#fixme
"Beggars cant be choosers"
i didn't choose this.
i don't want to be this
fix me please.
Im shattered in tiny pieces
millions of tiny shards.
Shattered never to be whole.
nobody can fix Me
Something is wrong.
Its me,
fix me please.
Nov 25, 2025
Nov 25, 2025 at 8:35 AM UTC
When I told you it was broken
and gave you my key, you opened me up.
You kept talking to me.
When I told you it stopped, you reached right in, you gave me new rhythm
and welcomed me in
Feb 16, 2019
Feb 16, 2019 at 8:44 PM UTC
numbness falls over me;
like a thick wool blanket protecting me from the cold of a dark, winter night
insulated and warm,
my feelings fade away.
yet the coldness surrounding me remains,
constantly inviting me to play.
I wonder how long this numbing will last?
when will the sun rise again and another empty night like this will have fully passed?
returning with the day is the pain of this freezing terrain,
reminding me just how little from the darkness I’ve really strayed;
I know this is only a temporary wait to sustain.
Apr 27, 2020
Apr 27, 2020 at 2:06 AM UTC
The First man to ever love me broke me
Made me feel I was never enough
I called you daddy but, you barley know me
Raised me to abandon me
For years I longed for you
All I wanted was a message or a call
Don't even know my birthday
And that hurts most of all
So much anger and pain
I'm so ashamed, that you're my father
Lucky enough you still get that name
Because if not that id live my life ashamed
So many words unsaid
So many actions to undo
But I'm over it
So in order to mend things it's up to you
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 1:29 AM UTC
What does it mean to be
Emotionally unavailable?
My manic thoughts keep me starving for
An imagined happy
“Are you single?” They asked
Well, my heart is as open as an old wound
That reopens & bleeds & scars for
Vicarious validation
Yet closed in the sense that it shuts down
Every time it starts to feel something
Almost habitually,
As if in self defense
I guess you could say my heart was a
Twisted & distanced kind of available...
But no
I’m not available in my mind
Because it knows better than my
Feeling *****
The human container that’s headstrong
To it’s gullible nature
My thinking ***** knows that
Vicarious happy is not real happy
Which labels my forehead like a neon sign
Emotionally Unavailable
I crave a validation that looks like your love
But it won’t fix me
Or provide the happiness I
Desperately need for myself
Jul 16, 2018
Jul 16, 2018 at 6:20 AM UTC
2 a.m. and I don't understand
can I help you go to sleep?
can I show you how to dream?
your body's full of thoughts but I'll fill your thoughts with me
just tell me something like you've known me forever
because I've never been good at the getting to know you part
tell me something that'll make me remember
because I just can't seem to forget
tell me something that'll make you feel better
because I've never been good at showing I'm there
tell me something like you know it all
because I really believe that you do
talk to me like you waited all day
touch me like you care
hug me like you need some relief
I'll hold you 'til you're calm
you can run through the field 'til your legs fall off
and I'll be your scream into a pillow
you can be the lost kid, hidden in the darkness
and I'll be the darkness that took you
fix me like I'm the drink to soothe you
that way you'll take me in
see I'm pretty broken
and yeah I broke you too
but if we can glue our halves together
the light might just show through
now, sleep
please
show me the way to dream
May 11, 2018
May 11, 2018 at 11:37 PM UTC
A deep..Haunting..Unique shade of blue-green...
With flecks of night sky placed in such delicate haphazardness,
I look away...
Not out of fear or dismal...No...
But out of the tsunami of emotions that course through me...
You calm me, tame my wild thoughts that tell me every positive thing you say about me is wrong...
Your eyes pierce through my cold & warms my heart,
As you put my shattered soul together again
piece by piece...
With just your eyes you make me sane;
Even in the darkness...
Nov 2, 2017
Nov 2, 2017 at 12:17 PM UTC
When you are not near me
I question where you are.
When your messages do not find me until late
where are they going?
Do they find a home with someone else?
Or do they stay safe with you?
When you are not here
staring at me with those golden caramel eyes
I can't help but wonder
where else they might be.
Do they stay on one path?
or do they wander the world
hungry with curiosity?
Oct 15, 2017
Oct 15, 2017 at 10:36 PM UTC
I can't leave him because he's already been gone.
Truth is, I don't even think he was ever really there.
The saddest part of this, I actually thought he was.
I fixed his broken heart, by giving him mine, and all he did was go back to the girl that had broken his, and now he is giving her my heart, only so she could destroy it all over again.
I no longer see the good in him, and that's how it always should have been.
I can't wait till I get over him. It's going to be great, he will try to come back and I have to be strong and say " I can't take you back."
I can't be sad anymore.
I can't think of him anymore.
I can't let him be the complete end of me.
I can't let him go.
I can't stop loving him.
I can't stop thinking about him.
I can't keep doing this.
I can't stay strong.
I can't act like I'm fine.
I can't be happy all the time.
I can't be sad all the time.
I can't let the thought of him be the end of happy me.
I can't.....
Sep 30, 2017
Sep 30, 2017 at 1:00 AM UTC
I feel like the world is vibrating way to fast today and if I stop to think for even a bit to long little slivers of my sanity will begin to shake off and float away in the wind.
I feel like everything is so far away from me and no matter how much I run in any direction it just keeps getting farther and farther away and maybe it will all simply vanish.
I feel like today that if no one was to touch me even just my hand I might dissappear and that maybe just maybe im remembering a memory or maybe I am a memory and none of this is real.
I feel like if I dont cry right this very moment I will forget how to control my feelings and all of my emotions may just seep out all at once and I will cease the ability to be understood by anyone ever again.
I feel like im breaking in to peices and no matter how tightly I shut them my eyes dont want to stay in my head and no matter how many times I rub them together my hands cant find a spot to rest and no matter how much I hum and shush at it my heart will not stop beating so loudly
I feel that ,and maybe Im just thinking out loud here, but I maybe might just a little bit but im pretty sure im going insane.
Feb 10, 2017
Feb 10, 2017 at 5:39 PM UTC
People tell me I'm strong but maybe I'm just a good actress I try to keep the show going, but alone I break.
Yes, I break and I'm only a human heartless from the countless others who sworn they stay? Maybe, but human nonetheless I am the master of "I'm fine", so good I'll soon destroy myself.
Nothings fine and it rarely is after years of emotional emptiness you become numb trying everything just to feel something again. I'm tired of bring broken is it too late to be fixed? Its possible that I have destroyed myself beyond repair
Oh how I'd **** to feel fixed for a day.
Jul 27, 2015
Jul 27, 2015 at 12:06 AM UTC
I need someone, something, anything to come fix my soul
It’s dark in here...
May 13, 2015
May 13, 2015 at 4:22 PM UTC
Don't you ever wonder why I haven't contacted you? Why it was so easy for me to give up my best friend?
I wanna write beautiful poetry about us, about our love but the truth is it was all a facade and it was ugly and deceptive and it will never make it to the movie screens. I used to think you were an angel sent from above to take care of me, to fix me up, but all you ever did was break me into smaller puzzle pieces and you know I've never been good at solving puzzles. I've never been good at anything but loving you until I realized there was one person better at it; you. You were the best at loving you all along and that's how you broke me. And that's why I can't contact you. Because you broke me and I'm still not whole and until I'm whole I could fall back into your web of lies, intoxicated by desire for a love that never was.
You know, I always liked blue eyes until I memorized yours
And now I can't seem to get them out of my head
Jan 25, 2015
Jan 25, 2015 at 1:55 PM UTC
I need you to take
the fragments that broke
and stick them back
in swiftly stroke.
I kept trying, I did, but
couldn't do it myself you see;
oh please won't you rip off
this bandage for me?
I want to be able to feel
all that's past but isn't gone
but with my heart in pieces
I just can't know what's wrong.
There's no pressure really
just please make it clean
and don't puncture any of
my major arteries.
I'm strong enough?
No, you don't understand
I knew what I could take, but-
this isn't what I'd planned.
This broke me but it didn't hurt;
now I'm just practically dead.
I need someone else to fix me
so I can remember how I hit my head.
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 8:17 PM UTC
I've always said
I have the opposite of an addictive personality
If I have something I enjoy
I lose interest
I ruin and quit things intentionally
But since you I've realized
I'm addicted to a lot of things
worst of them being
unattached
I hated everything I ever defined myself by
I would catch and release more than a fisher
I was addicted to breaking hearts
Addicted to heartbreak
Strung out on pain
Until you
Now you have me recovering
And it should hurt
but my heart pains
only when your away
Now I'm just like another recovering addict
but I'm still addicted
to you
And my addiction to heartbreak
to pain
to unattachment are gone
the zealousness
for everything I was addicted to
is 10 fold but in you
You are the worst drug for me
but yet your the best high
I want to be on you for the rest of my life.
Aug 21, 2014
Aug 21, 2014 at 11:15 PM UTC
I've scheduled an appointment about 3 different times but, cancelled for each.
I didn't think there was any purpose in laying down the voices in my head for a stranger
When I've spent so much time building cement walls of silence between anyone who has ever gotten too close to me.
I have spent this lifetime creating sound proof dream catchers of my screams.
I am not known to grab hold of clingy hearts
Because, it's hard to hold on to things that are trying to do more than grasp me.
I say goodbye or pass them along as often as the tide comes into the shore.
But, I do not come back as it does.
But, the voices in my head do.
The doubts they hit me like teeth to concrete
The anxiety hits me like 10 ft deep waters with no air to breathe in
And I am not the swimming kind.
I am a runner, so it is hard for me to live in water deep enough to drown in.
I have created water deep enough to drown in.
I have become so controlled that I am numb to hands
And I fall to words so easily.
I scare me
My voice scares me
My thoughts scare me .
Night hits like the sun after a storm
And I can't figure out which one I am or which I want to be.
I have created a tornado of this mind
A wildfire of this heart
And a tomb of this body
And I don't know if I have self-shattered too profusely
And too quietly to fix it.
So I am here now,
You ask me why,
And I am here because now
The broken pieces can't be ignored anymore,
It's not getting easier in the morning anymore.
It's getting harder to wake
And I don't know how many more days I can be here
Like this...
This is my last chance to fix it
fix her
fix me.
Jun 15, 2014
Jun 15, 2014 at 4:54 PM UTC