#disbelief
If I were to tell you
All the stories
In my
Head,
Would you believe me
Even
If I
Said
That:
I see mortal war
Waging
In your
Plan,
I see me staring numbly
At the destruction
You are
Clad
In?
Fight me,
Fight me,
Tell another lie,
I’ll believe you
Once I die
And you close
Both my eyes.
Fight me,
Fight me,
Tell me again
That you are
Not
A foe,
But a friend.
Smite me,
Smite me,
Oh, God above.
Is my imagination
The same as your creation?
Spite me,
Spite me,
Oh, my dear friend.
Are you willing
To take me on
With your words
And not your hands?
Aug 20, 2025
Aug 20, 2025 at 11:13 PM UTC
she lieth clay, huff fled, withdrawn;
sun sleeps unturned, no lilt, no dawn.
the child stands silent, priests deceive,
she lingers not, the Lord won’t breathe.
they spake of light, of rule, of psalm,
yet death embraced what once was warm.
he looked and found the flesh laid bare;
at last he grasped, God was not there.
Jun 17, 2025
Jun 17, 2025 at 3:16 PM UTC
‘Does the puppet boy ask
for his strings?’
The way a butterfly
beats their wings;
against the glass
of the past
just another member
of the cast
for the play
That is life.
“If all the worlds a stage,
then I shall play my part”
But that stage
portrays such
twisted
wicked displays
of our
sin.
Sep 30, 2024
Sep 30, 2024 at 9:59 AM UTC
Came I hither with all the gold possess'd,
Came I hither with all the wisdom gain'd,
Came I hither with all the truth and jest,
Beauty, health, kindness, luck, thou'd'st have complain'd
That I came hither with an underhand
Desire of something greater thus exchang'd,
Unable to conceive or understand
How one who offers free is not derang'd.
Came I hither with all the gold possess'd,
And came I bearing rubies and pearls, too,
Came I hither bearing all the rest
To thine own mortal self, still erring true;
Came I hither, and ask'd nothing, giving
All that I have, and more, and still I err,
For the Lord ask'd nothing of the living,
But sacrifice is matter of a cur.
Mistrusting as you do, with sense, I see,
Love's made not for this world, nor I for thee.
Feb 17, 2024
Feb 17, 2024 at 7:24 PM UTC
Maybe I'm the mistake.
Maybe I'm the wrong one.
Maybe because I fall too hard,
My ground breaks.
I'm not the only one.
I shouldn't believe
We share the same Love.
Dec 16, 2022
Dec 16, 2022 at 11:02 PM UTC
It felt like a trick
But there was no evidence
Just a feeling
I guess I always expect the worst
Or maybe I’m blind
Sep 5, 2021
Sep 5, 2021 at 6:10 PM UTC
The night washing over our heaving, fleshy carcasses. Like two crayfish in a current.
So you are telling me.
We ****** in a whirlpool of sound. In a dilapidated guest room.
There. Moaning into you with my eyes, I ravenously endowed our fevers.
And you make it into pretty words.
Prettier than I could ever polish my sprawling lobster legs into sounding.
Who talks like that.
Mar 8, 2021
Mar 8, 2021 at 6:51 AM UTC
you would light the candle on your desk
just as your mother told you
and you would pray
just as she told you.
i wish i could have been with you.
Mar 8, 2021
Mar 8, 2021 at 2:14 AM UTC
Pain I can take,
It's just nerves firing when all is said and done,
A few tiny tiny electrical impulses
Advising of damage or of hurt,
If it's not my head then
I can grasp it and isolate it and mitigate it
And bring the problem under control,
Mostly and more often than not,
Even a heart attack did not
Preclude a presentation duly prepared,
Albeit quieter and more hesitantly delivered
Than my usual confidence,
But the turning of friend
To unreasoning and un-listening foe,
This thing cannot be grasped nor quenched,
Even by a horse sized aspirin,
It leaves ones heart
Pierced with a jagged blade
That rips and tears a hole beyond
Imagining or control,
Faith and care and love
Hemorrhage uncontrolled
Like the tears that course down my face,
Or will if I permit,
The pain I cannot contain
But stoicism is my friend
This day and stoicism
Will stem the flow
Eventually
Jan 5, 2021
Jan 5, 2021 at 5:05 PM UTC
I still feel your presence
although barley an essence
and one day I'll forget
will be the day I regret
and you will simply be
GONE
Nov 12, 2020
Nov 12, 2020 at 8:08 AM UTC
I'm sorry
You have to see
That I don't believe
You love me
Jul 26, 2020
Jul 26, 2020 at 12:04 AM UTC
So you accidentally cheated,
***** a young girl to death,
Preying on other's wives
Stole your employer's cash
Committed several atrocities,
You were all smiles till you got caught,
Someone got to your head,
It's witchcraft
So you play the victim
The demons were at play
Beg for forgiveness
While you blame it on the devil.
Jul 8, 2020
Jul 8, 2020 at 4:04 PM UTC
I wish that I could meet the me inside your head
I don't think I'd like the things that she says
I wish I could erase the stencil of me you traced
Free your mind to see a different shape
I would deconstruct the shadow that has taken my place
And help you see the real me that has somehow been replaced
Paint a new and clearer picture, however long it takes
I want to stay until you see her, however high the stakes
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 9:45 PM UTC
Tell me not to speak
But I never seem to listen,
I make the same mistakes and the same mistakes, I guess hoping I am forgiven.
I should have been quiet,
I should have obeyed what I always remember,
That I should keep it to myself and pretend everything’s hidden.
Imagine myself losing my mind,
I think half the feelings are real,
But not to breaking point:
(Even if I want to) I’m not screaming at the walls,
I’m not crying all day,
I’m not trying to get through to them whilst acting insane.
Multiple times I’ve told myself,
To pretend I never think of this,
Maybe they’ll forget, think you’ve slipped out of it.
I was never someone who didn’t express,
But now it’s always failing;
Few things I need and am not getting.
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 8:29 PM UTC
_I succumbed
To the habitual sound of obstructed truths;
Deceiving and deceived therein,
Abolished of conscience;
My penitence seeded with disavowal,
Your disbelief my credo._
May 16, 2020
May 16, 2020 at 8:13 PM UTC
I ask myself so many times,
"Why are you here and what do you stand for?"
To have someone so good and amazing in my life
just seems so wrong but how strong, how strong
You must be to stay here and stay as you are
There's no reason for me to admit the obvious
who am I to deserve such a miracle in the form of you
In the real world, it's never supposed to work out like this, am I dreaming it this?
I mean you told me you love me!
How real could this be? Im suffocating in my disbelief... I'm suffocating in what you've called nothing special, when I've seen nothing short of perfect...
I've been sick with this fever of confliction
Wanting to say the three words, the same three words you've whispered in your sleep, and in my dreams, but what holds me back is my fear
The fear that you won't react the same way I do
When I hear them, not that you'd reject them
but soon that you'll realize I could never amount to the man you believe I could be, no
never do I believe that could be me...
I remember every moment we shared
every time you showed me you cared
I tried my best to be the best I could for you
I'd drop all of my life to prove what I mean
I'll somehow overcome my gears
I never want you to go, I never want you to leave
I want you to stay with me
I want to hold your face in my hands and admit even though I'm nothing
I'll fight to be everything
Just so you can hear me say I love you
You'll tell me you love me
and we'll both believe
Feb 23, 2020
Feb 23, 2020 at 7:26 PM UTC
Every day’s a torture I just can’t escape,
Just knowing I will never get closure,
And even if I were to
It would never be okay,
Because I’ve this trauma they’ve forced me into,
This box they’ve shut me into:
Psychosomatic, anxious - don’t believe her,
No one can help me, no one wants to.
I know even if this all disappears
I’ll still feel like this, because it’s still happened,
They still have let me down,
Telling me it’s caused by nonexistent trauma,
While they’re the ones who abuse their power,
Tearing me down one by one,
Making me scared of anyone who could ever help me,
Because I know that they won’t and they’ll think I’m silly.
Now I just want to get rid of me,
I can’t stand it
Anymore,
It’s like every
Step I take,
I’m asking for more agony,
From people destined to
Never take me
Seriously.
Even I want to
Throw myself away.
It’s not okay.
Aug 7, 2019
Aug 7, 2019 at 5:52 PM UTC
The middle of a pool of salt-
A Eucharist is said to float.
God's dignity created flesh,
A sacrifice the Pope could bless
If he could only find the shoes
To wade inside the choking blue
To pluck the body from the waves;
A child the doves were slow to raise.
Apr 28, 2019
Apr 28, 2019 at 3:48 PM UTC
She prays, she stays perched on her knees,
but she can’t admit she never receives replies.
All these days, it’s no phase but she never sees,
essentially she’s only talking to vacant skies.
She pleads with her beads, her trusted rosary
but every word falls on deaf ears.
Every night, routine tight, does she include me
or does she only prioritize her deepest fears?
I’ve only prayed once in my life
for something so meaningless most people would forget.
I should’ve saved my “one” for times of true strife,
but I’m a lucky gambler, I had never lost a bet.
Are you there God? It’s me, Emily,
not the one in the past or the future self,
I could ask for a million things but they wouldn’t hold much meaning
but I’ll neglect begging for my fleeting health.
Up, down, left and right,
I personally prefer the Contra Code.
It aids one better in a fight
regardless of the settings or the mode.
They say Sunday’s a time for worship and rest
but I’ve been working all night and my left brain won’t stop flowing.
I guess there’s a lot of things sitting on my chest,
and a certain type of comfort in uncertainty and not knowing.
I dig six feet deep to find the dedication,
and I put my hands together; connecting my fingers.
I can’t help it, I can’t find it, it seems my hesitation
has a will of it’s own, and it always lingers.
Apr 28, 2019
Apr 28, 2019 at 2:52 PM UTC
I never knew
That something that brings you happiness
Is the one that brings you sadness
The smile that turned into frown
Never knowing
How to cope up
For once, I thought
I found the one
Then one day
It was all gone
And expectations shattered
By my own belief
And so I knew
If I knew it will end like this
I wouldn't have started at all
Apr 19, 2019
Apr 19, 2019 at 7:53 AM UTC