#disillusion
even when my lungs have shredded
and my throat is dried to the extreme,
i'll tell you over and over.
but still you refuse to adhere
to your ears
and you carry on anyway.
will it take ten thousand others
to have you give me
even a decibel?
or maybe if beg and beg
you'll feel a pinch of
responsibility to listen?
i think i'm about
to tip over
from the disillusion that's
accumulated.
i ask you yet again
for once would you
just listen?
May 3
May 3, 2026 at 9:10 PM UTC
All those years
i flew alone
longing for comfort
but rejecting your illusion
you were my best
together inseparable
separated and judgmental
i always hated your confidence
wishing you detested anything of mine
i let you go on your way
you must have known i couldn't keep up
years and stories passed by
our meetings seldom
then one night
far from our forgotten friendship
i met the devil
he offered me a body
and i injected it freely
he gave me confidence
and i smiled thinking heaven
hazing into a person I found love
all while keeping
the devil tucked into my pocket
when time went by
and stole away my love
the devil changed
he took away a piece of my soul
leaving me blind in the dark
all those years i flew alone
today , months , times later
i can see it all so clearly
what a marvelous failure i lived
faltering and falling
failing
behind flash, trash becomes
sight set, picture taken
flash, flash flash, and done
but to the devil
i can only say
i'd do it all again
whisper into my ear
lie away my lust
give me all your sin.
Jan 14
Jan 14, 2026 at 3:03 AM UTC
You came to me again,
Quite suddenly and unwanted,
Into my humdrum life,
So chaotic and disheveled.
You tried to tell a lot.
You hurried up, your thoughts were scaped.
You told a lot and sputter
But even so you weren’t lightweigt.
You stood firmly at the window.
You believed in your own myth.
Your fingers nervously tugged the curtains.
I prayed “Go away”, but you didn’t leave.
The sunlight stroked the top of your head.
And you told and told… I knew it was lie.
You looked at me ******* up your eyes
As if I was your longed-for pie.
I was silent. I didn’t break in.
You told, no look somebody else.
I was in pain and I picked out
That you loved not me but only yourself.
Jan 29, 2025
Jan 29, 2025 at 3:34 PM UTC
I run away from myself.
I don’t know where.
Maybe where no one can find me,
never.
Maybe where I can be myself
as such.
Where it doesn’t matter whether I’m genius
or nothing much.
I run away from myself.
And I don’t hide.
Even though no one will think of me,
if I’m not specified.
Even though no one will regret
or sadden.
I’m like a ship: it’s sailed
and totally forgotten.
I run away from myself.
Don’t follow me. No need to!
I really doubt that my future
truly suits you.
Stay here as if you didn’t know me
at all.
I’m like a ticket: it’s simply to lose me
in whole.
Jan 28, 2025
Jan 28, 2025 at 1:49 PM UTC
I’ve had enough
I’ve almost broken.
I’m not in pain,
But peace is gone.
I won’t believe
So blind and thoughtless
Forget all hurts
I’ll close my door.
I’ve clear today
The love is dangerous.
You’re banned from love
Mindless and fool.
It is taboo
To give so stupidly,
To agonize
And to betray your soul.
It is taboo
To love in spite of
Your mind, your fear
Against yourself.
You must remember
Don’t forget that
You’re the one!
Don’t give a ****
I’ve had enough
No faith, no love at all.
I’m not in pain,
But calm and emptiness in whole.
Jan 22, 2025
Jan 22, 2025 at 11:15 AM UTC
I’m walking down the street alone.
My glance is listless into vacancy.
My heart is now a granite stone.
Nothing can hurt it more. It’s blessy.
I’m walking freely and no-fault.
I am alone and I’m forgiven.
For blind and reckless love for good,
For life devoid of mind and meaning.
I’m moving forward and don’t care
That nothing is in front and rear.
Only a silent emptiness is inside
No whisper and no groan… All died…
I’m walking quetly and slow.
I have no faith, no hope, no love.
My love is tired, weakened whole.
It moved away from here. No half.
Jan 19, 2025
Jan 19, 2025 at 3:31 PM UTC
Ela é o motivo de estarmos aqui
Ela aprecia
Ela despreza
Ela recorda
Ela desvanece
Ela tem saúde
Ela adoece
Ela cura
Ela fere
Ela ama
Ela odeia
Ela cria
Ela incendeia
Ela é minha
Ela é nossa
Ela é o motivo de nós partirmos
Cuide da imaginação.
Aug 24, 2024
Aug 24, 2024 at 10:20 AM UTC
Há anos nasci
Porém pouco vivi
Vidas criei
Nenhum retorno ganhei
Na sombra de minhas cinzas deixei que vivessem
Suas vidas medíocres
E sem sentido que os dei
Jul 23, 2024
Jul 23, 2024 at 11:42 PM UTC
the light through the window and pours past the wooden floorboards, flowing over the walls and stain-glass and here I am again, hands clasped tightly, and the open air and breathing deep as though the taste is somehow different here though I know it not to be true and the hush which I am afraid to break;
to break is to bend and I, unyielding, cannot fall here – what else is there – a failure of faith in the faithless and beseeching someone out there to listen. And the stone that falls the other way and I am witnessing another day and it perches upon the watch and it must be Tuesday again.
May 19, 2024
May 19, 2024 at 9:43 AM UTC
A Focus whence magic once shone
Rainbow beams from beauties sown
Focus shifted by my play of light
Thence shadows made nurture the blight
I am searching (darkness creeping)
I am searching (drowning, choking)
For what? For what…?
Jan 1, 2024
Jan 1, 2024 at 9:10 AM UTC
En the beginning's falsehood, a soul astray,
He shared his nights with another, hearts led astray.
Series watched with another, a tale untold,
Deception woven in the stories that enfold.
May's end brought us together, a June so bright,
Yet beneath the surface, shadows took flight.
All that glitters, not gold, I came to see,
In this web of deceit that entrapped you and me.
Speaking of her ignites anxiety's fire,
In his upbringing, a lesson dire,
Not taught that one nail can't free another,
In a house where truth was smothered.
No innocence pure, I admit my part,
Playing with fire, I knew it from the start.
Into the volcano, I dove with no care,
Knowing its flames could only ensnare.
Before slumber claims me, his voice I hear,
"High to Saturn, we'll journey without fear."
Planning to escape to distant skies,
Where our energy as stardust flies.
Yet I confess, mistakes were sown,
A tale of errors, both of us have known.
Clumsy hands break all they touch,
A metaphor for the love that meant so much.
Selflessness masquerades as love today,
"I love you" weakened, its strength decayed.
My wish was simple, to match my devotion,
Yours to mine, a reciprocal emotion.
Expression falters, truth often veiled,
Deceptive words and stories curtailed.
But mark my words, love never ceased,
From inception till now, it hasn't released.
Age might be a factor, youth's lack of grace,
Or maturity's absence, in love's chase.
Could I reverse time, a wish so keen,
To never cross paths, erase where we've been.
Loving you shouldn't demand a cost,
A mutual bond, not forever lost.
Perhaps you've moved on, my name erased,
In a new story, a fresh path retraced.
Still, as sleep takes hold, your words resound,
"Never leave me," the echo profound.
If time rewound, those three words I'd say,
Unspoken affection finding its way.
At the same hour, on the same day,
To our meeting spot, I find my way.
Should you pass by, a simple "hi" to convey,
A hopeful heart lingers, come what may.
Sep 7, 2023
Sep 7, 2023 at 3:07 AM UTC
Doubtful of Self, of Realness
Fortified by others' knowing, or preferably- admiration
Like being constructed out of sets of other peoples' eyes
Like being made real by propagating in more minds, many more minds, specific minds. In countless beating and virtual hearts, Likes, thumbs up
Not wanting to be forgotten, while alive, while dead
Taxed by maintenance and constant imminent collapse
Identity is a social construct
Awareness is not
Aug 7, 2022
Aug 7, 2022 at 2:22 PM UTC
The hubris of Man, to think we matter,
that our acts or life have any worth
I proclaim it rotten like so much mirth
The poor get poorer, the rats grow fatter
so spread not your lies, for I know better
The Void left our values a still-birth
We're cells further growing this cancer's girth
climbing higher on a failing ladder
Thus let us burn, we don't deserve a knife
let roam the terrors I dream of nightly,
open Pandora's box now, loosen its clasp
Let the End come now, there's no after-life
it'd change nothing, most just stare on blankly
And talk not of Love, it's out of my grasp
Mar 12, 2021
Mar 12, 2021 at 1:16 PM UTC
This room, a field of shattered daisies
Stalks of withered doubt break in the breeze
Wishing wells of hope lie drained and rank
It all falls to the rhythm of your lies
Storms melt the ozone above
Stippling the rain as it falls on my tongue
Burning me with fire cold as your blood
And the dark cadence of your voice
Raggedy songs twist like vines over the rooftops
Shivering me as they echo down forever streets
Drawing musty shadows from forgotten gardens
Lavished with neglect
While l, clad in dry withered leaves and
A sulk of brambles
Fall with the Seasons, trembling like a leaf
Under coverlets, sewn with promises of comfort
Stitches undone by deceit
Night’s peace yields to floods of unquiet
Squalls of questioning
And a tree tap tapping staccato sympathy
On the window, the wall, my bones
Time slips through tangles of sleep
And stubborn naive obsession
My heart beats a hailstorm of disillusion
Watching mirrors fox all your reflections
My innocent love lies crucified
In the orbs of your Narcissus eyes
Jun 1, 2019
Jun 1, 2019 at 9:23 AM UTC
In restful sleep I've wandered to a land far and beyond,
Where banes, which, present, ******* me, have left me - far and gone.
Where havoc and the woes of life drift off to nullity,
And the breaths I took, for once, for once, came in tranquility.
For, gone were my anxieties, and absent were all tragedies,
Rubs of which make living a great bane on my reality.
...
But, by morn's time, the waking from the dream blighted the peace I'd found.
Worries and pernicious troubles, soon flocked back: a pack of snarling hounds.
(From their mouths did drip my dreams, which had been tattered at the seams;
Left in a state of disrepair, of which did cause me to despair -
For nothing else I did much care, but had much longing for those dreams
Which were now gone, ripped at the seams)
...
Alack! what is this life to those who've cast their eyes on better things which lay,
Beyond the fringe of this existence, a land which living keeps at bay?
'Tis but a walk of sullen gloom, of which feels much like hellish doom
Though trying, never to break through, until you're sleeping in your tomb,
Where all the learning, of the wise, are shut into your pallid eyes,
Where all the learning, of the wise, are locked behind your pallid eyes.
Sep 12, 2018
Sep 12, 2018 at 2:16 AM UTC
who could sleep on a night like this?
how could you not stay awake?
whilst I wander amidst these wildfires
you started by mistake
Aug 29, 2018
Aug 29, 2018 at 1:54 AM UTC
Three syllables should roll easy,
yet sear acidic the tongue,
refusing formation
of empty expression.
The sun shines no brighter
than the struggling bedside light,
and rivers flow no fresher
than saliva leaked in sleep.
The malodour of rank roses
drifts from every kitchen,
where flies **** on dishes
of all the dinners not savoured.
Inside we search for desire; in drains,
under beds, between stale sheets.
The arid well resists fornication
as we ***** for absent frisson,
the floral miasma lingering,
as if to scoff.
Jul 4, 2018
Jul 4, 2018 at 3:30 AM UTC
may these words ignite shame in your throat
so you can feel the red hot,
of rage and disillusionment
may these words,
welt your skin,
like apathetic whipping
and bruise your pride
with uncontrollable whimpers
may these words flay and pierce your skin,
like unforgiving shrapnel,
staining your lovely supple skin,
with the most beautiful crimson dye
and feel the loss,
of faith,
of purpose,
of love
may these words set fire to your soul
and feel the agony I know so well,
because lord knows,
you never had mercy on me
Jun 20, 2018
Jun 20, 2018 at 1:44 AM UTC
I've forgotten what it felt like being with you.
Who I was when I was with you.
The women I flirted with loving through your eyes.
Jun 5, 2018
Jun 5, 2018 at 2:50 PM UTC
Rapt by prognosis, sterile elocution
Acute halitosis, banal delusion
Digital notice of distant retribution
Thrombosis will move you before revolution
Brash adolescent right-side part,
Strand obsolescence, abstract art
Pinstripe filaments, two turned backs
Bowed in benevolence, borrowing slack
Hieroglyphic ruminations,
Plastered protestations.
Muscle memory incantations,
Aquifuge of patience.
Future shock, feminists ride-centaurs
Skin-tan hedonists reside-indoors
Tin-can telephone spinal chord,
Sings-an injured semitone final word
40 years since you were a punk
Apr 15, 2018
Apr 15, 2018 at 6:01 AM UTC
What is the magic
the aristocracy was entitled
to rule over us?
Binding us to society and
the rules of the unknown
and the unimportant,
the weak and the lost
only allowed to suffer.
What is the magic
where the thieves and fools
fight for bloodless gold?
Lulling my darkest
silence to slumber, lest
the compassion shatter
like glass slippers that
slay soft flesh.
What is the magic
of those forgotten words
of corrupt innocence?
Where birds were birds,
monsters were monsters,
the notion of humanity
slipping away from my
happy beginning.
What is the magic
that forces me to lust over
every failed perfection?
Prayers unspoken and
thoughts from promises
I’ve only begun to
remember.
But we can never go back to those times so
long before.
I can only hope that you’d come quietly in
through that chained door.
Feb 20, 2017
Feb 20, 2017 at 7:46 AM UTC
I remember standing 'round
with the houses burning down
around us--
--Shrugs. Not even ducking our heads.
"Well, there goes the neighborhood
and I suppose the timing's good,"
is all I can recall of what you had said.
They never wanted compromise.
And we were not too keen on listening in.
We'd always ignore consequence's size.
Now we're running, trying to mail our checks in.
We want a means of egress.
Yeah, just a means of egress.
It's just a means of egress.
That's all we really need right now.
They're coming, cracking knuckles now,
intent on cashing debts on our hides.
They'll lift their dividends out of our loot
unless we chase the setting sun to Telluride.
We never wanted compromise
So we put our neighborhood to the match.
Our detractors sporting cross hairs for eyes
are salivating for the thrill of the catch.
We need a means of egress.
We seek a means of egress.
It's just a means of egress.
That's what we really need right now.
It's all we really need right now.
It's the only thing we need right now.
I remember standing 'round
with the houses burning down
around us--
--Shrugs. Not even ducking our heads.
Oct 12, 2016
Oct 12, 2016 at 12:31 AM UTC