Save for the yellow ring framing his pupils he has the bluest eyes
Wrinkles that date back to 15 but at 27 they've never been so defined
The smile he gives, he gives it away like it is nothing
He smiles at everyone even though he knows his smile is busted
Twice lost and held together with a metal post
one discolored tooth is proof that he can fight and win if hurt by someone too close
He sees monsters in mirrors and makes mountains out of his fear
He was barely even 12 when he first asked "why am I here?"
He knows everything is in his head but the noise is loud and always there
He's scared to get too close to anything and worries it comes off like he doesn't care
They say he is handsome, intelligent and kind but he has no idea why
They're looking at me but never make it past my eyes
Most people only see sunflowers in a blue sky

It’s just me and my mindless indulgence
we throw one hell of a party for two
my apologies ahead of time for calling
the toxins always brought me to you
after all this is the mess you loved to lay with
this is the boy you always wanted to be with
I haven’t seen him in some years now
every since my troubles caught up and threw him out
from time to time he still comes around
shows up buzzed and happy, gets drunk and eventually falls down
the way she cared well it really scared me
that girl she made me feel everything when she spoke to or touched me
most will spend their whole lives looking for what we had instantly
but now the time has gone and left us nothing
nothing more than a home in these pages
a story to never be told but one for the ages
a girl with a thief of a smile
a boy made victim by it
the kind of attraction you don’t encounter in real life
you know the type
it makes an artist paint, a musician sing and a writer write
the type of love that inspires beauty and it was all mine
even though you never were this memory is all mine

I hate to be a burden but I don't know who else to turn to
There's no one who can heal my mind like you do
I honestly don’t know what you seen
but I’m not sure if he was ever me
I want to be bold, confident and courageous
instead I’m a coward with a pen that can’t change ****
She used to be great at calming me down just enough
Now? She loves to see me beat myself up
Do you remember that kid?
And his blacked out eyes from blacked out nights
instead of working out my problems, I was getting into fights
no one can defeat me like I can
no one’s ever beat me like I am
and now I feel like that kid all over again
I know what you're thinking and yes I’m sure she loved me once
now? sure maybe just not as much
there’s little reminders all over this place that she has a special touch
yeah, she’s always had a brilliant way of owning her mistakes
"I'm sorry but YOU made me this way”

it's been 8 years and I could tell you less about where I've been since than I could about where we were then
I've never watched the night expire like we did that time
laying together in my pieced together bed, I felt such peace in my mind
the drunks, the drugs, the smell of cigarettes and the evidence of them all left on the rug
burnt, stained and smelling of the easy girls' shame but that's got nothing to do with us
everythings so alive but we're in the backroom
yes, I am faded but never so focused on you
and I hate it
I'd explain it but I hate to sound weak
**** it, I am weak and I wish you were mine to keep
but soon youll be someone else's misses and I'll never be your mister

So, who do I tell now?
I refuse to keep bringing you down
I suppose I'll keep choking this poor pen for comfort
at this rate it'll run dry quicker than I did
quicker than my eyes could
I guess this is my ****** up way of saying enjoy your beautiful life
i'll see you when I whisper "goodnight", every night on my way to being your guy

it was the very first time I had ever seen you
it wasn’t me you came to see but still, I already knew
the way you smiled and how you never stopped
such an infectious face so perfectly framed, natural beauty that couldn’t be topped
those sounds you make when you laugh, your one perfect flaw always made me laugh back
you were so different from me and with you I started seeing things so differently too
I hope you know it was never my hands tearing us apart and that I always wanted you
I’d give up those friends and trade those memories... there’s really nothing I wouldn’t do
to hear those stories, to see you study me, to have a chance to be more than just your friend
I confess I’d give up my future to be back in that room alone again

I've given time its chance to drug me
To take advantage and to touch me
Bring to light the cold and unseen
But alas all I am is all I can be
A sucker getting blown away
A familiar stranger so comfortably strange
I am more than most see still less than I should be
Theres a fine line I've crossed once or twice
Some things I'm not too proud of but the heartbreak was all mine
I was so full of **** and feeling so empty
I passed on the trial, I just plead guilty
I've sentenced myself and am doing the time
Life and I'm seriving it inside of my own mind