When I have no mirror
And my thoughts run free
I am suddenly a monster
and no longer me
When I'm surrounded by a crowd
My bones splinter out
My elbows bend backwards
And my voice is a shout
Though I know it's not true
I know I'm no beast
Voices race through my head
And greedily they feast
I'll bend over forwards
To cave into my chest
To make myself smaller
So maybe they'll rest
And when I'm finally home
No that cant be
In the mirror I look
Unable to see
Who is that kid
Whose eyes I see
How pretty he is
But that's not me
Mar 31, 2022
Mar 31, 2022 at 11:58 PM UTC
I'm tired of being someone.
Instead, I want to be something.
I want to be the creak in your floorboards at night; the time it takes for you to convince yourself it's just the house settling. Nothing is wrong.
I want to be the dogs barking in the lot across the street. What are they barking at? I cant see anything.
I want to be the howls outside your window, knocking to come inside. It's just the wind, just a tree branch, no one is awake this time of night.
Did you remember to lock the door?
Jan 25, 2022
Jan 25, 2022 at 2:12 AM UTC
You're a monster
Grotesque and ravenous
clawing your way through my guts and into my stomach
ripping up my throat and out my mouth as gritted teeth and pointed curses
You're disgusting
Plaguing my flesh like a disease
rotting my skin slowly
decaying inside me before leaking out my eyes
Why are you even here?
To add insult to injury?
I've met you once before
two years ago oh so sweetly you came to me bearing fruits of lace and jewel
creeping up on me as death does to the meek
You're a sickness
Painful and dreary
get away from me and stay away I beg
but somehow you always come back like a hungry dog
again to shred away at my well being
Why are you here?
Back again so soon, Jealousy?
Sep 27, 2020
Sep 27, 2020 at 4:24 AM UTC
when you're gone it'll be easier for me
easier for me to cry at night, undisturbed and unheard
it'll be easier for me to pull at my scalp and gnaw at my fingers
when you're gone it'll be easier for me to fall into old habits
the habits that no one else cared to look for
habits that left holes in my legs and rips on my arms
when you're gone it'll be easier for me to tear myself apart
piece by piece
tear by tear
silently, once again, I'll scratch at my feet and stomp on my heart
when you're gone I'll be fine
I was always fine
just fine
Aug 19, 2020
Aug 19, 2020 at 4:26 PM UTC
if I can not comfort you
then let me cry with you
if I can not be your gravity
then let me float with you
if I can not hold you
then let me love you
if I can not help you
then please I ask
let me suffer with you
Aug 19, 2020
Aug 19, 2020 at 4:24 PM UTC
you're beautiful
you're full of dull voices and screams and pure gorgeous distorted noise
and it's beautiful
you're beautiful
you give me tiny smiles and silly jokes and you sing out your heart just for me
and you're beautiful
Aug 19, 2020
Aug 19, 2020 at 4:23 PM UTC
you are a blessing
your smile grants me happiness
your voice lulls me to sleep
your jokes make me laugh
if I was surviving before
now i am living
however
you will be a curse
the empty space you'll leave
the smiles I will no longer get
the voice I'll get to hear but only through a prerecorded interview
the jokes you'll make for everyone but me
if I was living when I had you
I'll die when you leave
Aug 19, 2020
Aug 19, 2020 at 4:21 PM UTC
what is there for me to do but create
what do I have but the words in my mind and the color in my limbs
a pressure builds behind my eyes and down my throat
screams and cries of lyrics and rhythm pollute the air
pastels and stomach acid splatter onto a canvas
I cry and cry because what is there for me to do but create
Aug 19, 2020
Aug 19, 2020 at 4:18 PM UTC
I see so often
others happy alongside their love
saying love saved them
I hear so often
others asking me who I'm into
if I have a crush or want a lover
I used to be okay alone
I needed to love myself before I could love another
I wasnt searching for happiness in love
But these days I feel
l o n e l y
I dont need someone else to love me
I don't want someone else to hold me
I'm fine by myself
What I want is to love someone else
These days i find myself not caring about anyone
I want to feel affection towards the world around me
I want my heart to jump out of my chest and latch onto the next person I see
I want
I want
Maybe I want to drown in petals
Just like back in 9th grade
The last time I remember loving someone else
To no prevail I fell in love
I beat myself
Burned myself and scratched myself
Ripped myself apart for her
And I want it back
To suffocate helplessly in the delicate blooms of unrequited affection
To fall asleep covered in a sick mixture of ****** tears
To destroy myself for the sake of someone else
Oh to be in love
Aug 18, 2020
Aug 18, 2020 at 12:30 AM UTC
I used to call myself a poet
When I would sit down and type away
Following a meter and setting the rhyme
Throwing up my emotions onto a screen
I also used to call myself a writer
Back when I used to write and edit and publish for hours
Putting plots together and creating characters
Sharing my skills for others to enjoy
I once called myself an artist
I would sketch in notebooks and paint in pages
Mixing colors and blending into sunsets
Putting my thoughts into pictures
I used to call myself a musician
In a time I would create melodies and bend the air
Plucking stings along with the beat and bowing to the harmony
Singing with my heart in mind
I used to call myself many things
But these days I don't find myself calling me anything
Unlike before sonnets no longer bloom in my head
Stories don't flow from my fingertips
My emotions don't ball up and fall onto paper like they used to
I no longer bend the air to create sound
Now I call myself nothing
Creating nothing, saying nothing, doing nothing
I am nothing
Aug 16, 2020
Aug 16, 2020 at 10:59 PM UTC