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#conor
#I have a friend, he's mostly made of pain He wakes up, drives to work and straight back home again He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover And I tried to tell him he had a sense Of color and composition so magnificent And he said, "Thank you, please But your flattery It's truly not becoming me Your eyes are poor, you're blind you see No beauty could have come from me I'm a waste Of breath, of space, of time" I knew a woman, she was dignified and true Her love for her man was one of her many virtues Until one day she found out that he had lied And decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie She was grateful for everything that had happened And she was anxious for all that would come next But then she wept, what did you expect? In that big old house with the car she kept And, "Such is life," she often said With one day leading to the next You get a little closer to your death Which was fine with her, she never got upset And with all the days she may have left She would never clean another mess Or fold his shirts or look her best She was free To waste away alone Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove And this cop pig pulled him off to the side of the road And he said, "Officer, officer, you've got the wrong man No, no, I'm a student of medicine, a son of a banker, you don't understand" The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful And your carelessness, it is something awful And no, I can't just let you go And though your father's name is known Your decisions now are yours alone You're nothing but a stepping stone On a path To debt, to loss, to shame" The last few months I've been living with this couple Yeah, you know the kind who buy everything in doubles Yeah, they fit together like a puzzle I love their love, and I am thankful That someone actually receives the prize that was promised By all those fairy tales that drugged us And still do me, I'm sick, lonely No laurel tree, just green envy Will my number come up eventually? Like love's some kind of lottery Where you scratch and see what's underneath It's sorry, just one cherry I'll play again, get lucky So now I hang out down by the train's depot No, I don't ride, I just sit and watch the people there They remind me of windup cars in motion The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions And I want to scream out that it all is nonsense And their life's one track and can't they see it's pointless? But just then my knees give under me My head feels weak and suddenly It's clear to see it's not them but me Who's lost my self-identity And I hide behind these books I read While scribbling my poetry Like art could save a wretch like me With some ideal ideology That no one could hope to achieve And I'm never real, it's just a sketch of me And everything I've made is trite and cheap And a waste Of paint, of tape, of time So I park my car down by the cathedral Where the floodlights point up at the steeples Choir practice is filling up with people I hear the sound escaping as an echo Sloping off the ceiling at an angle When the voices blend they sound like angels I hope there's some room still in the middle But when I lift my voice up now to reach them The range is too high way up in heaven So I hold my tongue, forget the song Tie my shoes, start walking off And try to just keep moving on With my broken heart and my absent God And I have no faith but it's all I want To be loved, and believe In my soul, in my soul (This is not mine, its from my favorite singer/song writer Conor Oberst/Bright Eyes)#
0
Jun 27, 2018
Jun 27, 2018 at 10:03 AM UTC
Waste Of Paint by Bright Eyes
#I have a friend, he's mostly made of pain He wakes up, drives to work and straight back home again He once cut one of my nightmares out of paper I thought it was beautiful, I put it on a record cover And I tried to tell him he had a sense Of color and composition so magnificent And he said, "Thank you, please But your flattery It's truly not becoming me Your eyes are poor, you're blind you see No beauty could have come from me I'm a waste Of breath, of space, of time" I knew a woman, she was dignified and true Her love for her man was one of her many virtues Until one day she found out that he had lied And decided the rest of her life from that point on would be a lie She was grateful for everything that had happened And she was anxious for all that would come next But then she wept, what did you expect? In that big old house with the car she kept And, "Such is life," she often said With one day leading to the next You get a little closer to your death Which was fine with her, she never got upset And with all the days she may have left She would never clean another mess Or fold his shirts or look her best She was free To waste away alone Last night, my brother he got drunk and drove And this cop pig pulled him off to the side of the road And he said, "Officer, officer, you've got the wrong man No, no, I'm a student of medicine, a son of a banker, you don't understand" The cop said, "No one got hurt, you should be thankful And your carelessness, it is something awful And no, I can't just let you go And though your father's name is known Your decisions now are yours alone You're nothing but a stepping stone On a path To debt, to loss, to shame" The last few months I've been living with this couple Yeah, you know the kind who buy everything in doubles Yeah, they fit together like a puzzle I love their love, and I am thankful That someone actually receives the prize that was promised By all those fairy tales that drugged us And still do me, I'm sick, lonely No laurel tree, just green envy Will my number come up eventually? Like love's some kind of lottery Where you scratch and see what's underneath It's sorry, just one cherry I'll play again, get lucky So now I hang out down by the train's depot No, I don't ride, I just sit and watch the people there They remind me of windup cars in motion The way they spin and turn and jockey for positions And I want to scream out that it all is nonsense And their life's one track and can't they see it's pointless? But just then my knees give under me My head feels weak and suddenly It's clear to see it's not them but me Who's lost my self-identity And I hide behind these books I read While scribbling my poetry Like art could save a wretch like me With some ideal ideology That no one could hope to achieve And I'm never real, it's just a sketch of me And everything I've made is trite and cheap And a waste Of paint, of tape, of time So I park my car down by the cathedral Where the floodlights point up at the steeples Choir practice is filling up with people I hear the sound escaping as an echo Sloping off the ceiling at an angle When the voices blend they sound like angels I hope there's some room still in the middle But when I lift my voice up now to reach them The range is too high way up in heaven So I hold my tongue, forget the song Tie my shoes, start walking off And try to just keep moving on With my broken heart and my absent God And I have no faith but it's all I want To be loved, and believe In my soul, in my soul (This is not mine, its from my favorite singer/song writer Conor Oberst/Bright Eyes)#
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91
It has been a couple of weeks since the rigor of being McGregor boiled down to nothing, and Mayweather had an Irma of punches ricochet off of him. I recollect this seemingly regular pre-big-match rumor, that the game was arranged. These verdicters pronounced a loss for Conor. If so, Mc. man there took way too many hits for the money. Now that McGregor is left for dead, and verily, Floyd may or may not have added a few more Lamborghinis from the Billion bucks prize !!! Many fortunes have changed. I've fallen deep down into this cemetery where my thoughts lay dead, and from the abyss sprout up a paradox that stands for all fortunes: We all fish in the same waters; if one stirs a ripple, driving the fishes away, another is gifted a school without much labor.
0
Sep 15, 2017
Sep 15, 2017 at 8:58 PM UTC
Chains of fortune
got a pink bulb suckered in mouth— spit it out. dribble gobstopper sun, pause motion to explosive creation cake the surface rubber dumb, POP! sharp tap like a snare bubble vacuum record in recycling bin you had it made su-per-ma-ssive try again a same chum the chew begin renew anew anew review
0
Feb 19, 2017
Feb 19, 2017 at 9:17 AM UTC
Tungsten
I had a pleasant dream Still caught in my memory It was just you and I And you were beautiful Shining with a blessed light It made me smile, and I woke This feeling made me choke I haven't felt like this in an eternity Positivity? When all I have is ******* making fun of me? Wait, wait, wait... I'm happy?
0
Jul 12, 2016
Jul 12, 2016 at 4:45 AM UTC
What the fu---?
**** The only real word that best describes this situation Used as an insult, for example... **** you Woody, for making an amazing man A far better ************* poet than you Be removed from this site **** your supporters And I don't mean those who like his writes I mean, they're okay But **** all those who support his alternates Big Bad Wilf and all that R, and whatnot **** them, you do not understand The capacity of my frustration That such trolls would exist In a place as supposedly pure as this An even bigger **** Because I no longer have contact with him Picking off my supporters huh? Or just going, **** it Let's shoot down the real "problem" here" **** you Woody There is a special pit in Hell Reserved for your ilk Just ****
0
Jul 11, 2016
Jul 11, 2016 at 1:16 AM UTC
The Only Real Word...
This happiness whispers From the shadows Just outta reach, that success you reach for The work and effort, sweat and pain you put into Whatever it is you be doing At the time when you so close To the finish line And somebody stops you Blocks you Defeats you And there's a parade in your name But not to say that you tried But to put you to shame Because it wasn't enough and You thought you were tough before But how can you stay strong when your friends leave And slam the door? Locking you in with the hatred within And even in your mind you see the Devils' grin Telling you that failure isn't an option It's a sin That you weren't able to do something Something easy or maybe something hard You try to push on but all you hear is ****** And they keep pushing Pushing you when all you need is help They make you squeal and yelp Crying ******* I'm a f_ck-up All this time I've been lying" "I wasn't strong, I was weak and I was wrong Thinking I could get my head into a place Where I don't belong" And in honour of those Who try to compose Themselves When there never really was nobody else To help I wrote a song And hopefully you can hear the feeling when you sing along Because you know it's wrong And you've known all along Why can't we help each other and get along? Why must we hate somebody When we have nobody To love And hatred is driving you Providing you With strength But not the strength to say "That's enough?" I see guys eyeing each other off Flexing muscles and spitting just to prove they tough Glaring down at you Follow you Just to make sure the intimidation game is Affecting you So what is there to do? I mean, when you got nothing to lose? Nobody by your side that you fear getting bruised? Do you cruise? Walk on by? Or let fly? "I'm sick of this sh_t man Give up before I end this Tonight!" Do you stand for strength? Do you stand for justice? Do you stand up for the weak, the incapable, sick and the helpless? Or do you just ignore it? Not wanting to be the next target? Knowing if you mess with them You won't get away with it? Is it worth it? Are they worth the risk? Is it fair to watch someone else get dissed? And ****** on? The real rain on the parade? Is it fair to stand by Back turned, Watch the light fade? No No it isn't So don't you dare tell me you tried Because you stood there when I was dissed on You hid yourself away When I needed someone to trust But instead of being a hero You watched as I got f_cked! Asked if I was okay when all I had was bruises And bruisers bruising me Mocking me For my Aspergers and divided family! So don't you dare turn to me Just keep walking And I'll walk the other way If you even try to start talking I don't need to hear your story I don't need to hear your lies I've heard it all before So you can't begin to deny Me By saying you was waiting Bullsh_t You wanted them to end me So don't try to sway me with your mockery Called Sympathy Happiness Whispers from the dark And like the light during Winter Fades fast as I stare across the park
0
Jul 5, 2016
Jul 5, 2016 at 5:43 AM UTC
It Whispers
This happiness whispers From the shadows Just outta reach, that success you reach for The work and effort, sweat and pain you put into Whatever it is you be doing At the time when you so close To the finish line And somebody stops you Blocks you Defeats you And there's a parade in your name But not to say that you tried But to put you to shame Because it wasn't enough and You thought you were tough before But how can you stay strong when your friends leave And slam the door? Locking you in with the hatred within And even in your mind you see the Devils' grin Telling you that failure isn't an option It's a sin That you weren't able to do something Something easy or maybe something hard You try to push on but all you hear is ****** And they keep pushing Pushing you when all you need is help They make you squeal and yelp Crying ******* I'm a f_ck-up All this time I've been lying" "I wasn't strong, I was weak and I was wrong Thinking I could get my head into a place Where I don't belong" And in honour of those Who try to compose Themselves When there never really was nobody else To help I wrote a song And hopefully you can hear the feeling when you sing along Because you know it's wrong And you've known all along Why can't we help each other and get along? Why must we hate somebody When we have nobody To love And hatred is driving you Providing you With strength But not the strength to say "That's enough?" I see guys eyeing each other off Flexing muscles and spitting just to prove they tough Glaring down at you Follow you Just to make sure the intimidation game is Affecting you So what is there to do? I mean, when you got nothing to lose? Nobody by your side that you fear getting bruised? Do you cruise? Walk on by? Or let fly? "I'm sick of this sh_t man Give up before I end this Tonight!" Do you stand for strength? Do you stand for justice? Do you stand up for the weak, the incapable, sick and the helpless? Or do you just ignore it? Not wanting to be the next target? Knowing if you mess with them You won't get away with it? Is it worth it? Are they worth the risk? Is it fair to watch someone else get dissed? And ****** on? The real rain on the parade? Is it fair to stand by Back turned, Watch the light fade? No No it isn't So don't you dare tell me you tried Because you stood there when I was dissed on You hid yourself away When I needed someone to trust But instead of being a hero You watched as I got f_cked! Asked if I was okay when all I had was bruises And bruisers bruising me Mocking me For my Aspergers and divided family! So don't you dare turn to me Just keep walking And I'll walk the other way If you even try to start talking I don't need to hear your story I don't need to hear your lies I've heard it all before So you can't begin to deny Me By saying you was waiting Bullsh_t You wanted them to end me So don't try to sway me with your mockery Called Sympathy Happiness Whispers from the dark And like the light during Winter Fades fast as I stare across the park
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114
Yeah you, ******* Woody! If you're gonna get mad at being trolled, You troll, Don't you dare take it out on my pack See? Now I'm a "woof ***** I was a Phoenix before, But reincarnation got the better of me this time round So! Allons-y, mofongulu! In case you don't get that, roughly, that's Later, mother ******
0
Jul 5, 2016
Jul 5, 2016 at 4:11 AM UTC
Hey You!
When you knock the side of your head, Is anyone home? Or is the only response That dull echo? As dull and as thick as the ******* who owns it Buys his comments from others, yeah you loan it You know it's ****** how I can't even be myself In virtual reality without being picked on by someone else?! Do I really threaten you by being an up-and-comer? Do you run home to your basement, just to tell your mother? ******* your thumb and ******* cousins to forget your troubles But it never works, I'm always here, you daft ************ I'm a mother ******* ghost and I'mma haunt your soul Turn stupidity to comedy and swallow it all whole Make it fresh content, regardless of the consequence Til you leave me alone, ****** and let me be myself! You know nothing about me, do they call you Jon Snow? You know nothing ***** so pack your bags and catch the last bus home You're just embarrassing yourself, you're a laughing stock Look at all the comments I made telling you to go **** yourself! Do you see me now, huh? Am I what you expected? That "woof ***** who by being himself got himself rejected? Why can't you appreciate others man, and stop being your lack of brains' slave And give this **** up before I contemplate digging your grave
0
Jul 4, 2016
Jul 4, 2016 at 6:13 PM UTC
As Thick as Woody
I'm a poet, beatboxer, Gamer, Expert procrastinator Hated Loved But not loved by you apparently. You Who sits behind the screen like a little ***** Makes your profile private So I can't respond to things like "Exactly what I'd expect a 16 year old little ***** to say" You only make me mad by your nature Probably a 50 year-old ********* and troll Who gets off by taunting younger ones Because he's too much of a **** to pick on someone His own size and age, Having no friends or relatives that love him Nobody that respects the ******* he is Probably does drugs Dropped out of school the year he learnt the word **** Didn't follow much of a lifestyle Blew kids off for twenty bucks I mean, money is money Shares his mothers basement with twelve cousins, Male and female, That he ***** on the daily The only action he really gets And when they aren't there Climbs out of his trollhole To **** with the wrong people They call me Phoenix Because I roast beats And pedophiles Like yourselves You got a reaction Question is, Was it what you expected?
0
Jul 4, 2016
Jul 4, 2016 at 4:01 AM UTC
Callout Woody and R
Conor Blatchford 17 hours ago Maddii... where you at? <3 if you want me to explain what there is to love about yourself, here I go: 1: You are a ************* poet. That's cool. Making words rhyme is hard for a lot of people. Expressing emotion in those words is even harder 2: Caring. You keep talking to me, that's casual caring. You ask me how I am, that's caring. You are willing to listen to me, metaphorically listen to me because this is typed, so... and that's true caring right there 3: Friendship. You are one of a select few that consistently makes me smile. Also, you listen to me ***** about my life 4: Loyalty. You're still here, right...? <3 5: Humour. Ties in with friendship. You not only make me smile, but also laugh. I laughed in class once. Especially just earlier, when I read what you did to that kids' nose. I imagined the pause between him laughing and having his nose broken, it was so comical I laughed out loud. Everyone thought I was insane. 6: Inspiration. Some of my poems wouldn't have even been written were it not for you 7: "Sneaky". Manipulating me into giving you ideas. Why? Because I love you (reference to earlier conversation) <3 8: You are one of the few reasons I take pleasure in waking up each day. I have people constantly saying **** about me, knowing I have a short fuse and taking advantage of it, but not you. Also, I look forward to talking to you. First thing I do when I open my laptop is send you a message I would keep going, but this is long enough. Oh, and I feel guilty. I'm not sure I said happy birthday on your 17th. But Happy Late Birthday from me. Once again, I apologise, I felt/feel so bad Love you Maddii. Stay safe. <3
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Jul 1, 2016
Jul 1, 2016 at 12:45 AM UTC
This MAde my Day
Conor Blatchford 17 hours ago Maddii... where you at? <3 if you want me to explain what there is to love about yourself, here I go: 1: You are a ************* poet. That's cool. Making words rhyme is hard for a lot of people. Expressing emotion in those words is even harder 2: Caring. You keep talking to me, that's casual caring. You ask me how I am, that's caring. You are willing to listen to me, metaphorically listen to me because this is typed, so... and that's true caring right there 3: Friendship. You are one of a select few that consistently makes me smile. Also, you listen to me ***** about my life 4: Loyalty. You're still here, right...? <3 5: Humour. Ties in with friendship. You not only make me smile, but also laugh. I laughed in class once. Especially just earlier, when I read what you did to that kids' nose. I imagined the pause between him laughing and having his nose broken, it was so comical I laughed out loud. Everyone thought I was insane. 6: Inspiration. Some of my poems wouldn't have even been written were it not for you 7: "Sneaky". Manipulating me into giving you ideas. Why? Because I love you (reference to earlier conversation) <3 8: You are one of the few reasons I take pleasure in waking up each day. I have people constantly saying **** about me, knowing I have a short fuse and taking advantage of it, but not you. Also, I look forward to talking to you. First thing I do when I open my laptop is send you a message I would keep going, but this is long enough. Oh, and I feel guilty. I'm not sure I said happy birthday on your 17th. But Happy Late Birthday from me. Once again, I apologise, I felt/feel so bad Love you Maddii. Stay safe. <3
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13
A two word couple rarely used In genuine terms, at least But all too often, more than abused Never in response to treat And apologies are just the same Said so carelessly, so carefree Follows suit after a name But meaningless, sadly What are words without their meaning? When used out of context It meant something at the beginning But the question is what’s next? Will opinions come to have no value? How about symbols, or hand signals? As I said, use and abuse So used the tongue does tingle Compare that to human life What makes us so unique? We all have opinions and advice And without being asked, openly critique We push others down so we can get up Why don’t we just learn to swim? So we can go for long enough Without bending someone to our whim A life forced to enforce our own Power corrupts, and corrupts absolutely And these maddened actions we must condone And do so resolutely. Why do we keep ruining lives? Not just others, but also our own We punish either with words like knives And suffer all alone I preferred to shut my mouth And say what doesn’t need saying Everything would be what I’d talk about But my emotions just kept on praying Hiding behind a veil That was a master façade My smile hid all detail So to myself I said “Au Revoir” But they could not hide forever My darkness lifted a little So I tried piecing myself together Labelled “Handle with Caution, for I am Brittle.” But despite how hard I tried I failed to be whole My best interests were defied And darkness enveloped my soul What I once hid behind Was now a part of me When I realised, I died inside And self-consciously admit defeat My hands guided by hatred For the weakness that was within Energy so sapped I became faded And my Nightmares would soon begin For a year I found it hard to sleep As I watched my friends be Butchered With woe and sorrow I began to weep In helplessness I was snookered My friend had an idea for me One I never dreamt To try and incite a lucid dream And to have my promise be kept That I would protect my friends No matter what the cost A brave mental battle, with no happier end And once done, I knew all was not lost But inside my mind I found my meaning Even through my lack of dreaming That life is best had when not sleeping And reminiscing memories of bleeding Life is an experience That defines who you are Fill it with extravagance And man will you go far
0
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 7:06 AM UTC
Definition
A two word couple rarely used In genuine terms, at least But all too often, more than abused Never in response to treat And apologies are just the same Said so carelessly, so carefree Follows suit after a name But meaningless, sadly What are words without their meaning? When used out of context It meant something at the beginning But the question is what’s next? Will opinions come to have no value? How about symbols, or hand signals? As I said, use and abuse So used the tongue does tingle Compare that to human life What makes us so unique? We all have opinions and advice And without being asked, openly critique We push others down so we can get up Why don’t we just learn to swim? So we can go for long enough Without bending someone to our whim A life forced to enforce our own Power corrupts, and corrupts absolutely And these maddened actions we must condone And do so resolutely. Why do we keep ruining lives? Not just others, but also our own We punish either with words like knives And suffer all alone I preferred to shut my mouth And say what doesn’t need saying Everything would be what I’d talk about But my emotions just kept on praying Hiding behind a veil That was a master façade My smile hid all detail So to myself I said “Au Revoir” But they could not hide forever My darkness lifted a little So I tried piecing myself together Labelled “Handle with Caution, for I am Brittle.” But despite how hard I tried I failed to be whole My best interests were defied And darkness enveloped my soul What I once hid behind Was now a part of me When I realised, I died inside And self-consciously admit defeat My hands guided by hatred For the weakness that was within Energy so sapped I became faded And my Nightmares would soon begin For a year I found it hard to sleep As I watched my friends be Butchered With woe and sorrow I began to weep In helplessness I was snookered My friend had an idea for me One I never dreamt To try and incite a lucid dream And to have my promise be kept That I would protect my friends No matter what the cost A brave mental battle, with no happier end And once done, I knew all was not lost But inside my mind I found my meaning Even through my lack of dreaming That life is best had when not sleeping And reminiscing memories of bleeding Life is an experience That defines who you are Fill it with extravagance And man will you go far
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76
I watch the years advance Ring-a-rosies in the park A-tishoo, A-tishoo, Strength from things that never **** you
0
Jun 16, 2016
Jun 16, 2016 at 4:43 AM UTC
Self Hate #2
I reminisce These memories They haunt me As they would you If only you knew What I’ve been through I’ve tried too long and I’ve tried too hard To let go of my demons, to let go of my past History repeated again and again But I can’t let go And it never ends I remember a time where happiness ruled But over time the sun faded and darkness pooled In my mouth, down my throat and into my heart Corrupting me, turning me from the light to the dark Sometime ago, I sought an answer To a prayer I never wished to voice That I could find a way to end this pain But I chose the wrong choice I made it physical Because I hated being emotional (Men don’t cry) But despite my attempts To replace what I couldn’t stand (Soon after, I wished, to die) And my wish came true! I became addicted to what tears me apart I let the blade through my skin, and into my heart The one thing I turned to, that never mocked who I was Was the one thing that destroyed me, within my lust I suffered needlessly, I was my own scar I didn’t wear them they were me, right from the start The moment the steel brushed my skin Was the one day I faced my end So hear my words, don’t get caught in this trap No matter the problem, bullied or harassed, It will swallow your soul A demon to devour you whole And leave you with nothing but regret I reminisce These memories They haunt me As they would you If only you knew What I’ve been through And why I’ve done the things I continue to do I’m seeing someone about all this Because I have problems waiting to be fixed Things I can’t handle on my own But then again, I’ve always been alone
0
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 5:31 AM UTC
Remember
I reminisce These memories They haunt me As they would you If only you knew What I’ve been through I’ve tried too long and I’ve tried too hard To let go of my demons, to let go of my past History repeated again and again But I can’t let go And it never ends I remember a time where happiness ruled But over time the sun faded and darkness pooled In my mouth, down my throat and into my heart Corrupting me, turning me from the light to the dark Sometime ago, I sought an answer To a prayer I never wished to voice That I could find a way to end this pain But I chose the wrong choice I made it physical Because I hated being emotional (Men don’t cry) But despite my attempts To replace what I couldn’t stand (Soon after, I wished, to die) And my wish came true! I became addicted to what tears me apart I let the blade through my skin, and into my heart The one thing I turned to, that never mocked who I was Was the one thing that destroyed me, within my lust I suffered needlessly, I was my own scar I didn’t wear them they were me, right from the start The moment the steel brushed my skin Was the one day I faced my end So hear my words, don’t get caught in this trap No matter the problem, bullied or harassed, It will swallow your soul A demon to devour you whole And leave you with nothing but regret I reminisce These memories They haunt me As they would you If only you knew What I’ve been through And why I’ve done the things I continue to do I’m seeing someone about all this Because I have problems waiting to be fixed Things I can’t handle on my own But then again, I’ve always been alone
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51
My Father said, “Sometimes, Conor, you talk too much And talk too little.” I’ll let you figure that out on your own So here I go: I started off as shy Didn’t like to meet people’s eyes I was floating in the skies So when I dropped I was surprised I began to talk more, Sometimes I just don’t shut up There’s so much I have to say But of time there’s not enough My Primary years were years of torture Those twisted words a killer “Stupid. ***** ****** Loser” I shut my eyes and mouth, head down, just kept cruising Hoping. Praying That someone would maybe save me But I was unlucky No-one came to rescue me So pretty soon I hated the world that surrounded me A father gone, overseas, fighting a war. Because when it comes to family, some things are worth dying for. Well pretty soon after, I wanted to die When I found out that I wasn’t quite alright My difference wasn’t me just being a shy guy That untroubled dragon, unburdened, flying in the sky Because I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of eight Chance hated me, it seemed, and so too did fate Adding fuel to the fire, an internal pyre That consumed me, hungrily, leaving me broken and tired So my innocence was ignorance You can tell by the evidence I wanted an exit Another way I could end this Years down the track, and who am I now? Am I that joker you thought I was, head up and proud? The friend to the friendless, my speech is just endless But at the end of the day I’m only pretending Because I’m not okay, I’m a broken part To a greater whole of some use, just needing a kick-start My friends and family, you see, they disagree with me Saying worn is not broken, and either way it isn’t easy It hasn’t been easy, torn by the truth And mocked for my teeth, hit at times, left bruised Sticks and stones may break my bones and all that other **** By words hit hard too and at times it’s hard to deal with it Now I don’t seek attention, just tried to let them know That I was struggling and there were some things I couldn’t let go From the first time I was called “Bucky” to the handle of a blade I wanted to tear apart all the **** they had made So I started hacking away at myself Trying to find a better someone else The answer lies not in blood spilled, or the steel used to slash through But in your mind hides a better you, a person with a better view It just takes time to uncover The century’s best discover An artefact, buried, hidden, within your soul Just clear your problems Try and solve them And you’ll be whole “Sometimes, Conor, You talk too much And talk too little” Do you understand?
0
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 5:29 AM UTC
Too Much, Too Little
My Father said, “Sometimes, Conor, you talk too much And talk too little.” I’ll let you figure that out on your own So here I go: I started off as shy Didn’t like to meet people’s eyes I was floating in the skies So when I dropped I was surprised I began to talk more, Sometimes I just don’t shut up There’s so much I have to say But of time there’s not enough My Primary years were years of torture Those twisted words a killer “Stupid. ***** ****** Loser” I shut my eyes and mouth, head down, just kept cruising Hoping. Praying That someone would maybe save me But I was unlucky No-one came to rescue me So pretty soon I hated the world that surrounded me A father gone, overseas, fighting a war. Because when it comes to family, some things are worth dying for. Well pretty soon after, I wanted to die When I found out that I wasn’t quite alright My difference wasn’t me just being a shy guy That untroubled dragon, unburdened, flying in the sky Because I was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of eight Chance hated me, it seemed, and so too did fate Adding fuel to the fire, an internal pyre That consumed me, hungrily, leaving me broken and tired So my innocence was ignorance You can tell by the evidence I wanted an exit Another way I could end this Years down the track, and who am I now? Am I that joker you thought I was, head up and proud? The friend to the friendless, my speech is just endless But at the end of the day I’m only pretending Because I’m not okay, I’m a broken part To a greater whole of some use, just needing a kick-start My friends and family, you see, they disagree with me Saying worn is not broken, and either way it isn’t easy It hasn’t been easy, torn by the truth And mocked for my teeth, hit at times, left bruised Sticks and stones may break my bones and all that other **** By words hit hard too and at times it’s hard to deal with it Now I don’t seek attention, just tried to let them know That I was struggling and there were some things I couldn’t let go From the first time I was called “Bucky” to the handle of a blade I wanted to tear apart all the **** they had made So I started hacking away at myself Trying to find a better someone else The answer lies not in blood spilled, or the steel used to slash through But in your mind hides a better you, a person with a better view It just takes time to uncover The century’s best discover An artefact, buried, hidden, within your soul Just clear your problems Try and solve them And you’ll be whole “Sometimes, Conor, You talk too much And talk too little” Do you understand?
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it’s a dream under cities’ block bricks a small house like canvas squats cut out, array of colour not black or grey, or white, is tangerines and strawberries paper works, also a ribbon picket fence take a stick to beat of a ribcage diagnose blame too memorable no serious future says this dream it’s a lucid one.
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Jun 12, 2016
Jun 12, 2016 at 9:02 PM UTC
hipster
My honesty is brutal Like me, honesty is a killer Honesty stains my hands like blood And I wear it like a mask You wanted the truth I gave it to you I'm sorry it's brutal, But I don't care
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May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 11:32 PM UTC
Honesty
*They told me to shoot for the stars But the gravity of negativity Outweighed the thermals of positivity And even with everyone's support To Hell I fell*
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May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 4:40 AM UTC
Gravity
Here I go, once again Returning to paper The ink directed forth is My only real saviour The one thing Preventing me From losing my mind Is for me to write down Things better left behind So I remind Myself Upon the past I dwell From the present I yell To the future I sell These lines, as messed up ****** up As the creator who wrote them Once again Do you understand Why I write these songs my friend? Another day, another song In my mind I'm the only one who sings along As trees burn, and embers swirl I stand alone and yell! Pump out these lyrics With ease and admitting My failure to really Sing but do you hear me? That voice in your head That tells you what I dread And you relate but scare yourself When you go to bed I don't mean to be a nightmare But with my words I do dare To share What scared me And made me so **** angry So I hope that you know That these words are free-flow And be strong, do no wrong Find your strength when you sing this song! Another day, another song In my mind I'm the only one who sings along As trees burn, and embers swirl I stand alone and yell! From the pits of hell! From the raging storms! Can you hear me yell? And if you can then sing along! Another day, just another song From the readers perspective it's just a poem When I walk alone, amidst the chaos I wonder if then you'll admit all is lost
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May 17, 2016
May 17, 2016 at 6:47 AM UTC
Burning Lyrics
It went like this: Wouldn't talk, not even about my problems There were so many options to help me solve them But I missed them all, blinded by hurt A hurt I didn't welcome, a hurt I didn't deserve Bullied by kids with bigger problems than mine So I came up with my own helpful design I'd cause my own pain, over and over again Because, after all, no pain no gain But all I gained was a real bad habit A real bad habit that stopped me feeling like **** So I thought it was good, I mean cuts heal But they heal into scars, not part of the deal I just wanted something I could handle But now, unfortunately, they became visible Questions, questions, from family and friends I though, Oh God, does it never end? And guess what? I still said nothing Now look at me Three hundred turns of the cycle later Now I'mma see a psych and be a fixed ******
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May 15, 2016
May 15, 2016 at 6:01 AM UTC
Vicious Cycle
A fire in our hearts for our every desire A match, some kindling or perhaps a lighter Waiting for an incident, an accident or worse To light them up, die out and wind up in a hearse Death is what we dread, death is our end You can pretend to be immortal, but you can only pretend Life is what we cling to, our unreliable friend But when your fire dies out, life will only send An inferno, a tornado, circling flames Burning deep within ever since I was made Forced into this world, this world of chaos Wandering the streets hoping that I'll get lost Sometimes I look up into the sky And burn brighter than the Sun, though I'm dark as night Praying to God oh no, God please help me! God save me, God you made me, God just take me! And I hear nothing, nor do I see sign Of He who lives above, He so divine Abandoned by the figure who claimed to love me! No-one left, just my fire and me, so I'll wait till I cease to be!
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May 15, 2016
May 15, 2016 at 5:42 AM UTC
Flames of Us
So now you're finally here My voice is hoarse, I have no tears I shed them all when I screamed your name So long and so loud but you never came! I only saw you in my dreams Apart from that you remained unseen You promised you'd be there for me But you weren't when my world split its seams! I tried to crawl away Away from the fighting and the pain But all I have, it seems Is this world others have made! So don't tell me to calm down! Why don't you just go away? Leave me be, as you did And ignore me as I fade away!
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May 12, 2016
May 12, 2016 at 6:15 PM UTC
Long Time No See
A grey and rainy day A day to wash away the pain Clean the slate before fate decides The pain is here to stay A person to specialise in fixing my problems When I myself have trouble trying to solve them A psychologist for someone as messed up as me Can they really fix it? Well I guess we'll see I got so much anger Yeah it's balled up deep within Massages don't do **** for me It's deeper than the muscles under my skin It's all up in my mind And a part of my anatomy Can you really fix my anger When it's coded in my chemistry? I'm not too sure But I really hope it works Because if it doesn't I'll probably collapse Either that or go bezerk Down the other alley Is a depression so deep You can almost taste the water when You're drowning in your sleep But asleep or dead I know it's all up in my head Every problem can be solved with time Rather than force the end The problem with me is Whilst I can write Talking to others about my problems Is probably my hardest fight So hopefully I work well With my new psychologist And hopefully she doesn't become An anger antagonist
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May 10, 2016
May 10, 2016 at 11:28 PM UTC
Psychologists
Constricted Restricted Bound Helpless Four fears remaining constant
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May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC
Fearing
Long and dark corridors A medical wing Flickering fluorescent lights And a man with a ring Dressed all in black Familiar scars Passing windowed rooms Reflecting faint fluorescent stars Broken glass under boots Mirroring the light Whilst this man keeps moving forward A wraith of the night Steel-framed door And a birthday passcode 2-1-0-9 and he's in No light and all shadow Just a window for a wall And a Butchering freak Bladed or blunted weapons Bloodlust and fresh meat Tied up are the innocent Power to the psychopath If there's one thing to be known That son of a ***** makes pain last A torturous death causing A tortured souls' song In the throes of insanity The Butcher sings along And this doppelgänger of me He quietly stands Calmly watching friends die As I clench my own hands He may look like me But that's where it ends I'd give the world to save them all But clearly Nightmares don't care
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May 9, 2016
May 9, 2016 at 7:48 AM UTC
Nightmares of the Past
*Vicious claws Unrelenting mind Strength and grace Efficiency* ~ Black-painted fingernails Determination sets her jaw Admirable physique yet graceful in motion She got to me pretty easily Funny what one notices In a girl
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May 8, 2016
May 8, 2016 at 7:59 AM UTC
Snapshot Difference