#foreverandalways
The thought before shredding those tiny pieces
Knowing with everything in me that I was saying goodbye to the life I dreamed of having
Already seeing two consequences of those actions
Here appears Slater that lonely fool what I wish to be without you
Beside myself this is just another loop
It kills me inside to know that humanity will never recoup
Three trays and a bag to carry me through this week
Cant we please just keep the peace
I can almost walk unsteadily down this winding dirt road
Praying for a car, all I can see is the train heading straight for me
It seems my ankles have now become bound to this track... ...Heading straight for me
Jul 7, 2019
Jul 7, 2019 at 5:11 PM UTC
In your heart there's a voice that calls me
keeping me alive beyond my days
it's always in my mind right before me
with your gentle love and all your praise
With your touch you calm and console me
and for me there can't be another way
so don't hold back just like you told me
true love never cracks and seldom sways
Hold me now and whisper softly
sweetly chasing away the grayer days
when the sun shines it's tender mercy
you and I will feel it's loving rays
"Cause I'm keeping you
forever and for always
we will be together all of our days
wanna wake up every
morning to your sweet face, always
I'm keeping you forever and for always
in your arms"
Aug 22, 2018
Aug 22, 2018 at 9:06 AM UTC
There I was thinking
I’d never feel this way again
The lost that I’ve felt
The dark places I’ve been
I came to an acceptance
That this is how my life would be
I found myself moving on
Became happy with just me
Then you came into my life
Everything about you was just right
You left an imprint on my heart
On that late November night
We each had our fears
We wondered if we were moving too fast
Be both fell in love
We said we hoped that it would last
For the first in a long time
I thought perhaps soulmates are real
The sweet words that you spoke
All the ways you’d make me feel
Your sweet lips against mine
Your warm breath in the air
You drove me wild
Running your hands through my hair
Things moved rather quickly
We spoke of tying the knot
But little did I know
That’s not what you sought
For one day you would leave
That was such a confusing day
“We can fix whatever’s wrong” I said
As I tried not to plead for you to stay
But your mind was made up
I was a little too late
To this day I question why
For that was never our fate
“Forever and always” you said
You wanted to be mine
I tried to give you the world
I gave you all my time
We were obsessed
Perhaps that’s the problem you see
Your feelings grew weaker
As you fell out of love with me
Now I’m left wondering
Was what you felt true
Or was it all an act
Simply because I was someone new
Was I just another warm body
To help you fill a void?
After everything we shared
Now I feel destroyed
May 27, 2018
May 27, 2018 at 9:40 AM UTC
My love is what holds me back
Blind my sight from the truth
But all the pain you cause me eats me up like a snack
My words throb in my mouth like a sore tooth
I just need you to see me eye to eye
So if they ask who loves you I can yell out "I"
Take me by my hand
As we walk on the cool sand
And if you were to ever trip
I'll always catch you before you land
But in reality, this isn't Disneyland
Because it's not what you lack
But it's the way you act
You Leave me in the dirt
Yet expect me to come back
Love me or hate me
I'll never look back
Nov 2, 2017
Nov 2, 2017 at 2:43 PM UTC
My thoughts put me into a deep slumber sending me deeper and deeper into the woods of thinking. The thoughts flood my mind, the thoughts of good and evil. The thoughts of you over power the evil, the good takes over and I smile in the deep sleep. I love you, I want you by me, you are life, you are love. You save me.
You awake me from that deep sleep. Every good thought is you. Wishing you were by me, Fearing that I will lose you, how I have never known love till you, how I will always be there no matter what, how I will never do anything that will risk my life again, and so much more.
As my mind explodes with thoughts of the most amazing person person, my world brightens, the thoughts of you flooding thru.
I love you with all my heart, to the moon and back.
Nov 9, 2016
Nov 9, 2016 at 9:53 PM UTC
“Don't you miss being in love?”, she asks.
I simmer, gathering myself and my thoughts.
No, I don't, because I have not been in love;
Not in the manner I imagine it.
I have loved - beautifully, might I add -
But never have I been in love.
How can I have?
At my best, all I knew was to compel, persuasively,
someone into loving me -
the best possible way I knew how.
I revealed just enough of myself,
the beautiful of myself,
the parts of me that drew butterflies.
Hidden were the broken parts of me,
those which keep me awake, sleepless -
'til the moon kisses me goodnight,
in the last hours before dawn.
I am not, by any means, denying ever loving.
I have loved, blindly and beautifully.
All I have ever been good at was loving -
loving someone into loving me,
the best way possible.
But, all of their love was inadequate.
A love which always fell short of loving me,
the best way possible.
Love; inadequate:
Unable to express loving me,
unable to express themselves of loving me.
In turn,
I was slapped with sloppy efforts of loving me -
Vague inadequacies of love.
It was never enough, not remotely close,
to what I had imaged loving me would be.
It was short of ever arousing me internally,
short of wits to spiral me into being in love.
And so, how can I miss being in love,
when it has always been a feeling that eluded me?
How can I miss being in love, when in love -
I concealed the broken parts of me?
How can I have been in love when I was lonely, in love?
*How can I have been in love,
when all I knew of being in love was to love myself -
by loving whomever loved the aesthetic parts of me?*
Loving me has always been an infatuation -
an infatuation of the broken pieces of me,
coming together to create an illusion of a love -
an unsatisfactory love for loving me.
How can I have ever been in love when no one has known,
expressed, conjured the best possible way of loving me.
All of me.
Once more, up at the last hours before dawn -
awaiting the moon to kiss me goodnight, I tell her.
May 26, 2016
May 26, 2016 at 8:00 PM UTC
i told you today that
that i love you but
i always tell you that
so i elaborated and
told you i love you
i mean i really love you
and you ask do you mean
more than a crush you want
a future? and i thought i had
******* up majorly so i said
like i see a future with you
like you aren't just a crush
and then you said you feel
the same way and that made
me smile and i felt my face
turn so red and it made
my day so amazing and
i couldn't get the smile
off my face all day and
well it's still on my face
and am excited to see
where life will take us
and hopefully it will be together
Apr 12, 2016
Apr 12, 2016 at 7:37 PM UTC
I was just a girl,
Full of dignity.
Slightly reserved,
With a sense of humor.
He was a guy,
With a mask.
Humor carried his smile,
With a sarcastic tone.
His vibes unreadable at a distance.
Every inch of movement,
Caught my blue eyes.
A sense of amusement from the boldness.
The way he carries himself,
Like someone with a purpose.
For crossing paths with me.
Me being slightly reserved,
Knew no bounds of his honesty.
Testing the waters.
Wanting the mask to be removed.
I never knew his life story,
Never knew he almost sacrificed himself.
Never knew he was abused by a past relationship.
I didn't care for that,
I wanted to know him.
This blond haired,
Brown-eyed guy.
Knew I was watching him.
I wanted to break the ice,
To plan a surprise attempt.
He beat me to it.
Ever since day one,
His vibes became readable.
When the ice was broken.
The memories of darkness,
Pain and stress covered his soul.
His eyes were deep with understanding,
His wits high like a fox.
I wanted to help,
To hold his hand.
To hold him when the memories attacked.
I was too scared to say Hello,
He said it for me.
His boldness giving me courage to respond in kind.
After our official meeting,
I became anxious to see him.
To see him laugh at lunch,
To see him focus in English class.
I wanted his mask to be removed,
For him to show his true self to me.
I gained his trust and respect,
He fell for me.
Now my past has been dark,
Mates of that past cruel..
He healed me of this wounds,
Just by being nice.
Now..
I've fallen for him too.
It was like love at first sight.
Jan 30, 2015
Jan 30, 2015 at 1:13 PM UTC
Forgive and forget
Is a lesson I have yet
To teach myself
Forgiving Is letting go of the anger
And the disappointment
I seldom hold onto
Each day
Wondering why it happened
Going back in time
Trying to figure out
Where I went wrong
Maybe it was back in October
When the season was changing
And so were you
Asking for space
Because I no longer had a place
Like the leaves
Falling from the trees
Or maybe it was in December
When the year was coming to an end
And you had found a secret friend
To spend a night with
Saying it was an accident
Or was it in January
When I had betrayed your trust
From some stupid act of lust
Trading a lifetime of happiness
For a single moment of weakness
I go back and forth
Trying to remember
To somehow
Put out the last of these forsaken embers
Making sense of these last months
I go crazy with self-hate
Realizing all my past mistakes
Disgusted at myself
For letting you down
For not being around
When you needed me most
Losing your beloved dog,
Who was your best friend.
Missing a birthday,
Missing your first day at a new job
Missing your parents seperation
Missing you.
Missing you
And thinking there was still hope
That I could change
And make this work
But to do that
I have to forgive
And forget
And not let
The past come back
To haunt me
To haunt you
To haunt us
To realize I can move on from this
And live a life
Like the ones you read
From happily ever afters’
With the act of a true loves kiss
And make it go away
I will forgive
And I will forget
And maybe itll be In February
When love is in the air
When chocolate candies and giant stuffed bears
Scream out to the world
That someone loves me enough
To spend money on mushy hallmark card
That anyone could write
Maybe itll be in April
On Aprils fools day
Cause only fools fall in love
And we both know
I’m the biggest fool of them all
Or maybe itll be in May
During Cinco de Mayo
The day it all went down
Realizing that 3 years ago
We promised to make it work
No matter what
Promising though thick and thin
that we would get past
our devilish sins
And I want to tell you now
Looking back
That forgiving and forgetting
Will be the best thing
I ever did
Because you are worth it
Because you are worth more
Than self hate and past mistakes
Worth more than a lifetime of regret
And I promise you
I will forgive and forget.
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 10:34 PM UTC
Looking at your beautiful face,
I never knew I could fall so hard.
Never knew I could possibly love someone so much.
My love for you burns brighter than all of the stars combined.
My love for you will never end.
Even if you stop loving me, I shall not.
I will go to the end of the universe for you and always will.
Forever and always, my love.
Sep 20, 2014
Sep 20, 2014 at 11:31 AM UTC
when we were children we ran across the street to that boardwalk we raced down that beach and hit the water you would say lets never grow up and I said lets never change because I love who we are at this very moment... years went by you were 14 and I was a teen you told me I was beautiful and that maybe change was a good thing I didn't know what to say then you said race ya we hit the water in my beautiful graduation dress you picked me up and spun me around I ran into the water and you said I love you I said I love you well years went be he moved and they talked every night until one night when she picked up the phone and they said im sorry hes gone its not your fault well the thing is he had cancer and say he loves you forever and always well that night she cried and cried and cried until finally she saw answers she would die and be with him forever and always like they said growing up and they indeed were together forever...
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 5:54 PM UTC
Glancing
Heart pounding
Thoughts racing
Love.
Prolonged eye gazing
Holding hands
Kissing
Dancing through tulips
Going on dates
Love.
Getting married
Having a family
Growing old
Dying
Love.
Jun 6, 2014
Jun 6, 2014 at 11:26 AM UTC
If I told you that I loved you
would you say you feel the same?
If I told you that I miss you
would it make you want to stay?
If I kissed your lips
would you leave me there astray?
If I held your hand
would you pull away?
If I asked you to be with me
would you say forever & always
Jun 4, 2014
Jun 4, 2014 at 3:23 AM UTC
*so many feelings flooded back all at once,
like a tsunami rolled high and crashed down low
sweeping out everything and anything...
just at the sound of her voice...
anger, happiness, frustration, relief...
most importantly even tho i wanted to cry and scream,
or maybe both actually...
we laughed instead.*
May 20, 2014
May 20, 2014 at 3:03 PM UTC