#genderqueer
sometimes
I'm afraid no one
will ever love me again
truly,
not because of
who I am, or why I work
or if I'm a good
person or a bad one
sometimes
I question
who could love me
as someone
with a nonconforming
gender identity
I'm afraid no one
will ever love that part
of me again
Feb 16
Feb 16, 2026 at 6:04 PM UTC
I wonder if when I move out
I'll proudly display my flag on the wall
If in my newfound freedom I'll dare.
I wonder if my family will visit me more than once
After what was supposed to be a happy visit
Turned into disappointed and sad stares.
I wonder if my hands will shake
When I hold a pair of scissors in them
and stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.
I wonder if I'll cry
When I hold the locks of my hair
Either out of euphoria or panic.
I wonder if I'll ever have the courage.
Feb 16
Feb 16, 2026 at 8:27 AM UTC
They morph before me.
Blending lines of binary into an unfounded beauty.
Lashes curling into petals,
cascading down their cheeks like autumn leaves.
Their hair shortens like freshly trimmed grass,
I can't help but inhale as they pass.
I fear for our final goodbye.
When they trickle out my palm like water,
their presence evaporating from my world and into anew.
Their not my darling and yet I wish for them to be so,
the coward I am can't handle rejection,
and what it would mean upon our final meeting.
Nov 25, 2025
Nov 25, 2025 at 1:29 AM UTC
“Lumen,” meaning light in Italian,
“Luna,” moon in Spanish.
Luminary; a person who inspires or influences others—
A natural body of light.
An illuminated individual saying,
“I’m bright. I’m seen.”
I always liked how the Moon shines and brightens the night.
They lead their storm of stars in the dark blue sky.
Everyone below could see as they would confidently stride.
Humans and fireflies might make their own light, but neither could compare to that of the moon.
Lumin is a bright leader, casting their light onto the world.
Lumin isn’t intimidated by those who can’t handle their radiance.
They keep shining on anyway.
So why am I?
Oct 31, 2024
Oct 31, 2024 at 9:07 PM UTC
alt title: befriend demons detested. throw them (a party).
alt title: bury the hatchet / forget it(s resting place).
alt title: cry (less. feel) more.
alt: love / alt-love.
(alt.) LOVE.
Jul 24, 2022
Jul 24, 2022 at 3:19 PM UTC
I'm crying for a girl who never existed.
One who failed but always persisted,
to try and figure out
what makes one woman.
these thoughts about gender felt like a shout,
but this 'girl' was still figuring it out.
Now this person mourns the loss,
of this gender that felt like an albatross.
May 12, 2022
May 12, 2022 at 6:59 PM UTC
i am not a vibrant ocean blue
nor as pink as the sunset sky
i am not the daughter you watched grow
nor will i ever be a guy
i am not anything you said I'd be
instead, I am simply me
Mar 5, 2022
Mar 5, 2022 at 10:30 PM UTC
I engage in transness
but with no emphasis on transition
I am not one to the other
I am on a continuum that can't be defined
to male or female
if I opened up on what parts define me
you'd be in for a while
my transness is not fixed
my transness is evergrowing and bountiful
it doesn't stop at male or female
I've passed what it means to be trans
I've ran the marathon
and won at the finish line
transness has it's own path
not what cisgender people decide
I live in a revelation of social control
by what's under inclusivity
the performance of transitioning is over
I engage in transness
and I exist with no finish line
Nov 9, 2021
Nov 9, 2021 at 1:11 AM UTC
my body is simply not conventional
to the clothes I wear
there are dips and hills plastered on my figure
hanes doesn't take into account
my weight or my height
so pulling up the waistband
drills the cotton into my skin
with no room to breathe
but I've gotten comfortable
my body is not conventional
to the clothes I wear
the hunch back of Notre Dame meets
a protruding belly that widens my waist
when I wear shirts
fabric strangles my hips
displaying my grotesque body
but I've gotten comfortable
my body is not conventional
to the clothes I wear
aged binders do their best
pools of skin are dipping out the sides
my ribs ache and it's hard to ignore
when my body wails a cracking chaos
pain and overstimulation have crept into dreams
but I've gotten comfortable
my body is not conventional
to the clothes I wear
my body is not conventional
but it doesn't bring despair
my body is not conventional
and you can't begin to understand it
because it's too crippling to bear
it's staggering to peep into a mirror
seeing my being labeled unpleasant
with the unnerving urge to rip my eyes out
and splatter my blood on the glass
why don't I just break down and sit there
it's heavy to carry my weight and be hyperaware
it's easy to not care and maybe I'd take that route
but I'm not conventional
so I'm taking another way downstairs
Aug 13, 2021
Aug 13, 2021 at 2:53 AM UTC
pieces of my puzzle are aligning
trauma and enlightenment go well together
it seems as though once you've hit rock bottom
the very top feels like heaven
a walking contradiction
how do you go from wanting to die
to living your life with authenticity
pieces fitting in shapes never seen before
pieces shifting sizes finishing the next assignment
a life on hold
holds very little to me
finishing my next task is today
but what is for tomorrow?
craving more isn't selfish
it's fulfilling
questions make me contemplative
unable to sleep at night
thoughts running for more
the adrenaline keeping me alive
pieces of my puzzle can break apart
pieces deceive me and don't actually fit
it is a lesson to look more closely
a piece has appeared
it's unclear where it goes
where it starts
where it ends
it will belong in due time
Jun 18, 2021
Jun 18, 2021 at 1:16 AM UTC
little me, why so sorrow?
what makes you disconnect?
seeing your body in pictures
sent shivers down your neck
the rhythmic beating
pounding as an alarm
body restless
when will you get rest then?
little me, you waited quite a while
family's opinions turned vile
it didn't matter much
you never connected
only as much as
a charger is to phone
escapism buried her
when he could be online
reversing roles and affirming yourself
only gained so much self help
a tool to be unlocked
little me, you had blocks in front of you
you played with them as trial
until they weren't meanwhile
so what did it mean to you?
what did you learn?
how did you grow?
what did you learn?
little me, you're too young to understand
one day you'll find who I am
we've always been together
tight knit and forever
don't lose the game of cards
unless you want your graveyard
Jan 5, 2021
Jan 5, 2021 at 3:10 AM UTC
Dysphoria is lifting a hot cup of bare black coffee to your lips
It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and third degree burns on your skin
It's one of the strongest romances I've had
She stalks wherever and whenever
Yet when pools of blood start to pour
Subsequently from slashes on my wrist
A smile stands tall on my brim
The story of hypocrisy beyond comprehension
How could a human find themselves in obsession
With disorders more dangerous than inventions
And still hold empathy in question
Truth is,
Despotic relations fueled with dissonant expectations
Transcend into deeper feelings of euphoria
Barbwire grappling my throat for seconds that feel like years
But then the pressure suddenly decreases
I'm left with rusted thorns and gaping flesh
Undoubtely grateful to stay alive
Relief washes over and taking a breath feels heavenly
As the opportunity to face demons comes again
The chances of overcoming rise above my head
Hazard and danger don't become horror anymore
If you take it by the throat and butcher it first
Dec 19, 2020
Dec 19, 2020 at 1:28 AM UTC
I don't know what I am anymore
I'm too self obsessed not to care
as if I don't pass by a mirror every hour and stroke my ****** hair
standards of cis normativity never make sense
they don't make sense more than ever
why be like everyone else
when I'm already the outcast
whats the point to stop expression
whats the point to stop..my expression?
of my experience
of my encounters
of my existence
my identity will be radical
with or without cis validation
my happiness is resistance
with or without standards
we were not meant to fit in
so outgrowing it is suitable
Dec 14, 2020
Dec 14, 2020 at 9:57 PM UTC
i used to only love women and it felt like being so alone,
like not bringing your date to family gatherings by fear of
seeing the disapproval
in their eyes, in their mouths, in their words,
felt like being both the predator and the prey,
looking at hands and wanting to hold them and fearing that
the world would swallow me whole
if i did.
and now i love you, probably,
and what am i, if not lost,
unable to be contained in F or Ms,
unfit for any of your definitions,
ready to change my body just so i can stand to walk past mirrors and live my truth.
and loving a man feels much the same after all,
dangerous and real, like craving different hands
but knowing the world still has its mouth grand open,
just for me.
Dec 4, 2020
Dec 4, 2020 at 6:33 PM UTC
awkward questions, awkward stares
told that i'm putting on airs
written out of all the prayers
i don't fit into the squares
Sep 8, 2020
Sep 8, 2020 at 1:15 PM UTC
Bedroom’s painted fisherman’s blue
There’s a cut out of Hayden Panettiere naked in a pink bikini with a hula-hoop on the back of the door
Copies of British Vogue desperately hidden underneath the bed accompanying an empty bottle of Glen’s
Manchester United duvet cover and matching pillows to boot
The bin’s filled with pre-packed home-made lunches from the last six months
Wardrobes a collection of ill fitting blue jeans bought for me by grandmother and football jerseys for teams that I’ve never even heard of, yet let alone see play a single game
Uniform ironed and sitting out ready for school on Monday at 8am sharp
***** clothes cover mostly all the floor smelling of Lynx’s finest even though there’s an empty laundry basket just waiting in the corner to be used
Inside one of the woolen blazer’s (that is way too big for me) pockets a single unopened ****** and an AES 256-bit encrypted USB stick
An old PlayStation 2, with a single controller; games including FIFA years through 2004 to now, Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell, and GTA.
Blood red shoplifted lipstick that’s now melted hidden in the little secret compartment at the back, meant for network expansion.
Artemis Fowl, Alex Rider, and Harry Potter all adorn the bookcase
Physics, Maths, and IT textbooks remain firmly closed on the desk in addition to a smashed phone from me and Daddy’s last “physical altercation”
Lady Gaga’s “I Like it Rough” is playing in the background on repeat…
Aug 23, 2020
Aug 23, 2020 at 2:43 PM UTC
dear quinn,
goodbyes are hard
but staying will be harder
just let go
it's okay
love,
atlas
Jul 5, 2020
Jul 5, 2020 at 9:39 PM UTC
Before
In a time I can't remember
There was nothing but dark
Then you arrived
A sun to light up my world
Water to keep me alive
You were sweet like honey
With the right amount of sour
To keep things interesting
I made a mistake
I told you who I am
You may be supportive, sure
But you'd never change
For someone, you claimed to love
I was tossed aside
While you ventured out
For you next conquest
How could you
Someone as broken as me
Break me even more?
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 1:06 AM UTC
abstract esoteric line
like a crescent moon bleating in shrouded light
the warm kiss
evaporates on fluttering moons
I hold you close, and whisper secrets to your scars
so long
love
May 12, 2020
May 12, 2020 at 7:53 PM UTC
***** and Quims should be worshiped.
For whichever you have, dictates how the rest of your life shall be.
To those who biologically have both, how like gods you seem to me.
To those who spiritually have both, what cursed and barren, in-between lands stock we.
May 10, 2020
May 10, 2020 at 10:14 PM UTC
It's days like these
And girls like her
That make me think I could be okay to stay
Inside my shell.
It's days like these
And boys like him
That make me almost want to stay
To avoid association.
Jan 5, 2020
Jan 5, 2020 at 2:27 AM UTC
i went to the doctor today
i cried before i went in
not because of the doctor
but because of my father
he tells me i have to grow my hair out
i have to be a good little girl
i'm not his little girl
i was only pretending
i am me
genderqueer
short hair
i will not grow out my hair
for his ****** up ideals
of the perfect daughter
when i am not his daughter
at all
Dec 12, 2019
Dec 12, 2019 at 9:08 PM UTC
I wet the whistle first, then blow
(my algorithm will let you know—)
And then my bot will rob you blind
in the name of humankind.
Which means there exist no more than two genders;
both of them are Truth's defenders . . .
*and Eric Ciaramella didn't **** himself*.
Nov 26, 2019
Nov 26, 2019 at 8:03 AM UTC
a stray light
splayed across oak hardwood floor
a girl
wonders
who they are
a girl with a
unique identity
they struggle over finding
out who they are
while they are
accepted for
who they are
they are forgotten
their preferences thrown
out the window in
favor of sticking to
the status quo
Aug 31, 2019
Aug 31, 2019 at 10:26 PM UTC
Dysphoria, what does it feel like?
They sigh, trying to find a single sentence for years of caged silence.
Identity: Female
Stuck in the wrong way
To me it’s a sense of nothing will ever be right
The feeling of being in extreme danger
Like you’re about to die
Identity: Male
All I can say is
This isn’t me
The feeling is a long and windy explanation of
Disassociation
There are things about me that I don’t associate with myself
And it’s weird and confusing
When I become aware of them
Identity: **** A drag queen? Trans fluid.
Dysphoria...
It's a lot like,
Anger,
Betrayal,
An itch
Like a really itchy sweater,
You can’t take it off
And the longer you have to wear it the worse it gets
You start to hate yourself because
You’re the one that put the sweater on in the first place
They say we are ill
Broken
******
***
“Butch”
It’s not correct
When they say it’s their right to say those
That’s when I get mad
If there is no way to make the mind conform to the body
You must make the body conform to the mind
If they think it’s their right to tell other people that their identity is wrong,
Then they are ill and broken
They have no f**king clue
And I know,
I can’t tell them they’re wrong
Without telling them why
But I realize
Explaining this is futile
With closed minded people
Bathrooms need to change, Health care needs to change, Identification needs to change
People are forced to “pick one”
Trans-phobia shouldn’t be tolerated
Mental health care shouldn’t be because it’s a “defect”
Social pressure, Internalized oppression, Abuse,
Shouldn’t
Be
Tolerated
Politicians have got it the wrong way around
One in two transgender persons have experienced ****** assault
One. In. Two.
They say, “We don’t want men undercover spying on our women and children”
You think they are in there to spy or ****
Name more than two cases in the last 25 years
Where a transgender person has sexually abused a woman in the ladies bathroom
You can’t
But give me five minutes, and I can come up with five to eight names of transgender people
That have been assaulted in bathrooms since 2019 started
But our Pride cannot be destroyed
It’s our strength
A feeling of belonging
A belief that we can change this
We are not alone.
We Are Not Alone.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 5:27 PM UTC