#codependency
Chronic, misanthropic disposition
has developed into an epidemic.
Nah, I don't relate. I don't assume the worst.
We don't all focus on who nor what we hate.
Life is full of opportunities
however, you're full of excuses.
Evidentially you're attracted to problems
and that's alright
provided you intend to solve them
and can do so.
I am not a puzzle. The jig is up.
I'm never becoming who you hope I will become.
You were infatuated with who you imagined;
that hypothetical person does not exist.
Apr 28
Apr 28, 2026 at 6:37 PM UTC
chaotic messes and
insecurity, a head full
of thought; want, desire
to see your face once
more. Is this love or
codependency?
Feb 10
Feb 10, 2026 at 4:38 PM UTC
On governed introspection’s gaze
By winding through that zigzag maze
I saw my past, both guilt and glee
And I know why you ran from me.
My heart, though closed to outside threat,
Still yearns to pay some endless debt
It hurts to feel and hurts to see
Since I found why you ran from me.
This inner fight takes all my steel
‘tween minds that think and hearts that feel
These circled paths can’t make men free
So I know why you ran from me
Hushed turmoil builds, still buried deep
Both makes men seem and feel asleep
It leaves no room for reverie
Still I know why you ran from me
The unfurled flags grow redder still
While planted on this war-torn hill
Now I know why you ran from me
For you saw codependency.
Dec 30, 2025
Dec 30, 2025 at 3:55 PM UTC
You burn me like the sun,
blind until morning comes
that skin is tinged with blisters:
it’s an overwhelming glare that forges
composition with my eyes
until I’m dancing with the synthesis
of you and winter,
once more trapping us within the night,
where I rely on the false comfort
of your light
If we are stuck in this petulance,
I will dispel your volatile plans
with my unending distrust
while my mind strives to digress
into half formed math problems,
calculating an answer as to how
I let you pass by the line I drew up
while vying for our sanity to be wasted
so cycles can once more begin anew
owing to spring and it’s eternal bloom
Was it designed this way from the start?
Were there ever words kept to heart?
Do I cling to the safety of warmth?
Or listen and surrender
to this mountain
where passerby boast
about its peak as a safe haven,
absent of fear
So I tread alone
with a struggle of heavy breaths,
as the thought of settling for less
leaves me in scorn, once again,
I’ll redirect this energy into resolve
to keep a steady pace
where lines will be drawn
with a permanent pen
and I’ll learn to fan the flame
of this burning sky
that I call letting you in
Sep 15, 2025
Sep 15, 2025 at 5:24 PM UTC
A machine cannot fix itself.
It needs a mechanic,
a tech,
an expert-
an intellectual with the drive to learn,
an idiot with overconfidence and
a streak of luck.
To be rewired.
To be rearranged.
To be powered off.
To be plugged in.
To be refilled.
To be cleaned.
To be fixed.
A machine must be maintained
by someone else.
I am not a machine.
So why do I expect others
to heal me?
Sep 7, 2025
Sep 7, 2025 at 8:38 PM UTC
Saying too much
Doing too little
Looking into his eyes
Left your bones brittle
Known them one moon cycle
What the hell are you doing
You crave his attention
He's not a steak or pudding
Starve yourself
It's the only way
To rid yourself of an
I love you
Straight away
Aug 11, 2025
Aug 11, 2025 at 5:03 AM UTC
Your shadow and mine
are one and the same
They fill up with shame
We swallow the tears
of our once young years
so we don't meet eyes
afraid of what we'd find
but my body still aches
with every pain you take
Jul 30, 2025
Jul 30, 2025 at 1:07 PM UTC
I'm just a writer.
Nothing more, but never less.
I know my worth, while you ******* stretch.
I have the cards and I have the gun
you have no clue what distress can do.
Be my buddy or be muse
Just leave me alone
If you think I'll lick the blood from your rotten wounds.
It was a few weeks and we fell high in love
I sat and gazed while he took the plunge.
I loved whenever our hands interlaced,
just delicately resting on the same gun.
Dec 5, 2024
Dec 5, 2024 at 11:23 PM UTC
Why do I still miss you?
I miss the way you talked to me so sweet
Told me that I was so pretty,
The way I o p e n e d my legs for you.
I knew it was wrong.
It felt so wrong.
But I was so lonely, and something in my ****** up mind said it was right.
And so, I came back.
And when I couldn't, I turned to others, tried to replicate that feeling.
And now I can't even do that.
I feel disgusting for what I did.
They say, I was only 10, I didn't know any better.
But I did. I know I did.
And I feel guilty for painting myself as the victim.
I mean, he didn't force me,
He didn't split me open.
He never even touched me.
He just turned me into a puppet
and
had me do it myself
with
a camera in front.
...
I still miss you,
No, crave for you.
For those words that
dripped sweet like
the slick between
thighs
my
eyes
your
****
Why do I still miss you?
Nov 24, 2024
Nov 24, 2024 at 10:32 PM UTC
I once checked into an old hotel
that’s served guests for many a year.
The white-clad staff will serve you well
and greet you brimming with cheer.
Its handsome brick and stone façade
shines gold in the bright morning sun.
Inside, the red velvet furnishings’ a nod
to the lovers’ tall tales there spun.
The rooms are filled with patchouli scent,
or perhaps with a strong note of musk.
At first you’ll easily make the rent
and stay there from dawn until dusk.
Oh, how well could I in that chamber sleep
on starry fields of Elysium each night,
my baggage packed in cotton I’d keep
to stow it from whatever gave fright.
But the longer this hospitality I had
the more a locked hospital it became;
the doors that’d welcomed this young lad
soon rusted, harder to open again.
I chatted with the friendly concierge
and noticed the crease of his smile
was curled into the quirk of a sneer
while his light humor shifted to bile.
The mattress that once was thick and soft
grew coarse and lumpy with age
while the vistas seen from the gilded loft
were obscured by the bars of a cage.
The red velvet’s colors began to bleed.
All was gilded with the gold of fools.
Once this hotel had for me filled a need —
but it sought to make me its ghoul.
This hostel had to hostile turned,
its host was revealed as a warden.
With time I learned its charms to spurn
and escape to a greener garden.
Even now that hooking hotel calls,
a sultry siren who woefully wails
and summons her guests — or thralls? —
to deep sleep in her heavenly jail.
Nov 15, 2024
Nov 15, 2024 at 4:53 AM UTC
Romanticism is
Melancholic at best
Always daydreaming
Each one a test
I'm a hopeless optimist,
Some may say.
Tossing petals on a silly rose,
wasting the day.
The idea of love,
So open and free
Thought provoking, mysterious
Until it gets to me.
Then I recall,
Why I prefer being alone.
It's hard to find peace,
In someone else's home.
By home, I mean mind
Two becomes one
You both have to share it
To simply enjoy the sun
Idiosyncrasies,
Start to synchronize
The way we view life
Is seen through one set of eyes
We become a machine,
Two bodies and one brain
A lovely entanglement
Loneliness has been slain.
You passed the test,
And you've set me free,
But only through binding,
The concept of 'you and me'
Romanticism is
Melancholic at best
Until the real thing comes,
And starts a fire in my chest.
Feb 15, 2016
Feb 15, 2016 at 12:33 PM UTC
What opportunity you were to me
You were a lesson I thought was luck
Allowed to dip myself into your sweet honey
Not realizing that I would be even more stuck.
The pain I’ve gained by playing your games
Had me come out knowing better, real from fake.
I had been too willing to please you
Wanting you to say “I need you”
Because otherwise how was I to prove I’m worthy
Before I realized you’re not meant to be my trophy.
I felt lucky to have you,
Because it felt good to have something
Until I realized the hurt isn't worth
Losing all of me over simply nothing.
I believed the red flags were tests
To prove myself more capable than the rest
Learned love should not be a battle
With my suffering a requisite
Nov 28, 2023
Nov 28, 2023 at 12:42 PM UTC
Thanks to you, I figured out
What true love is all about.
I'll never cry again, the way for you I did.
A string tied you and me,
We were the best of friends and enemies.
We hurt eachother like no other unknowingly.
I've cried a lot in my life,
from laughter and all kinds of strife,
but never the way I've cried because of you.
You've brought meaning to my gaze,
Picked me up and told me it was okay.
I'd cling to you, your words like an embrace.
You've stitched wounds and cut me deep,
I'll always remember the secrets we'd keep, Thanks to you, for all our highs and lows
Because of you I'll always know,
just how far I can go.
Oct 5, 2023
Oct 5, 2023 at 11:24 PM UTC
The waiting list has an opening
Here's to new hopes and beginnings.
Will therapy benefit me once again
or will I end up hurt in the end?
There is so much I need to fix
and so much to come to terms with.
I never noticed,
and because of me the one who was closest
no longer is.
Why did things have to turn out the way they did?
It's so cliche but I'd do anything to start over again.
There is nothing like having a friend
who you feel so connected with
But when I pick through my nostalgia
I'm left to wonder where the connection is
What do I really know about you?
What was true?
Where did things start to go bad?
The exchanging of passwords I think.
I think that's where it began.
After I saw the things you had said
My heart started to turn black.
It's normal to be mad and say things you don't mean when you don't think anyone's looking.
But you were so important to me back then
I will never forget the feeling I had.
I should have just told you back then that it hurt my feelings
Gotta love growing up with no boundaries
No choices when it came to yes or no
I got hit if I contemplated it
Came to write poems on the internet
And would be groomed by countless men
Think I was in love because of things they said
But I was eleven and they were gross
I played games with you and laughed
Then I'd cry to men I didn't know
In exchange for pictures that made me feel like an adult
Infatuation is a ***** for middle school kids
At least for this girl it was
I'd word ***** so much
Honestly I never stopped
Validation is a drug stronger than any other
I love to feel like I matter
Especially when I care about the person too
I think that's a huge key to why we were a we in my mind.
Whenever I was with you I was high
Until I wasn't, jealousy hit me hard
When I'd see you making plans with others
I always wondered why we couldn't call
Why it was awkward to play games after all
The time that passed between us
I think you knew way before I did
Just how toxic I was
Another guy and I broke up
My insecurities told me you thought I was a ****
A new relationship and I was gone
I don't think we spoke for months
This relationship is different
I think I'm actually in love
I debated infatuation since learning what it was
I wanted to talk to you about it
Eventually I did
I smothered you and hated when I couldn't
Months go by, I'm still word vomiting
You try to set boundaries
I still can't read the messages without crying
I didn't understand and chose to pretend instead
I ignored you and you distanced
It felt like you had passed away.
I try to say hi and it's so awkward
I wished I would die
You reach out and I feel so happy I could fly
I tell you everything I had been holding in
You disappear from my inbox and I cry
This is so toxic I'm in bed grieving a friend
Left to wonder why I do this
The counselor on the line says enmeshment
And I hate myself as I sob to a stranger about you for an hour.
Searching for therapists never made me feel like such a loser.
Wait list, wait list full, wait list
Months pass
You didn't wish me a happy birthday and for the first time in years I didn't tell you either.
I sent nothing.
I'm a bad friend.
New job, New accounts, New acquaintances
I still think of you but only cry on the drive home
Sun sets are pretty
I sit outside with my dog and look at the sky
I think she can feel my pain when she looks in my eyes
It rained for weeks and now the leaves are changing around me
I can live without you and you without me.
You reached out and I crumbled again
I told you about my 988 experience
Why do I do this
I have an episode
I'm the heaviest I have ever been.
But I'm off the therapy wait list.
Sep 29, 2023
Sep 29, 2023 at 9:28 PM UTC
You are the cigarette I can’t put down
An ache held deep in my chest
After I’m done I hate the taste in my mouth
You burn hot and you burn out fast
Never takes long for **** to go south
I swear each time will be the last
The next day I buy another pack
I light you up and **** you down
I look in the mirror; it starts to crack
Others notice I’m dropping weight
30 lbs in 2 months, a strict diet of devotion and hate
My grandma tells me I look great
What’s my secret?
Cigarettes and you; keep washing me away
I’m burning up too fast too drown
Still I can’t put you or this ******* cigarette down
May 31, 2023
May 31, 2023 at 3:08 PM UTC
I feel winter's grasp around the very being of my soul.
It twists and turns with a desperation and tenacity that uncouths my being.
Trying to squeeze out any pulp or sustenance whenever it's convienent.
Although already spoiled and soured and bitter, it must'nt stop for there has to be more.
There's always more to take, even if all the lemons are gone.
Go farther into the roots, tap into the sap that runs along its trunk and branches.
Life has given me lemons so why not take every single one of them for a glass of lemonade?
My leaves turn yellow with fear but I must continue to keep giving.
To keep producing lemons, to keep the leaves green.
For if I can't anymore then what is my use? Where shall I quench my thirst?
The gardener who provides water and shelter shall surely cut down my tree if it no longer provides and only takes space.
But what is a lemon tree to demand such intricacies?
Apr 17, 2023
Apr 17, 2023 at 12:19 AM UTC
i don't know how to accept that you don't hate me.
no, don't tell me you don't.
actually, please do.
please, i need it.
just to breathe.
please,
stop.
i know you don't hate me,
but do you know that i'm falling apart?
does my love for you sink into your skin?
does it reach around your heart and hold you so close you feel like you'll fall apart if there were even an inkling of doubt?
is it noticeable?
that i'm crumbling?
that i don't know the difference between love and tolerance?
can i accept it as fact when you say you love me?
or will i continue to distance myself when really all i need to do is listen?
and no, i'm not asking for reassurance.
i'm begging.
i need it.
please, i need it
just to breathe.
please,
stop.
Dec 8, 2022
Dec 8, 2022 at 10:40 AM UTC
Being told by friends you havent seen in a while that you "look good" or "look better" right as you are coming out of a long bout of depression just hits your heart different.
Because you as time passes think you're feeling okay, you think you are making progress, you think time is passing normally for you again... but it's hard to remember what is or was normal when you grew so used to feeling the way you did. Like coming out of an endless fog...
So to have someone accknowledge they can visibly see your progress... to have someone verbally commend you for... basically choosing to exist as yourself again... those comments just hit different.
There's a sad realization that you really weren't okay and it was noticeable... but there's also this weird sense of pride as you wait for the weight of it all to drag you down again - But it's different now.
There is not a consuming heavy darkness, but a manageable awareness of a shadowy part of yourself that you no longer feel tied to. A part of you that aches less with painful thoughts and bitter disappointment, and more for the light of understanding and rebirth.
And you realize; I did that. I taught myself how to stay aware... to heal... and not allow that dark to take hold again-
And it is
actually
slowly
paying off.
Yes...
I think I am feeling better.
I am weary, sure-
but I'm okay.
I'm getting there.
Jun 5, 2022
Jun 5, 2022 at 11:28 AM UTC
"Goodbye, my love" She whispered. But she knew from experience - from the countless goodbyes she had murmured before today - that forming words of farewell was never harder than the anguish of learning to let go.
May 14, 2022
May 14, 2022 at 9:24 AM UTC