"She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future" -Proverbs 31:25

A noble woman.

Noble - having or showing fine personal qualities or high moral, royal principles and ideals.

Knowing this, I ask myself, 'is he worthy of being graced by my *royalty?'
No.
And me, being so fine, why should I EVER have to dry my eyes as a result of his peasantry?
[You shouldn't']
Then I think about how moral I am, and all the good I gave to that man, things that no average woman can,
[He's silly]
So, keeping all of that in mind, I ask myself,
'Should a Noblewoman cry as much as I?'
[No.]
Lastly, should my dignity, hard earned, clothing me, be compromised for a man with 4 eyes, 1 mouth (full of lies), 2 hands that never had the courage to meet the small of my back, 2 legs that walk around here (arrogantly) like the gold was sitting betwixt his thighs and not mine.
[I'm not finished yet]
1 pipe, that I longed for, didn't even care if it was long or...
26 short teeth that I gave my all to make sure were always showing
1 pair of pants that were too tight anyway
1 face that I didn't get to see much, but it doesn't even matter because it wasn't cute anyway.
[Hell n-]
The nerve of that man.

So in strength, I'll move on, striding fearlessly into the future, laughing even after so much suffering, because I'm too fine, too dignified, too good ANYWAY.

D, Noblewoman

That is all.
The title explains itself.
And if I could have back my wasted time,
I'd waste it on something else.

You were born today
And I'm thankful for God's amazing capacity to create.
But I know that just as God giveth, God also  taketh away.
I know that just as love blooms, love also withers away.
But regardless of trajectories and destinies and fates
I'm so glad You were born today.

now that I've seen all of your sides, I have a decision to make
I could love you for the man you are
...and the man you aren't,
or I could gather my love and walk away.
learning to accept that you are you and could never be who I want you to be
--made you even more beautiful to me.
Because here I am, knee deep in you
       and you knee deep in me
I tread through your dimensions, and with every hardship we survive,
I  learn to love you a little bit different.

I long dreamed about what it'd be like to have my flowers plucked by you.
Now I'm realizing that your touch was not a pluck
Quite the opposite, actually.
You sewed your seed and it was there that Love grew.

How sweet it is when dreams manifest

Can't stop thinking about that magical forever,
when you marched into my Garden
and planted your heart
          in the center of my universe
Where it beat
And beat
And beat
Inside of me.
And it fit so perfectly
As if it were mine all along
As if it belonged...

Today I learned a sad story
About my family.
The closest family on this side of the Mississippi
There were guns and violent words, punches and anger and unthinkable almosts.
I wonder how people who love eachother so fiercely, can be brought so low. Lower than any mind could imagine.
I wonder how cousins, who are more like brothers, could come to blows,
Battling mutual pain that stabs deeper than any heart could imagine.
Battling each other instead of loving each other.
Today I learned a story of depression, anger, sadness, jealousy, resentment, skeletons,
People who are held up so high, and given no cushion in the untimely event of a fall.
I know how it feels to be expected to be the model one, the perfect one.
I know how it feels to crack under that pressure.
What an unconveyable feeling.
Today I learned a story of heartache and pain.
Today my heart aches for my family.
We've lost so much that I think we're struggling to see all that we have left.
Each other.

Finally starting to hear and listen
There's only one right way for me to take.
My own.
               Letting go
of dreams
                   that involve me forcing  .
Never gonna be
                                   150
                                  again.
No matter how
                         Ideal
It may seem.
            That was what was right for then,

Consistency
Has never
Been key to trajectory
No matter how bad
I think
I wanna
                              be smaller,
I will never fit into those jeans
                                Again.
Into that box
Again.
         Into categories that have me mad that the orange isn't red as red as the apple
               When it was never meant to be.

Wondering when I'll accept that...
I'll never be
                            150 again.

Last night I had a moment of spiritual awakening.
And it was beautiful.
See I had been wasting my life, shooting aimlessly.
I wondered why I was not motivated.
About anything.
I realized that its time now for me to turn away from the world and live on the inner realms of Domonique.
I thought I'd never see the day when my days were not clogged up by a series of feeds. "News" they call it. Ha.
But its hardly ever news at all.
Putting more time into the lives of strangers. Spending no time with me.
So I decided that from here on the only thing I'd be feeding was myself.
And I said I'd write a poem a day (or something).
I just want to connect somewhere that isn't the internet
and be full.
Fed.
To entertain my life, instead.

Just like that.**
a subtle wave
creeps up slow,
and carries him away.
Back to the shores of California.

You know that thing that you've been running from?
That thing you contemplated, but in the midst of your preparations you realized you just couldn't do?
Well here's to seeing it through!
Here's to walking in blind as hell.
Here's to getting all the way immersed, submerged in it, and liking the way it hurts.
To that moment when you realize that you were afraid for nothing and that you can do anything. But fail.

Because yeah it'll take a whole lot of grunt, but the second you got to grunting you knew that it was the best hard work you'd ever get to do.

You were made for this.
Here is to seeing it through.

Here's to doing before you even start believing and then letting your actions make a believer out of you.
To knowing that now is a better time than ever, and a much, much, better time than never.

Here. Is to seeing it through.

I wish I had you here in my right now and our worlds didn't exist separately

To lay under you and listen to the rhythm of your heart

So much peace

My thigh hiked comfortably across your waist and my arm right above it, holding on to your girth like it was the greatest gift on God’s green Earth and I was lucky to have found it.

Stroking your back, gently, and letting out sighs of tranquility.

Smelling the fragrance of your skin in harmony with mine. Wishing I could bottle it up and wear it all the time.

Entangled feet (except yours can’t touch me because I hate feet. and you’ll do it anyway, on purpose. Because you’re annoying. And we’ll feet fight playfully. Laughing and giggling like teenagers. I'll tell you to stop but I don't want you to stop at all. And you wont.)

Hearing your soft voice tell me you love me while you wrap my curls around your fingers. Reminiscing on how shocked you were when I first cut it (but making sure not to leave out that you loved it).

And we’d lay like that forever.

I've been selfish
I loved you so much that you existed only in my world.
1 facet. 1 purpose.-- to be loved by me.

I hated the thought of you being too far for too long.
When one day it struck me that I had been selfish and wrong.
You are a person so amazing and deep.
You have goals and ambitions.
Real dreams that took your whole life to construct,
all of which were never even considered by me.
The one that loved you.
Irony.
All this time, I've wanted to keep you close. As close as possible.
But now. I want you to travel as far as your heart will beat. And to find out things. Solve mysteries. Love and be loved deeply. I want you to swell with a hunger for life that you can't even comprehend.

Because now nothing makes me more excited than the thought of seeing you win.

Learning and growing.
Fulfilling and being fulfilled.
Not letting adversity have the last say or losing yourself in things that are man-made.

For the first time ever I realize that there is so much more to your precious being than my silly little fantasy
(together 4eva: L&D;)
So much more to your life than me.

So this marks the night that I release you from the confines of my selfish heart:

and love you still--
miles away
or far apart.

I've been missing you so much lately and initially these desperate feelings were dripping in shame. I felt embarrassed to see your name in every 'L' in sight, and to think of you when all of my duties of the day were over and my mind was roaming free at night.
Feelings forbidden, I know better than to reminisce and fantasize. I learned long ago that hope was just a comfy lie. I learned long ago that We were just a random time in both of our lives. A defective tree that would never bloom, no matter how much the rain fell and the sun shined...
there'd never be any fruit.
I know so much, I've grown so much, but still sometimes I can't help but wonder.
What if?
What if things would have worked out if I would've just stuck it out and gave you the benefit of the doubt? Being a man is hard, finding yourself is hard, life is hard. So many things that come between who you wanna be and who you are. So many questions. I know.
Being adopted is hard sometimes, I bet.
What if my patience hadn't run out and I wouldn't have run away...
I still paint you in my future, like I'm saving your place in line in my life because you have to come back.
I need you here.
I need to feel you again.
So many unanswered questions.
Who will I share my forever with?
Who will I smolder in passion with until I can't take more so I lay entangled (with you) overdosed on love and life and happiness?
How do I explain in my dreams to our [4] babies that they'll never have my nose, or your love for shoes, or my temperament and intelligence, because they will never be....
How do I silence the memories and restore my sanity.
How do I go on, officially, and finally, without you who is my happily ever.
How many poems until I really feel better.
If I could write you back into my life I'd pen all night, but no amount of rhymes and feelings and stanzas will give me what I want more than anything. You.
The thought of you doing it all again [but getting it right this time] with some other woman is enough to make me sick inside, so I don't think that thought too often. I know you're bound to someone else and probably me too. But...I still love you. Im still human.

I am worth love

In all of its mystery and magic

I am worth birthday kisses, dinners, spine chills, and all the things you promised but never produced.
(Because you always promised, but never produced. )

I am worth the truth behind every excuse I ever made for you

I am worth more joys than blues

I am worthy to be loved, even if not by you.
(I am worthy to be loved, even if not by you).

Being a woman,
can be hard as hell
But you make hell
look awful swell.

I loved my friend
He went away from me
There's nothing more to say--
The poem ends
As soft as it began
I loved my friend
-Langston Hughes