#dysmorphia
I looked into the mirror and cried
I cried four tears for the girl who said that she was a boy.
Eight tears for the little girl who dreamt of being a fairy princess and loved dresses.
Twelve tears for the kid who discovered, sought, and found themselves in a forbidden comunity.
Twelve tears for the girl who was condemned for being who she was. Who had to revert to default settings, lest she go to hell.
Fourteen tears for the kid who grew up too fast because they needed to stand up. And fell down trying.
Fifteen tears for the boy who is trapped and caged in a glass closet.
Sixeen tears for the young adult who looked at themselves in the mirror. And looked at his chest, his hips, and his **** And cried.
Apr 3
Apr 3, 2026 at 9:45 AM UTC
concealed by moss
dull even in moonlight
veins laced with poison
brain filled with dysmorphia
i cut off the moss
and polish the surface
i can never drain that poison
and my eyes speak louder
than my ears can hear your words
my heart knows i'm beautiful
my brain asks it, how?
Mar 3
Mar 3, 2026 at 10:56 AM UTC
can’t seem to catch a break inside this body weight
once too skinny twice overweight
contentment’s not to waste
desired regardless
Feb 9
Feb 9, 2026 at 5:27 AM UTC
When I wake up
I wonder what life would be
If I were skinny
Every meal means much more
The screen tells me I deserve less
Headaches keep my brain sore
Kids my age get famous for looking the best
Maybe the boys would accept me
The girls would compliment me
Drugs wouldn’t tempt me
I wouldn’t resent me
I know the truth
I don’t want to see it
I know the truth
I want to see it
When I fall asleep
I wonder what life would be
If I were skinny
Feb 7
Feb 7, 2026 at 10:41 PM UTC
The invisible girl wanders
not wanted to be seen
she covers up
she says she’s fat
when she looks in the mirror
she sees ugly, fat, no guy will ever like me.
she stops eating
saying she’s too fat and is on a diet.
She looses weight 5-10lbs
She is only 15
Healthy.
every. single. time. She…
looks in the mirror even after loosing weight
she feels like she gained pounds
she stops eating
only water.
Skinner, skinner yet
“Tiny, small waist, skinny, tight”
are the words circling in her head
pounding on her brain
Starving, malnourished, and sad
She dies at 16 only 30lb
Skinny
Dec 8, 2025
Dec 8, 2025 at 11:37 AM UTC
My root country hits number 1 in poverty
My adopted land feeds on misogyny
I worry -
Will anyone ever fancy me?
Emitting excessive carbon dioxide
We overhear yet choose to hide
Can’t utter the word genocide.
I’m terrified.
Never mind the political divide
I'm only spiralling as my job's rather boring and public speaking is frightening.
Also, the US’s worryingly embarrassing
Ukraine can’t seem to win and Yemen’s endlessly starving
It’s wildly concerning -
the acne growing on my skin.
As for my third country, we defy regularly
the French are praised for protesting
‘Collective dispute for systemic integrity.’
It all sounds empowering -
but I gained 10 kilos and it’s dismorphing.
Sep 22, 2025
Sep 22, 2025 at 12:16 AM UTC
guilt and shame
eating to blame
lack of control
lack of tame
the food comes in
the fat puffs out
if only cold turkey
didn’t sound so good right now
Jul 9, 2025
Jul 9, 2025 at 9:06 PM UTC
The most beautiful humans
struck by young fame
graced and haunted
by societies expectations.
Not too fat,
but not too skinny,
Not so flat
and always pretty.
Are they
mannequins in motion?
or people—
the industry doesn’t know
They throw
sticks and stones
turning them
to skin and bones
Their tears
could drown cities—
full of hunger
and pain—
but they stay silent.
Because they must.
“You must be seen,
and not heard.”
Just walk now,
and look pretty.
Goddesses bound by heels
bleeding behind blush ..
They are told to glow now
but one day they’ll burn
Jun 27, 2025
Jun 27, 2025 at 10:58 AM UTC
i feel like i wanna cry,
every time i step outside.
this happens for weeks and months,
for the years i still live in.
i hate the way i feel about myself.
i hate the way my body looks,
i hate the way my face looks,
i hate the way im weak,
i just hate it.
my stomach hurts.
i feel exposed in my own clothes,
that it makes me wanna curl up,
on the bed or the floor,
just to never show myself again.
Apr 25, 2025
Apr 25, 2025 at 4:27 PM UTC
Is it my fault
That I look at someone
And feel repulsed
By the way their
Body flows?
That I can’t look at anyone
And not rip
And pick apart
Every little flaw they have;
A crooked smile,
Lopsided eyes,
A tilted nose,
Hairy limbs,
Flaky skin,
Tilted lips,
An asymmetrical face,
A too-big forehead,
Puffy cheeks,
A bloated stomach,
Humongous thighs,
Giant arms,
A wide frame,
Bushy eyebrows,
Monkey ears,
Uneven feet,
Messed up hands,
A normality in a flawed creation
Yet it’s all that catches my eyes
When I look at
People in the lifts,
In the shops,
On the street,
In the corridors,
In a home,
In a room,
In the mirror.
“Wrong! Wrong!” My brain screams
In terror
It’s right, I suppose,
That monster in the reflection must be
The consequences of an
Error.
Apr 18, 2025
Apr 18, 2025 at 7:43 AM UTC
My reflection
stares back at me
Water feels how
Soap tastes in my mouth,
Like a pile of worms
in my ears
My reflection ripples
in the surface
Of the clear liquid
My features warp like
A portal
Wrinkled fabric on a table
It feels like my face is
really twisting
Into this broken
deformed
mutated
Monster.
I hate that image
God, I wish it’d
disappear
for once
Mar 14, 2025
Mar 14, 2025 at 12:24 AM UTC
You have to eat to lose weight you know
It all seems so illogical, feels so illogical
I just want to go to my stomach and pull
Away every morsel until there’s nothing left
Until my body is forced to feed on itself
Gnawing at the fat reserves I know are there
The ones I see staring back at me in the mirror
The ones I know are lurking in between
Hidden crevices I can feel with each fiber
Of muscles intent on movement
And that is where the problem lies, the muscles
My body will be unsatisfied with just the taste of fat
Whatever it can get its grimy taste buds on
Is what it wants– is what it shall have
Until the mirror says I am satisfying enough
Until I open it back up for one more measly molecule
That's when it tricks you and plasters you with fat
A shiny new coat to thicken you back up
Just in case I might starve again
Just in case it needs to lick its insides again
Feb 14, 2025
Feb 14, 2025 at 12:39 PM UTC
all night my sister
retches in the toilet
a bug crawls around my own stomach
nothing like hers
i sneak into the kitchen
drink madly from her cup
and swallow her half-chewed food.
god i hope i get it.
those 3 middle schoolers got salmonella
from the kebab place down the street
now
no one ever wants to go i understand
but i
stop by as often as i can.
god i hope i get it.
i only ever see her going into or out of the bathroom
eyes welled, teeth yellow, lunch bag empty
i reach inside my throat
i want to be
like her
but tears leak and ***** doesn't.
god i hope i get it.
last night i finally did. i
shoveled food into my mouth, unable to stop until
my vision blurred and when i
knelt down and watched
murky colors mix with the ceramic reflection
i just felt deceived
the bug was still within me
crawling, creeping, ceaseless torture
unwilling to ever leave.
god i hope i lose it.
Feb 2, 2025
Feb 2, 2025 at 11:36 PM UTC
why must we be
limited
by this creature
we call home?
why do we have to
settle for what
this can do?
why must we go through
so
much
to feel happy?
why do we have to
exist
at all?
why can't we just
go and live
in our dreams?
why do we have to
wake up?
why can't we keep
dreaming?
Jan 14, 2025
Jan 14, 2025 at 10:34 AM UTC
I don’t mean to undermine your confusion
I don’t know how it feels like when your body is not your body
Every morning when you wake up
Do you feel something is lost or mismatched?
Do you walk towards the mirror and scream in anguish?
“Something is lost, but it was never there in the first place!”
Do you tell people “this is me, but it isn’t me”
You walk through every aisle, looking for an item that fits you
But how do you know what fits, when you have no idea of you
I so want to understand
I want to ask you abcde but worried you might see it as wxyz
I am ill for the third time this month
Not sure if its caused by the heat or the curiosities
Dec 20, 2024
Dec 20, 2024 at 12:38 AM UTC
This poison you feed me
This head wound
Inflicting and compounding;
You will never understand
You size me up
In funhouse mirrors,
Tape measures all stretched out
Because you hate me
And so I cry
I’m sorry, I’m sorry,
I’m sorry I’m so big
I want to be small
Teach me to be small
Or, instead,
Teach me not to have a face
So you do not see me anymore
Please
The sweetness of a dehydrated body,
Tired, weak, blameless,
Addicted
Downing only buckets of saccharine hatred
It smells like cancer and bubblegum,
And that’s just as well
It tastes like
Blood
Sep 4, 2024
Sep 4, 2024 at 12:01 AM UTC
I struggle so deeply
to feel at home in my body,
all I feel when I look at my chest
is all of the men that used me like a doll
of my mom shaming me in my head
for my big *******
and how "provocative " I am
for just existing,
for society sexualizing me,
for all the women that hated me for my body/looks,and objectified me
and all the men that "loved" me /used me just for my body and sexualized me
with their eyes.
It hurts so deeply to feel so violated all the time
it echoes in my mind,body and soul
all the repeated violations words, looks and all the aching laughter,
the way everyone in my family
sexualized me since I was a child,
so intern I internalized all the hatred to my body and my chest.
I just wander if these people truly understand
how much their actions truly affect others,
how deeply I suffer with complex post trauma all the time
and dysphoria sometimes,
from the deep pain of ****** violence
when I truly look at it all,
its not even wanting to be a man
so much so , as wanting to be seen as a person.
who is worthy of being heard,
not because I am pretty ***** or curvy
or hot or ****
but because I am smart I am strong
I am impressive and resiliant
have a beautiful mind
and I am not just how I look
or how I present.
My whole life I was influenced and taught to believe
that my only value as a women
was my looks,
or to be chosen by a man or by my society,
and to exist as a baby making machine,
while not complaining or being "too much ".
That I shouldn't show my body too much , & that I should always look good 24/7,like I am a doll of some kind, instead of a human being.
How my body was the reason for men sinning
and how I would go to hell for my thoughts or behaviors
if I wasn't perfect.
Now I am realizing none of that truly matters,
and I don't wanna live the rest of my life
chasing validation,
or feeling like I need others approval to feel whole inside,
I wanna accept who I am
love who I am
and like myself for who I am,
and not just for my looks or for my body or sexuality,
but for who I am down to my core
the good and the seemingly bad imperfections
to feel safe in myself and that is beautiful to just be me
without needing to put on a show for anyone.
Jun 21, 2023
Jun 21, 2023 at 3:59 PM UTC
Pink athletic shorts
Bursting at the seams
With all this new body
Hips and waist and ***
You said
“It’s about time to retire those don’t you think?”
2 months later
They hang loosely past my hip bones
Hiding the body that dissolved
The person who is no longer there
And I’m glad I kept them
So they could swallow me whole
May 8, 2023
May 8, 2023 at 7:18 PM UTC
Write a lament on the fake bathroom tile,
where you waste your father's hard earned money.
As you throw it up in disgrace of your body
and throw your hunger right back in his face,
tell him he's not done enough for his family.
Watch where the truth gets you when you're not allowed to lie.
~ A.M, F.H.
Jan 25, 2023
Jan 25, 2023 at 5:16 PM UTC
The reflection in the mirror
returns me a known and tired smile,
the dried-up hair barely catching the light,
and those brown eyes sinking like holes in the ground.
Who could love that face?
With its bland features,
its coarse skin and bent nose.
A pyrrhic beard and that weak chin.
And what about those arms, huh?
Long and thin like church candles,
but with no flare.
Not much of a chest either,
there are gravestones with more bulk,
and people are far happier to see them too.
But above all it's the barrenness that scares me,
the sinkholes run deep and the candles cold,
and the gravestones go down to the foundations of the world.
The reflection in the mirror returns me.
Nothing
Jun 5, 2022
Jun 5, 2022 at 12:19 AM UTC
When I have no mirror
And my thoughts run free
I am suddenly a monster
and no longer me
When I'm surrounded by a crowd
My bones splinter out
My elbows bend backwards
And my voice is a shout
Though I know it's not true
I know I'm no beast
Voices race through my head
And greedily they feast
I'll bend over forwards
To cave into my chest
To make myself smaller
So maybe they'll rest
And when I'm finally home
No that cant be
In the mirror I look
Unable to see
Who is that kid
Whose eyes I see
How pretty he is
But that's not me
Mar 31, 2022
Mar 31, 2022 at 11:58 PM UTC
It's a tale as old as time,
Like a fine wine that's aged.
Getting more bitter, rather than sweeter.
I look in the mirror. My reflections stares back at me.
The edges blur and fizzle, waiting to reveal, to see.
The face in the mirror resembles my face, only less clear.
Instead she looks at me, eyes wide with fear.
She snarls her nose, growls and hisses.
I look back, in time, she reminisces.
About the days we would share the same face.
About a time, we lived in the same place.
Now she shouts, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I scream, she continues to haunt.
Why don't you like me? What's so wrong?
YOU ARE WEAK, I SHOULD BE STRONG.
I look away, count to three.
Ground my feet, think of me.
I am not weak.
I look at her again. I am NOT weak,
I say with a look so bleak.
YOU ARE she judges,
JUST LOOK AT YOU, she begrudges.
I bite my nail, look away again.
I try to hide the pain.
The girl in the reflection laughs and chortles
YOOU ARE FEEBLE, just like all mortals.
I AM NOT! I scream. I AM ME AND WHO ARE YOU TO SAY?
THAT I AM JUST SOMEBODIES PRAY?
But look at you, getting defensive against your own reflection
You could say it's merely a deflection,
Of your self worth
You might as well be a still birth.
You bring no value to this world.
She spits the words, lips curled.
I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU TOO.
OH BOOHOO POOR ME POOR YOU.
I collapse on the floor,
I can't take much more.
What will the next face bring?
I rise from the abyss,
I can barely withstand this.
The next face is kinder.
Another meek body behind her.
Who are you?
I ask askew.
I am you, and you are me.
Let me show you what I can see.
I see a person whose been through a lot.
Every-time they get back up, down they are shot.
I nod cautiously, is this a trick?
Quickly she'll be coming back, I'll be quick.
There's many faces that you can see,
Be it you, us or me.
I understand the torture you hold inside,
Let it go, be free, we want to take your side.
But how? I cry, tears falling of my cheek.
Keep going slowly, week, by week.
I nod slowly, I cry a lot more.
My arms are shaking my throat is sore.
I can't keep fighting, the monster in my mirror.
Every day she keeps coming nearer.
That's okay, you will see.
One of these days you will be me.
And the little girl hiding behind you?
It's another face of you know who.
I shakily nod, and enquire,
Why she's hiding, as if about to transpire.
She's hiding from the face in the mirror.
Just like you, it's becoming clearer.
We don't like what we can see.
I don't like it anymore please believe me.
I know, I know, my reflection says.
But please let it be just a haze.
The girl in the mirror stood before you.
You can choose what she does do.
It's a hard rope to walk, and I walk it well.
I know it's hard, for you to tell,
But you have a choice, a voice, a speech and sound.
It's hard when she's screaming, I feel drowned.
Shush now, it will be alright.
I can't keep fighting this ****** fight.
I feel so tired, exhausted and spent.
I know, I'm sorry but it's time we both went.
I stare at my reflection. She stares back at me.
Eyes brown, hair soft, no expression to see.
She doesn't blink. I don't too.
We are now the only two.
Blankly looking out at me.
Wishing that we both were free.
Who are you? I mouth at her,
She copies me with silence despair.
I don't know and **** my head.
She does too, heavy as lead.
I'm so drained, she echoes my words.
Is she mocking me, like mocking birds.
She scrunches her nose, as do I.
We nod to each other and say good bye.
I avoid the mirror the next day or two.
Hiding from the reflection, keeping out of view.
Mar 6, 2022
Mar 6, 2022 at 2:37 AM UTC