#fuckboys
when i’m with you i feel like im on cloud nine
you’re the only one that understood things weren’t fine
you told me i was special
uh huh
yeah, right
special as in like the 20 other girls you talk to
every night
i came in innocent and naive
thinking that you would actually
put in some effort at least
to get closer with me
but no, hell no
you put all those hoes
right in front of me
i was your priority
and now i’m your last
what happened to our past
our bonds and memories
apparently mean nothing?
you know what? i’m sorry
i’m sorry that i wasn’t enough to be
the one that you said you’ll value for eternity
Oct 29, 2019
Oct 29, 2019 at 10:27 AM UTC
You happened to me.
Why me?
Why you?
You hit me like a gunshot.
And hurt me soft and careful.
You inhaled me like a cigarette.
And locked me with your lips
You embraced me with your eyes.
And held onto my collar.
You wrecked away my ambition
Without pulling a single hair.
Jan 28, 2019
Jan 28, 2019 at 3:47 PM UTC
I don't want my name on a long list of options,
I want who I am to be a choice in anothers eyes.
My body, is not an option to use, play with or pull the strings and control like a puppet.
My mind isn't a game to reach your highscore or play until you get bored.
I am not an option,
Nor are you.
I am a choice,
A decision.
Feb 3, 2018
Feb 3, 2018 at 11:30 PM UTC
Red flags in the beginning are easy to turn into little sticky notes, notes for later that sometimes lose their adhesive and fall to the ground much like my current tolerance for ****** dudes
The first known use for red flags was by the military to indicate they’re ready for battle, unfortunately I’ve seen enough red flags to start the next world war
I should’ve known
When I came back from Arizona and he said “you must’ve cheated on me because your ****** feels different”
Not because he’s insecure
or
because he doesn’t know trust
or
because he’s trying to assert control
I should’ve known
When he asked if I “had a problem getting wet because it seemed like that was a thing”
Not because he doesn’t know foreplay
(side note: **** doesn’t teach you foreplay)
or
because he doesn’t actually turn me on
or
because fun fact!- women can be turned on and not be wet
I should’ve known
When he said “if you shaved, then I’d go down on you 24/7”
Not because he was scared that choking on my ***** hair reminded him he’s with a real woman that grows hair
and humans inside her
and ideas
and opinions
and strength
and my body is not yours to give me ultimatums of
I should’ve known
When I asked if figuring out my pleasure was a burden and he answered “actually, yes it is”
Not because he’s too lazy to actually want to pleasure anyone but himself
or
because his only ****** education ended with a .com
or
because no one has ever expected more of him
I should’ve known when he said
“What I want out of a ****** partner is someone that wants me inside of them as soon as possible”
Not “inside my soul”
or
“inside my thoughts”
or
“inside my memories”
or
“inside an intimacy he will never know”
I should’ve known when he said
“Let me show you how Rachel did it”
Not “this is how I like it”
or
“can we try this?”
or
“opening your ******* mind to how another human being moves around you”
I should’ve known when
He spit on my ****** the universal sign for disrespect
Like I deserve the same fate as tobacco swollen cheeks
Like my ****** is your spittoon,
am I the end of a tobacco session or a fancy wine tasting?
these things matter
Now I find it symbolic men are taught to spit while women are taught to swallow
Swallow our reactions
Swallow our feelings
Swallow our voices
Swallow his releases
Swallow his spit
Swallow us whole
When you see a red flag do not ignore that it means battle
This battle is not a healthy one, this battle will leave you bruised
Uproot this flag and take it with you to remind yourself
You can lose every battle and still win the war
11/28/2016 Amanda Powell
Jan 6, 2018
Jan 6, 2018 at 8:59 PM UTC
I’m sick of fuckboys saying they’re messed up themselves so they always mess up themselves while messing with myself.
Hold your hands out while I lay down the most vulnerable parts of me. The parts I keep like presents labeled “do not open until this date”.
Like an excited child you rip open the wrapping paper like finger nails across my skin and I get a taste of the pain you’re about to give to me.
Next, you tear open the box. This box! that contains the most vulnerable parts of me. I feel my heart ripping open. The cracking of the cardboard mimics the cracking of my ribs over my pounding heart.
You look down into my vulnerable parts as I hold my breath.
“Wow...thanks….you shouldn’t have”
You speak the truth about one thing. I shouldn’t have.
You look around and say “I forgot to get you anything”
I think “it’s the thought that counts” but the problem is counting your thoughts only takes one hand.
One hand that I use to take my box back until I can lay it down in front of someone that looks down, smiles and says
“I got you the same thing”
8/18/2016 Amanda Powell
Jan 6, 2018
Jan 6, 2018 at 8:55 PM UTC
You can't repair her heart for it is too far broken,
You can't take back words that were never spoken,
You wish like hell you could change the past,
But your ****** up relationship just wouldn't last,
And now you search for yourself in the bottom of a whiskey bottle,
And you busy your mind to keep from slamming into a wall at full throttle.
Welcome to your existence after breaking such a beautiful spirit,
For making her hate love you are hereby sentenced to fear it.
So tell me dearie was it all worth it?
The mind games, sly words, and bull ****
Did you have enough fun while breaking such a kind heart?
Did you laugh as she peeled back her skin; painted with the blood within and called it art,
While she handed you her heart time and time again,
Only to watch you trample it yet keep it on a ******* chain...
So that she may never wander too far,
Did you enjoy ******* that girl's brain?
Was it really ******* worth it in the end?
I hope it was because now you can never make amends.
Enjoy your life long sentence of fearing love...
Since she's now forced to simply hate the idea of it.
Dec 10, 2017
Dec 10, 2017 at 10:00 AM UTC
Labotomize these thumbs,
they scroll more than they strum.
I don't mean to be dumb,
but I can't respond back so I hum,
and you won't hear me.
No, you can't see the words that I write.
I'm sure you'd only
be tickled,
If you knew that I think of you all night.
Because I can't sleep, love.
And I can only touch me right,
Yeah, that's right.
Just me, love.
Hope I can keep up with this fight.
And I know you don't really care,
and you haven't got some spare
feelings left to share
and if there are, they're barely there.
So drop the pity,
I'm mad you got to hear me whine.
How unsexy.
I'm supposed to just be doing fine.
I'll compartmentalize,
put it in a box and tie it with twine.
while you're liking every post of mine.
I'll compartmentalize.
While I reread your every line.
Dec 8, 2017
Dec 8, 2017 at 8:08 PM UTC
Words are what own me
You string together those letters in a way that controls me
Waiting for phrases laced with clause
Falling victim to a precondition that I never saw
You speak in tangled tongue
Twisted vines of a past coming undone
Linguistically speaking
The damage is done
Oct 25, 2017
Oct 25, 2017 at 12:08 AM UTC
She was the definition of my name
She was the flowers that bloomed from the wounds that she healed
She was and always will be the ink that flowed from my pen when i wrote about her laughter that made me feel warm inside.
She saw right through me
She saw the mistakes i made
the mistakes that i used to tuck into bed with me
and she bought me a brand new bed
a brand new start
I could then say that i knew exactly what love looked like
love called me at midnight to make sure she was the first person to tell me happy birthday
love knew my favorite flavor ice cream
love knew what to say when i was crying
love knew how to make me smile again
love was there for all the fuckboys and drama
love knew me for me
love,loved me and i loved her.
Jun 1, 2017
Jun 1, 2017 at 4:10 AM UTC
Please don't try to impress me, because I know inside all you think about
is how you want to undress me.
May 18, 2017
May 18, 2017 at 12:28 PM UTC
Blue pleather bomber jacket,
You are smooth against my skin.
Your surface is cool and inviting
As it wraps around my torso-
Like a protective blanket
You are my security,
Blue pleather bomber jacket.
I pick at your skin and it falls apart.
The zipper, like your bottom teeth,
Are crooked and misaligned.
You shrug over my shoulders,
But leave my chest defenseless.
Blue pleather bomber jacket,
I bet you cost a fortune.
Almost as much as your nonprescription glasses,
Though you break just the same
Like the promises you keep making.
Blue pleather bomber jacket,
You never kept me warm
Just less affected by the
cutting winds of your back lash.
But when I fall asleep at night
I sleep beside the indent of your absence.
Blue pleather bomber jacket,
You are just now brand new,
Though your skin is already worn through
And your lining thinning by the second.
I trusted you,
Blue pleather bomber jacket,
To protect me from the cold.
Though you slump lazily
Over others' shoulders,
Not really caring I've been waiting
With my shoulders bare and frigid.
Blue pleather bomber jacket,
I thought you were one of kind.
But I see your manufactured gaze
Walking down the street,
Sitting across from me on the bus.
Go on, blue pleather bomber jacket,
Temporarily dangling over person after person.
Soon I will see you dangling
On the rotting hanger in a thrift shop,
Years from now looking preserved in your waning beauty.
Blue pleather bomber jacket,
Your trend is dying and your color fading.
I have been snagged by your imperfections for the last time.
May 4, 2017
May 4, 2017 at 11:24 AM UTC
You wrecked me, you made me a mess.
I can't believe its been over two years since we met.
And over a year since we stopped talking.
I ended it, not you.
Well, I guess it was kind of mutual.
But nonetheless, you wrecked me, you made me a mess.
You told me I was special, that you wanted to be with me.
Played me with your words, tortured me with your lies.
What else should I have expected?
We did meet on Tinder, but that means nothing, does it?
But here we are, you wrecked me, you made me a mess.
I was swiping left and right a few months ago and you popped up again.
New picture, still attractive, still the same **** I knew before.
I immediately swiped left, but did you swipe right?
I searched you again on Facebook, to see how you're doing.
It just reminded me, you wrecked me, you made me a mess.
I'm glad we never ****** I'm glad it was just fooling around.
Obviously I wasn't anything you actually wanted.
Maybe you just wanted someone to **** with their emotions.
If that's so, you're **** good at it.
But what else is new, you wrecked me, you made me a mess.
Go ahead, treat the other girls like they're worthless.
Taunt them with your lies.
Tell them you want to be with them the same way you wanted to be with me.
So here I am at 11:37 thinking about you because;
You wrecked me, you made me a mess.
Oct 22, 2016
Oct 22, 2016 at 11:39 PM UTC
**** I look like chasing after some ***
Especially when he stirs with my emotions and makes my insides hum.
I knew what to expect,
Yet I still let you in.
Let you hold me like I was some type of special pen.
Use me like the cash that you never needed.
And it was then,
That i realised I needed you more than anything.
Blinded by desire you inspire and no matter the damage you cause i still longed for you.
That's why now I look stupid still chasing after you.
Jun 1, 2016
Jun 1, 2016 at 3:21 PM UTC
I am anger, I am sorrow.
I am heartache.
I want to shatter your bones like glass.
I want to hear you scream apologies like there is acid in the air and forgiveness is oxygen.
I want to break you apart like you broke me until all that is left of you is shaking lips and prayers to God for mercy.
I want you to beg me to come back.
I want to hate you, I want to want to hurt you, but it is always 2am and I still remember the sound of your laughter.
Feb 29, 2016
Feb 29, 2016 at 5:41 PM UTC
I believed that you loved me,
though I didn't know for sure.
I believed that I could be enough,
and that you would feel the same.
I believed that we could work,
but I was the only one trying.
You didn't want me
when asked who you would choose.
Why would you deserve me
when you change you mind?
Jan 25, 2016
Jan 25, 2016 at 6:00 PM UTC
She is not just an empty canvas for you to fill up your filthy art
She is not just an empty canvas for you to flow out your dark desires in red seduction
She is not just an empty canvas for you to write out your ***** poetry in paint
She is not just an empty canvas for you to colour her in pink and purple that are made up of your lies
She is not just an empty canvas for you to throw out your anger in chili red and orange like fire
Dec 8, 2015
Dec 8, 2015 at 8:28 AM UTC
We going out
Skin tight dress
Red lipstick
4inch heels
*Dj play my favorite song
I wanna forget him tonight*
Girls we all do this
Put on the uniform of the night
Make a statement that you’re fine
Single looks good on you, right?
Give the next victim the **** me eyes
Get high off that vibe
Buzzin’ from the liquor
The memory of his face gets a little hazy
It’s easier to move when you’re numb
Let your body talk
Tell your heart to “shut the **** up”
This is the merry-go-round we never get off
Going from lip-lock to lip-lock
Running from the fire slowly engulfing your skin
Burn marks left in the shape of his fingertips
Up all night trying to escape from the emptiness you call your bed
All it’s got you thinking about how he use to be so tangled up in it
Legs intertwined- two bodies becoming one
Forever reaching newer highs
So now you’re coming down
Just trying to hold on for the night
Pour another drink
Take another shot
Get a little crazy
Find a new ****
Start a new train wreck to add to the chopping block
You always wonder how you end up like this
But never take the time handle your ****
Jumping from one relationship to the next
You’ll never find love like this
Feeling the dude who is just trying to ****
Then turn around and wonder why you have such ****** luck
Maybe it’s time to get it together
Act like someone worth more than this
Forget the dress
Forget the lipstick
Forget the liquor
Feel the pain
and move the **** on
Oct 20, 2015
Oct 20, 2015 at 2:25 AM UTC
**** all you dumb boys come to me and make me feel real, make me feel like something special and then just throw me against a brick wall. You sick boys watch me crumble just because you like the way I crawl. You ratchet boys who like to toss my feelings and emotions around like the're some cheap rag doll.
Well **** you all and **** me too because I was foolish enough to let you make me feel like I was small.
I am done with you **** boys ,who find it cool to **** me over!
Jul 9, 2015
Jul 9, 2015 at 12:00 AM UTC
You were always the type for hit it and quit it, i don't know why i thought this time would be any different.
I caused you a lot of stress,
and you stayed ******* with my head
But eventually you wore me down and i just gave in.
I experienced so many firsts with you, all in the same two hour time frame
But once i gave my virginity to you, you stopped replying to my messages.
It wasn't a big deal to me, i just wish you'd be real with me.
This message has been on 'read' since the day that it happened, when all i was asking was if you'd want it to happen again.
It was a fun time tho, so thanks for that i suppose.
I just wish you'd stop being such a ******* head **** and let me know what your true intentions are.
Jul 1, 2015
Jul 1, 2015 at 1:11 PM UTC
I go out, for once.
You appear before me and reach instantly for my beloved treasure chest, but I am uncomfortable. No means no tonight, as does it every other night.
You do not step back.
Only the chairs' arms are willing to support me, so my own small hand reaches for your twelve o'clock and now it is you who must flee.
The candles' tongues lick you on your way out.
Explicit.
Are you happy now? Where's your horse and carriage babe?
By the way, you dropped your ******* shoe.
Goodnight.
Mar 21, 2015
Mar 21, 2015 at 10:57 PM UTC
When you tell me that your mom's at work,
And invite me over,
I'm not a ******* idiot.
And I may slip into my nice lace ******* maybe even a matching bra.
But I also bring my favorite movie, and a sci-fi story I wrote for AP English that actually got a decent grade, and a package of Thin Mints, because I know they're your favorite.
Just in case this time is different.
Because I fell for you the moment you laughed at my joke about "That's So Raven" and I never stopped loving you even after everything.
I loved you when you asked for my number and when you took me out on that one date,
And I loved you even when the dates turned into "a quick meet-up because I have to be at work in twenty,"
And I loved you when you'd scratch scribbles on my back with your nails, painting your soul into my body,
And your body and mine would intertwine in sweaty messes and whispered *****
And there'd be marks all on my hips and ***
That I'd awkwardly pass off as "I tripped and fell"
When I showed up to swim practice.
I loved you when your fingers were inside of me, creating murmured "ohs,"
And I loved you when you'd tell me "I can't take you home, I'm sorry."
Or the ever-so-present "I just can't commit to a relationship right now," that is branded in my mind white hot.
I love you, even though I know that to you all I am is a girl whose tights you can get on your bedroom floor in under five minutes.
But you told me today that you had a new girlfriend,
Who you like because she's a keeper, a real good girl, who you want to meet your family, and not another girl like me "who's just looking for a ****
I. I just.
I love you.
Feb 1, 2015
Feb 1, 2015 at 8:30 PM UTC