When we met for a drink
I felt a connection
A tingling feeling
like no other,
we chatted for hours it felt like minutes
till the barman called time
now please be my lover,
outside for a kiss, a caress in the dark,
then you bid me goodnight
and I got in my car
driving home I feel special
butterfly's in my stomach
that wonderful feeling
you get from no other

Lets spice up our *** life she said to me,
been reading this book and so plain to see,
If we tried something new,after going to bed,
things would be better than just giving head

so we tried this and that,and I said did that suit you ,
it was ok she replied,but get the Kama sutra,
so her leg went here,and my leg went there ,
like a *** game of twister with her rear in the air

all seemed fine and she started to straddle
said please treat me rough,smack my ***
with a paddle,have the palm of my hand
that would be better,all was good and things got wetter

heh grab  cable ties ,strap me onto the bed,
******* I thought ,there left in the shed,
but my work tie was near and I thought
well that"s handy,all this larking about got
me so ******* randy

At the end of it all ,she came and I went,
two sweating masses ,hot, bothered, and spent,
so if things have got dull at the end of the day,
best treat yourself  to 50 ways to weh hey

Oh, to give my girl a hug,
She is 7 already, heavens above,
we spent long days together
before the split,so now
we make the best of it

The seconds, the minutes that
have been taken away,
24 hours soon make a day
all this lost time cannot
be replaced,I look were she slept ,
now an empty space

her brother and sister
still live with me,two children is fine
but it should be three,my daughter now lives
with my wife and her lover,
the one losing time should be her mother
,

I am good at being me,
No one else could be
I may be full of character flaws
But always for you
I would open doors

I am good at being me
what you get is what you see
hair and teeth still my own
Yes I curse and I moan
but for you I would be
two sugar"s in your tea

I am good at being me
lets take a walk by the sea
with you I always want to be
till we both come to an end
my one and only special friend

I write this poem,for my four legged friend
so loving ,so delicate,my praise never ends
Is he a cat ? , a mouse ?  or a dog ? none of the former
lets call him a cog.
,follows me round, close to my leg this is true
think the little ****** has stuck  with glue
but when he is naughty,he stalks slow like a cat,
curls up in a ball and could fit in a hat,
He dont bark ,he just yaps ,god how he yaps,
but with all of his flaws,please get down ***** paws
he"s so pleased to see me ,maybe wishes he could be me
will be here the end,cause a dogs man"s  best friend

I awake  to find a morning glory,
sun shining through,splintered curtains,a shaft of light
to highlight this physical form ,
A ******* monolith, proud and *****
its surrounded by hunched ***** disciples
gathered in there thousands
but soon it will lose this fertile form,and disappear ,
to  return again the following morn

Monday morning feeling great ,
get to work half ,past eight,
load a van ,lots of beds,
to pacify weary heads,
were on the road, here we go ,
busy day, cant go to slow,
then out the blue ,what"s this a text,
oh its the wife ,whatever next,
that"s odd it reads ",we need to talk"
I reply "ok straight after work",
but thats no good ,new message sent,
"I WANT OUT"
this time it"s meant,so all the years of wedded bliss,
end just like that ,no final kiss

So this is it ,new beginning,a chance to start again,
let cupid bring me luck,fire up the laptop,lets take a look,
create my profile ,here we go ,twenty quid ,on with the show,
upload my photos ,best choose well ,oh I look good on these,
you cannot tell ,at 49 looking fine ,own hair and teeth ,she will be mine.
Oh who"s viewed me ,she seems ok ,but 240, k away !, why bother looking silly mare, I need you here ,not over there ,she looks ******, she looks rough ,big tattoos,and one tooth .
Ah but she has made stop in my tracks ,a pretty lady ,read the facts,she has done this, likes that,expects this, but not that,to me she is a good bet ,**** photo with   hair  wet, send a chat ,send a chat ,talk about his ,talk about that ,we get on ,oh hoorah ,be nice to meet her one day.
But she is a star and I just the moon,still she makes my heart swoon.

An irritatating itch ,*******,
what is happening down there,
on my nice pert rear,with a mirror ,take a look
Oh my god what the Fork ,is that,hanging there
bunch of grapes ,quiet a pair ,and the pain ,no concealing ,
a most unpleasant  feeling, "get the cream,get the cream,
no not deep heat,I will scream "
On the tissue there is blood ,oh my god thats not good ,
"Oh consultant what to do,such pain when I POO"
Lady doctor takes a look ,with a camera ,and then books me in
to have a band ,fitted ,in again with her hand ",there all done,be fine "
banded it ,let it die, so no longer am I annoyed with my Haemorrhoids

Your born ,you blink
soon ten ,blink again
You scuffle in the playground
cos someone said you stink,
In a second,your twenty,
Did you notice the blink,
Find the girl of your dreams
Blink ,the baby it screams,bottoms
to change ,school to arrange,
Oh the school clothes, so *****,
god you blinked,  your thirty,
career is going great ,expensive holidays ,
were running late,quick kids get on the plane,
now your forty ,blinked again,
your wife has gone,through your neglect,
was bound to happen ,what the heck ,hit the bottle
a quick snifty  ,**** you blinked ,your 50
now your a Grandad ,proud as punch,
take the family out to lunch ,a new lover on your arm,
blink It"s big sixty ,no alarm,
you feel haggered and so worn ,through your life time has torn
but you have money ,yes you have plenty
will see you through ,blink your seventy.
In hospital see the lights, on what is your final night,
now you make your last blink ,hope this poem made you think.