Somehow
the sadness connected us
We were alone in the world but
together through the silence in the air
that bred nostalgia and memories
we weren't fond of

I didn't have to see your wrists to know
that the skin had once been kissed
by the blade that all too often
tempted death
I didn't have to

because I had seen it in the way
your eyes fell to the floor when
you spoke my name,

how your voice cracked when
you apologized,

how on the rare occasion that
our eyes met you didn't look away
but you didn't smile either

I didn't need to hear the words to know
what you were saying
You were dying
but not dying at all

and that was the problem
Because you can't will yourself
to make your heart stop beating
even though sometimes
at 3 am you want to

But darling, I don't want you to
Don't go
Please
I need you more than I say

I miss you
And I'm sorry that I don't have some
beautiful and mysteriously depressing way of stringing those words together to make them sound like more than what they are
But I'm so drained without you that
I can barely manage to make
myself function properly
There was a particularly spectacular
sunset tonight and I wonder if you saw it
at the same time I did

I wonder if you thought of me
As I thought of you

When I was sixteen I took up smoking
To remind my lips of your taste
Cigarettes in the mornings and
Cigars in the evening
I watched the sunset change colors
In the reflection of your eyes
And if I could inject that sight into my veins
Or inhale it through my lungs and electrify my brain
I would
But unfortunately
As far as I'm concerned sunsets remain
Unable to be injected and your smile uningested like the drugs that they were
You left me feeling like a fifty year chain smoker whose lips were left forever untouched
by a single cigarette
And I still don't know how that's possible
But I don't want to
So with every inhale I'll breathe you in and push you back out like the poison that you were
And I still don't know where you are, love
Hiding within the constant tides of carbon monoxide
But the sunset doesn't seem so far

I'll see you on the other side

We spent the summer between
old libraries and book stores,
coffee shops and rock concerts
We were rebellious
in a sense that no one else
ever bothered to understand
How freely we would plan
for Eventually
and Some Day
with our feet in the sand
of a shore on some secret beach
somewhere that didn't even exist
And I did my best the resist
the constant urge to kiss you
as you sat shot gun in my car
with all our windows rolled down
And the nights we spent in town
were where I first found that
when you laughed your eyes
told stories of nights spent crying
and I never wanted to buy more time
on a maxed out credit card
than I did right then
It was hard knowing that dying
was becoming less of a verb
and more of an adjective
And I'm so sorry that I couldn't
Bring myself to tell you
Because part of me wanted to
but a bigger part didn't want to let go
of the girl that time
would force me to outgrow

I am in love with a boy
Who was born blind
In his left eye
I had no idea until one day
His grandmother decided
To fill me in
And I almost laughed because
I saw no tell-tale signs
of this affliction
And like a small child
Acting on a prediction
I covered your eye with
My hands and asked,
"So you can't see me?"
Our noses nearly touching
But our souls feeling far
"No," he replied
"But I  don't need to
To know how beautiful you are."

I live in a city where
Once the spring sun finally
Sets back into the April sky
We wear smiles we forgot
That we had

How wonderful it is
To be kissed by the sweet
Sunshine after a cold long-
Distance relationship

Spring brought memories
Of summer
And summer consisted of
Ice cream cones and naps with
The ceiling fan on

It told tales of midnight kisses
And swingset sunrises
Being the first two eyes
To witness the night blue sky
Changing into firey shades
Of red

But it is not summer
       it is not spring

Without you now I live
In a never ending winter
Stuck on replay in december
With bone chilling winds
And blue lips

And oh my god
I miss your finger tips
On my skin and icecream
Cone dips
I cannot bear the silence
of night without your
Heartbeat in my ear

So I still sleep with the
Ceiling fan on to remind me
Of you, dear

“I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window.  I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey.  I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me.  I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me.  Just once I want my life to be like an 80′s movie, preferably one with a… really awesome musical number for no apparent reason.  But no, John Hughes did not direct my life.”