#depressions
The light flickers through my damage
Tearing me apart, killing the sound
My legs feel weak
The sky is spinning around
I look for you, I take you in
I have escaped, sober and sane
A few sips and a few pills
These might be the potion
I have escaped my emotions
But people look cross
They say I am too young for this
Like it is a curse that hangs in my soul
But I'll miss you if I let go
I and my anger are ready to scream
Oh, dear, I am a wreck without you
Without you, I bleed
Bleeding to know that I am alive
You are the closest to peace I'll ever be
With you by my side, I feel free
I am consumed
Consumed by the silence you give
With you, I am brave
Brave enough to leap tall buildings
Turning away from my feelings
They say I need to be saved
But can they not see?
I am already saved
By you, my addiction, my escape
A rope around my neck that feels like a cape
But I have escaped
Sober and sane
I am safe
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 12:54 PM UTC
someone's home
no light, just a forlorn shining from the windows.
inaudible music plays somewhere,
it's so loud yet so silent.
it rains inside on a yet so sunny day.
someone's home, but isn't.
cold hands grasp after something warm,
they reach into thin air.
empty words align with the silence.
the clock on the wall stopped ticking as the seconds pass.
in someone's home, someone isn't home.
Oct 6, 2024
Oct 6, 2024 at 5:01 AM UTC
The bathroom is white
And bright like heaven.
I fill the tub with Epsom salts, bubbles,
Some essential oils
(emotional vaccination),
And bless the water like a priest.
Then I disrobe,
Fold my arms and dip myself in,
hair weighing me down.
The water is womb-temperature.
I float a little. I think about why I’m here.
I ask God
But the tiled walls
And the shower curtain
Don’t answer.
Then I rise,
put my robe back on, moisturize
So that I’m like a baby again,
And go about my night,
Helpless, teary-eyed,
Begging to be held.
Aug 5, 2020
Aug 5, 2020 at 8:39 PM UTC
_tw self harm_
I tried
my medication
self control
music
suicide prevention chat
But in the end
I bled a lot
And made myself
A few new scars
Feb 1, 2020
Feb 1, 2020 at 2:33 AM UTC
Your mind is hurting your mind is in pain,
Struggle, fight on, but in vain,
I will make you see the truth that you are nothing but rain,
Your mind is turning crazy you're going insane!!!!
Find me in the murky forest full of dark secrets and gloom,
Go quick for while you search for me the thorns will bloom,
The darkness will rise, the forests will go cursed and old,
If you won't be quick enough you will turn to nothing but mold…
Quick enough to accept me as a friend,
Don't worry I have a hand that will lend,
But at the same time I'm a ghoul who is not even worth to be sand,
You are a saint, and!?
I curse the dark and the golden,
Make minds go messed up and all molden,
I deceive and hurt, coz I'm just trash,
I slay others, and I spread pain like rash…
The emerald forest is my happiest mood,
Find me there and I will be good,
I will explain why the darkness is my food,
I will explain why I'm so twisted, dark, and rude…
I always knew I was not worth enough,
Everything was ruined and broken when I tried to work out the stuff,
I hurt others and made others cry,
I knew it was better to hurt thyself and live than just quickly die…
So that's why I took myself to the role of cutting,
My mind is going crazy, my thoughts are rotting,
Turning cruel evil and cold as stone,
Dark thoughts and hatred are surging through my every bone…
I hurt the mind till they get angry and in rage,
Or if not, then I hurt them till the tears wet the page,
I show them how life is hard when you care,
Start living for yourself and finding joy in hurting, it's an order, not a dare!!!!
When you care you got no time for yourself and your troubles,
They pile up and they won't pop away like bubbles,
You get hurt when you care, you feel pain,
You always have thoughts of drowning in rain!!
So why don't you come and join the fun?
Brush away those silly thoughts of suicide and drop your gun,
Come on, live for yourself and only care about your life,
Someone bothering or annoying you? Well don't be stupid, stab them with a knife!!!!
We all have a dark side, we all have a piece of mind,
Why don't we start thinking only of ourselves and come to bind?
We can leave the emerald forest and share our secrets not,
We all, all are just meat that should just rot…
That's right, if you feel hurt, useless, and alone,
Then love the feeling, for you have the cruelty and darkness that you own!!
You know you are trash,
But at least you can spread on others the pain like rash…
Make them be lower than your soul,
It's alright. We are trash, but here is the cruelty and the darkness that plays the role,
We can hurt others till they go screaming and crazy,
Make them see the truth, make their vision be to the reality not foggy and hazy…
Show them what they really are,
Whether it takes a time of peace or a ****** war,
We will be trash from near and far,
Like reality shows us, we are a rusty nail, not a shining bright star…
We all hurt and deceive, hurting with truth and not lies,
Isn't it always pleasing to watch a child who knows the truth and cries?
We all are ghouls to the people who don't need to die,
We are demons and ***** to darkness, we make others scream in anger and from pain just cry…
I am just a rusty nail that hangs off from the belt,
Oh if you knew how much the pain felt,
Come on, I wanna say hello, open up the door,
Who is it? It's me, the thing that is nothing but to the darkness a simple nasty *****
~Mishka Wayz~
Jan 6, 2020
Jan 6, 2020 at 5:35 PM UTC
The drums in my ears, the galloping of horses right behind my back,
I stand looking at the murky thick fog, with the word ringing in my ears, "Attack!"
I stand still, pondering of what to do and why,
Pondering in my head, why don't I just die…
The black hooded riders gallop on their horses right behind me,
There is a legion of them, thick as smoke with no hope of being free,
Ravens screech above my head, smoke pours from my head, back and shoulders,
I want to reach out, want to give up with this feeling of me being crushed by a million boulders…
My head drums, my temples throb, my vision goes blurry and hazy,
My eyes cloud with a murky green color of insaneness, I'm going crazy,
I grab my sharp big knife, and start to stroke it absent mindly,
Meanwhile, I struggle on, with the hooded riders behind my back whle I stumble on-ward blindly…
I still have hope in my heart, as my feet carry me,
I look at the dim pale objects of people, walking happily and free,
While I… stumble in this murky thick fog, and behind me there is hooded figures with their swords,
The numbers so many of them, it's like black thick smoke, except of the figures there is hordes and hordes and hordes………
I fall on my knees, stumbling over ****** grass,
I see holy-water ahead, but the smoke atop my head tells me to pass,
Falling on my face, I give up, breathing hard and almost dead,
I give my last efforts, when a figure gallops up to me on a stallion and with it's sword just cleanly slices off my head…
The blood paints the grass, as my hand is holding the knife,
The blade is stabbed deep inside my chest, taking away my life,
My eyes go pale and my body stays motionless, in a death-like freeze,
The fog clears, the figures disappears as the smoke gets blow away by the soft gentle breeze......
~Mishka Wayz~
Jan 5, 2020
Jan 5, 2020 at 9:09 PM UTC
Breathe in and out
Get to the ball
Breathe out and in
Try not to fall
Breathe in and out
Sprint down the field
Breathe out and in
The strength you wield
Breathe in and out
You hit them first
Breathe out and in
Your shoulder hurts
Breathe in and out
You dribble fast
Breathe out and in
Get hit at last
Breathe in and out
Air born you go
Breathe out and in
Time becomes slow
Eyesight blurry
You hit your head
Eyesight blurry
Your nose bleeds red
Dark tiny spots
Cloud your vision
Dark tiny spots
Hard collision
It all goes dark
The pain's still there
It all goes dark
Blood in your hair
Open your eyes
You're laid in bed
Open your eyes
Holding your head
Try to get up
Think of your name
Try to get up
Wracking your brain
Start to panic
No memory
Start to panic
Eyes that can't see
Wet tears stream down
Leaving their mark
Wet tears stream down
Blind in the dark
You can not see
No one is there
You can not see
Nobody cares
Sitting alone
No memory
Sitting alone
Eyes that can't see
Mar 12, 2019
Mar 12, 2019 at 3:36 PM UTC
If I showed my true colors,what would society think?
Would they laugh,show pity,or read the ink?
I am exhausted from smiling every single day
When i know the pain won't go away.
Every night i cannot sleep
Because my thoughts run so deep.
They went for a stroll
But got ****** into a black hole.
My focus is no longer there,anymore
I don't know why I am like this, I swear.
Jan 4, 2019
Jan 4, 2019 at 5:58 PM UTC
Pieces of me
thrown away
like trash
Never consulted
Never asked
The direct result
of another’s conviction
or more commonly seen
consequences
from blind ambition
Paranoid
The fix is in
But no invitation
for me,
former me
or forever me
and all of my imitations
beset by my
limitations
Forwardly I lean
step in between
lines upon lines
hidden;
can’t be seen
Falling ill
Now trapped
by its machine
And from my vein;
My blood I spill
A still surface
with sticky sheen
amber tones
from which
I glean
a reason
Thrilled
What it might mean
A hunger
that
can not be filled
Nothing but lies
giving me chills
A shell
with values
not instilled
Instead
it’s dread
Their words
I’m fed
"Nutrients"
to fill my head
My outer skin
Its layer
thin
Not to attacks
No single act
or prayer
could patch
and fill it in
A hole
that’s black
is my first sin
A game
in which
no way to win
and no ending
once it
begins
With opened eyes
commence to see
The dorsal fins
surrounding me
Head starts
to spin
What could have been?
It doesn't matter
in the end
because
there's nothing
here for me
A demon-like reality
Where what you seek
Placed at your feet
The icing; sweet
Choices; not three
Have cake or eat
One choice not two
But want to eat
and have it too
All efforts
to retrieve the treat;
An outcome that
ends in defeat
A princess swept
off of her feat
But this feature
princess;
a creature
Spirit of
a soulless seeker
Deceitful speaker
Flames;
he’ll eat ya
Offers pain
Can’t heal;
life drained
Then reaching out
to use
life-line
but with each ring
hope further wanes
An answered call
done just in time
The chills
running all down my spine
Stand tall
just like Douglas-fir pine
With racing thoughts
filling my mind
I will be saved
Free from it all
God must exist
No time to stall
In battle
warriors
may fall
but no man's ever left behind
Only to find
With said spent dime
A dynamite kind of answer
-
A type
that might
cause strife
Can't plan for
Needed answer
Plight
like cancer
New chance to live
Worldly romancer
On planet Earth
A tiny dancer
A romantic thought
to think
fight fought
Instead a sinking ship
just dropped
This life?
If could
an ‘OUT’
would opt
No more
can take
Just make
it stop
Aug 24, 2018
Aug 24, 2018 at 8:38 PM UTC
I have learned from a young age that I would attract a certain kind of attention. Prepped for the stares I would receive for being more well endowed in the areas that spark lust in men. From a youthful age sexualized, only sought after for one purpose. One glance and thoughts are shifted to fantasy. Never asked about feelings or emotions, just questioned about how I can satisfied needs. I am only looked at as a fun time never a long time. They all believe that because I look a certain way, that I must have all these men in my bed, and that I am only in their presence for pleasure. My sanity is often questioned, once they realize that I am not a seducer or temptress that falls in to the hands of multiple men. But they also have the mentality to wonder why someone like myself is distant, guarded and closed off.
(Looks gone to waste in their eyes, tainted in my own)
Jul 30, 2018
Jul 30, 2018 at 11:14 PM UTC
I only sleep to see
red eyes staring back at me
I go to bed, and there they are
shadows getting close to me
Monsters tear
and rip me apart
I run away
their claws
grab, cut and choke
their satisfied, and leave
I wake up,
it's only a dream.
I wake up,
I have scars
Why do I bleed?
Was it a dream?
May 23, 2018
May 23, 2018 at 1:33 AM UTC
You should live because the show you're watching isn't finished yet
You should live because you haven't turned in that paper you worked really hard on
You should live because somewhere an animal wants to love on you
You should live because there's a pizza in the freezer that you haven't even cooked yet
You should live because people in messed up situations are still going on maury
You should live because of Popsicles in the hot summer time
You should live because of the goosebumps you get when the hot water touches your skin
You should live because we don't know if aliens are real or not
You should live because your bed would be really lonely without you
You should live because of the really light drizzle of rain when it falls down on your skin
You should live because you have a life worth living
Even if it kinda ***** really bad to do it now
You should live because i'm living too
And in reading this aren't we kinda in it together
Fighting similar fights?
Live to win
Live to bounce back
Live because you can
There are so many reasons to live
Feb 19, 2018
Feb 19, 2018 at 4:57 PM UTC
I know how it feels
To look in the mirror and get chills,
Not the good kind
The ones that consume your mind.
I know what it’s like to look at scars.
My heart and my arms are marred.
And the mirror
Brings about tears.
And it hurts
When the pain sticks to you like damp dirt.
And you can’t love the things you used to
Because this feeling is taking over you.
But that’s why it’s important not to fake a smile.
And why you need to be honest once in awhile.
I get it, when the hurt gets too much.
I escape, try to find me in a crowd and I’ll duck.
I avoid.
And it’s an active choice.
But I’ve learned it doesn’t change anything.
And I’d rather know and see someone’s demons
Than see a fake smile, even if it’s bright as the sun.
Jan 28, 2018
Jan 28, 2018 at 1:07 AM UTC
Difference between lives best left said,
do not compare, don’t get caught dead
People experience different things different ways
Better to sympathize than to relate
I once said me too, to too many different things
failed to see all the trouble ‘Twould bring
To want to take my own live, without considering
Others who truly did who I cared for and who’d cared for me
My best friend attempted recently such a thing
Not realizing to me how much pain it would bring
If she did, I really would too
Me too if I’m too late,
There’d be nothing more to do
And when now others simply remark such words
I think of them, oh, I think
‘how pereverse’
They and you may yet know one day
know what it’s like to be too, to be too too late
Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 12:02 AM UTC
Everything about me seems so wrong,
My life has a lot of twists and turns,
Pictures and moments I want to burn,
Piece of me I want to torn.
Everyone around me doesn't really care anymore,
They always thinking about their own lives and more,
Pushing you and kicking you out the door,
Saying, "You shouldn't be here, anymore."
People are ***** all the time,
They are thinking that I'm fine,
And living my whole life without a fire,
So why do you think I write this rhyme?
All the imperfections and flaws,
Is all you can see in a row,
Attacking with your neatly sharped claws,
On my body where my suicidal blood flaws.
Don't ask me why I take my life,
All of you left me one choice, and that is to fly,
Don't come too late and asking my mom why,
You know the reason why I chose to die.
Dec 3, 2017
Dec 3, 2017 at 7:05 AM UTC
Misery
Depressions
Sadness
always solicit us to give up
and we give them the crowns
we are too drown into our own pain
that we become not to care
about those who scream help
because we close our eyes
not to see the world
and be blind
one blind man
turn into thousands blind men
until we realize
blindness
turn into darkness
and darkness turns into a world of despair
and finally
the world will die along with the humanity.
Aug 6, 2017
Aug 6, 2017 at 5:03 AM UTC
And I did it once again.
Skin picked and shaven,
Cakey frosted ivory,
Faceless, nameless,
Plasticity contusion.
Littered in the detailed fractures of a swelling stem,
Those skeletal twigs of intangible incestual wings,
splintered in stacks underneath his bed.
Apocalyptic comfort found in the veins of what remains...
Pineal shame,
Puny white me,
Post-karmic, futuristic-retrospective cosmic plan, slowly creeps towards me and offers its long inflaming hand.
Cricket twitch, echoes in the distant introspective glitch of my momentary intuition.
A bitter drip on tongue descends,
Tunneled in an unwanted exploration.
That sour pitched cacophony uncomfortably sung,
Through the ghastly cold touch of a righteous cockroached thumb.
Repugnance,
Spreading the stain of an untouched soul,
Quicksand, morphing me into dust.
Devouring the white and into the red I rust.
Nov 24, 2016
Nov 24, 2016 at 1:40 PM UTC
Scary dream
Mangled screams
But oh how do YOU envision such a scene?
Much different I suppose
Than oh. One of THOSE
Sighing slowly
Ever near
When will I be free from here?
Arms unbound and heart now found
Free to make such awful sounds
up and down inside out
spread me thin through the ground
Cover them up. Hide them true
Sew me up lace the wounds
Send me far far away
In tomorrow, instead of today.
Scary dreams
Mangled screams
Coming from inside
Where darkness makes a hide
Seeping into the shadows
Creasing ever corner
Oh how I wonder
If I should really warn her?
Oct 25, 2016
Oct 25, 2016 at 1:30 PM UTC
Not easy to walk through a
meadow full of flowers
when they look dead
and it's as if you can see the
bones of the dead
reaching for the sunshine
that the daises aren't sharing
as I collapse towards the graves
part of me wishing to be a flower
and the other wishing I was
colds stone with some skull and bones
with my smile washed away
but roots of nature growing in me
my tears becoming lost in
the ground
because the flowers need it
but I need to stop feeling like
a dull piece of grass
I need to be a flower
but I'm just going to be
another sad story
lost in the dirt
that the flowers need to thrive
and another lost soul
will kick me around
but we all end the same
and we'll all breathe the same
dirt one day
and it won't be easy to walk through
a meadow full of flowers
when they look dead
Nov 13, 2015
Nov 13, 2015 at 10:44 AM UTC
I used to see beauty
And find comfort in the stars
But of late
They have lost their luster
Why should I dwell on ***** of fire
Thousands of light years away?
No longer can specks of light comfort
My tortured soul
No longer can I believe
There is a God watching over me
I have lost too much
And been cut too deeply
To put faith
In the night sky
For once the stars filled
My heart with wonder
But now they fill my heart with cold
Because when I look up at them
All I can see is your smile
All I can taste are your lips
All I can feel are you gentle hands
All I remember is a clear autumn night
Stargazing with you
And these memories destroy me
Aug 20, 2015
Aug 20, 2015 at 6:34 PM UTC
People swear and people lie
Grow up thinking you're one of a kind
People laugh and people cry
We all have scars we try to hide
She has a past and he has no future
Wish that your skin was a little smoother
Trace the lines with a blade
Starring at the sky that has started to fade
People swear and people lie
Wonder when it's my turn to die
Aug 5, 2015
Aug 5, 2015 at 5:18 AM UTC
I sometimes think about beeing someone else
How would that be?
But I'll always be stuck in this body
I just hate me
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015 at 5:05 AM UTC