"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!“

That scream

That pierces the peace of the household.

That smile

That hasn´t been seen for months.

That glint in your eyes

That you thought you had lost forever.

Now it´s all back!



That feeling of excitement

That´s so strong that it hurts.

The way your heart is jumping up and down

And it feels like it will never stop.



You jump up

And start running round the room

Because it just feels like the right thing to do.

Your whole family runs in

Asking what the matter is

And you just make up a lie

Something you haven´t had the strength to do for ages.



When your voice is gone

And your legs start aching,

You settle down and just start writing:

Frantically typing in your feelings.



A few hours ago you were crying,

But now the dark days are gone.

Now everything is solved.

Now you can be happy.

I can see your tiny bloodshot eyes,
Slowly looking away
From my arrogant angry stare.

Turning back to laugh with your friends,
Away from the one
Who always cared.

And my own eyes,
Start to cry,
Tears of loneliness,
Of longing,
Of spite,
Your eyes are back on me,
Simply asking “Why”.

Why me?

Everyone else goes round,

Doing whatever they like.

All their success is found,

They managed every strike.

Yes, they can be happy,

Dance around with joy,

While in the corner there is me,

Turned down by every boy.

Yes, just let this stupid world,

Rejoice and pretend it´s fine,

While one person lies forgotten:

Me with this task of mine.



Don´t forget that you´ll be fine,

Be happy with your task.

For someday you will save the world,

For what more could you ask?

You were the one who was trusted

With this important job,

You will save so many lives,

So many hearts will throb.



But why the heck should I do this?

Can it not be someone else?

I can not bear this much pressure,

Can not do it by myself.



Yes, you can and yes, you will.

You are a girl so strong.

Prove you strength and do it now,

From now it won´t be long.



How do I know

That freedom will ring?

Did you ever promise

Me anything?

Will I be stuck forever

On the path of confusion and gloom?

Is there any way to get away,

Will happiness come soon?



Oh of course my darling,

Just have faith and trust.

Do not think for a moment,

That your vision will bust.



Is this not all simply me,

Fighting with myself?

This is not some heroic task,

The world doesn´t need my help.

Standing up against ideas,

I formed to protect me,

God, and I never realized

That I can be whoever I want to be.

I am free to change my mind,

My view are mine to form

I don´t need excuses,

To be who I want to be.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

In and out.

In.

Out.



It´s okay

Calm down

Go to sleep

Curl up in bed.



Take your blanket

And wrap it around you.

Rest your tired head on the soft pillow

And just relax.



But I can´t.



I think of woolly sheep

Jumping over a fence

In a beautiful meadow

I count them in my head.



But the fence keeps growing higher

There are more and more sheep

The whole meadow keeps twisting

Why is my head doing this?



67, 58, 89, 200, 201, 102, 103, 104…

It´s just not working.



Breathe in.

Breathe out.

In and out.

In.

Out.



It´s okay

Calm down

Go to sleep

Curl up in bed.



Take your blanket

And wrap it around you

Rest your tired head on the soft pillow

And just relax.



But I can´t.



Because my head is spinning

I´m too scared to fall asleep.

I can´t risk relaxing my mind

Because then the nightmares will speak.



I get them every night

I don´t know when they´ll stop.

I don´t know why they keep coming

I don´t know what they want.



Breathe in.

Breathe out.

In and out.

In.

Out.



It´s okay

Calm down

Go to sleep

Curl up in bed.



Take your blanket

And wrap it around you

Rest your tired head on the soft pillow

And just relax.



But I can´t.



My mind finally starts wandering

To the land of far away.

And the dreams come inevitably

To steal the night away.



My house is exploding

There´s fire everywhere.

I run around trying to get out

As sparks burn off my hair.



I´m walking around the city

My family with me.

When fire shoots up from the ground

I run, but fire is all I can see.



I´m in a new neighbourhood

Looking for everyone.

But then I start hearing whispers

"Now my work is done".



It´s my 18th birthday

And my mum´s made me a cake.

But when I pull the lid off

The plate is filled with snakes.



I´m walking around the house

When I see my mum.

I try to tell her something,

but my tongue has gone numb.



We´re running away to a far-off land.

Everywhere there is snow

When suddenly a train comes.

And I have nowhere to go.



I can not drive

Yet I´m in a car.

It´s going forward

And I fall on my scar.



Soon the scream escapes me

As it does every night

I can not bear this any more

I´m too weak for this fight.



Breathe in.

Breathe out.

In and out.

In.

Out.



It´s okay

Calm down

Go to sleep

Curl up in bed.



Take your blanket

And wrap it around you.

Rest your tired head on the soft pillow

And just relax.



But I can´t.



I imagine myself on a meadow

The way my mother told me to.

With flowers growing all over it

Lilies and roses too.



Soon enough,

I fall asleep.

My eyes are closed,

My breathing deep.



But there they are again

Those films of dread

Lions are chasing me

And I am dead.



My cat has gone away

Never to come back.

I am lying on the floor bleeding

For I ran over a train track.



A meteor falls on my house

Exploding all the lighting.

The pages of The Book of Death are turning

My name in it in blood red writing.



There is a corpse right in front of me

I´m holding a knife in my hand.

I am sitting in a wheelchair

And I can not stand.



The world is dead, I´m the only one there.

All my family has gone elsewhere.

Lizards and toads are falling from the sky

I´m on stage and my throat has gone dry.



My best friend has turned into a doll

I´m being chased by a hideous troll.

I look in my mirror, then I drop dead.

I suddenly remember what an old man once said.



I thrash and scream

All through the night.

I kick and moan

I toss and fight.



I shout and turn

I cry and gape.

I want to get away

But I can´t escape.

"Say goodbye to everyone and you´re free to go!”
The teacher calls
As she rushes forward,
Hugs the other teachers,
Almost cries.

We let out
An exasperated sigh.
That´s her eccentric self,
We know that we´ll never be like that.
Standing rooted on the spot,
Ignoring the others,
Like always.

And the other teacher comes
Right up to us.
“You don´t feel like saying goodbye, do you?”
And as much as we don´t want to admit it,
We´re all trying hard not to cry.
And nothing in the world seems any worse
Than having to say goodbye.

Soon the others
Come up to us,
Last-minute remarks are exchanged.
“I love your hair!”
“How did you make your nails look like that?”
“Do you know what your name means in our language?”

And we all realize,
That we´ll never see each other again.
And we talk more now,
Than we ever have before.
“You love The Hunger Games too?”
“Wait…you actually liked it at our school?”
“How do you say “no” in your language?”
Ice-breakers couldn´t break the ice,
But now it has fully melted.
Gone away.
Just as they are going to.

Everyone hugs,
As we realize that we have to say goodbye.
“Give me your phone number!”
“Have you got Facebook?”
“We´ll miss you!”

And when we get home,
We accept friend requests,
Look through old photos,
Try to re-live every memory.
Wishing we could have realized the truth sooner.
We never have enough time,
It´s best to start as soon as you can.
We shouldn´t have ignored them
Up until the last moment.
Regrets are
Flying through the air.
As we all settle down,
And wish for what we hadn´t done.