Its been a while since ive picked up a pen and paper
but been even longer since i picked up a blade
ive come to live with my insecurities
my imperfections
my mistakes
i dont need makeup to be beautiful
i dont need to starve myself to be happy
i dont need to loose weight to be skinny
im me for a reason
i have scars for a reason
i have differences for a reason
it may have taken me a while to figure this out
but everything takes time...
Jun 8, 2017
Jun 8, 2017 at 12:48 AM UTC
why do we constantly question ourselves, think we arent good enough? think we need to change into someone we arent. why do we always want to change ourselves, but fear change?
why does the pain of rejection hurt so much, why do we always fall for someone that we know will never love us back but still try for their love.
why is change what we want, why do we change, why do we feel the need to. what is it like to be yourself? the true you, to be happy again.
what would it be like not to worry for once, to be stress free for once.
Nov 21, 2016
Nov 21, 2016 at 8:01 PM UTC
what is love. the true feeling, meaning of love? why do we feel it? when do we really know that we are in love.
why does it hurt, why does it end,when does it start. why does it happen?
how do we know? does it only ever happen once, how do we know who is the one?
define love, define the feeling, define the struggle. who feels it?
does everyone fall in love? do we all get our heart broken, when do we know to end it.
why do we only fall for certain people. what if they dont make us happy, why do we pursue a relationship with then, why do we only want them, need the, think about them.
why do we only think we need them to make us happy. why?
Nov 21, 2016
Nov 21, 2016 at 8:00 PM UTC
Life. what what does it mean. when does it really start and when does it end?
what do we get out of it, why does it go on? why dont all of us end it short, when does the pain of it start?
why do some have it better then others, why cant we all be happy? why doesnt the struggle stop.
when will it get better? who decides what happens, why do they decide what happens. why dont we ever get a warning when things are going to happen? we never are prepaired for whats next, but thats life its one big adventure
Nov 15, 2016
Nov 15, 2016 at 8:45 PM UTC
her the one you loved
the one you once loved
the one you never loved
her the one you used
the one you abused
the one you lied to
her the one you hit
the one you laughed at
the one you left
you remember her?
yes you do,
well im sorry to say she is no longer
with us anymore.
why?
do you really care..
you do now dont you?
all the times you treated her bad.
hit her
lied to her
told her you loved her
all the times you lead her on
were they for fun or what?
they were fun at the time.
now she is really gone
and you feel bad!
because deep deep down
you really did love her
you did want to be with her
you didnt want to hurt her
but you did.
now shes gone.
taken her life
and you are the reason.
i hope you are happy
and can live with the feeling of treating
someone that bad
they had to take their own life.
Nov 7, 2016
Nov 7, 2016 at 10:48 PM UTC
did you miss me all those days?
the ones where I didn't message you
call you, talk to you?
did you miss me when I went away?
just left not saying goodbye
for weeks, or even months on end?
NO!
so I don't get it.
I don't get you, why do you miss me now?
now im lying on my death bed.
from taking my own life
you never once said you missed me
but theres the thing, and I want an ******* answer.
did you?
Oct 23, 2016
Oct 23, 2016 at 9:12 PM UTC
My sister asked how I got my scars
That run half the length of my lower left arm
Casually, almost offhand, I asked her why
"If I had cuts like that I'd cry"
"Well little sister, perhaps it's best
If I lay your mind to rest
And say that I was not okay during this time
And we should focus on the present rather than what is behind"
She was satisfied with this, but I was not
My heart burst so hard, like I was shot
I want to protect her from this torturous truth
That "I was not okay" and was tempted to try the noose
More like the knife, I even had a plan
Yet I'm better now, I don't understand
Just like my little sister, things confuse me
Like what's in my head and what is reality
Oct 19, 2016
Oct 19, 2016 at 9:53 PM UTC
Dear mum
im sorry im not the perfect daughter
and that i have so many flaws
and insecurities
im sorry im such a *****
and am always moody
im sorry that im nothing like
my big sister and i never will be
im sorry i dont live up to
what you wanted me to be
the young beautiful
little happy girl
you once knew.
Dear Dad
im sorry that you gto stuck with me
you know when you
and mum broke up
im sorry you had to raise a teenage
daughter on your own
putting up with my
mood swings and my
horrid attitude
all my crying and depression
im sorry for all the arguing
and fighting
in conclusion im sorry for not being the perfect
daughter one that you can
smile about and point out to your friends and
say thats my baby girl
im sorry im just a failure in so many ways
im sorry ill be out of your
hair soon enough
Maddii xo
Oct 19, 2016
Oct 19, 2016 at 9:23 PM UTC
i know its been a while
since ive been here
crying
sooking
pouring my heart out
to a bunch or strangers
i know most of us will never
meet
and some days that
tears me apart
but just a casual update
i am fine
and by fine i mean
fine like i dont know
anymore
but im still here
and wont be going anywhere
anytime soon
thats a promise!
Oct 19, 2016
Oct 19, 2016 at 9:02 PM UTC