even with the full display of shine from sun
this town feels like english rain
i ate a cold sandwich today that was too much for yesterdays lunch
i am not sure where this is going
only knew that i had to get something down.
i've been feeling as though life is a ride,
and mine has become one that goes around in a circle
and never gets quite exciting.
the freedom after the break has now lost it's allure
and i am stuck in a habit that i just cant shake
i miss her, and when i say that,
i miss the feeling of thinking you've found something you've been looking for, i should stop looking
good things come to those who wait, great things come to those who fail
and the most wonderful things can happen when you've fallen flat on your face and you can get up and laugh about it.
i'm not sure if dreams come true, however life is no nightmare
find things you love and hold onto them, if following your heart is the worst thing you ever do i envy you

I'm glad you moved. I'm glad you're a child
I'm glad you're so crazy
and blind.

I'm glad you visit my friends and not yours
I'm glad to hear stories of your actions,
they make me laugh.

I'm glad you open your legs for anyone now,
I'm glad you barely let me in at all,
I' glad I made so many excuses for you,
I thought you were like me
I'm glad you're not.

I'm glad we don't work together,
I;m glad i never moved in, I'm glad we had so many good times
and I'm glad you threw them all away,
I really am.

I'm glad we didn't talk when you came to town,
I'm glad you hate this place,
I'm glad your parents are enabling, because you will never change,
you're a ******* and I'm glad I'll never see you ever ******* again you *****.

i never remember the words to songs i write
so i hope that doesn't happen this time,
you said some space and time might help,
but you reneged, you can't have me for the rest of your life.

Seeing your friends around town after you ran away to Syracuse inconveniences the whole **** night, no matter how hammered of tempted i may have been i went home with you each ******* time,
if you think that i was ******* around,
you are wrong,
and if you think i'm happy now,
you aren't far off.

i'm getting back to myself, though i'll probably rot in hell
i can feel a real smile across my face,
wake each day without any hate
i sure don't really miss you in any way
today.

i had my hopes up, i shouldn't go there
guess i'll just go home after these two beers,
so when did this start, two nights in a row,
i shouldn't check my messages, i'm ******* going home alone
i know its tuesday, i know its wednesday
how can i complain, wait i just want to get laid.

i know i blacked out the night i met you,
there was something that made me quite attracted to you
people keep saying you are such a crazy *****,
how much they want to see blood pour from your face,
i just want to see the way you move between the sheets,
and the face you'll make while you're taking all of me

this is a ghost town, if it wasn't i wouldn't feel so let down
just know you already blew it, by the time you hear these words it's too late
could have had a real fun fling, i just wish you learned the hard way

i haven't taken time to write this down,
you lived in my head for a while,
i tried all the things i could think of,
a ******* isn't what you are at all
but its what i have become.

on my own i can do the right thing
taking care of the love that raised me
that's where i belong, with father and mother, you'll probably never read this at all.
i have been away from them so long now, i am failing to exist
somehow i've turned inside out,
i am not who you wanted.

i'm a drunk and a liar, i'm afraid of the future,
i am not the man you deserve, this was not meant to be, no fairy tail or Disney, i'm failing to exist.

now its time for starting over, it's just the tip of the iceberg,
i hope you get what you wanted, it just better be what you need
you'll wear a white dress and a smile,
i'll be depressed by the sight, though later i'll smile
i've started to exist!

used to hate to be alone, i love to be alone
walking at night, check over my shoulder
i feel that weight off, no longer hold her
hoped to be in love, but you never really were ready
though i cant see how, no longer live with the burden.

i want to be at home.
i need to be at home,
you think i am cheating
yell at me while i work, cry the only times we've spoken
i should be alone, you go find the man you've needed,
i am not your one,
i am not your one.

i should be at home.
i need to be at home,
you can see this.
mother and my pop
my mother and my pop, could really use their son
let me be the man you loved
i trusted my heart, you trusted yours too
i am not for you, i'm sorry if you feel mistreated.
yes i was in love, i was just a boy you needed.

i hate to be in love, i need to be at home
still waiting for the one who can see it.

i used to sleep on my stomach when it was upset,
now i smoke these cigarettes to fill the void of a little boy destroyed,
you say we are friends though no response to text messages,
statuses of shut up, your words are all hogwash its true,
i don't love any woman by you,
though the search continues and i've tried other venues,
the only place i should be is your room.

i put my heart in an ice box because of you,
our love was once fresh as morning dew
and my heart has always been gold,
though it may seem freeze dried and stone,
i'm used to this feeling of alone,
your arms should've always been my home,
your words are all hogwash, and all of my heart left is blue.

i remember the day that i knew,
hey you began exercise, ***** you can't run from the truth.
Alabama slammers need slow vermouth,
through all of the drugs we've consumed,
and all of the stunts with your crew,
i can't feel for another there's no other woman but you.
Josh and i go hunting for cheek,
see a foxy lady and yell, 'juice'
can't help but think of brownies and knowing Kristen Stewart was doomed,
my heart it only beats for you, i know it sounds sad but its true.

to all of the hearts that i've harmed,
i never lied and said i was in love,
though thats what i wanted and i'm so, so sorry,
i can not forget her, brown eyes are all similar,
i should hide my poetry, words sometimes come to me,
without any sympathy yours cut right into me,
like that of a guillotine, intent for a head off of me,
i never thought harm to you, might of lost my temper for that i am sorry,
dried all of my tears on tees from salvation army,
hey you seem to blame just me, but did you watch the tapes on the TV screen?
im not sure but maybe that might be why i still love her,
no you're not ready to be a mother, we could have been family,
just leaning, waiting for you to come back to me,
god ******, lower cased, your crooked lower teeth,
i want my tongue inside of your cheeks,
but you'll never know until you read, all these things i've wrote since you left me,
this all sounds so self-centered, that was never me,
anything i did wrong was not make you happy
cause that's always what i want to see, maybe when i'm the man i am supposed to be,
cooking, tennis, teaching anarchy, your words are all hogwash,
my eyes are all that you need.

i'm stupid and drunk as the walls spin around,
just trying to keep the ***** from escaping my mouth,
quick to the bathroom to puke in the toilet
this whole ******* time i've wished you were mine
cause since i've seen you it's been along time,
but when i shut mine all i can see are your eyes,
every time they're just like sunshine.
lets listen to bands that you like while we do it,
so when i play manchester i dont feel stupid

a walk alone,
not long enough to have but a thought,
you're all that i want
ask me if you turn me on,
haven't seen you in a month
but your eyes are all that i see when i dream,
is that a question i should answer honestly?
but to cut down the bush and not beat around it
i want to do all the ***** things wanted just to please you

i've been to your place while you weren't home,
the roommates where there but i want you alone
with my naked body, you'll soon feel at home
and i've given up my face, just to show you a dimple or two
i want to be with you, i want to do all the ***** things wanted
just to please you

i walked around,
gathering my thoughts,
i needed a shoulder,
like when i was always there for them,
******* it i never felt so alone in my life,
that's why i never read anything i ever write.

there is no more need to,
keep denying whats been done,
this is no more need,
to live this nightmare,
i won't need to regret again,
so long as i am a man,
tough the sequel is a bleak one
i'll still live in the re-runs
i don't have to **** myself anymore.

******* it i'm fine,
just like when you smile,
though i may try to sometimes
I can't forget about your eyes

impossible is nothing
got dreams back in my head,
i might be upset
but at least i'm not sad,
thinking about a flight to a dream land,
once the landing gear burns the runway
i am never coming back.

off to a place so beautiful
ten times her eyes
hundred to that of gold
when the rain comes
we will go play
finally feel that every day is blessed
and heaven sent,
us here for this.

i'm something you can't see,
i'm not just a picture,
taken in just the right light
when the shutter mixed so nice with the aperture.

i'm more than the words
people repeat about me,
i'm no *******
their views are just tainted.

no, not what you see on the outside is me
there's something more
if you'de take a second you could see.

not quite a man, but
no longer a boy,
let me in your sheets
to substitute for your toys,
no i'm not just a *****,
though i don't want a fetus,
if you have a baby
i'll be the father with joy.

i'm not just a smile
there are more teeth in the back
fighting decay with strings
i scoop out the plaque
of my life.

i don't need a doctor,
no i can check my pulse.
see its not that something is missing,
just that that something has turned cold,
though all around there summer
i can't find a thing to warm me up

so if you want it, you can have this
cause i'm still into you
i might seem like a nice guys
but what they say is all true
i'm a liar and a *******,
honey i'm no good for you,
but i'll meet you at our rock spot'
baby i'll be waiting there in june.

**** i waited here before,
girl i've been waiting around for you,
it's been over a year,
**** it's almost been two,
i thought i had found another
but thats all been washed away,
and when i see your face,
not quite sure what words we'll say,

i just want to hold on to you,
as night turns into day,
cause you are so sensual
missing that, i'm miserable
and you made me feel as if
i was someone for once,
all i want is to have your back,
about all the rest, i don't care.

when he said, 'give me your hand'
i was on my way to another land
sitting around with a dutch in my hand
it seemed so absurd that with tears you told me
you had said yes

of your only two
hes the second best
I'll go around
and start a fire in a different room
to cope with the feeling
of these brides and grooms,
swearing you both love each other
while you now smile

if you're gonna take my sister,
make one promise mister,
promise that you'll love her
promise when she cries,
you will be the cloth
to dry her running eyes,
do the things your father does
for your mom,
talk to me a bit when you're in my old home
treat her like you have a gun to your head
cause if shes not smiling
you should wish for death

as tears fall from clouds
just like crumbs on the tables
i wish that i might be different
i hope that one day i'll be able

all the things i used to love
i hate now
so i'll sit here for a while
mixing in cubes of sugar until it saturates
this liquid that you love in the morning
wishing six carbon twelve hydrogen and six oxygen
pressed into shape was your smile
because cause you shouldn't be laughing at a word i say
though you might be finding this comical
or the thc in your brain makes it seem that way
i hurt you, and you hurt me
and friendship might be desired
i'm just old milk neglected on a hot summer day
don't use me for you sweetened cafe
im expired

you were there, god knows i need you man
holding the puzzle, together
while we both were dying to take our own apart

plastic six footers
your lungs are the only in one to clear the smoke
our friend mr. kool-aid is a tricky fellow
as we incinerate beautiful gifts from the earth,
let us destroy our movie collections
and flip back through them ten fold
you know them word for word dude
i thought i have skills with quotes

you were falling apart
help together we are both
both searching for something our friendship possesses

if you don't come by, i'm sure to be over before work
it seems like days haven't gone by
since BC mango and great lakes were had as fireworks celebrated.

i wanna see your face before you see maui
scared we'll never burn trees again
you are my best friend
i shouldn't be afraid
for i know you'll be there
with a tuxedo, as i start a family
i haven't met her yet

i'll be your best friend, and you shall be mine
no matter the distance, no matter the time
cause we'll still have those trips
where we didn't go anywhere
you said people might thing we were together, cause we always were,
splitting sticks of cancer
smoking each other up
dragging one another to bars or back form them
when feet wouldn't go in front of the other.

dude, you are my brother, i've never had
if you ever need anything, don't think to ask
i miss you like crazy whenever drums stomp
basses slap or guitars and voices sing
i'll listen to you and our old friends at work or with fake friends
and always tell them its the ****
for me music is something that takes me back
back to the dog days, were catch and air hockey were played,
so kick my *** at darts one more time
lets go grab a beer, have a spliff
and repeat,
i miss you!

if i was a bird
i'd fly through the ocean
live with the coral
and eat whatever i wanted to

but i'm just a boy
and i don't know a thing, you gotta let me know
whenever, oh i am falling a part

this might sound absurd
but if i was a roman
i'd live without morals
and lay with whoever i wanted to

but i'm just a boy
and i don't know a thing
i gotta let you know
oh i'm with you from the start

photos of turds
i send to my close friends
are little pictorials
of when i ate whatever i wanted to

but i'm just a boy and you're only a girl
both looking for love in a cold dark world
we found each other and put on a glove
now we just lay here in the sweat of our love
if you don't find reason
i'll find mine
to not lay together until we die

why don't you eat your heart out
i want to go to your house tonight
just to eat your ***** inside and out
but ill just dream of you tonight

so i heard you've got another,
the second man you've had since i last saw your eyes shine
oh how about we open up another slide
a scene where i am a dog
you say you're a feline
i dream of you and wish that i'm alive

well i know his kind,
and he wont care if you smile
in fact his last women
he treated as if they were vile

he's not the same as i am
i'm not the same man that i've been
shes not the same man i am
i'm not the same as i have been

oh how about we open up another slide
a dream of you, the same i have each and every night
the one where you told of how you love me
and it feels so right
oh god i wish these words were subliminal
so you would see 'em have a synapse
then feel miserable
i wanna kiss you from the outside of your eyes
you know the place where all the tears pool cause of a man i despise

he's not the same as i am
i'm not the same man that i've been
he's not the same man i am
i'm not the same as i have been

you kept me for as long as nature would let you,
then alone, in tears, they cut me from your torso
just like the two before
they were with fathers'
along with the first.
coco puffs were had in celebration
zach the lego maniac is not who i am
covered in your slime
separated and washed in a blanket,
now you can have me back,
i'll feed
i love you
though the blonde is now faded
i'm your little boy all the same,
just with depth in my voice
and that like my fathers' on chin and cheeks
you tell me i have such a nice face.
wrong i've only done to you and him
you him and i hug and wipe eyes.
things have changed,
distances are farther
talks grow longer
with no shame i'll shout,
i love her
pointing at you
my lovely mother.

though we are far,
i see a car
it reminds me
of we
i check to see
where they are
i'm a creep
tears on cheeks don't form
even if i hoped they would
of me every car i see
brings me to revelations
of how long
how far
these days have brought us
all and all
life's not cheap
whoever said memories fade
lied
there's nothing we've  done
and noting about you
i've forgotten

as mean drops fall without those intentions
i flick a bic and steal oxygen from lungs with fake friends,
outside "humans" without dreams
toss hands in the air
for funds they have
but autos in garages are scared.

memories break the glass in my thoughts
for there are folks here that love things i'm not
i'd be with a lover, and not have a heart for her,
she'd cling to me as barnacles do
but i'd  be the child scarping an itch, inflicting self conscious wounds.

run and hide all women,
for there are things that i need,
i'll please you in sheets and kitchens
but if you want my heart, i'll leave you hungry
that's just something
i said before i love you
that means if you don't
i'll just live till the casket alone

sun flows through the windows
onto my face
aint it funny how the thought of your breath
takes my own away.

distant memories of the dream just had
one quick coffee
not gonna roll back,
i go to pick you up finally.
well come to this city
here's a bar and sandy beach.
it could be wishful thinking
cause you haven't even arrived yet
sweat salt my eyes and morning my breath
have to go to the station
but the hours not at hand
haven't seen you since summer
but snow take your time now
i was wondering if you knew how i fell for you

what if dreams actually mean what i see
and aren't just metaphors
for other seas of life they invade
they know how i long,
just how to slip while i lay vulnerable
and seemingly waiting for their spells
or is it just yours?
the way they linger
far from the stings of bees
more similar to that of mosquitoes,
with the hope still in mind
every time you ask
how i am out here.
knives turn without fault to her soul
more to mine,
i fail to acknowledge
late summer and fall
then simmer on thoughts of May wonderlands
where acid raindrops fall.
But with new found heart back in chest
now train my heart for new accomplishments
i just cant count the moments for a good soul
and to hold her.

i remember the way you used to laugh
and i doubt that he finds that important
paper between our teeth
we love on LSD and oh,
our love was so simple
ive found mistakes
and fixed them
dont you remember when,
i used to pull your hair
pull it all back
give you my all

friends said it was perfect then
im sorry i ruined this hall.
how about you grab my hand
you'll see
it fits just like a glove
we all stumbled around
it was jackies' birthday
life felt like but a movie,
i want to hold you next to me.

floating down the stairs
just to run right back up
i found a friend and molly
scratches to the crest make me throw up
i swore i loved you then
though now
love is just made up

remember my old place
how we had to get out of town,
now in outer space
****, i wish we all could have stuck around.

on a train i just sit and write about it
we wanted so much more,
simply on a couch
we built our friendship.

on walk and talk
im thinking about all my best
with you.
honestly here saying
i was once quite obsessed
with you.
i thought that it was love
but this is more like a lesson
this i find is the root of my obsession
smoking cigs to **** the time
and stall an oral fixation
you know the one you did describe
now i feel the inclination
slowly and still surely
sure i know
there's something better right around the corner
waiting.
i want to slip into your cloths
rip out your heart
to see if its beating
so you can see that its dark,
im alright

though i may like to give
more than i receive.
this is not Christmas, get down
stop this lethargic wait for my taste.

though i love your laugh,
I've grown tired and want to see you smile.
why act so coy too
pursue like a gardener
don't you know i'm a mess
when your mouth is around here?

how i do enjoy the taste
with no disgrace my tongue runs in place
i was trying to get inside today
but no.

due to ADD self prescription,
i find these taint neighboring lips
to be my new addiction
while i love to tease the **** with conversation,
perspiration falls from walls until an intermission,

but im ****** and skipped supper,
so if you dont mind
i'd like to slide back down to stall my hunger.

trust is something earned,
something lost,
but aching to be found and had again.

longing for this,
with you
has begun sifting to dreams
to my day to day brain.

telephones living in pockets
hold those i wish to
i miss you
all 10 characters,
yet more than one have broken through my walls,
and into this heart
just to break that and leave a soul dangling
as the tear on my cheek,
to be less bleak, ill forgive
everything
if you ask and forgive me for
for loving too much,
as this heart often does.

i just lay awake,
trying to get some sleep.
but still i concentrate to force a lucid dream,
of you and your eyes

it seems to last for days,
i still swim in the wake
as i rise along  with the sun there's rain.
rainbows cascade inside, outside, through my mind
nothing like a nightmare

another perfect day,
filled by some simple things,
every time i blink i see
perfect little symmetrical brown tidal waves
on the inside of lids that cover mine,
i see your eyes
everywhere i look,every time i blind,
i see brown

which harmless little strips of paper have we eaten to change our minds?
drop, then whiskey drinks to waste away time,
with ignorance and wine we drowned the night,
punish our livers and brain chemicals.
unneeded and meaningless are words i have to you,
but with these months no longer in,
yet still this beats for only you.

i felt your trigger,
on the hood to my mind.

i missed what was said.
you see I was like a pebble
but just a little higher.

so i simply grabbed for the stars
and asked why? just a little more ******,
as i turned our eyes met, in a moment,
for an hour.

you made no move
in awhile i wont forget that face
the way you walk, with lackadaisical grace,
on a Thursday.

when i need a toilet,
i just sit down,
i might squeeze a ******,
but i also see brown.

then rip a leaf of paper
and flush it all down,
and i'm thinking of you as it spins around,
cause its ****, its **** its ****,
and you should eat it