 at 10:41 AM UTC
Go ahead and drink your hateraid
There is not one **** to be gave
All the hateful things you thought was said
Was only the voices in your head
You turn every word upside down
As a victim you want to be crowned
But we are the victim of your thoughts
In your mind it all gets tossed
The helping hand that we extend
Gets lost as your minds bends
Everything ment for good into black
Till the bridge is in flames, no going back
As you scream out your sarcasm
It only makes to widen the chasm
Then you cry "I have no friends"
You play the victim to the end
So burn your bridges, blow them up
Just don't come yapping at me like a little pup
Maybe one day you'll act grownup
Before someone makes you drink from your own cup
Apr 5, 2016
Apr 5, 2016 at 7:43 PM UTC
Amazing I'm still here
Swirling, and spinning, trying not to fall.
Never quite sure who we are trying to find it in our beer
Looking like we are 10 feet tall, but feeling so incredibly small.
Overly aware of time and space
But everyone just sees a space case.
You drink too much
You smoke too much
You cry too much
I try too much
In and out of love at the drop of a dime
Just trying to find someone to love us for real
Maybe someone who means it for real this time.
And can maybe make us forget the hurt we feel.
In the heat of the moment
The best years of our lives
But still suffer from the torment
Of the deep abyss of the unknown into which we dive
Grown up but still our mothers baby
Adults who are still afraid of the dark
Who can only answer every question with maybe
But are told we need to be black and white and stark
Here goes nothing
Being 20 something
Mar 26, 2016
Mar 26, 2016 at 12:42 AM UTC
My nephew notices nearly everything around
he says saaad cooorn! because the corn outside
has now turned brown.
He knows a few colors that consist of yellow, red,
purple and green.. he likes to read and sometimes he'll sing.
My little nephew is getting too big..
He's at the age just before monsters
are under his bed,
I don't want him to experience that yet.
But someday he just might, and that's okay
we all grow up eventually.
Sep 16, 2015
Sep 16, 2015 at 2:09 PM UTC