#bottled
My brain operates like my messaging skills
Typed out my heart.
Deleted every word.
Forgotten.
I suppose I should cling to what I feel
But the moment they surface they feel
Too unreal
So I delete them from my head
Watch them until they're dead
Forget that it's ok to feel
Jan 12, 2025
Jan 12, 2025 at 10:11 PM UTC
what do you think of when I say flood?
gushing water breaking through a dam?
overtaking things not meant to be wet?
the land below wave more than just sand?
well it did feel like that.
held my cup of unused tears
held them back; i can’t cry
not in a million years
but as i went to press a button
not important of any sort
i held the cup in one hand
and with the same i pressed my floor
then it happened.
nothing then all at once.
my cup tipped over and a few tears
spilt in a little pearly bunch
they pattered onto marble
floor of the white lift
oh no now they know
the walls know i slipped
it wasn't on purpose
but they’ll say its a lie
i have to run
no time to say goodbye.
Sep 11, 2024
Sep 11, 2024 at 5:58 AM UTC
If only I could slow down my mind for a moment
I wouldn’t be turning for every door
And ending up on every floor
Maybe I’d see something to inspire
Or maybe I’d smoke and sit by a fire
Would the existential feeling be gone
Or be here forever more
Either way I need to write more
Get my thoughts and feelings out
Rather than keeping them bottled
Dec 10, 2021
Dec 10, 2021 at 11:32 PM UTC
If it were up to me, I would fill all of my sorrows into a bottle and throw it as far into the ocean as I could.
Then I would run as hard as possible while they sink to the farthest depths that this world holds.
Reaching the darkest pit they so desperately needs to be.
No longer along side me.
No longer inside me.
Finally, then I would be free from it all.
Still continuing to run as the sinking still furthers.
No thoughts as where I would run but somewhere.
Oct 22, 2021
Oct 22, 2021 at 11:30 PM UTC
Obey, do not display
Stay, there is no time to play
Emotions are not for show
Just reap the crops you sow
**** it all
Do not fall
You cannot fail
For you must set sail
To the ends of success
No need for excess
Emotions are not for show
Just reap the crops you sow
Reap and reap, build and build
Do not let down your guild
Keep going, do not dwell
On the pains that swell
This is what we are taught
This is how we get caught
In the perpetual fire blazing
Judging eyes a-gazing
It burns you up
To be ****** up
It devours your life
Nothing left, bring on the scythe
Why love or live another day?
When I've already been murdered inside?
What really is there left to say?
How can I live when I've already died?
Let me tell you something neat
Its knowledge is power that cannot be beat
Ready? It's a hard pill to swallow for sure
It will allow life to florish, but it's not quite a cure
You see.... it takes a lot of work
I'll say again, it takes a lot of work!!
Listen carefully now, It's not just for tricks
Allow yourself to feel the pain, and you will die a Phoenix
You will be brought back to life
And oh, what a wonderful life
It is filled with joy and love
It takes a lot of work, most important though, LOVE
The kind that's raw and open deep
The kind that brings a melody and weeps
Love, it is the birth and death of all
So listen carefully my Phoenix, do you hear the call?
Apr 4, 2021
Apr 4, 2021 at 10:06 PM UTC
The melancholic stir of emotions
Deforming this whirlpool,
The miserable stench
Accompanying noses around,
The tastelessness
Smoking up the tasteful surroundings,
The crazy scent
Climbing out mindlessly....
Just to get bottled in this purity.
Oct 30, 2020
Oct 30, 2020 at 1:55 AM UTC
So, all the love, cynical pleasures, and time spent together, building up memories...
Feelings, piled up, and love spreading out.
"I don't want to be with yhu anymore"
Was how yhu ended t...
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019 at 2:45 PM UTC
The darkness is my only friend
It feels like I'm colour blind
I'm in a silent movie
Everything around me is colourless
Black,white,grey is all I see
A little bit of happiness is all I seek
The pain is gone, leaving me numb
It still comes back for more
Day by day hiding my wounds
Bottled everything up
Letting it go freely into the ocean
Prayed and prayed for the right one to open it
Seeing light at the end of the journey
I gained my vision
Believing this beautiful soul will open it up
There is always a little hope
Sep 6, 2019
Sep 6, 2019 at 1:48 PM UTC
When I was a youth
I was busy, busy, busy,
rushing from one activity to another
ambitious for success,
but I was unhappy
because I was too busy
to care for my mind,
my mind was suffering and confused
with many bottled-up emotions and thoughts;
Now that I’m wiser
I realise
what I need
is to take time-out
to care for my mind:
to introspect into my emotions and thoughts
to express to myself my emotions and thoughts
to become aware of my emotions and thoughts
to evaluate my emotions and thoughts
to improve my emotions and thoughts
until I have achieved wisdom
about what I can do
to achieve my joy and happiness.
Jul 30, 2019
Jul 30, 2019 at 9:18 PM UTC
I'm sorry if I'm putting to rest,
my heart that got tired from waiting and waiting.
So in the last moments that I'm feeling your embrace,
Can I pretend that you are still mine?
I will keep on hoping until you return,
I will keep on hoping even though it hurts.
Maybe I will see you again
When the sun rises,
when the night ends.
If I don't force what is not yet for me,
Maybe it will come back to me.
You're free now...
I will drop my weapons and back down from the fight.
Not because I'm a coward but because I love you,
It's hard to fight against the "swords" of the clock.
If I continue to hold on, it will just bring more pain.
You're free.
Apr 30, 2019
Apr 30, 2019 at 12:32 AM UTC
please just let these wounds bleed/
razor blades across my brain/
razor blades across my brain/
over and over again/
counterfeit feelings and choked out dreams/
all im asking is you let me bleed/
let me breathe/
scream for air in a silent scare/
razor blades across my brain/
razor blades across my brain/
tired eyes and a poured out heart/
stop living and just survive after ive died/
nonsense is my language of choice/
a voice alone in the dark corner of my/
razor blades across my brain/
razor blades across my brain/
Apr 11, 2019
Apr 11, 2019 at 12:10 PM UTC
i kept those monsters locked in a cage,
so they couldn't get out.
but hell,
i didn't know caging my heart cost me a lot.
Mar 30, 2019
Mar 30, 2019 at 4:56 AM UTC
Can anybody...... help me?
Is there anybody out there?
Please..... im begging
Im lost....again, like i always used to
Out here in the dark
The rage glows and sparks
I cant bare to handle this no more
Im scared
My pride? Its gone loose
My strength? Its gone rouge
And my mind? Its lost
The rage builds up
Like particles with attractions
Its forming and it formed,
A thunder raging with violations
Help me... im tired
Volt me, shock me, and electrocute me
As long as you wake me
And stop me from completely turning
Into a thunder raging with violations.
Mar 18, 2019
Mar 18, 2019 at 3:52 AM UTC
To family, friends and strangers-
I’ve bottle everything up inside.
Suppressed my true thoughts and feelings.
Quashed any emotion.
I couldn’t speak the words,
but I sure as hell can write them.
Maybe this will heal me.
Instead of hiding, let me rip myself open for all to see.
Jan 17, 2019
Jan 17, 2019 at 11:43 PM UTC
This bottled up
feelings
I want to throw it
to the ocean
and wait patiently
as it drift
towards him.
Jan 17, 2019
Jan 17, 2019 at 9:34 AM UTC
This bucket of mine
Has become a curse
I add to the pile
And it adds a verse
I keep it hidden
And tucked away
But its made apparent
Each and every day
I add to this bucket
And the weight piles on
This facade grows heavy
Tearing down my con
I fill this bucket
Up to the top
And when its full
It proceeds to pop
I cry and I scream
As I make ammends
This bucket of mine
That I cant show to my friends
I've grown up now
But my bucket has not
It wears its cracks
From the battles I've fought
Sep 14, 2018
Sep 14, 2018 at 4:12 PM UTC
I have this silly game that I play
where I test to see just how long
I can keep everything in.
Problems are thrown my way like dice
that always come up snake eyes
while I pretend they're smiling seven.
It’s just like roulette,
only there are no blanks,
the rounds are fired blindly,
and I wait to see when they will lodge themselves in my throat.
The odds aren’t fair.
I continue smiling as my body is used for target practice,
pretending not to feel a thing
until one day I can no longer contain this pool of blood.
My fingers claw at it, trying to drag it back,
but it’s no use.
I am exposed.
Either I will smile through red-tinted teeth
and laugh it off like a nasty paper cut,
or the reservoir will break and take us down with it.
I am afraid.
Every shot sends anxiety through my bones.
_Bang._
I’ve only been pretending to like it because you do.
_Bang._
I have so many questions I will never ask, because I’m scared that this isn’t real for you.
_Bang._
I trust you – love you, maybe – but my past is lingering like ghosts in a cemetery.
_Bang._
Why can’t I stop second guessing?
_Bang._
Why can't I tell you?
_Bang._
Do I want this because you want this?
_Bang._
How do I…
_Bang._
Where do I…
_Bang._
Begin.
Ready,
Set,
Go.
May 28, 2018
May 28, 2018 at 11:57 PM UTC
Hallmark cards on a row
A multitude of emotion
Sep 14, 2017
Sep 14, 2017 at 12:10 PM UTC
"time has already past, john"
"we can fix this. please...we can-"
"i...i can't do this anymore"
"please... i'm sorry and i-"
"just stop. please."
"..."
"john...our love..what used to be our love is gone"
"we can't go back anymore"
"goodbye"
Jun 28, 2017
Jun 28, 2017 at 11:17 AM UTC
I have exhausted my muses
till they ****** the life
out of my hands
and tortured
me with
bottled
thoughts
left inside
me
Jun 22, 2017
Jun 22, 2017 at 1:15 AM UTC
I wish I wouldn't bottle things up so often. I underestimate my feelings, and wind up hurting. It's truly the worst feeling of all, when the smallest of things end up breaking the bottle. All I want really is to express myself freely without overthinking everything that runs through my mind.
Jun 2, 2017
Jun 2, 2017 at 6:55 AM UTC