Hello dirt bike boy,
sometimes I wonder if
I should even still call
you that.
Do you ride anymore?
Or did another hobby,
or another girl replace
what you once loved?
I keep seeing your face
on the profile of people's
facebooks that I didn't even
know you knew..
I will never escape your
ghost for as long as I'm in
this state.
I hope that someday we
will talk again,
and make up
as different people.

But for now I will stay
haunted by your presence
all over this ******* county.

Tonight I am miss
Mary Jane.

Wh o a r e y  o    u u u

You may not know
how much my soul
adores hearing you say
that my words have
power.
That is all I have ever
wanted..
To connect with somebody
through my writing,
and leave a lasting impression
on you.
I'd be lying if I said
I don't still look for your
car at Speedway
before I pull in.
Or skip that glance
as I drive by your road
after work,
because this time,
I might see you.
In a way it's like you're
my guardian angel
who's still here on earth,
because you are the only
one who believes in me,
and what I have to say.
You lift me up right before
I'm about to give up.
Maybe that's why I have
always called you my sunshine.

You make me happy,
*when skies are grey.

I've been thinking too
much this morning.
I am surprised that I even
still believe in love.
Believe that it really exists
and that I could be happy
with one person for
the rest of my life.
Look at my past relationships.
I have been used,
taken advantage of,
neglected,
and left heart broken at the bottom.
I am beginning to believe
that I'm getting what I deserve.
I used to think I
deserved romance and
constant happiness,
but now I think I'm stuck in
this pattern of bad relationships.
And it scares the **** out of me.
Because I don't want to live
like this for the rest of my time
awake on earth.

The forecast calls for high
humidity and another long,
hot day.
I woke up last night and
forgot where I was,
because he wasn't sleeping
next to me.
I woke up really early and
got ready relatively fast.
My friend's dad who works
at Speedway offered me a job.
Probably because I'm their
most consistent shopper.
I politely declined and told him
I already work 40 hours a week.
I got high before work,
so I feel good.
Just not looking forward
to the humidity,
again.

You know you're grown up
when a family vacation
sounds like heaven,
because you haven't been
on one since four years ago
when you were a sophomore in
High school and your mom
got remarried.
Somewhere along the way
spending time with your
family doesn't matter anymore,
and everyone becomes obsessed
with bills and work and
relationships.
And somewhere along the
way everyone has their own
problems,
and no time to help with
anyone else's problems.
Somewhere along the way
you're family became people too,
and suddenly youre not so
alone anymore.

I remember being told to,
watch out and
be careful with him.
He's crazy, he uses people,
He's dangerous, he's wrong.
He never was to me.
Even in his darkest moments
he never put hands on me,
he never tried to take anything
not even a cigarette.
I gave them to him because
sharing is one of my flirting
techniques.
He never tried to force me
to do anything I didn't want to.
He didn't scare me.
He was nothing like what
anyone said he was.
He was wonderful.

I feel even more alone
in this,
people know so little
that they thought it was an STD.
Honestly,
I worry that no one
will ever know or care
about something that
really plagues people's lives.
Something that takes over mine.
Some days I feel so
self conscious about the lack
of hair on my head that I
won't go out in public.
I can feel the unspoken stares,
and the amount of ignorance
when someone says,
Just stop
You really don't know how
much I wish it was that easy.