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 Oct 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
I am not good at being alone.
Probably because,
growing up I always had someone
there with me.
I'm an identical twin.
So it's no wonder i feel
empty when I'm by myself.
I like to think that I'm
independent,
but I'm beginning to think
that's not true.
I need someone sitting beside
me in the passenger seat,
and at the movies,
and someone there
to watch shows with me and
help finish bowls.
I need a constant friend.
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
Brave
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
I don't know what got
into me.
Maybe it's because I was
thinking life is too short.
So I clicked on your name
in my contacts and hit call,
just to see what would happen.
I was directed to an operators voice
I'd never heard before.
You blocked me.
I guess I understand why..
That's what I deserve for
waiting until now to try and
be brave.
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
There's something depressing
about sitting in the drive thru
at McDonalds by yourself,
late at night.
Maybe it's because you're about
to pay for something that
you already know is going
to be gross.
Or because this is what you're
doing on a Friday night.
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
Peach
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
I love you so
much.
I just wish you believed
me.
Even when I'm not around.

You're my best friend
and everything and every minute
in between.

I actually don't even have words
for how I feel about you,
because you've never broken
my heart.
I'm still blinded by love
baby.
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
It's good to see that
nothing has changed.
If only I could talk to you
without feeling like
it could be a life or death
decision.
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
Last year I started
taking pictures of the same
spot in the road
as the seasons changed.
Because with a new season
brought new changes
and I just wanted to
hold onto time,
and make it stop
somehow.
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
I'm having one of those
days where I spend
the hours reminiscing
in my head.
Probably because I have
nothing to do after work.
I miss the days where I
didn't have a boyfriend,
but I had friends.
I had people.
I didn't feel so lost when
I had to be alone.
And I'm kinda mad at myself,
because it's my own fault
for not having anyone in
my life.
And now that I can't see
my boyfriend as often,
I'm stuck in my own head
even more,
trying to escape by
smoking *** and watching
Orange is the new black.
But seasons end.
And then what will I do?
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
Every time I hear
Tom Petty's song about
Mary-Jane,
a memory shoves it's way
through the lyrics.
I flash back to last summer at
the height of the good times.
I'm in my best friend's car
in the passenger seat,
turned around watching
her friend play last dance on his
guitar and listening
to him sing.
And I must've been really
happy that day because
it's one of my most vivid memories.
We pulled into some race
track that I didn't even know
existed,
and I got out and sat on
the hood.
You're going to think
I'm an idiot,
but I swear this is how it
played out.
He rode up on his
dirt bike and stopped right in
front of me..
took off his helmet,
grabbed the cigarette
from my fingers,
and smiled at me.
He never looked better, and
I could still hear that song
in my head.
We all ended up back at his house
sitting in a circle,
smoking **** and getting
his dog high.

Because of that one memory,
I had a new favorite song.
Although now,
it just makes me sad,
and I wish I never tied
Iowa to those lyrics.
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
X
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
X
I'm stupid for
still caring.
There's no proof that he does,
and no point in doing so.
 Sep 2014 SunShineIsDead
Paige
I'm having cigarettes
and hot chocolate for lunch
today,
because once a month
Mother Nature comes around
and replaces my appetite
with the need to smash
things instead.
I'm sitting in my car
watching all the people
drive by and wishing
I was one of them,
because at least then I
wouldn't be at work right now.
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