#dependence
Dear you,
I wonder who you are,
But somewhere in this planet of eight billion, nearly nine,
You exist.
And I'll live, waiting
For the time I'll see you and
You'll see me, like no one has
So far
Like phases of the moon,
We'll connect
And I'll give you my heart
And you'll give me yours. Willingly.
Not forced or out of pity.
My heart longs hard each day
I dream of you at night
Never truly seeing your face
Just the intentions and motions
And that is all I need
I won't look at the mirror
At your " shattered" reflection
Because I'll have my own to stare at
I'll tell you the three words
I can't say to myself
" I" for the me you saw,
" I" for the you I want
" love " for the love with which you loved me
" love" for the love I hope to show you
And " you",
" you" for the you you might choose over and over again
" you" for the you I'll choose and keep.
All to myself.
When will our roads cross?
I don't know but I'll see you tonight
Through intentions and motions
Tonight in my dreams
5d ago
May 29, 2026 at 6:21 PM UTC
Next to the big window,
close to the radiator,
The greenest of thumbs,
watered and pruned,
You kept me.
Cheerful leaves
thrived on me
thirstier, greener,
each passing week.
Sun-kissed blushed petals
Bloomed within, around spring
All my flowers in your vase
Sitting by your bedside place
You’ve lost your sweet touch
But you could be a florist
Thirstier, weaker,
Each passing week
the soil now bleaker
overgrown thorns
Next to your big window
Life slips away
May 6
May 6, 2026 at 3:48 AM UTC
“Why’d you do it?”
Is what they all keep asking me.
I tell them “I don’t know”,
But in reality:
I drank for many reasons;
Because it made me understand love.
I married Mary-Jane
To take my stress away.
I swallowed diphenhydramine,
Pill after pill,
So I could have friends there even if they weren’t real.
Three or more Dramamine to shut down my mind,
Wrong-wired,
But it only succeeded in making me all the more tired.
Ten dollars for happiness was a deal to me;
Who knew it was out in the world for free?
I went from riches to rags in wealth and character
And lost myself to all my self-terror.
Lines of white like snow on the ground
To let others know I wanted to be found.
A small pill full of a deadly drug,
Gone, all because I needed a hug.
Six-to-eight or three-to-four,
I was an inch away from knocking on Death’s door;
The pillows in my head made me blind to the horror.
Molly without music to make music in my mind,
An escape from all my thoughts confined
To a space in my head where they didn’t fit
And now they’re everywhere,
So I’m taking a hit.
Bars to fall asleep not at but with,
Stronger than the pink tablets I was familiar with;
So strong they made me forget
About the only night I didn’t want to regret.
And yet every morning I awoke with an ache,
In my bones and my eyes because I made a mistake;
“It won’t happen again,” I said time after time,
But then it grew closer to a dozen a dime.
So why’d I do it?
I’d say it’s clear.
I had all my reasons,
But mostly it was fear.
Nov 5, 2025
Nov 5, 2025 at 2:37 PM UTC
a raft, lost.
laid bare, discarded flare.
avoid light, though I might
be found, rather be bound
in your starry night.
Oct 21, 2025
Oct 21, 2025 at 11:19 PM UTC
bathing in your own blood
skin peeling off your own hands
my love takes them
my love heals them
my love presses the wounds
my love
my love is the one who holds the knife
help me die,
sake of my LOVE!!!
CARVE THIS CIRCLE
CARVE THIS CIRCLE IN MY WRIST
CALL YOUR SPIRIT TO MINE
FLOW IN MY VEINS
TO BE YOURS,
YOURS TRULY!
…
carvings in skin last forever
carrying your affection
in my arms
my thighs
my wrists
May 15, 2025
May 15, 2025 at 9:31 PM UTC
Lost.
Every child is born lost,
Every child is born alone.
We enter this world crying,
Small hands reaching for warmth,
A warmth we cannot create alone.
Stumbling, falling,
Too weak to stand on our own,
Helpless, dependent.
Molded by voices not our own,
Taught what to say, how to be,
Following paths laid before us,
Doing as we are told.
But as we grow, we begin to change.
We learn to rise without trembling,
To speak with voices that are now our own,
To walk where our hearts desire,
No longer imitating,
No longer afraid.
Courageous, independent,
Becoming our own saviors,
Because we no longer need another to be—
Found.
Feb 28, 2025
Feb 28, 2025 at 12:52 PM UTC
my whole life
all i ever did was fight
to defend them, i thought
to protect them
but the tears only fell on my cheeks
on my face
on my heart
mentally,
physically,
im not okay
my whole life
all i ever did was fight
Feb 23, 2025
Feb 23, 2025 at 8:45 PM UTC
ASPHYXIATE ME
EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING TO MAKE YOU STAY
STAY WITH ME
ASPHYXIATE ME
Feb 16, 2025
Feb 16, 2025 at 7:11 PM UTC
In the dance of body and mind, intertwined, Distort the body, the mind’s path unwinds. Disrupt the mind, the body’s rhythm breaks, A cycle of chaos, each part it takes.
Western medicine, with its potent pills, Prescribes for the body, yet the mind it fills. Natural processes, disrupted and torn, A dependence on pharmaceuticals is born.
The body’s whispers, now muffled and weak, The mind’s clarity, a distant peak. In this cycle, we seek to find, A balance of body, a harmony of mind.
Holistic paths, a gentle embrace, To heal the body, the mind’s grace.
Jan 14, 2025
Jan 14, 2025 at 12:54 PM UTC
Tu és um milhão de coisas;
Desejos, pesadelos, alucinações que nem bálsamos aplacam
Olho ao meu redor, e lá estás,
Porém, em meu ser, não te sinto.
A voz do povo, como um roubo de opiniões, revela a lógica
E o absurdo,
Pois o verbo é o que é,
E também o que não pode ser.
Antigas poesias,
Clamando às estrelas e à lua,
Mais um divertimento fugaz.
Sentimentos que não encontram sentido em tua mente turvada,
Como uma epiléptica a observar um estroboscópio sem fim.
Tu fizeste flores brotarem em meus pulmões
E em meu peito;
Embora formosas sejam,
Não consigo respirar.
Arrancaria tais flores e te as entregaria,
Um ramo de “eu te amo” que jamais foram ditos.
Teu nome, como gelo, cala meu coração.
Espero, aguardo, pela próxima mensagem,
Risadas que me impelirem ao retorno,
Ansiedade que confunde o pensamento,
Sofrendo por males que não ocorreram… ou ainda ocorrerão?
Na minha sepultura, portas se fecham,
Meu corpo se desfaz,
As flores se tornam parte de mim,
Pouco chegam a mim as vozes que falam
De uma fantasia.
Resta, enfim, a solidão.
Jan 14, 2025
Jan 14, 2025 at 4:59 PM UTC
you speak,
and more cracks appear
through my face
my lungs
my heart
you speak.
‘you wanted me to face my truth?’
‘so why don’t you face YOURS?’
my body broke.
i am truly broken without them
Dec 28, 2024
Dec 28, 2024 at 9:03 AM UTC
No matter how many times I say our problems can mend
Fate will never let me call you a friend
I told you that loving him would only make you cry
But you didn't listen and kept wanting to try
You put salt in the wound when I bled for you
You gave nothing back when I cared for you
But when I think about you, why do I still care?
When will I find love that's finally fair?
All I wanted was for you to have a life of fun
But like Icarus, I must've flown too close to the sun
Then why did you say you love me?
If I am blind, when could you see so clearly?
I had to comfort you every single day
And in return you make me feel this way?
And I knew I was rereading the same chapter of a book
I was in a trance by that one quick look
I thought you could be the one true friend
But I know how it was going to end
I love you so much more than you think
Even though in the depths of your waters, I'll only sink
I love you, but I hate you so
Now even I don't know if I should go
You'd make my heart beat a little faster
But I don't know if it's love anymore
So if I tried to say "I love you,"
You wouldn't say "you love me more."
Sep 25, 2024
Sep 25, 2024 at 9:46 PM UTC
She stepped into a garden with roses galore
She was looking for one, but just needed more
And then she found two, dazzling in sight
Whom puffed up their petals with all their might
Rose One was nostalgic and hated Rose Two
Happy moments were memorable, but only few
Rose Two was two-faced, but made her glad
All she wanted was to not be sad
She took both because she couldn’t decide
She thought she was happy, but at home she cried
She was confused, she had the rose
Was it not the right one she had chose?
Overwhelmed with sadness and pain
She knew one rose could only reign
She looked at her hands, deciding which rose would win
When she saw the thorn that had torn her bloodied skin.
Sep 24, 2024
Sep 24, 2024 at 6:18 PM UTC
A bird sat on a ledge, calling for air,
“Please, give me merely a share!”
A breeze came and lifted the bird off the ground
The breeze ruffling the bird’s feathers was the only sound
Every day, the bird decided to sit and wait
The bird was drawn to the wind, perhaps even fate
The wind always listened when the world did not
The bird had found something it had always sought
Then one day, dark clouds came and rain poured down
And the wind lunged forwards, without even a frown
At last, the bird saw the wind’s true power
The bird wanted to hide, but the wind didn’t let it cower
The wind ruffled the bird’s feathers as it had done in the past
The bird took off, flying ever so fast
Then the storm passed; the rain was gone
The bird looked at the sun from the ledge it was on
“Wind, let me once again soar!”
But the wind replied no more.
Sep 23, 2024
Sep 23, 2024 at 10:38 PM UTC
The windows are closed,
The lights are off,
My mind and I are all I´ve got.
My friends are there,
nowhere to be found,
and I am here
all alone.
I wish I could,
reach out and feel
the love for you
I always craved.
But all I have,
and all I know,
is the way
the bottles
stir up my soul.
I missed you once,
I missed you twice,
Then I drank,
Forgot at once.
I knew there was more,
and I opened the door,
you entered with pride,
but I was alive.
Mar 28, 2024
Mar 28, 2024 at 4:20 PM UTC
venom meets venoms
neon blood moon
pray to the raven for bonhommes like you
cold hands meet in crowded rooms
firework sparks lighting up truth
graceful unable to be so far removed
cuddle up into my thoughts of you
the essence, my dependence
it is all about you
Jan 26, 2024
Jan 26, 2024 at 9:54 AM UTC
You are the Ocean and I am the wave
moving in tandem as if I'm Your slave.
I rise and fall according to Your will
though once in a while I'm kept very still.
I have no real life without Your sanction
which now seems to be like a distraction.
There are so many others just like me
and I wonder somehow if they agree.
In this manner You just do as You please
and deploy us all with surprising ease!
Our goal seems to be on reaching the shore
then return back to You again for more!
The presence of the moon has much to say
with what goes on Your surface every day.
Its influence is more than we'd suspect
and has to be treated with some respect.
Beyond are other worlds and stars in space
along with the sun which dictates the pace.
They're orbs of living wonder in that sky
and cast their shadows if we care to pry.
How unenlightened seems this life of ours
when we consider how we pass the hours.
For our days are numbered lest we forget
but through One's realization some are set.
There isn't much else now that can be said
before a time comes and we're all but dead.
We can only hope that we've done no harm
on the Ocean's surface that's full of charm.
___________________
Nov 14, 2023
Nov 14, 2023 at 9:33 PM UTC
your heart will not fail in space
it will be an object of its own mass
and gravity
no longer will there be a throttle in its vessels
and asynchronicity in its rhythms—
the beats, oh, the beats
your heart, when it is in space, will only wait
for an entity
to be jettisoned from a shuttle
my oxygen is running low
i love you to your heart and never back
Jan 17, 2022
Jan 17, 2022 at 12:01 AM UTC
Like dust in the wind
I'm the tiny particles
Following in your footsteps
Like small talked words
I lay forgotten
Upon your restless lips
Still there but not quite there
I seek out
Some important form
Like dust in the wind
I'm scattered
Spread too thin across your floor
Jun 5, 2021
Jun 5, 2021 at 11:30 AM UTC
I hear it
Again and again
I do not “function“
Like the rest
Every day
Is a battle
Will I hurt?
Will I move?
Nonetheless, I have to function
Even when I can‘t
I eat pills
For breakfast
Like greed personified
I swallow them - I do not chew.
I eat pills like candy but how can I help it?
My body is aching
My muscles are trembling
Is this addiction
Or is this dependence
How am I different
From someone who cant
Live without drugs
Because it causes them pain
When I eat my candies
To dull my agony
I eat pills like candy
I must be a sweet tooth
Yet I don‘t enjoy it
But others believe that I have to
Apr 11, 2021
Apr 11, 2021 at 5:05 AM UTC
How much sadness
To need someone
Just to **** some presence
To eat some beauty
To fear loneliness
Is a lustful decadence
Slowly dying
In evidence
Aug 12, 2020
Aug 12, 2020 at 8:41 PM UTC
No one could ever dream to have you beat
in self destruction, self pity and defeat,
it’s almost bittersweet.
But you get by, it’s you not I,
you get by with a plan to only die.
Yes you get by, with any chance to cry,
never noticing another’s sigh.
You know with all the licks you’ve been taking,
we’re both surprised that you’re still waking.
Oh and with the hits you’ll keep taking,
don’t be surprised that you’re still shaking.
Let’s get straight to the root of the problem,
slam our heads together; we’ll forget if not solve them.
So what’s your story you’ve got for me today?
I am no stranger to your sad tales,
though you push them right off the rails,
and my own attempt is exempt and always fails,
I’d have better luck pitching them as sales.
As you’d get by, just for a high,
only to try with your plan to die.
Yes you get by, it’s always you not I,
claiming life’s got you in it’s eye.
You know with all the kicks you’ve been taking,
it’s a wonder you’re still not breaking.
Oh and all the tricks you’ve been making,
are you shocked we think you’re faking?
Let’s get straight to the root of the problem,
you act the saint and cast I as the goblin.
So what’s your story, exaggerated allegory, today?
Let’s cut right to the root of the issue,
my hands are full but do you need a tissue?
I’ll say sorry, just ignore me and what I have to say.
So open up the bursting flood gate
direct the flow to where I seem to wait,
it’s truly my ears that suffer the most,
I abandoned thought not my post, though I now am late.
But you get by, and still yet defy
magnify on your plans to die.
You’ll always get by, call it a lie,
focusing on rain ignoring you’re dry.
Oh with all the trips you’ve been taking,
It’s no surprise you’ve been strongly flaking.
And with the drips and the lies that have been caking,
you can’t comprehend anyone else aching.
So let’s get straight to the root of the problem,
I’ll start a list and another separate column.
So what’s your story, for attention or glory today?
Let’s cut right to the root of the issue,
hands on your neck and checking your wrist too,
it’s mandatory and obligatory, but morally grey.
Jul 3, 2020
Jul 3, 2020 at 12:16 AM UTC
My mother calls out,
Carry me; I need you to take me home.
I'm only three years old
I can barely walk on my own
I shoulder her hands, bigger than my face
I slip and slide on the ice, afraid to fall
I can handle bruises and scrapes
But not if mommy falls too
Gritted baby teeth, frozen tears on cheeks
I rip off the fluffy pink coat, it's too hot
Is she helping at all?
The front door seems too far away
Just a little further, I'll be home soon
Then I can let go, maybe grow, and get up the courage to say
(someday)
I don't need you, like you needed me
I've walked a steep path and now I'm stronger
I will not carry you any longer
Dec 31, 2019
Dec 31, 2019 at 6:14 PM UTC
First
my neckbones decayed
from lack of use
but I didn’t mind
if my head could lay
blissfully in your lap
forever
Then
you melted away
leaving my mind
to rot in mud
squishy
like the texture
of dependence
Now
I will grow new bones
in a garden long neglected
teeming with life
just waiting for light
once buried
out of fear
I might **** it
Overtime
I will bloom
with a new sense of self
aware
of my prolific potential
with head held high
by homegrown bones
I will never let die again
Nov 22, 2019
Nov 22, 2019 at 2:34 AM UTC