#ahhh
he smells strongly of cedar
doped lightly with american spirits
i'm determined to break my heart
again and again
keep loving & keep moving on
simultaneously
i keep doing this
maybe i am a romantic after all
led zeppelin - ten years gone
playing in the car
guitars pulling me in
smoke and cedar
i want to reach out and hold him
wrap my arms around from behind
i miss his heavy hand on my back
guilty of backseat daydreaming
guilty of secret plans
to get near and far
to test proximity
nothing changes but the shape
of this melancholia
witches rave
hate this and i'll love you
comfortably numb
- i want my head on his chest
angry at myself
the night i dreamt, it was just this:
someone pointed out that he looked really handsome that day
i said "/Thank you/" because i'd been dying for someone to say it, to point it out,
because i'd spent the whole entire day thinking about it
he's so handsome today
more than the sweet man i trust
handsome like a stranger
like a crush
i'm going to bed tonight
with a hand gripping my heart
with such strength it may implode
a crush
a delusion?
a fleeting fondness?
my beloved friend
who made such wonderful things possible for me
who treated me with the love and kindness that he shows to all those dear
no special treatment
but i'm struck
i'm struck
we're almost home
his right hand on the wheel, the other fidgeting with a lock of his hair
the dark curls that i cut for him months ago, they're growing out now
i'm scared to get out of this car
and say goodnight
souvlaki space station shifts and tings and fades
cool night air, release this grip on my heart
remember that he feels nothing
just be grateful for the friendship
and give back the care
Mar 20
Mar 20, 2026 at 12:23 AM UTC
Gender was a stupid creation
Who decided just because I have, well...
Certain bits
That it means I should wear a skirt?
Or a dress?
I mean what does it matter?
Why aren’t we just all the same?
I don’t want to choose
Because getting it wrong
Means doing again...
Apr 3, 2021
Apr 3, 2021 at 4:09 PM UTC
The feeling of wanting to go home even though you lie in your bed.
What does that mean?
If this isn’t home, where is it?
What if I never find it?
What if I never had it in the first place?
Was I feeling something completely different and giving it the wrong label?
Who did this to me?
Was it me? It’s my fault, isn’t it?
Do I deserve this?
Why?
Am I a bad person?
Oct 28, 2020
Oct 28, 2020 at 9:23 AM UTC
i hate that i miss you
i hate it so much
i hate myself for getting so attached
i hate my heart for skipping a beat when i see you
i hate my stomach for dropping when i hear your voice
i hate my body for craving yours
i hate my mind for imagining the way you looked at me
i hate my eyes for tearing up in the middle of the night
i hate everything about me
as much as i loved everything about you
Apr 30, 2019
Apr 30, 2019 at 12:25 AM UTC
Live music is a sound machine,
On all four corners,
Gilded streets, nearly five in the morning,
Pavement feet meet ****** shoes
Shuffling down the block.
Pigeon claps & high hats,
Cat heads & piano chops,
Whiskey sours evening gowns,
Lemon drops with Father Brown.
The St. Claude Shuffle down the boulevard,
Where shoes straddle electric wires.
Sirens ring & bullets proof,
And the blues sing out of shotgun shacks.
Dec 5, 2018
Dec 5, 2018 at 8:56 PM UTC
How many men fit inside
a commom four man tent?
Sep 17, 2018
Sep 17, 2018 at 7:24 PM UTC
i feel anxious
not sometimes,
not constantly.
well i'm not too sure.
maybe..
i feel like i'm constantly being dragged in every direction,
the stars are plucking at my hair like strings.
and my mind- it seems to wander,
goes anywhere else but where i need it to be.
i will never understand why my feet forget how to walk sometimes,
no they're not judging the way you walk-
well, now, maybe.
i'm not breathing that loudly- stop it you know how to breathe,
now you can't catch your breath.
i will never understand why my eyes flicker to find people who i assume are looking or thinking about me.
no one cares.
so why do i?
-j.p.
Feb 13, 2018
Feb 13, 2018 at 9:02 PM UTC
It's currently 3:47am and my window is open.
Which means the birds are now becoming nature's alarm clock. And that is just a wake up call that I did not ask for.
The birds just keep singing and here I am typing this on an iPod that doesn't even belong to me.
Hating the constant chirping of winged animals while I've been here watching Grey's Anatomy for hours on end. So I guess I am just a huge ***** for staying up late watching doctor shows.
I'm not even sure if this is a poem.
I'm just sick of the birds and feeling terrible for things I did late at night.
If this was any other day..
I would have already shut off my alarm clock.
Or just shout at the birds I guess.
Jul 6, 2017
Jul 6, 2017 at 5:55 AM UTC
Every time I think of your face
I smile
like an idiot
a big silly grin
and it happens in the awkwardest of places
people look at me
"Is she okay?"
I don't care
please
make me smile everyday
Apr 22, 2015
Apr 22, 2015 at 8:13 AM UTC
Its been eight months and three days since i last saw your face.
I've been dreaming about this day since then.
I felt something in the pit of my stomach, bubbling to the surface, similar to butterflies. Im not quite sure. It felt more like my organs decided to burst at that very moment. And my lungs caved in, as if somehow in that two seconds of blindly staring, I was brought out to sea.
And you walked right through the front door.
My expression was dull, and blank. But inside it was a hurricane, rain storming from my eyes, blood tsunamis flooding my insides, my thoughts twisted and turned until they formed tornados, my finger tips charged with electricity, my heart was thunder pounding harder with each beat until it was ready to explode.
But my face was slack, completely untouched.
You lifted your head, the way you sometimes do, as if to say hello.
I was completely numb.
Its been eight months and three days since i last saw your face.
Apr 9, 2015
Apr 9, 2015 at 9:54 AM UTC
there are dreams that you grab
and drag behind you
leash pulled tight
apparently i am supposed to believe
these will all be fullfilled
but how can i know
people tend to ignore the threatening undertones
because the majority of my dreams
are nightmares
Oct 4, 2014
Oct 4, 2014 at 11:57 PM UTC
such a nice, easy, going day
it seems way to chill to be going away
it's quite and peaceful, haven't had that here for a while
I know that when I leave, it's going to end up
with tears and a smile
I'll miss the memories and friends, the small comfort I found
it's scary, I'm going back home, where disaster is all around
but it feel's so good knowing it's only hours away from leaving
I hope I don't do anything stupid like going missing
I've thought about this day since the first day I came
but now it's crazy thinking that out there it's no game
I've got skills and talents and know how to put them to work
but it's up to me, to see, if I use them, so I won't get hurt
my mind and emotions are about to burst
because I'm hoping for the best, but expecting the worst
it's only hours away, it going by real fast
it feels so great to finally say, at last!
I'm happy and nervous but that's not bad at all
I just hope that I don't begin to fall
I'm ready, everything is packed up
I'm just like a volcano, ready to erupt
I thank the ones who were always there, never turned me down
I'm glad I made friends that never let me fall to the ground
I'll be leaving real soon and it's exciting as hell
to my brothers and sisters I wish you farewell
Sep 30, 2014
Sep 30, 2014 at 4:48 PM UTC