I’ve been busy, my mind preoccupied with delusion
and strange entitlement that I deserve only blessings
whilst achieving nothing in a life sweetened in misery
I’ll continue to close my eyes in bated breath, please
shoot me everywhere except the apple on my head
and maybe once my ashes blends with the wind
I’ll have my most anticipated rude awakening
—L.m.
Jul 23, 2020
Jul 23, 2020 at 6:34 AM UTC
it's unsettling to realize
that with the strength of continuing to exist
meant distracting myself
whenever it feels too confined
and that's not to say that I've lived a life devoid of joy
but the fear of making the same mistakes again
had rendered me incapable of letting anyone in
and I have no more sentiments to spare
it feels lonely, but safe
and it's fully heartbreaking to think
that I really tried to live this time,
I really tried and I know it showed
but everything seems forged
May 22, 2020
May 22, 2020 at 12:29 AM UTC
I’ve learned how it’s like without you
and every step has been excruciating
some days are easy, quiet, tolerable
because distractions are present amidst
the unforgiving hustle and bustle of life
and I’d welcome anything thrown at me to
keep you off my mind and help myself heal
—but most days are hard
They require patience, tenderness, and
strength that I can’t provide myself with
you had always kept my head out of the waters
and now I’m back to struggling how to breathe
and by then it’s just harder to pretend that
I’m not constantly dreading a future
that is not meant for us to conquer together
But I still hope (and pray and beg)
that our paths will cross again
when the time is finally right
and we are versions of ourselves
that can love each other better
and I beg, I beg, I beg
that we will survive it then
—L.m.
Jul 2, 2019
Jul 2, 2019 at 7:54 PM UTC
It didn't begin like it was intended to be written longer—
I had thought maybe you were just another story when I ran out of things to say when I'm out drinking with friends, another unfinished sentence with no meaningful content, maybe a blurry image of an unlikely encounter, you know how it goes, we'll spill secrets then pretend we don't know each other the next day and it wouldn't even hurt. There were no fireworks, no warning signs, no pacing heartbeats, just you and I on that lazy August afternoon, talking. And yet, when I said goodbye, you said goodnight, and when I expected nothing of you, you woke up the next morning with me in mind. Days had turned into weeks turned into months, and it was so easy. Talking to you has been so easy. There were no pretense, no hurry, and no longer did any of us utter goodbyes.
There's so much glittering potential—you, me, and the notion of us being something greater.
In an alternative universe, you're probably getting more sleep and I'm probably out of school or you probably remember to jog in the morning and maybe I still don't drink black coffee, and it's nice to fantasize of how we would've met no matter what, maybe in a different scenario, maybe as adults in the same workplace or we happen to be at the same café one fateful night.
Or maybe we only have this chance to get it right.
But regardless of the other infinities in this endless realm of possibilities, I’m just glad this reality exists and it’s ours. That against all odds, we’ve managed to find each other. I am with you, and we are in each other’s lives, prominently, lovingly.
You and I are meant to be in this moment together.
Feb 12, 2018
Feb 12, 2018 at 7:35 AM UTC
it would've hurt less
if it took me by surprise
but i've always been keen,
my eyes catching and
my hearts sinking on
every signs that told me
that you'll soon leave
it would've hurt more
if i didn't expect it
and so i've been bracing myself
my chin high and
my lips tight as I've watched
with excruciating pain for
the moment that confirms
my antagonizing thoughts
and i think what hurts me
the most wasn't me being right
but the lingering hope
that you would prove me wrong
Jun 17, 2017
Jun 17, 2017 at 9:00 AM UTC
i keep acknowledging
what shouldn't be
and i blame it
on all the signs i've misread
Jun 17, 2017
Jun 17, 2017 at 8:25 AM UTC
It's often the little things
that leave nail marks in our
crumpled hearts, gripping
tighter and bolder at each
racing moment almost as if
that person's smile had
poked your lungs and left
you breathless and wanting
and there you are
stuck in momentum,
no desire to break free,
spiked with adrenaline,
injected with hope and need
and please, please, please
let this be,
forever
it's always the little things
that can break you
—L.m.
Mar 8, 2017
Mar 8, 2017 at 7:27 AM UTC
just as you don't
have to remind the sun to shine
and the flowers to bloom,
when you ask me to love you,
it already goes without saying
—L.m.
Mar 1, 2017
Mar 1, 2017 at 7:24 AM UTC
there are days when my mind insists it's right and i'm foolish enough to trust it, moments when my throat feels itchy and clogged, fingers tangled in anxiousness and eyes bloodshot, nights i forget sleep is a necessity not a choice. I've always tried to fight it, an internal battle between me and my thoughts where none of us are ready to raise the flag but both know are in need of saving. "It's all in the mind," I've heard it plenty of times that I no longer flinch when directed by it. And I do think it's just my mind. But tell me: what exactly have i done that it would want to betray me like this?
Nov 26, 2016
Nov 26, 2016 at 8:14 AM UTC
I have yet to call myself
my own again
a figure skinny-dipping in
the dark, ready to drown herself with
every chance she gets then pushing
herself out of the water to taste air,
thoughts too toxic for her own good
yet she never hesitates to consume
more and more
she twists herself in whirlwind romances,
covered in glitter, sunshine smiles and songs
she'll laugh, she'll cry, then tomorrow night
she'll say goodbye, as if she's always ready,
always attempting, always striving to go,
but then she'll shiver, she'll shrivel,
haunted by loneliness, fearing isolation,
so she'll stay, knees numb and frozen.
Up until she yet again craves
another midnight swim.
Oct 13, 2016
Oct 13, 2016 at 11:20 AM UTC