Pieces of me

cling to your entirety

I am vacuumed

into the tight hole

filled with you...

******* the life out of me

Incapacitated

Floored

Consumed

Taking off something from my hair
Feeling the fabric of my skirt
Wearing my eyeglasses
Touching my arm and
looking for that
invisible
tumor
His own fabric
against my knees
My heart on my eyes
inside my open palms
The marks of his fingers
stay

Was I the victim
of your desire

Or were you the victim
of my loneliness

that you...we
went beyond
that invisible line
of fear
and ended up safe, anyway

I looked for you
looked for the back of
your head
the sight of your hair
Searching for the pain
the sickening loss

But you hid
among the sea of believers

Outside
You might have seen
the Red moving
against the rain

The diamond studs
shining, eyes
cast down

Or maybe not

It all started when
in a drab, gray monotony
That vicious cycle of
sameness

You interrupted
You were a rainbow

And you took me away
to an oasis
where I plunged
without thinking

And I was a star
spinning
and it
was beautiful
and it killed my spirit

Whisk me away

At night

In the blue sky

In your bright yellow car



We will speed along the empty

Highway

Where stars and bright airplane wingtips

And shooting comets

Will decorate the heavens



And we will listen to

Random country music

While you talk

And you listen to me

And I will never come

Back

Never come back

Because you will take

Me home

I always envision you
In the mountains
across the sea
In a silent retreat

You left a few years ago
Homeward bound
I am in a city
You are spreadeagled on the sand
Under the stars

You think about me
I think about you

One night the world was being ravaged by a storm
You were someplace else
Dark
Cold
"Do not ride the boat home", I said.
We were up all night
Thumbspeak
Black
Pitch-black
I could see you
In the flame of my matchstick
I could even hear your laughter
My heart was being ravaged by the storm
You were my anchor.

You swam the sparkling seas
Your iridescent skin
And I wish I was there
You said you wish I was there

"I am getting thin," you said.
Thumbspeak,
I could hear your labored breathing

I could see you climb the mountains
I could see you bathing in the sun
I could hear you preach
I could see you staring at the night sky
Could see your eyelashes across the universe

"Goodnight"
"Goodnight"

Then you cut off
Thinking I cut off

Summer
Rain
Summer
Time has passed

August. September. October. November. December. January. February. March. April.

We stare up at the clouds

"Isugba"
What?
"Inihaw"

"I missed you."

"I missed you."

"No, you did not"
"I did."
"Why?"
"You stopped speaking to me"
"No, you stopped speaking to me"
"I missed you."

I could clearly see you again
In the flame of my matchstick
Against the sun
In the rain
In the dark
In the wind

I was there with you again
Counting the stars
Swimming the seas
And climbing the mountains
And preaching
And soaring in the sky
And tasting the salt of the seawater
And plunging the depths of the sea
of your soul
of your heart


I am now anchored.