#conor
#I have a friend, he's mostly made of pain
He wakes up, drives to work and straight back home again
He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper
I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover
And I tried to tell him he had a sense
Of color and composition so magnificent
And he said, "Thank you, please
But your flattery
It's truly not becoming me
Your eyes are poor, you're blind you see
No beauty could have come from me
I'm a waste
Of breath, of space, of time"
I knew a woman, she was dignified and true
Her love for her man was one of her many virtues
Until one day she found out that he had lied
And decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie
She was grateful for everything that had happened
And she was anxious for all that would come next
But then she wept, what did you expect?
In that big old house with the car she kept
And, "Such is life," she often said
With one day leading to the next
You get a little closer to your death
Which was fine with her, she never got upset
And with all the days she may have left
She would never clean another mess
Or fold his shirts or look her best
She was free
To waste away alone
Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove
And this cop pig pulled him off to the side of the road
And he said, "Officer, officer, you've got the wrong man
No, no, I'm a student of medicine, a son of a banker, you don't understand"
The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful
And your carelessness, it is something awful
And no, I can't just let you go
And though your father's name is known
Your decisions now are yours alone
You're nothing but a stepping stone
On a path
To debt, to loss, to shame"
The last few months I've been living with this couple
Yeah, you know the kind who buy everything in doubles
Yeah, they fit together like a puzzle
I love their love, and I am thankful
That someone actually receives the prize that was promised
By all those fairy tales that drugged us
And still do me, I'm sick, lonely
No laurel tree, just green envy
Will my number come up eventually?
Like love's some kind of lottery
Where you scratch and see what's underneath
It's sorry, just one cherry
I'll play again, get lucky
So now I hang out down by the train's depot
No, I don't ride, I just sit and watch the people there
They remind me of windup cars in motion
The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions
And I want to scream out that it all is nonsense
And their life's one track and can't they see it's pointless?
But just then my knees give under me
My head feels weak and suddenly
It's clear to see it's not them but me
Who's lost my self-identity
And I hide behind these books I read
While scribbling my poetry
Like art could save a wretch like me
With some ideal ideology
That no one could hope to achieve
And I'm never real, it's just a sketch of me
And everything I've made is trite and cheap
And a waste
Of paint, of tape, of time
So I park my car down by the cathedral
Where the floodlights point up at the steeples
Choir practice is filling up with people
I hear the sound escaping as an echo
Sloping off the ceiling at an angle
When the voices blend they sound like angels
I hope there's some room still in the middle
But when I lift my voice up now to reach them
The range is too high way up in heaven
So I hold my tongue, forget the song
Tie my shoes, start walking off
And try to just keep moving on
With my broken heart and my absent God
And I have no faith but it's all I want
To be loved, and believe
In my soul, in my soul
(This is not mine, its from my favorite singer/song writer Conor Oberst/Bright Eyes)#
Jun 27, 2018
Jun 27, 2018 at 10:03 AM UTC
It has been a couple of weeks
since the rigor of being McGregor
boiled down to nothing,
and Mayweather
had an Irma of punches
ricochet off of him.
I recollect this seemingly regular
pre-big-match rumor,
that the game was arranged.
These verdicters
pronounced a loss for Conor.
If so, Mc. man there
took way too many hits for the money.
Now that McGregor is left for dead,
and verily, Floyd
may or may not have added
a few more Lamborghinis
from the Billion bucks prize !!!
Many fortunes have changed.
I've fallen deep down
into this cemetery
where my thoughts lay dead,
and from the abyss sprout up a paradox
that stands for all fortunes:
We all fish in the same waters;
if one stirs a ripple,
driving the fishes away,
another is gifted a school without much labor.
Sep 15, 2017
Sep 15, 2017 at 8:58 PM UTC
got a pink bulb
suckered in mouth—
spit it out. dribble
gobstopper sun,
pause motion to
explosive creation
cake the surface
rubber dumb, POP!
sharp tap like a
snare bubble
vacuum record
in recycling bin
you had it made
su-per-ma-ssive
try again a same
chum the chew
begin renew
anew anew review
Feb 19, 2017
Feb 19, 2017 at 9:17 AM UTC
I had a pleasant dream
Still caught in my memory
It was just you and I
And you were beautiful
Shining with a blessed light
It made me smile, and I woke
This feeling made me choke
I haven't felt like this in an eternity
Positivity?
When all I have is ******* making fun of me?
Wait, wait, wait...
I'm happy?
Jul 12, 2016
Jul 12, 2016 at 4:45 AM UTC
****
The only real word that best describes this situation
Used as an insult, for example...
**** you Woody, for making an amazing man
A far better ************* poet than you
Be removed from this site
**** your supporters
And I don't mean those who like his writes
I mean, they're okay
But **** all those who support his alternates
Big Bad Wilf and all that
R, and whatnot
**** them, you do not understand
The capacity of my frustration
That such trolls would exist
In a place as supposedly pure as this
An even bigger ****
Because I no longer have contact with him
Picking off my supporters huh?
Or just going, **** it
Let's shoot down the real "problem" here"
**** you Woody
There is a special pit in Hell
Reserved for your ilk
Just
****
Jul 11, 2016
Jul 11, 2016 at 1:16 AM UTC
This happiness whispers
From the shadows
Just outta reach, that success you reach for
The work and effort, sweat and pain you put into
Whatever it is you be doing
At the time when you so close
To the finish line
And somebody stops you
Blocks you
Defeats you
And there's a parade in your name
But not to say that you tried
But to put you to shame
Because it wasn't enough and
You thought you were tough before
But how can you stay strong when your friends leave
And slam the door?
Locking you in with the hatred within
And even in your mind you see the Devils' grin
Telling you that failure isn't an option
It's a sin
That you weren't able to do something
Something easy or maybe something hard
You try to push on but all you hear is
******
And they keep pushing
Pushing you when all you need is help
They make you squeal and yelp
Crying
******* I'm a f_ck-up
All this time I've been lying"
"I wasn't strong,
I was weak and I was wrong
Thinking I could get my head into a place
Where I don't belong"
And in honour of those
Who try to compose
Themselves
When there never really was nobody else
To help
I wrote a song
And hopefully you can hear the feeling when you sing along
Because you know it's wrong
And you've known all along
Why can't we help each other and get along?
Why must we hate somebody
When we have nobody
To love
And hatred is driving you
Providing you
With strength
But not the strength to say
"That's enough?"
I see guys eyeing each other off
Flexing muscles and spitting just to prove they tough
Glaring down at you
Follow you
Just to make sure the intimidation game is
Affecting you
So what is there to do?
I mean, when you got nothing to lose?
Nobody by your side that you fear getting bruised?
Do you cruise?
Walk on by?
Or let fly?
"I'm sick of this sh_t man
Give up before I end this
Tonight!"
Do you stand for strength?
Do you stand for justice?
Do you stand up for the weak,
the incapable, sick and the helpless?
Or do you just ignore it?
Not wanting to be the next target?
Knowing if you mess with them
You won't get away with it?
Is it worth it?
Are they worth the risk?
Is it fair to watch someone else get dissed?
And ****** on?
The real rain on the parade?
Is it fair to stand by
Back turned,
Watch the light fade?
No
No it isn't
So don't you dare tell me you tried
Because you stood there when I was dissed on
You hid yourself away
When I needed someone to trust
But instead of being a hero
You watched as I got f_cked!
Asked if I was okay when all I had was bruises
And bruisers bruising me
Mocking me
For my Aspergers and divided family!
So don't you dare turn to me
Just keep walking
And I'll walk the other way
If you even try to start talking
I don't need to hear your story
I don't need to hear your lies
I've heard it all before
So you can't begin to deny
Me
By saying you was waiting
Bullsh_t
You wanted them to end me
So don't try to sway me with your mockery
Called Sympathy
Happiness
Whispers from the dark
And like the light during Winter
Fades fast as I stare across the park
Jul 5, 2016
Jul 5, 2016 at 5:43 AM UTC
Yeah you, *******
Woody!
If you're gonna get mad at being trolled,
You troll,
Don't you dare take it out on my pack
See?
Now I'm a "woof *****
I was a Phoenix before,
But reincarnation got the better of me this time round
So!
Allons-y, mofongulu!
In case you don't get that, roughly, that's
Later, mother ******
Jul 5, 2016
Jul 5, 2016 at 4:11 AM UTC
When you knock the side of your head,
Is anyone home?
Or is the only response
That dull echo?
As dull and as thick as the ******* who owns it
Buys his comments from others, yeah you loan it
You know it's ****** how I can't even be myself
In virtual reality without being picked on by someone else?!
Do I really threaten you by being an up-and-comer?
Do you run home to your basement, just to tell your mother?
******* your thumb and ******* cousins to forget your troubles
But it never works, I'm always here, you daft ************
I'm a mother ******* ghost and I'mma haunt your soul
Turn stupidity to comedy and swallow it all whole
Make it fresh content, regardless of the consequence
Til you leave me alone, ****** and let me be myself!
You know nothing about me, do they call you Jon Snow?
You know nothing ***** so pack your bags and catch the last bus home
You're just embarrassing yourself, you're a laughing stock
Look at all the comments I made telling you to go **** yourself!
Do you see me now, huh? Am I what you expected?
That "woof ***** who by being himself got himself rejected?
Why can't you appreciate others man, and stop being your lack of brains' slave
And give this **** up before I contemplate digging your grave
Jul 4, 2016
Jul 4, 2016 at 6:13 PM UTC
I'm a poet, beatboxer,
Gamer, Expert procrastinator
Hated
Loved
But not loved by you apparently.
You
Who sits behind the screen like a little *****
Makes your profile private
So I can't respond to things like
"Exactly what I'd expect a 16 year old little ***** to say"
You only make me mad by your nature
Probably a 50 year-old ********* and troll
Who gets off by taunting younger ones
Because he's too much of a **** to pick on someone
His own size and age,
Having no friends or relatives that love him
Nobody that respects the ******* he is
Probably does drugs
Dropped out of school the year he learnt the word ****
Didn't follow much of a lifestyle
Blew kids off for twenty bucks
I mean, money is money
Shares his mothers basement with twelve cousins,
Male and female,
That he ***** on the daily
The only action he really gets
And when they aren't there
Climbs out of his trollhole
To **** with the wrong people
They call me Phoenix
Because I roast beats
And pedophiles
Like yourselves
You got a reaction
Question is,
Was it what you expected?
Jul 4, 2016
Jul 4, 2016 at 4:01 AM UTC
Conor Blatchford
17 hours ago
Maddii... where you at? <3 if you want me to explain what there is to love about yourself, here I go:
1: You are a ************* poet. That's cool. Making words rhyme is hard for a lot of people. Expressing emotion in those words is even harder
2: Caring. You keep talking to me, that's casual caring. You ask me how I am, that's caring. You are willing to listen to me, metaphorically listen to me because this is typed, so... and that's true caring right there
3: Friendship. You are one of a select few that consistently makes me smile. Also, you listen to me ***** about my life
4: Loyalty. You're still here, right...? <3
5: Humour. Ties in with friendship. You not only make me smile, but also laugh. I laughed in class once. Especially just earlier, when I read what you did to that kids' nose. I imagined the pause between him laughing and having his nose broken, it was so comical I laughed out loud. Everyone thought I was insane.
6: Inspiration. Some of my poems wouldn't have even been written were it not for you
7: "Sneaky". Manipulating me into giving you ideas. Why? Because I love you (reference to earlier conversation) <3
8: You are one of the few reasons I take pleasure in waking up each day. I have people constantly saying **** about me, knowing I have a short fuse and taking advantage of it, but not you. Also, I look forward to talking to you. First thing I do when I open my laptop is send you a message
I would keep going, but this is long enough. Oh, and I feel guilty. I'm not sure I said happy birthday on your 17th. But Happy Late Birthday from me. Once again, I apologise, I felt/feel so bad
Love you Maddii. Stay safe. <3
Jul 1, 2016
Jul 1, 2016 at 12:45 AM UTC
A two word couple rarely used
In genuine terms, at least
But all too often, more than abused
Never in response to treat
And apologies are just the same
Said so carelessly, so carefree
Follows suit after a name
But meaningless, sadly
What are words without their meaning?
When used out of context
It meant something at the beginning
But the question is what’s next?
Will opinions come to have no value?
How about symbols, or hand signals?
As I said, use and abuse
So used the tongue does tingle
Compare that to human life
What makes us so unique?
We all have opinions and advice
And without being asked, openly critique
We push others down so we can get up
Why don’t we just learn to swim?
So we can go for long enough
Without bending someone to our whim
A life forced to enforce our own
Power corrupts, and corrupts absolutely
And these maddened actions we must condone
And do so resolutely.
Why do we keep ruining lives?
Not just others, but also our own
We punish either with words like knives
And suffer all alone
I preferred to shut my mouth
And say what doesn’t need saying
Everything would be what I’d talk about
But my emotions just kept on praying
Hiding behind a veil
That was a master façade
My smile hid all detail
So to myself I said “Au Revoir”
But they could not hide forever
My darkness lifted a little
So I tried piecing myself together
Labelled “Handle with Caution, for I am Brittle.”
But despite how hard I tried
I failed to be whole
My best interests were defied
And darkness enveloped my soul
What I once hid behind
Was now a part of me
When I realised, I died inside
And self-consciously admit defeat
My hands guided by hatred
For the weakness that was within
Energy so sapped I became faded
And my Nightmares would soon begin
For a year I found it hard to sleep
As I watched my friends be Butchered
With woe and sorrow I began to weep
In helplessness I was snookered
My friend had an idea for me
One I never dreamt
To try and incite a lucid dream
And to have my promise be kept
That I would protect my friends
No matter what the cost
A brave mental battle, with no happier end
And once done, I knew all was not lost
But inside my mind I found my meaning
Even through my lack of dreaming
That life is best had when not sleeping
And reminiscing memories of bleeding
Life is an experience
That defines who you are
Fill it with extravagance
And man will you go far
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 7:06 AM UTC
I watch the years advance
Ring-a-rosies in the park
A-tishoo, A-tishoo,
Strength from things that never **** you
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 4:43 AM UTC
I reminisce
These memories
They haunt me
As they would you
If only you knew
What I’ve been through
I’ve tried too long and I’ve tried too hard
To let go of my demons, to let go of my past
History repeated again and again
But I can’t let go
And it never ends
I remember a time where happiness ruled
But over time the sun faded and darkness pooled
In my mouth, down my throat and into my heart
Corrupting me, turning me from the light to the dark
Sometime ago, I sought an answer
To a prayer I never wished to voice
That I could find a way to end this pain
But I chose the wrong choice
I made it physical
Because I hated being emotional
(Men don’t cry)
But despite my attempts
To replace what I couldn’t stand
(Soon after, I wished, to die)
And my wish came true!
I became addicted to what tears me apart
I let the blade through my skin, and into my heart
The one thing I turned to, that never mocked who I was
Was the one thing that destroyed me, within my lust
I suffered needlessly, I was my own scar
I didn’t wear them they were me, right from the start
The moment the steel brushed my skin
Was the one day I faced my end
So hear my words, don’t get caught in this trap
No matter the problem, bullied or harassed,
It will swallow your soul
A demon to devour you whole
And leave you with nothing but regret
I reminisce
These memories
They haunt me
As they would you
If only you knew
What I’ve been through
And why I’ve done the things
I continue to do
I’m seeing someone about all this
Because I have problems waiting to be fixed
Things I can’t handle on my own
But then again, I’ve always been alone
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 5:31 AM UTC
My Father said,
“Sometimes, Conor, you talk too much
And talk too little.”
I’ll let you figure that out on your own
So here I go:
I started off as shy
Didn’t like to meet people’s eyes
I was floating in the skies
So when I dropped I was surprised
I began to talk more,
Sometimes I just don’t shut up
There’s so much I have to say
But of time there’s not enough
My Primary years were years of torture
Those twisted words a killer
“Stupid. ***** ****** Loser”
I shut my eyes and mouth, head down, just kept cruising
Hoping. Praying
That someone would maybe save me
But I was unlucky
No-one came to rescue me
So pretty soon I hated the world that surrounded me
A father gone, overseas, fighting a war.
Because when it comes to family, some things are worth dying for.
Well pretty soon after, I wanted to die
When I found out that I wasn’t quite alright
My difference wasn’t me just being a shy guy
That untroubled dragon, unburdened, flying in the sky
Because I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of eight
Chance hated me, it seemed, and so too did fate
Adding fuel to the fire, an internal pyre
That consumed me, hungrily, leaving me broken and tired
So my innocence was ignorance
You can tell by the evidence
I wanted an exit
Another way I could end this
Years down the track, and who am I now?
Am I that joker you thought I was, head up and proud?
The friend to the friendless, my speech is just endless
But at the end of the day I’m only pretending
Because I’m not okay, I’m a broken part
To a greater whole of some use, just needing a kick-start
My friends and family, you see, they disagree with me
Saying worn is not broken, and either way it isn’t easy
It hasn’t been easy, torn by the truth
And mocked for my teeth, hit at times, left bruised
Sticks and stones may break my bones and all that other ****
By words hit hard too and at times it’s hard to deal with it
Now I don’t seek attention, just tried to let them know
That I was struggling and there were some things I couldn’t let go
From the first time I was called “Bucky” to the handle of a blade
I wanted to tear apart all the **** they had made
So I started hacking away at myself
Trying to find a better someone else
The answer lies not in blood spilled, or the steel used to slash through
But in your mind hides a better you, a person with a better view
It just takes time to uncover
The century’s best discover
An artefact, buried, hidden, within your soul
Just clear your problems
Try and solve them
And you’ll be whole
“Sometimes, Conor,
You talk too much
And talk too little”
Do you understand?
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 5:29 AM UTC
it’s a dream
under cities’
block bricks
a small house
like canvas
squats cut out,
array of colour
not black
or grey, or white,
is tangerines
and strawberries
paper works,
also a ribbon
picket fence
take a stick to
beat of a ribcage
diagnose blame
too memorable
no serious future
says this dream
it’s a lucid one.
Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 9:02 PM UTC
My honesty is brutal
Like me, honesty is a killer
Honesty stains my hands like blood
And I wear it like a mask
You wanted the truth
I gave it to you
I'm sorry it's brutal,
But I don't care
May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 11:32 PM UTC
*They told me to shoot for the stars
But the gravity of negativity
Outweighed the thermals of positivity
And even with everyone's support
To Hell I fell*
May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 4:40 AM UTC
Here I go, once again
Returning to paper
The ink directed forth is
My only real saviour
The one thing
Preventing me
From losing my mind
Is for me to write down
Things better left behind
So I remind
Myself
Upon the past I dwell
From the present I yell
To the future I sell
These lines, as messed up
****** up
As the creator who wrote them
Once again
Do you understand
Why I write these songs my friend?
Another day, another song
In my mind I'm the only one who sings along
As trees burn, and embers swirl
I stand alone and yell!
Pump out these lyrics
With ease and admitting
My failure to really
Sing but do you hear me?
That voice in your head
That tells you what I dread
And you relate but scare yourself
When you go to bed
I don't mean to be a nightmare
But with my words I do dare
To share
What scared me
And made me so **** angry
So I hope that you know
That these words are free-flow
And be strong, do no wrong
Find your strength when you sing this song!
Another day, another song
In my mind I'm the only one who sings along
As trees burn, and embers swirl
I stand alone and yell!
From the pits of hell!
From the raging storms!
Can you hear me yell?
And if you can then sing along!
Another day, just another song
From the readers perspective it's just a poem
When I walk alone, amidst the chaos
I wonder if then you'll admit all is lost
May 17, 2016
May 17, 2016 at 6:47 AM UTC
It went like this:
Wouldn't talk, not even about my problems
There were so many options to help me solve them
But I missed them all, blinded by hurt
A hurt I didn't welcome, a hurt I didn't deserve
Bullied by kids with bigger problems than mine
So I came up with my own helpful design
I'd cause my own pain, over and over again
Because, after all, no pain no gain
But all I gained was a real bad habit
A real bad habit that stopped me feeling like ****
So I thought it was good, I mean cuts heal
But they heal into scars, not part of the deal
I just wanted something I could handle
But now, unfortunately, they became visible
Questions, questions, from family and friends
I though, Oh God, does it never end?
And guess what?
I still said nothing
Now look at me
Three hundred turns of the cycle later
Now I'mma see a psych and be a fixed ******
May 15, 2016
May 15, 2016 at 6:01 AM UTC
A fire in our hearts for our every desire
A match, some kindling or perhaps a lighter
Waiting for an incident, an accident or worse
To light them up, die out and wind up in a hearse
Death is what we dread, death is our end
You can pretend to be immortal, but you can only pretend
Life is what we cling to, our unreliable friend
But when your fire dies out, life will only send
An inferno, a tornado, circling flames
Burning deep within ever since I was made
Forced into this world, this world of chaos
Wandering the streets hoping that I'll get lost
Sometimes I look up into the sky
And burn brighter than the Sun, though I'm dark as night
Praying to God oh no, God please help me!
God save me, God you made me, God just take me!
And I hear nothing, nor do I see sign
Of He who lives above, He so divine
Abandoned by the figure who claimed to love me!
No-one left, just my fire and me, so I'll wait till I cease to be!
May 15, 2016
May 15, 2016 at 5:42 AM UTC
So now you're finally here
My voice is hoarse, I have no tears
I shed them all when I screamed your name
So long and so loud but you never came!
I only saw you in my dreams
Apart from that you remained unseen
You promised you'd be there for me
But you weren't when my world split its seams!
I tried to crawl away
Away from the fighting and the pain
But all I have, it seems
Is this world others have made!
So don't tell me to calm down!
Why don't you just go away?
Leave me be, as you did
And ignore me as I fade away!
May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016 at 6:15 PM UTC
A grey and rainy day
A day to wash away the pain
Clean the slate before fate decides
The pain is here to stay
A person to specialise in fixing my problems
When I myself have trouble trying to solve them
A psychologist for someone as messed up as me
Can they really fix it?
Well I guess we'll see
I got so much anger
Yeah it's balled up deep within
Massages don't do **** for me
It's deeper than the muscles under my skin
It's all up in my mind
And a part of my anatomy
Can you really fix my anger
When it's coded in my chemistry?
I'm not too sure
But I really hope it works
Because if it doesn't I'll probably collapse
Either that or go bezerk
Down the other alley
Is a depression so deep
You can almost taste the water when
You're drowning in your sleep
But asleep or dead
I know it's all up in my head
Every problem can be solved with time
Rather than force the end
The problem with me is
Whilst I can write
Talking to others about my problems
Is probably my hardest fight
So hopefully I work well
With my new psychologist
And hopefully she doesn't become
An anger antagonist
May 10, 2016
May 10, 2016 at 11:28 PM UTC
Constricted
Restricted
Bound
Helpless
Four fears remaining constant
May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC
Long and dark corridors
A medical wing
Flickering fluorescent lights
And a man with a ring
Dressed all in black
Familiar scars
Passing windowed rooms
Reflecting faint fluorescent stars
Broken glass under boots
Mirroring the light
Whilst this man keeps moving forward
A wraith of the night
Steel-framed door
And a birthday passcode
2-1-0-9 and he's in
No light and all shadow
Just a window for a wall
And a Butchering freak
Bladed or blunted weapons
Bloodlust and fresh meat
Tied up are the innocent
Power to the psychopath
If there's one thing to be known
That son of a ***** makes pain last
A torturous death causing
A tortured souls' song
In the throes of insanity
The Butcher sings along
And this doppelgänger of me
He quietly stands
Calmly watching friends die
As I clench my own hands
He may look like me
But that's where it ends
I'd give the world to save them all
But clearly Nightmares don't care
May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 7:48 AM UTC
*Vicious claws
Unrelenting mind
Strength and grace
Efficiency*
~
Black-painted fingernails
Determination sets her jaw
Admirable physique yet graceful in motion
She got to me pretty easily
Funny what one notices
In a girl
May 8, 2016
May 8, 2016 at 7:59 AM UTC