I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t learn anything
Where it’s time to go practice
Because practice makes perfect
Not classroom memorization

I’ve gotten to the point where love is not shared
In the way that the epilogue to a drunk night can be
And I can know the difference

I’ve gotten to the point where a last year
Means many other lasts
But also many firsts
And that difference keeps me running

I’ve gotten to the point
Where I can sit back and wonder
Without the heart race and slight headache:
“What’s the point?”

There’s one on my arm
From that time
You led me through the park
“don’t peek,” you said
I peeked.
I’m still sorry

There’s a bunch
All over my hands
Because someone held them
When I was crossing the street
I looked down
And not only saw my feet
But

I saw one from the time yours fell on mine
We were dancing
Drunk with eachothers’ love
And drunk by wine

But mostly drunk because
That’s the only way to be
When among friends

There’s one
I wish wasn’t there
From a time when “no”
Meant “fine”
And fine it was not

And one more on my face
A river pushing through earth
eroded
From too much use
Or not enough

I gather them sometimes
Give them a good look.
Remember them.
Then forget.
Remember
Forget
Consider
Ignore
Remember.

You and me
Only just me
Just you
Present only in ink and paper
Ink in pen the potential
for misinterpretation
For joy
For just you to become just you and me
Or just you wanting me
Me wanting you is
Slowly but surely
With each mailbox crawl
Becoming an empty pen
No more to say except
“Hows the new job?”
Ink drying up
And scrawled:
“Hope you’re doing well.”
I’m not
but
I will be
I will be
A pen with new ink
Ink for someone
Someone that’s not you
I will be
Over it
I will be.

How dare you force me
into your
empty worshipping
media centered
white collar suburban world

If your wallet comes with
boundless restrictions, empty and meaningless
I will set fire to your commerce
green burning red, then white, then blue

Your world was once this way
but like all things
this place is not the same
what you see has left
and what remains becomes
what I see

You tied my shoes
but
refuse to let me walk
I sneak steps
when you're not around

Yet still
feet grow restless
potential forward motion builds
builds a house of possibilities
A house far away from here

Shoes tied and ready
the dull tread becomes routine
exactly as you planned

Heaven forbid I veer to the left
heaven forbid I take off running
Running away from your green world
The world I have to run away from
The world I will spend the rest of my days running from
Your world
Gone to me
You have a choice.

Let go, or be dragged.

These words cannot escape
live in me
what I need, quite simply
is for words to flee
escape via pen, mouth
second best only to physical
more disconnect added with each middle man
gray keys
cyber space
words become code
which others cannot decode
decode my words
these words
thoughts reduced to slashes, arrows, numbers
marks on a screen telling what to do
cheapened to
lines
ink on a page
words in the mouth
a hand in mine
no words for such bliss but words assigned nonetheless
no right or wrong words
no words at all
yet somehow we need them
like something can't exist
if no words exist
Failure to say truth
failure to reality
words fail.

Talk to me
tell me what you had for breakfast
tell me what
you saw when you opened your eyes this morning
eyes of green
tell me yes
but I will hear no
"no" will become my faith
"no" is what I see
when I see you
your face
covered in your words
words like film
beatles
vinyl
cicadas
books
font
words in your handwriting
that is only yours
but is interpreted
and becomes someone else
becomes me
becomes "no"
but then "maybe"
and I hang on to this
hoping if I believe it
it becomes true
maybe if you say it
maybe if you talk to me
or with me
Talk with me.

Eat ****.
I hate that you left me
in love with you.
What am I supposed to do?
Get over it
like my feelings live in my feet.
Carry me to new places, new faces
Tie up my laces, I'm off to get over it.
You left me with this thought
You don't love me emotionally
You could love me physically
but no.
That would be wrong
because first times only come once.
How many times will I be left
when someone is afraid of the first?
I can't get a job without experience.
No experience without a job.
So I'm stuck here.
with my tied laces
Feelings in my feet
Getting over it.
And until I do, I will just keep saying
Eat ****.