I'd like to believe that soulmates are forever.
That you can fall in love with someone
who is meant perfectly for you.
Someone whose body fits next to yours
like two pieces of a puzzle.
Who curves in all the right places
to fit in to the gaps between your heartstrings.

A soulmate isn't forever.

But
there is a kind of intimacy that comes with being a soulmate
and it's so much more than just ***
or skin on skin
with clothes on the floor
and the lights turned way down low
and tangled sheets and secret smiles.
It's an intimacy that comes with knowing
their hopes and dreams and secrets
and
having a deep connection that can't be replaced.

Soulmates aren't forever.
But oh, how I wish they were.

Life is meant to
go on

because

nothing lasts forever.

Life is meant to have
ups and downs

because

flatlines mean death.

Sadness; this heavy thing begins to silt through my body.

Threatening to weigh me down.

Till my very heart is on the stone-cold ground.
Till *time itself sews itself into this space in my chest.

Pathetic, vulnerable fetal position twists my everywhere.

You can scoff, call me weak.

I dare you.

However,
say it when you feel the death of something so acutely.
- I refer to it as something as you don't lose someone.
They are very much alive in the memories.-    

The moments dusty and blurry at the edges.
The same ones that gently seam your eyelids every single night.

Compelling you to live in the dusty, yellowed past.
The choice becomes nothing but
yours.

But it isn't mine either.      

My stubborn heart still beats with something that is defined as life
but
doesn't
quite
feel like
                                                             i   t.