What am I?
What should I let define me?
Do i stand for a cause?
Am I polite or am I crass?
Am I queen or of a poor class?
Do I wear pants or do I wear a dress?

In the brackets of conventions,
Lacking enthusiasm and convictions,
I soon started losing myself,
In the sea of confusions.

As i grew, these bracket grew larger,
"Atheism is not a choice, go meet a minister"
The end of the tunnel looked brighter from afar
the journey is what made me a sadist and a sinister

Part of a big propaganda is what i became
oblivious of what had happened and what was to come
little beads of joy, yes I did collect them
only to lose, oh boy ! what a shame
Its all a scam, the rebel shouted
I should have stopped my journey and got myself in his team recruited

It was not a journey it was but a race
"hahaha eternal optimist?", the darkness laughed at my face
the shadows grabbed everything I had
they were my friends I thought, "like my mom and dad"

oh the days have gone by
and here I sit sad and shy
identity was lost in the tunnel of sea with weeds dry
all is lost I weep and cry
what am I?
what should I let define me?
Is it the shady past of which I was only a participant
or should it be my future of which I am ignorant?

The last time happiness shut its doors on me
I didnt realize it would be its last time
One chance if I had at the last goodbye
I d have made it worthwhile

I d always been a good story teller
or thats what I d always thought
When my life missed its plot
my pens and papers didnt help me out

Here they lay
tons of papers untouched
in all their antique glory
In happier times were they bought
when was it again? 1990?
Now they lay like me, dry and sad
not knowing the purpose of life, our skins sag

I make a decision to let go off sorrow
I have been telling myself "let me do it tomorrow"
How hard it is to let it go
what happens when you let it go
what if there s nothing new to hang on to
I lie down like a fetus clutching to my dear sorrow

"I want to let you go
There s nothing new in the horizon I know
The colors of rainbows belong to everyone else
this is why i think sorrow, you are my best"

"Make up your mind
pack up your bags
for if i wont let you go
happiness might not return again"

To sorrow, I give my last kiss
hoping for the arrival of new bliss
sorrow says it would miss me
I assure it i d write its story

The papers wake up at the noise of sorrow's footsteps
I make my coffee hot, informing them dear sorrow left
my papers are as hopeful as I am
to welcome what was to come next

What I d remember of you
When I leave this place
Is of us exploring the foggy city in the early mornings
Is of us cozying at night infront of your fire place
Playing a deck of cards
Drinking beer with our friends
Of the love that we thought we had
Of the loss we thought we d incurred
Of the emotions vested
Of the coffee beans roasted
You and I posing for the picture
We printed on the mugs as memorabilias for the future
of your unibrow I was  once so fascinated with
of my life stories you dismissed as a simple myth
of the taste of your lips
the warmth of your coffee breath
the sharpness of your nose
of the moments we chose
of the takeout menus lying on the floor
of the house, the water and the shore
I am carrying the love with me
The memories and the shared spaces
I would try to move on without you
Without your kisses and warm embraces
Release myself from the shambles of your love
And move on to getting caged by your memories
Keep ruling me my love
For without you I am lost of my many identities.

28 years and 60 odd days
Still no signs of my soulmate
What s taking him so long I wonder
Is he stuck or did he find someone better

Ambitions kept me busy and awake
I forgot to sleep, dream about him and the wedding cake
Now I wonder if those fairy tales were real
Whats her name who he s with now? Gabriele?

Those frogs I met and left made me long more
For the prince who exists or not I am still not sure
Should I retire from the thoughts this ridiculous?
Frogs, prince, kisses and more candy floss

As kitschish as it sounds
The romantic in me still doesnt want to come back to the ground
**** those books my dad read to me as a kid
More harms than good they did

28 years and 60 odd days later
Those books still think they matter
For they stand in my shelf laughing at my hopes
"Catch the right bus this time", the romantic's silliness grows

Romeo might have taken a detour
My heart breaks on this day of a crabby winter
Kiss more frogs i will
She can keep you, that Gabriele
As strangers we ll stay
Those books can pry and pray
I pack those books, the dirt makes me cough
Now tell me my dear books, who is having the last laugh?

Where do we go from here?
From livid teens to lucid forevers
from being one to being us
from caged to being free
between maybes and babies
a lot can change
we sail from sea to shore
from love to furore
from present to future
walking bit by bit , step by step,
oblivious of what is in store

A promise to stay one
to keep up and move on
to meandering waves and currents so strong
to cleaning the conscience from everything wrong
in your absence my heart does so long
to be back with you in your arms so strong

This is the start
I give you my heart
we go from here
to another world miles apart
a leap of faith
and mixed traits
Lets start from here .. lets go together ..