You are the cigarette I can’t put down
An ache held deep in my chest
After I’m done I hate the taste in my mouth
You burn hot and you burn out fast
Never takes long for **** to go south
I swear each time will be the last
The next day I buy another pack
I light you up and **** you down
I look in the mirror; it starts to crack
Others notice I’m dropping weight
30 lbs in 2 months, a strict diet of devotion and hate
My grandma tells me I look great
What’s my secret?
Cigarettes and you; keep washing me away
I’m burning up too fast too drown
Still I can’t put you or this ******* cigarette down
May 31, 2023
May 31, 2023 at 3:08 PM UTC
Pink athletic shorts
Bursting at the seams
With all this new body
Hips and waist and ***
You said
“It’s about time to retire those don’t you think?”
2 months later
They hang loosely past my hip bones
Hiding the body that dissolved
The person who is no longer there
And I’m glad I kept them
So they could swallow me whole
May 8, 2023
May 8, 2023 at 7:18 PM UTC
I realized
as I aged that
my own intensity was not easily weathered by any man. Or any person.
My almond eyes were Venus flytraps
to the ghosts of my past who were drawn in all too quickly,
only to be devoured by their ceaseless lust and depraved need.
There was no dial to my passion, once awakened it could only be suppressed to a dull roar.
Many who met my gaze disintegrated before me into piles of dust and rubble and hollow disappointment.
They say eyes are the window to the soul, and I thought mine was host to a terrible demon or succubus.
I only discovered as my brain finished stitching together in my early adulthood that it is not demons who crumble weak men with their eyes, but goddesses
Feb 26, 2021
Feb 26, 2021 at 6:54 PM UTC
Confrontations of candor
Bittersweet release
Relentless ghosts whisper
“The devil is in the details”
Chemical haze; colored sands of stark contrast
I can’t seem to sift through
Tight grips
White knuckled grasping
It runs through my fingertips regardless
A heart stitched together with scar tissue
Thick, white lines etched carefully on thighs
If my heart grows
Will I find stretch marks there, too?
Silky smooth tracing
With bony fingertips
The birth of fresh skin cells
Each year more and more
Skin dissolves into dust from before
It runs through my fingertips regardless
The girl with the protruding rib cage
With fire just behind
Blue-green, ever-shifting eyes
She branded passion into her arms
With a lit cigarette
Eyes that only saw black or white
Torment suffered red
Pain inflicted blue
Fused into monochrome shades of slate
Digging up her grave
Clawing at the dirt and sand
Until blood runs down soft hands
Struggling to separate the two
Dry, dry sand
It slips through my fingertips regardless
Jun 30, 2020
Jun 30, 2020 at 12:14 PM UTC
Lifes tragically hard
more things going wrong
Sometimes I do wonder
how sorrowful
the lyrics would be
if written as a song
It would be a song of
Great Love
friendship
contentment
and
trust
Of passion
happiness
beauty
and
lust
Of illness
tragedy
loneliness
and fear
Of anger
confusion
and heartbreak
over the one I hold dear
What sad lyrics they'd be
If my life with you
were a song
Dec 15, 2018
Dec 15, 2018 at 7:32 PM UTC
There is only one letter
difference
from feeling lovely-
and lonely.
Jul 10, 2018
Jul 10, 2018 at 8:25 PM UTC
With you, everything I thought was an ending
Has become a beginning
All the pain
All the suffering
I’d relive every broken minute
Every cut
Every lonely night
Every reckless encounter
If only to have a brief moment of you
And your golden brown eyes
That have seen such darkness but *******
I see the sun dance across them
Like a beacon of hope
Every scar
Every tattoo
Where you display your pain
On the canvas of your tired body
Only deepens my love for you
I wish I could be for you
All you’ve been for me
A life giving rain
I’ll tend to all those abandoned flowers
You hide deep in your brain
Even neglected, they are so beautiful
Sometimes I can see them blooming when you speak
They’re roses
I can see them right behind that spark in your eyes
That you keep locked away
Because your heart is tainted dark with shame
But, my love, with a little rain
A touch of sunlight
And a few warm words
I can mend them
They’ll bloom so no one can ever deny they’re there
Not even you.
You are not decayed
You are not a lost cause
You are not depraved
This is not the ending
This is our real beginning
You are no longer
Loveless
Jul 10, 2018
Jul 10, 2018 at 8:23 PM UTC
There’s an ocean
An ocean filled with fire
An ocean that represents the eyes
As it spreads with every lie
Drenched in a purée of honey laced lullabies
Though it doesn’t seem that way
A cool calm breeze inviting you to play
the simple and the innocent take their part through waves
All seems dandy, all seems well
never realizing it is the beginning of a never ending tell,
A journey into hell..
Apr 28, 2018
Apr 28, 2018 at 4:59 PM UTC
i have a love affair with my scars,
a collector's cove
of secret treasures
and late at night,
i stroke them like the memories
of old lovers
Nov 7, 2017
Nov 7, 2017 at 7:26 AM UTC