freedom
that’s what I wanted when I thought about being “an adult”
but here i am fighting these white and black ways of thinking
looking down the drain for my inner child, knowing that if I go deep enough
if I ignore the darkness
Bring light to the traumas
I might win
I might live
I might find a meaning beyond the material world

Thank you.
For wiping my sorrow away.
You've been here through it all...
I am more than grateful
I am overwhelmed
Thank you.
For listening when my voice became mute
You're the best of the best
I am bless.
Thank you.
For being here when I become invisible through the eyes of the world.
Thank you ....
You'll aways be more than a friend
I'll be here until the end.

I never ever .... Felt like this.
Okay maybe I had
But...but
What I feel is indifferent  .
I ask myself , am I lonely?
But I doubt it.
Maybe this is part of growing up.
Being so deep into my thoughts that at times I drown.
I feel scared .
Something is missing .
But what?
What is that my 17 year old mind is missing?
I say mind because it all in my head.  
So maybe it's knowledge.
Knowledge that will make me wiser.
Wise enough to know words and ways of a good writer.
A good person.
A better person I should say..

At the age of 6 I was  put out of my comfort zone
As a six year old this made me extremely timid
It changed me
I was terrified of everything
I was afraid of my own mother who left me at the age of 2
To me she was a stranger
I was afraid of my classmates I never saw so many people that look nothing like me
They spoke differently
They knew games I wasn't familiar with

I used to be extremely outspoken to the point where ironically I was bullied verbally
I would never forget those girls growing up
But yet I was comfortable in my own skin,  I was in love with myself

A year after being in the United States
I learned to love my mom
I know it sounds weird to learn to love your mom
But that's what as seven year old I learn to do when I accepted  the fact my real mother is nothing like the one that raised me...

Extremely sentive
Dual natured
fake? No not me
I like the term "open minded" better
I change my thoughts more than enough
My heart is hurt it can't take it any more
My brain is relentless

Raindrops fill the ground
This is a walk to remember
We hate each other
We love each other
And it's funny because I met you on a sunny day.

Ice cold her heart is gold
Navy blue eyes on a dark night
Her smile is radiant

Full pink lips
She speaks silent's words
She kisses me goodbye

Knee high socks on a chilly day
Big sun glasses to hide her sorrow away
A pack of cigarettes with a glass of wine
"Live life without rules", she whispers in my ear.

A smile on her lovely face
That's what keeps the pain away
You are the sun & she's the light
You are a bird & she's the sky

She's clumsy
She snores when she giggles
Far from perfect
but no one has been so close to your heart


She argues because she knows she's right
High strung
She's not like the others ...
But no one looks at you like she does

She sees right through you
She accepts your flaws
A diary
A listener
A good friend
A perfect human being
so why let her go?  Why not call her mine?

When I was six you were the best of the best.
At the age of third-teen I learned that you are far from perfect.
As I grow older I have learned from your mistakes.
I don't wish to be like you.
Although, you have let me down in the past & will in the future.
I am proud of you.
I accept your flaws.
I accept you as who you are.

I live under the sea
Beauty  all around me is all I see
I am north
I am south
One fin up
One fin down
Marvelous lotrous eyes
I'm always honest so always trust & believe in me

Sometimes I tend to have mood swings but that's only when there's a lot on my mind.
I care too much.
Between caring & being taken advantage of people forget that when it comes to me there's a thin line.
My soul is old so yes I know the difference between love & lust.

My face is covered in hair.
My blather is angry
I pick up my legs & run to the bathroom.
As I wash my hands I avoid looking at myself
I'm such a ugly thing at this time of day
I walk back to my room
My bed needs me
The floor gives my feet a numbing feeling
Although I am always cold
I am artic.
I become a ball when I lay down.
This is the only way I feel safe.
My covers hide me.
It shelters me with warmth & a lovely nap.

The day that we first kissed the stars were brighter the moon was fuller.
When our palms touched our heartbeats were mellow.
Your kiss was paradise in a real fairy tale. .
The feelings that we have grown for each other were not planned.
Laughter,  turned into a smile.
A hug turned into a deep long beautiful stare into each other's souls.
Me & you are meant to be until we grow old.

As a child I pictured life with you specially on my birthday.
Those days were the worst.
February 21st was not my day.
Tears of fake joy were my only friend.
When everyone was asleep my sobs were more powerful.
Painful sobs,  Loud groans was all that I had left  in me.
My only wish was to be daddy's little's girl.
All I needed was one candle.

The wind is kind
The day is quiet
I am lonely
My heart is broken...
Things I can't explain
Feelings are numb
Days like these are long.

The smell of your soft skin close to mine.  
The taste of your pink lips.    
My soul is for you to keep.
Close.
To you.
The sparkle in your hazel eyes it's what keep the fireworks alive you're my fourth of July .

I am not who you think I am.                                            
The smile on my face is full of sadness.
My lips speak words that I do not mean at all.
It all happened when I realized that no one really cares.
Why should one admit how ****** life is?