#dependency
You are the staple to my files
The sewing of my skin
The piercing of my flesh
To hold what lies within
You are the nails to my painting
The stinger to my bee
And when you were pulled out
I was left to bleed
You are the barbs to my fence
The pin in my clothes
The anchor to a rope
And thorns under my rose
You are sharp and cruel
But without you, I crumble
My threads all unravel
And are left in a jumble
5d ago
May 29, 2026 at 12:55 AM UTC
The covers surround me,
I'm encased in bed sheets.
My pillow so wet in tears,
As I drift away,
To my little world.
In my little world,
You are there.
My sweet.
My beautiful.
Friend?
It doesn't matter what we are,
As long as you're here.
Recently - It's awkward.
But you're still gentle.
Still here.
My view on you has really changed.
Hasn't it?
There's this small ember,
A flickering,
Flame of hope,
Just like the one on your lighter.
I cry to you.
Among these serene, delicate fields.
You listen.
No one gets me as much as you.
Is it really just forbidden love?
You're not cruel,
And I'm just relieved,
To be trapped in your presence,
In the miraculous,
In the divine,
I bathe in your light.
But,
It's all fantasy,
The dread summons me,
The grey pulls me out.
I can't look you in the face.
After that night,
So I retreat,
Away from your sight.
You've filled my life with empty lies,
Cigarette burns on my neck,
They sting,
Like your piercing cold stare.
Once,
You asked me,
"what if i were the devil?"
I hoped your kindness proved you wrong,
Instead,
You were right.
I try to fill your space in my heart,
Nothing fits as right,
Nothing binds together,
Nothing takes flight.
This is my hell.
You were right.
In my little world,
But no,
Here,
This is real.
You're just rotten to the core.
You have stabbed me in my very heart.
That is when,
My dear friends,
I return to this little world,
And hope to never return.
May 26
May 26, 2026 at 5:38 PM UTC
I always rely on you
that I don't even know what's true.
When you leave,
I'll cry like it's grieve.
I trust you too much
I don't even know my life was gonna crush.
I'm glad you're here,
but it's like I'm intoxicated with no beer.
I forgot how to stand up for myself.
I forgot how to move by myself.
I can't blame you,
but I don't know if I can blame myself too.
I'm a shadow,
but my shape is what I don't know.
What would happen to me if you move away?
I won't find my own way.
I'm already at my own downfall.
Without realizing, I fall.
I'm erasing my own independency
for dependency.
May 22
May 22, 2026 at 11:48 AM UTC
you've tried to
figure me out
pull me apart and
twist me around
i let you try
put my pieces aside
it hurts but i'll
never
not want you around
Apr 7
Apr 7, 2026 at 6:00 AM UTC
My head is heavy
Lifting up
And floating is my soul.
The nights been long
Just like the texts
I send so long ago.
And while you're resting
Eyes closed shut
I'm picturing you whole.
And while you sat
And stayed a while
I've just wanted to go.
And I here I am
At 3am
And writing you a poem.
The words never made sense to you
But I just keep on going.
So take my words
God take my all
But you're laying below him.
And you never belonged to me
So we'll just keep on flowing.
Mar 11
Mar 11, 2026 at 10:56 PM UTC
Sound rhetorically
But honestly
It's what I see
Repeatedly
you are to me
Quite literally
The apple tree
When I am eve
When i belief
In sweet relief
So full of grieve
Not mine too keep
But mine to leave
To rot inside my heart
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 7:23 PM UTC
When the lifeblood of our civilization stops flowing
When the lights go out, when the screens go blank
Then we will too late realize
Just how dependent we have become
On things intangible
On the whims of so called Statesmen
Or „Dealmakers“ as they are wont to be called
On oil and gas that is plundered from the planet
With no care for what follows or the damage done
The investors flee to gold and silver
Which they in turn, will realize
Is of no consequence when you are hungry
For it cannot be eaten
The skills of our forefathers (and mothers!) we have lost
Slipped away in the comfort of our digital age
Where people who oversee our money (such as it is)
That grows out of nothing on digital trees
Are treasured more than those who help the poor or aid the dying
The climate is a primary concern
For those who thirst and hunger and burn
But not for the Jet setters at Davos
Or the oligarch owners of private yachts
Of no concern are the burdens carried by children
Who mine the gold and silver and precious things
So that we may find fun and temporary contentment
In such trivial things
When the lights go out
We will hear a sordid cry
Of „help us – we cannot live without our phones“
Who cares about food, water, heat or shelter
Without our social media we feel so alone!
Who cares about peace when we can make money with war
Or what are all these deadly weapons then for?
If not to fill the pockets of those who have more than enough
For those who suffer in the warzones – sorry that´s tough
The screens are blank, no information
The markets crash silently as no one can see them
The digital assets disappear into the air from whence they came
And the brokers and the bankers are called on to blame
The route to McDonalds can no longer be found
And millions may perish at the absence of sound
In the temples of fast food throughout the land
As the smartphone lies worthless there in their hand
When the lights go out as they surely will
We will all have to pay the bill
Of blind ignorance and trust in a system
That will eventually fail us in our infinite „wisdom“
Jan 25
Jan 25, 2026 at 6:12 AM UTC
Snowstorms
A pirate's worst fear
A soldier's worst fate
A bird's worst season
She's a storm.
Revving beneath the surface
Waiting to explode
Into millions of shards
Piercing
No one left unscathed,
Those are the times
She smiles brightest
Covered in a scent
Metallic and horrid
Yet
in her eyes
That's home
Life feels most valuable
When death is close to her—
Everyone questions
Her mechanics
Yet
I'm sure
She is a storm
Most alive
When she's wild
Untamed—
My home,
A stable place
One always constant
One immovable—
In its madness
Content,
I'll sink
Within that snowtorm
Because I know—
You'll take me in your arms,
Unflinching,
When my scars
Begin to leak
Nov 11, 2025
Nov 11, 2025 at 10:29 AM UTC
Who knew
The seventh floor of hell
Holds a view
Of red roofs,
A curl of saltwater,
A distant tower crane,
Baker over all.
Molecules of
Oxy and ethanol
Fall from receptors.
Blood levels plummet.
Straight down to ground
I gaze,
Contemplate
A fall to end it all,
A plummet into grace?
An end to suffering
Forever.
Through seven gates
Flows
Our self of such illusion.
Best not to close those gates
Oneself.
The finger of time
After all
In but a blink
Will flick them closed.
Blessed then comes
Reawakening of True Self,
Remembrance of true birth,
In the Timeless Realm
Of a million gates,
And no gates at all.
And in seven days
I learn to cut meat
With a plastic fork
And a plastic spoon.
Sep 19, 2025
Sep 19, 2025 at 10:12 AM UTC
Sometimes I’m quick to say
I don’t want you—
and many other times I’m slow to say,
stay with me.
You know I’m a strong, powerful woman,
but you also know
I’m just a child.
I grew up without a father.
I don’t know how to love.
I only know how to give myself
and sink
into a vicious cycle of love
and dependency.
Save me now,
take me out of this sharp curve.
I need to breathe, my love.
Hold me in your arms—
I need the warmth,
the comfort,
a sweet kiss
with the taste of honey.
Amen.
You know I love
to wrap myself in your legs,
spread across the bed,
with the scent of our love.
Today was good,
tomorrow will be better.
Days of struggle are not
the end of the story.
With you…
I want bossa nova.
Aug 29, 2025
Aug 29, 2025 at 6:50 AM UTC
Against life, we grew wiser
Rooftop dancing at golden hour,
Philosophising human nature.
The music made us tougher,
**** - supposedly smarter.
Yet nothing cut greater than trusting her.
//
Risking safety to feel folly,
Thriving in co-dependency -
In between love and envy,
She made me lonely.
But our jaws and bellies both hurtful, I was thankful
To laugh so freely, hide carelessly empty -
We built a nest of sufficiency for what felt like a century.
Still lonely, though
Shamefully hoping one day she’d hate me so.
Jul 21, 2025
Jul 21, 2025 at 12:08 AM UTC
I'm sorry, really.
I hadn't meant to bother you by
Messaging you everyday for a week,
Each following one more frantic than the last,
Because you wouldn't respond.
I was scared.
Really, really scared.
Scared that you had done something to yourself...
Scared that, maybe, you
Stayed in bed too long
Cut too deep
Went too many days without eating
Too many days skipping your meds-
Or maybe, took all your skipped pills all at once---
It's irrational, I know.
I'm sorry.
...
I remember, I've done this before,
I was... 10, it was 2020.
I remember, my best friend, Kaydence, wouldn't respond to my texts
for a month.
We had fought,
It was some stupid Minecraft game.
And then, she just
Stopped texting
Back.
I was lonely, it was quarantine after all, and I didn't have no one else to talk to.
I texted her every single day
Cried every single day.
I was being dramatic, obviously,
I'm always so **** dramatic.
When she came back, she acted like nothing had happened.
Her mom had just taken away her phone, or something.
I didn't have to worry.
...I think that month I spent, alone,
Thats when it had started to get bad.
...
When you did respond,
you told me that you were sorry.
That you were
alive.
I think you understood where my worry came from.
I asked you where you had been,
and you said that you were just doing school and sleeping.
It was another depressive episode.
Oh, well.
I feel bad to feel relieved,
But
It could've been worse.
You could've
Cut too deep
Or stayed in bed
Or skipped your meds
Or taken too many...
You could've
Left me.
I said sorry for being such a bother,
Said that "I hope you feel better."
And even though thats not quite right thing to say,
But I think that's the closest I could've gotten.
Nov 24, 2024
Nov 24, 2024 at 8:57 PM UTC
I once checked into an old hotel
that’s served guests for many a year.
The white-clad staff will serve you well
and greet you brimming with cheer.
Its handsome brick and stone façade
shines gold in the bright morning sun.
Inside, the red velvet furnishings’ a nod
to the lovers’ tall tales there spun.
The rooms are filled with patchouli scent,
or perhaps with a strong note of musk.
At first you’ll easily make the rent
and stay there from dawn until dusk.
Oh, how well could I in that chamber sleep
on starry fields of Elysium each night,
my baggage packed in cotton I’d keep
to stow it from whatever gave fright.
But the longer this hospitality I had
the more a locked hospital it became;
the doors that’d welcomed this young lad
soon rusted, harder to open again.
I chatted with the friendly concierge
and noticed the crease of his smile
was curled into the quirk of a sneer
while his light humor shifted to bile.
The mattress that once was thick and soft
grew coarse and lumpy with age
while the vistas seen from the gilded loft
were obscured by the bars of a cage.
The red velvet’s colors began to bleed.
All was gilded with the gold of fools.
Once this hotel had for me filled a need —
but it sought to make me its ghoul.
This hostel had to hostile turned,
its host was revealed as a warden.
With time I learned its charms to spurn
and escape to a greener garden.
Even now that hooking hotel calls,
a sultry siren who woefully wails
and summons her guests — or thralls? —
to deep sleep in her heavenly jail.
Nov 15, 2024
Nov 15, 2024 at 4:53 AM UTC
In the fridge
There sits the bottle of Joy
Every Thursday She becomes my friend
Every Friday She and I fight
In the drawer
There sits the bottle of Pain
I try to keep it away
But every Saturday
I find it open
In the bin
There sits the bottle of Regret
With its deafening yells
Every Sunday morning
Three Drinks and I are friends
And then we fight
And then we make up again.
Mar 31, 2024
Mar 31, 2024 at 2:00 PM UTC
It was a hell of a day
Sun and shade
Chequered your face chess board
And I was checked,
Heady between sips of beer and silent
like the smoke rising from your cigarette.
It burnt ruby, and I thought of jewels
And all the beautiful foolish things
I would buy you,
If we weren't here on a tuesday -
Mid-morning.
The awning weeps weary drops
From the drain that hasn't been cleaned since the place opened.
It has the colour of dark ale,
I stare at the pale in my pint glass,
think of the half a dozen things
responsibilities and togetherness
That could be part of us -
But are sadly too vast for these shoulders.
You hold out the yellowed filter tip
Lined red with the colour on your lips
Messily smeared - like it was done
The night before -
But I'd watch you adorn that ****
With shaking fingers,
Wobbly with all the worries of nothing
And everything.
You shift restless, pale arms stretched
Across flaking bits of bench,
drenched a weak grey by years and years of rain.
I rearrange the ashtray
And you smile at me, gap toothed and tired
Vacant as the breeze just dancing through.
'I'm bored' your voice slurs,
Like the thin trail of wine down your glass,
The redness settles and colours the stem
Colours your teeth.
It'll taste sour if I kiss you,
But I won't. I smoke.
Exhale the burn, blast it to
The clouds that creep across the sky
Lazy like each blink.
The world fades,
Black then bright.
Black the bright.
I think there might be an epiphany in my lungs
That song of something exciting.
It dances with possibility and makes
Me fidget in my seat
Maybe
Might be
Could be
Possibly.
Expectation makes me shrink into my sweater all holes and broken stitches, that itch as I pass you the last bit.
You smoke it, flick it
And all the potential goes with it
'Do you want another drink?'
Apr 27, 2021
Apr 27, 2021 at 10:35 AM UTC
I never felt like I depended on you
I kept my feet on solid ground
We coexisted and took time to listen
To our vastly different sounds
But you learned how I take my coffee
And all my favorite brands
The little things that live between
Our well-choreographed dance
And before I knew it, you'd become
A vital part of the song
So now I misstep with uneven breath
Because the notes are falling wrong
Mar 4, 2021
Mar 4, 2021 at 9:32 PM UTC
You were about to leave
3 words to make you stay
It was a lie
I forced myself to say
Somehow you did believe
Eyes so bright. I looked away
Together for another second
another minute, another day
Jan 30, 2021
Jan 30, 2021 at 5:41 AM UTC
The Truth Part - III
She always tell the truth to her friends
It was them, where her trust depends
She knew that everything has its end
It was them, where her time should spend
She's not yet done on the stage of insecurity,
Knowledge won't fade but beauty
She's on her way to maturity
Beauty won't define her but humility
Sep 30, 2020
Sep 30, 2020 at 7:55 AM UTC
Wicked is your tongue
Saying forgive me
And I am sorry
Love is poisonous
From your mouth
I feel tainted and alone
Each touch that grazes my skin
I wonder if I could just leave
With you hand lingering in the air
Tangled in my shadow
Would you keep drowning
In your insincerity
Or would you finally realize
You will never have me
Jul 14, 2020
Jul 14, 2020 at 10:39 AM UTC