verbal abuse was the one thing that came out of your addiction that tore me apart. words and phrases that crawled up my spine, words that made getting punched in the face seem less painful. you may have forgotten every bad thing you've said to me, but I haven't. I always tried to forgive you, but how could I forgive you if you just kept throwing those words at me? you just needed your high to feel sane. I'm going to take every word you've ever said to me to the grave,'cause you're not worthy of my forgiveness. but in the end, thanks for choosing your addiction over me.

"what does it feel like, being so numb that caring doesn't even cross your mind?"
"have you ever put ice and salt to your skin just to feel and see the reaction?"
"yes."
"it feels like that. pain, but a pain that's inviting. a pain that makes you curious, so you keep the ice there just a little bit longer."

i  hate every inch of me, every centimeter, every millimeter.
i can't hurt myself, so let me find my relief in you.

i always found it easiest to scream my feelings out on paper, but now i find it easier just to have me scream them when you're on top of me.

I'm never going to strip for you. I'm not going to stand in front of you and slowly take off all my clothes, while you watch. I'm not a slow person. I will push you down, and kiss you so hard you won't be able to breathe, so you push me away and strip me of my clothes yourself. you'll tear them off like its the one thing you need to do to survive, and I'll tear yours off, my mouth never leaving yours. we'll be a tangled mess of limbs and sweat covered clothes, kissing every part of each other, tasting one another as if we're each other's need for survival. I'm never going to strip for you, because I am in need of fast. I am in need of want. I am in need of you.

my favorite thing in the world is when you jump into the cool lake on a hot day. it's mid July, the sun is burning your skin, and you're sweating in your swimsuit. you've been waiting all day to get to the water, to feel the coldness envelope you in a shocking iciness. you jump, and suddenly you're surrounded by blue. your eyes are closed, but you can still see the sun above the surface. you're only under for a few seconds, but the jacket of cold water washing away the summer sweat makes it feel like you're under for hours. when you resurface, the summer heat is nothing. that's what it felt like to kiss you for the first time.

“i did love you, and i still do. and how my standards of girls is based completely around you.”
you sang that in the car one day,
pointing to me as that line came on,
and i smirked and laughed,
so young and naive thinking we would be together forever.
that there would be never be another me.
but three months later,
and you’re with me version 2.0.