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Mar 2023 · 687
More
Stephen E Yocum Mar 2023
In my youth I grasped for
more than I could possess.
Now grey of hair and beard,
I have learned less can be
more than enough.
Mar 2023 · 222
On Point
Stephen E Yocum Mar 2023
Running forward on point, stalwart of
instinctive purpose he stopped at the
end of the orchard, waiting for me
to catch up, turning his head he sniffed
the air, listening, ever alert scanning the
surroundings and trail ahead.

No one assigned him to this task,
it was just in him. It's reassuring to
have a good old dog scout your way,
even if it is only a leisurely walk in
our own orchard.

He has gone on alone now, into the
next life, devotedly blazing our path
ahead. I trust that someday I will see
him there, forever faithfully on point.
**** I do miss that old rascal.
If there is a heaven, I prefer the
doggy one not the people one.
Feb 2023 · 271
Reason For Being
Stephen E Yocum Feb 2023
The older we grow
the faster life goes,
priorities change
quality of living
and loving takes
precedent, over
self-indulgence
and material things.
Nothing as important
as family and friends.

It is racing now,
these fleeting days
and years, reflected
most in my grandsons
growing too soon from
children to young men.

Along with Steller parents
our little farm provides
a learning ground for the
kids, teaching life lessons
that inspire character and
self-discipline, with Cows
and pigs to show at fairs,
pride earned with accomplishments
and Blue Ribbons to share.

So lucky am I having a ringside
seat, watching yet another family
generation grow and ascend,
Football and basketball
games to attend, Christmas
morns of excited children
clamoring down the stairs,  
many birthday celebrations
with ever more candles aglow.
Memories all, retained and shared.

Perhaps the best part is,
these grandsons of mine,
still are up for hugs and
good night kisses, genuine
affection received and given.

Families are a true blessing
and a privilege, the only
real reason we are here.

All these things, remain the
sweet frosting on my aging
Grandfather's cake of life.
I sometimes wonder where
I would be without all these,  
my reasons for being?
Feb 2023 · 392
Peace Found and Shared
Stephen E Yocum Feb 2023
A morning orchard walk,
myself, two dogs and
two following barn cats.
Repeated often, a shared
companionable reverie
of mutual tranquility.
An odd family of sorts,
devotion comes is many forms.
Remembering four beloved
animal friends, all departed
now. But never forgotten.
And lovely sunny days spent
with them.
Feb 2023 · 283
Aged Parchment Paper
Stephen E Yocum Feb 2023
Under bright light, there they are again, close
up upon my desktop, two stark reminders
of my long ago-departed grandfather's hands,
that now I have reluctantly inherited. Stiff and
painful just as his must have been while nearing
his own inevitable end.

Hard used-weathered and bony, liver spotted
with nearly transparent skin, vains clearly
visible, wrinkled derma like aged yellowing
parchment paper. Fingers having grown
untrustworthy of dexterity and strength, not
my hands I recall from even ten years ago.

I loved my Granddads hands, they fit
his other features; gentle, comforting and
reassuring. I knew them and him no other way.

Now my hands and face viewed up close are
becoming bitter daily reminders of my own
precious and fleeting time.
We are cast in bone and tissue, not
stone. Bone and Tissues age and
change with time, stone almost not at all.
Living with that irrefutable knowledge,
now that is the challenge. I wonder what
my grandchildren see in my hands, seeing
through their young eyes have I always
been only old, just as my Poppy was to me?
Feb 2023 · 300
Simple Kindness
Stephen E Yocum Feb 2023
Your investment in Kindness
rendered to others' is a gift
shared, that costs you nothing,
yet pays huge return dividends.
Feb 2023 · 312
New Beginnings #2
Stephen E Yocum Feb 2023
Long sunless winters seem
to bring out the emotional
darkness in us, as we hide
hunkered down in our dens
of personal regret and loss
this enveloping gloom guides
our thoughts, moods and pens.

Not unlike rabbits, or other
animals of the earth we await
the light and warmth of spring
with its possibility of new beginnings.
Out of the rain and bleakness
our spirts arise, spring is a
renewal to all living things.
Jan 2023 · 849
A Beautiful Empty Vessel
Stephen E Yocum Jan 2023
Her eyes bespoke
à depth untouched,
an allure of sensual
mystery that she kept
locked inside.

We married, but sadly,
I never found the key
to unlock the voided
recesses of her walled
citadel, containing the
inner depths of unselfish
love and beauty that I'd
hoped resided there.
She remained a self-absorbed
isolated Island unto herself.
Looks alone can be very
deceptive. Too often beauty
is only skin deep. She has
been married 4 times and
no man has found the key.
Keys cannot unlock what
is not there.
Jan 2023 · 472
Dreams
Stephen E Yocum Jan 2023
We reach a point where
all our night and daydreams
revolve around the things
we did rather than the things
we want to do, featuring the
person we used to be.

A remembered scrapbook of
Life already lived rather than
anticipated. An exercise in
Self-Absolution perhaps
sometimes dreamed in color.
Stephen E Yocum Jan 2023
I stumbled blindly into marriage
twice, but thankfully soon thereafter
I fully regained my sight and reason.
Repeating one's mistakes twice
and expecting a different result
is indeed foolish thinking.
Dec 2022 · 494
The Remaining Tomorrow's
Stephen E Yocum Dec 2022
The dog firmly placed his chin upon the old
man's knee, stirring him from sleep in his chair.
The only light in the room coming from the
television screen. The dog's gentle message
being, "Time we go to bed" dear friend.
A ritual event occurring more often now
and most likely tomorrow night again.

As the man slowly stood the dog pranced towards
the door, to go outside and do his required business.
The man also to the bathroom did retire, brushing of
teeth and to attend to his own urgent business.

Six years of twenty-four seven companionship had
bonded them forever, each knowing the other as
only best friends or family can, both fully habituated
to the other's needs and routines.

In the bedroom the dog sat upon his own bed, close by
to the man's bed, patiently waiting as he always did.
The man leaned down and took the dog's face and
head into his hands, forehead to forehead they paused
while silent endearing messages were, like every night,
conveyed and mutually affectionately received. Loving
friendship as real as any can be.

The man climbed aboard his own bed, donning his CPAP
mask like a pilot before takeoff and arranged himself
in his fully-automatic-adjustable bed, then clapped his
hands twice to extinguish the lamp on the bedside table.

"Good night, buddy, we'll have some more fun in the
morning." the man murmured, closing his eyes to sleep.
While his friend also laid down, curled into a ball and
released a contented sigh, as they both did every night.

Another day ended as most now do, as will, all their
remaining shared tomorrows.
Written four years ago, my irreplaceable Boxer dog Tucker
passed away two months ago, I do so miss his companionship.
I have lost too many loved canine friends, I will not be getting
another. Too hard to endure the loss. Too old to start again.
Dec 2022 · 412
Lots of Work
Stephen E Yocum Dec 2022
Loving people is complicated
and a lot of work! At some point
we just want to retire.
Dec 2022 · 387
First Snow
Stephen E Yocum Dec 2022
The chill morning brought a first of winter  
snow fall, accumulating upon the branches
of our naked Birches, and stalwart towering
evergreen Spruce trees, coating each in
alabaster, like powdered sugar frosting on
holiday pastries, lovely winter décorations
of the season, compliments of mother nature.

Gone two hours later, missed already.
Nov 2022 · 202
Candles on a bedside table
Stephen E Yocum Nov 2022
What has it been, over four years
since we lay naked in each other's
arms, breathing each other's breath,
enfolded entwined clinging skin to
skin upon damp bedsheets, with
the scent of your evocative perfume
and our spent passions strong in
the air of that room, lit only by two
flickering candles on a bedside table.
It is your touch and caress even more
than the *** that is remembered and
missed.

Two grandparents, friends and lovers
in their twilight years, one last night
that shall never come again, relegated
to sweet fading memories and shadows
on their own 600 mile far distant bedroom
walls, and a phone call now and then.
When I was young, I never imagined
that old people still made love, that
perhaps my own grandparents felt
and yet shared their mutual passions.
I was then of course quite naive and
mistaken.
Nov 2022 · 633
Chipped Crockery
Stephen E Yocum Nov 2022
Like my life, all my kitchen crockery
is used, worn and chipped,
Maybe I could buy replacements,
but sadly, they do not make them
like that anymore. Or me either.

Aging and time are unavoidable.
Sure, new dishes I can buy, but can
anyone sell me another 25 or 30 years
of healthy life? Now wouldn't that be
great! Let see I'm 77, 30 more years
would be 107. Naw, that may be a bit
greedy. I'll just plug along with the
wear and tear as it comes naturally.
One day at a time. Grinning all the way.
Nov 2022 · 266
CALCUTTA
Stephen E Yocum Nov 2022
My first impressions were mind expanding,
filled with crushing throngs of busy people
all moving, their clamor and noise unrelenting.
The enduring, evocative scents and smells of
a culture thousands of years old and thriving.

The wide mud brown life's blood Ganges
River flowing through the heart of the city,
filled with wooden crafts of all descriptions,
people on the banks bathing, washing clothes,
living, open funeral pyres burning, life and
death laid bare for all eyes to see as it has been
since Time Immemorial.

On the street's flowers and music in abundance,
women in colorful, to drab Sari dresses denoting
their stature, along with some men in western attire
but most in sarongs and open toed sandals. While
walking the streets every few blocks the at first
shocking sight of impoverished recently deceased
bodies laid out on the sidewalks upon straw mats,
swaddled in cloth wrappings awaiting donation
offerings enough to pay for their funeral fires.

Unaccustomed to seeing Westerners the people pause
and stare as if we were from outer space visitors, if we
stopped moving, unthreateningly and wide eyed they
would surround us, perhaps unsure what they are seeing.

A mutually curious encounter, Humanity visited up
close and personal. Aw yes, I fondly remember India.
Few impressions are as vivid and lasting
as my first days in India, the colors, activity
and memories the likes of which I had never
known before or since. Of all the countries I've
had the pleasure of visiting India stands alone
in drama and excitement.
Three weeks in India 1973
Nov 2022 · 304
That Thing Hates Me!
Stephen E Yocum Nov 2022
That mirror hates me!
Or is it me that resents it?
I deplore that face looking
back at me. That old guy I
do not recognize, appearing
more like my unattractive
maternal grandmother than
the me I see, missing the once
upon a time, face that these
days I can barely remember.
Oct 2022 · 375
Pismo Beach
Stephen E Yocum Oct 2022
Last night I dreamed of
Pismo beach, our blanket
on the sand, hidden in the
cratered dunes, the sweet
sweat of love making and
sandy deep wet kisses with
you, and the sunburn on my
backside that followed.
Memorable youthful passions
fondly recalled, never forgotten.
Oct 2022 · 296
Long Journey to Equality
Stephen E Yocum Oct 2022
77 years ago, I was born into
this world having but one
sibling, a brother three years
my senior and perhaps not
all that happy to greet me.

As sometimes happens, for
most of our parallel lives
resentment and derision
seemed to rule our relationship.
We appeared to have nothing
in common but say for decent,
loving parents and place of mutual
residence. Arguing, fighting the
norm of our shared existence.

Not an uncommon state of affairs
in many families for all the normal
sibling rivalry psychological reasons.

As we have aged and matured it
is only in the last few years that
most pleasantly, we've discovered
how truly much alike we are and
how much we always had in common.
That we are brothers in every sense
of the word. Spending hours each
week on the phone and computer
gleefully unearthing and exploring
those many similarities and memories.

Finally living an actual for real Bromance,
a long time in the making. And most
assuredly rewarding.
No one else shares our childhood
and family memories like our
brother or sister, as we age, it's a
true Treasure Tove of remembering
better when shared by two.
If you have a sib, and old bitter
feelings keep you apart, reach out
you may discover what we have
found, it is never too late to start
over.
Oct 2022 · 402
Wind and Sand
Stephen E Yocum Oct 2022
The blowing winds
build eccentric artful
geometric patterns upon
the beach dunes, Natures
crafty masterpieces forever
shifting changing into delicate
natural never repeated beauty,
Original artwork like no other.
Stephen E Yocum Oct 2022
Perhaps when I was younger
it mattered, needing to belong,
be part of the crowd, one of the
guys, desiring to meet girls,
or were business required,
looking for acceptance and
inclusion from mostly strangers.
Now as I have aged, been and done,
I would almost rather eat broken
glass than endure endless boring
events and gatherings of required
social small talk with people I'm not
related to and actually, have nothing
in common with and never really did.
Not antisocial, just anti *******.
Sep 2022 · 267
Everyday New Beginnings
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2022
6:30 AM dew on the plants,
à chill in the air, feeling the
season changing, fall is upon
us. A clear Sunrise glowing
day.

Hanging my robe on a wall
hook, naked I shiver a little.
Swing my good leg over the
edge into the warm water set
at 102. The other leg follows,
I slide in.

Hot water is a kind of heaven,
it envelops and embrases us.
A return to the womb perhaps.

The pumps engage and 50 jets
commence, I recline and murmur
"Yes, yes, oh **** yes!" several
times out loud to no one in
particular, as I am completely
alone. I think I say this every
time I slide in, such is my
unbridled fervor.

The full pulsing body massage
begins to overtake my aches
and pains that permit me no
more than 6 hours sleep at night.

Joyfully soothing, rejuvenating,
à rebirth of sorts, an everyday new
beginning.
I would like to meet the person that
invented the modern-day Hot Tubs.
I would embrace them, possibly even
kiss them gratefully upon the mouth.
Or just shake their hand.
Sep 2022 · 205
Generation Gap
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2022
I no longer aspire to climb
lofty mountains in summer,
or ski down snowy slopes
in winter, nor ride the back
of rank horses, or motorcycles
at over 100 miles per hour.

I still have an eye for an enchanting
woman from a safe distance,
experience has taught me that
looking is better than having,
avoiding those complications.

Mostly I choose being alone,
but I am never lonely. I have
explored the many mysteries
of life, traveled around the world
satisfying most of my curiosities.

I have fathered children, loved
and been loved, committed no
moral or legal transgressions
and possess a clear conscience
and very few regrets.

I have been successful in most of
my business endeavors, planned
well and possess security and
tranquility.

I revel now in the one day at a time
moments of living, with nature, the sky,
music, books, my fellow creatures of
wing and paw, a cool breeze on a hot
day, the sight and scent of flowers in
my garden, and most of all the joyful
times spent with my children.

Strolling the lanes in my orchard are
much more pleasant and satisfying
than revisiting and walking the streets
of the world's biggest overcrowded cities.

Happiness is finding our place in the
world, realizing its value while ignoring
all the other distractions of which there
are many. Knowing the difference between
Want vs. Need.

Written for my grandsons, who only
know me as an old man, one who
does not go off to work every day
like their dad, or seem not to have
many friends, leading them to assume
and worry that I am "lonely".

Hard to explain all this to a young man
who is just beginning life, when I am on
the tail end of mine, that our interests and
desires change and evolve over time.
No need to fret my boys, Poppy is just fine.
Sep 2022 · 245
Lost My Best Friend Today
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2022
I lost my best friend today,
more like my child than
merely a friend.

My 24/7 companion for 9
all too short years.

He could read me, my moods
my health, even my intentions.
We were both fully habituated
to one another that way.

Laugh, oh my how every day  
he could make me laugh.
A born and breed clown that
never lost his puppy inclinations,
his love and joy for life always
on display, even on the last day
of his earthly existence.

In the end though his eyes reflected
his pain, still his love for me remained,
with no words ever required.

Weeping does no good,
the loss and anguish must
be endured. Tucker my Boxer
dog with a wonderful soul,
will be remembered evermore.

His beloved chew and fetch
toys litter the floors, along
with his now forever empty bed.
What shall I do with all these
bittersweet artifacts of his life?
That now have become sad daily
reminders of his demise.

I will have to think about that
for à while.
A newly discovered tumor
and severe joint arthritis came
on all at once and in a week
he was gone, organs shut down.
One week from his 9th birthday.
Losing him reminds me I still
know how to cry and not ashamed
to admit it.
Sep 2022 · 405
Fate and Wishful Thinking
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2022
We don't control our own lives,
we pretend we do, but that is
merely a wishful self-deception.
Even human life happens not
unlike our riding a rollercoaster.
we are merely up and down
passengers with no control, on
board for the duration, at the
Whims of Fate, and recent
good maintenance of all the
equipment.
Sep 2022 · 268
The Chick-Inn
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2022
It was coming on darkness,
It was a Monday, the place was
closed, no lights, but 'say for a
neon Blue and Red Budweiser
sign flashing in the front window.
My father had built this place
over 72 years ago, his dream,
a Fried Chicken Restaurant in
a one trafic light, logging and
two mills town of 2800 souls.

Dad's "Chick-Inn" thrived for a time,
everyone loved his friend chicken,
this long before anyone out West
ever heard of the Southern Colonel.
Dad cooked and Mom ran the front.

On Saturday nights when the hard top
races were on, it was standing room
only. Even the railroad crews stopped
on the tracks and walked crossed the
Interstate to get a bite, Highway big rig
Truckers parked all over town to get a
good home cooked chicken dinner, or
chicken fried beef steak, hot biscuits
and gravy, best coffee for miles around.

That place nearly killed my parents,
opened at 6AM all three meals served
'till around 7PM, one day off on Mondays.
I was around 6 years old, I did not know
or appreciate how hard they slaved.

They persevered for a few years, then
sold the place and we moved on to a
bigger town and they to jobs less stressful,
they even bought their first home ever.

I remember the good smells from that kitchen
and sitting in one of the booths getting pleasant
attention from all the town folks. For my brother
and I even in old age, those are pleasant memories.

The old place looks pretty good, some new paint
and remodeling, the horseshoe counter is gone,
the seating is all different, no booths just tables.
It's now boasting "Fine Mexican Food Served Here",
and now some other family, one of many over all
these years I suspect, toils, mired in their dream of
restaurant ownership. The little town has not changed
much, one Mill closed down; one remains. It has
three traffic lights now and a population of 8000.

The sign outside the Fair Grounds a block away,
advertises "Hard Top Races this Saturday Night
                           Come One Come All."
Good memories like these, sustain us,
ground us and embrace us. The old
"Chick-Inn" and humble little town
of Anderson Calif. is one of mine.
Sep 2022 · 635
?
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2022
?
I dreamed that I died last night,
not just once but twice.
What the hell is that all about?
Sep 2022 · 246
Weeds
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2022
Weeds grow in poor soil,
among rocks, unattended
with no help from anyone.
It takes Herculean efforts to
hurt or destroy them.

Garden plants and flowers
require human unselfish
tender intervention to grow
and bloom. Miss a day or two
of care and water, they may
shrivel or even cease to exist.

Maybe we humans should
grow and live more like
weeds, tough and less
overly sensitive like needy
fragile ***** flowers.
Expectations and dependence
on other people for our needs
and happiness a trap best avoided.
Sep 2022 · 489
Ignorance
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2022
We human animals
are born into this
world steeped in
ignorance and must
endeavor for a life
time to overcome
that inherited flaw.
Sadly, many of us do not
succeed in this endeavor.
One need not look long
or hard to see the results
of our failure.
Aug 2022 · 327
Little Boxes
Stephen E Yocum Aug 2022
Have you seen the newest
subdivisions they are building
these days? Tiny two story
******* box things all alike
standing cheek to jowl with
maybe three feet in between,
one might be ok standing alone,
but thirty in a row is shockingly
disturbing. With no yard front
or back to plant any flowers or
even let your dog take a crap.

I suppose they are affordable
for new first-time buyers in
this everything overpriced
world we seem to be living.

As for me, I would rather live
in a van down by the river.
"Ticky-Tacky little boxes
all in a row". Little Boxes
Song written and sung
by Malvina Reynolds in
1962, visions of things to
come, that are now here.
Will my grandchildren ever
be able to afford a stand alone
home of their own? Or is
generational inheritance
the only way?
Aug 2022 · 201
Waiting
Stephen E Yocum Aug 2022
It seems we spend our whole lives
always waiting for something.

Babies for their mother's breast.
Children and adults, waiting for
the approval and admiration of
other people.
Smiles from anywhere that reassure.
Food, always food.
More Shinny Stuff to amuse and thrill.
Meaningful love from somewhere
that might actually endure.
Annoying Long lines for one thing
or the other and eventually everything.
More Love, always fleeting, forever love.
Awaiting knowledge and wisdom long
sought that may never come.

In midlife awaiting, our own
needed, highly anticipated
self-respect.
The arrival of every Spring.
The tranquility of Nature.
Every inspiring sunrise.
A walk in the orchard with
our best friend.
Some elusive understanding and
meaning of Love and Life itself.

In advanced age, we wait mostly
for the end, one that lurks like a
thief right around the bend of this
our all too short life's journey.
If you can add something
that I missed, please do.
Aug 2022 · 239
"We Reap What We Sow"
Stephen E Yocum Aug 2022
We mere mortals too often forget who is actually
in charge on this spinning spaceship, we call Earth.
We are but passengers, ungrateful ones at that, we
use up, litter and destroy, we foul the very air we
breathe, our excrement and discarded waste clogs
and pollutes the oceans, creeks and rivers.
We callously **** other living creatures for sport
mounting their heads as trophies on our walls.
Not because we are hungry.

We are the only creatures on earth that make war
on and **** our own kind. Flawed, evil or just stupid?
Perhaps all these labels apply.

For our wasteful transgressions Nature will one day
purge us from the planet and we will deserve that
retribution. A dire and stark reality, but one need
only look around to see the direction things are going.
There are no lifeboats on this ship and no deity above
to save us.

And in the end the streams will again run clear, and the
air will be fit to breath. The green things will flourish,
and the small creatures of wing and four legs will once
again, rule the days. Humankind will be purged from
the earth, leaving nothing of any merit behind to mark
our passing. As if we never existed.
Scary? I certainly hope so.
Scary Enough to wake us
all up, reverse our abuse of
our ecosystem, save mankind
and the planet? Time will tell.
Aug 2022 · 591
Little Grey Cat
Stephen E Yocum Aug 2022
Oh, little grey cat,
come sit on my lap.
and snuggle like
my old departed
feline used to do.

Too independent
as cats tend to be,
maybe in time you
will perch on my lap
and purr contentedly.

Truth be told, I fully
understand your
affection shown is
way more about your
needs than mine.
The rest of the time
you could not care less.
Cats are the ultimate
animal hedonist.
Don't tell him, but
I actually admire his
independent ways and
the regal like dignity
that comes along with it.
Aug 2022 · 320
A Noble Friend
Stephen E Yocum Aug 2022
We have become almost as one,
he reads my moods, knows when
I am not feeling well and shows
his concern.

Even in rest he keeps an eye on me.
As a shadow, he follows me.
From room to room, on outdoor
walks, by my side, content, alert.

When I return home, he is always
there standing sentry by the door,
greeting me excitedly not unlike a
human child on Christmas morn.  

He lives his life only to be close
to me. Sleeps peacefully all night
on his bed, right next to mine.
Loyal is inadequate to explain his
devotion.

Going on ten years of nearly 24/7
days a week companionship, he
understands most of what I say
to him, even my subtle hand gestures
of beckoning or command bring
his eager compliance.

Like me he has grown grey of muzzle
and brow, we are limping and aging
together now. He still has his moments
of Puppy like behavior, brief flashes of
his once inexhaustible abundant youth,
tempered now just as mine has too.

He loves me with his expressive brown
eyes and I see it plain as a sunrise of a
new day. His pace and behavior tell me
that our time together is growing short.
This reality does so pain my heart
If there is a God, does he or she send us
dogs to fill the space and companionship
of lost human love? I wonder and think
perhaps that is so.

A month after this posting, Tucker
was gone, a tumor and for a boxer
old age. I do so miss him.
Jun 2022 · 508
The Visitor
Stephen E Yocum Jun 2022
Alone, depressed, in a hospital room bed,
when out in the hall appeared a little
well-dressed elderly woman pushing a
two wheeled cart, upon which set a large,
beautiful orchestral harp, it's burnished wood
gleaming and strings reflecting a golden light.

My door was open, and she paused in the
hall and sat on a stool and began to play.
A haunting classical piece I did not know.
When she was finished, I lightly clapped
my hands together, smiled in appreciation,
She asked, "Another perhaps?"
"Yes, Clair De Luane if you please"

She wheeled her harp a little into
my room. Settled herself and began to
play. After only a few cords the lovely
melody refrain reached deep into me,
and I began to unashamedly weep.

The frustrations of confinement, operation
pain and infection, along with the depressions
of aging and loss of my youthful capabilities
came pouring out.

That little lady, her magical harp and that tune
reached deep into my soul.  I was uplifted
and renewed.
Music in the hands of a master is a healing
tonic as strong as any medicine. Those few
brief minutes I shall never forget.

I learned that she was 83, had been a professional
Harpist and visited the large hospital two days a
week making her healing journey through the
halls shinning her musical light upon folks like
me, for no monetary pay, merely to share her gift
and uplift people in need. Any time I begin to doubt
my fellow humans, I am given a wakeup call reminder
that there are still many good unselfish people among us.

PS. I am home and on the mend.
Apr 2022 · 432
Growth
Stephen E Yocum Apr 2022
I implore you not to judge
me by my failings of youth,
but by my humble good
deeds and achievements
acquired through the
wisdoms of maturity
gained.

Maturation is a process.
We are born into ignorance
and can but strive eventually
to overcome it.
Mar 2022 · 490
Crows
Stephen E Yocum Mar 2022
In the cold dreary, wet,
months of each year the
predominant irritating
"Craw-craw" raucous
calls of crows are nearly
the only bird voices to be
heard. The instigators,
Provocateurs of disruption.

The logical, less hardy
and beautiful birds all
gone south for the winter,
taking their inoffensive
lovely and melodic song
voices with them.
I eagerly await their return.
Genus Corvus; crows and
ravens one of the most densely
populated birds in all regions
of the world. Scavengers that
can feed on anything and exist
anywhere. Even we humans
have bully "Crows" in our ranks.
Scavengers and opportunist too.
Listen not to them, wait for the
music of spring.
Feb 2022 · 386
Being Feline
Stephen E Yocum Feb 2022
For most of my life
I yearned for the simple
independence of a feline
existence, a house cat
that spends more time
outside exploring and
roaming, then inside
snoring.

Preening and self-cleaning,
eating human food offerings
at will or not, everything on
my terms having my way with
the humans, they being such easy
creatures to bamboozle and train.

No matter how much I
ignore them, hiss or scratch
they treat me like some highly
revered object. A King perhaps?

Now that I am older and wiser
my feline ambitions have been
largely met. Being left mostly
alone with lots of cat naps, all
on my fully autonomous terms
and conditions. Roaming sparingly,
preferring the inside comforts of
home over the cold wet outside.

Please wake me if you have
any questions. But understand
I may not answer as I might be
napping. Or choose too merely
ignore you, as that is what cats
can and often do. And even at
times we humans may too.
Feb 2022 · 494
The Wisdom of Self
Stephen E Yocum Feb 2022
Wisdom is knowing what you need
and what you don't need without
doubt or regret, with no requirement
to apologize to anyone for this hard
earned understanding with yourself.
Living only to please others
can become an overwhelming
burden, cherish those you love
with commitment and passion,
but do not make it a sacrifice of
your own soul. We all have only
one life to live.
Feb 2022 · 716
Futility
Stephen E Yocum Feb 2022
You can lead a fool to reason,
but you cannot make him think.
It seems this is where
we find ourselves these
days, or has it always
been that way for we
silly over complicated
humans?
Feb 2022 · 928
The If's
Stephen E Yocum Feb 2022
Oh, The If's
If I were only half
the man I used to be,
I would be a whole
lot better off.
Hell, I would settle
for even one third.
Stephen E Yocum Jan 2022
One of the few benefits of my  
mature age is the frequent once
upon a time conjured up shared
family memories, mused and
relived with my only brother.

Childish petty differences and
feelings of competition long ago
dead, replaced by the intimacy
of mutual respect and brotherhood.

Colorful recollections of our old
homestead, with all it's good hiding
places, the towering oak in the front
yard with its huge limbs for climbing,
the tire swing on a rope, and the time
I fell out of it and broke my ribs.

The tree house retreat we banged
together with scrap lumber, that
collapsed in the big storm of '57.
The first girls we both kissed and
all the ones we missed.

Our shaded front porch, mom's cold
lemonade on hot summer days, old
dog Dusty, what a good boy he was.
How he would fetch anything we tossed,
for as long as we would throw it.

Whispered bedroom secrets in the still of
night that only we two knew and shared.
Brussels sprouts clandestinely passed to
old Dusty under the dinner table, that mom
never appeared to notice. But the old man
knew, never said a word. As a kid he must
have had a good old dog too, or perhaps he
also hated Brussel sprouts.

Now living 600 miles apart, it is frequent
phone calls at all hours, with new/old
recollection to share, smile and even shed
a tear or two over, things only we are privy
to, for as long as we are both still living with
the ability to recall and remember.
For my brother Phil with love.
Our siblings are the only other people in the world
that share our collective memories, or care to help
us to relive them, a bond shared with no one else.
A thing to foster and enjoy while we can.
Our mother did wonder about Dusty's stinky
gas passing now and then, but never put it all
together. . . Brussel sprouts will do that to you.
Jan 2022 · 299
The In-betweens
Stephen E Yocum Jan 2022
My last hitch ride had turned off,
I sat on that empty road waitin' a
long while, on another to come along.

The wind chill of near night made
itself known, and still no headlights
on that road had shown.

Some trees out yonder on a rise
looked doable. So, I slung my
rucksack of worldly goods onto
my shoulder and trudged off all alone.

Being free ain't all it's cracked up to be.
But the in-betweens have their moments.
Like a warm campfire and a rabbit roasting
on the spit. And tomorrow yet another
horizon to reach.
New Year reflections
of been there done that.
Grateful for a snug warm
home and enough to eat.
Maturity teaches us the value
of these basic things.
Wander Lust is not a lifetime
career, merely a useful life
experience of a temporary
duration.
Dec 2021 · 399
Blurred Images
Stephen E Yocum Dec 2021
awoke heart pounding,
uneasy, eyes blinking.
dreamed of her again,
knew it was my mother
but could not clearly
make out her face.

In the half dark room,
I sat up in bed and then
awake could still not recall
her face or features.

Detached and distressed,
slow tears came to my eyes,
though it had been 53 years
since she passed away, how
could I lose her image thus?

Standing from my bed, I
flipped on the bedroom light.
There on the wall was an old
black and white photo with
that reassuring still familiar
sweet face of my mother,
my father and two little
boys, being my brother
and me.

I smiled and returned to
normal breathing.
"Aw, there you are mom".
Mom died at only 54 years of age,
I still miss her and dad too.
I have grown old myself and
perhaps my memories are
diminishing, as are my remaining
days. Thankfully we have
photographs to remind us of
our lost loved ones and what
we imagine were better days.
Nov 2021 · 758
Aging Gracefully
Stephen E Yocum Nov 2021
With more life behind us than ahead,
as we age, though our futures dim,
our memories brighten each day
that remains.
Life is a colorful illustrated
album, each page a sustaining
memory.
Nov 2021 · 278
The Dog Days of Holidays
Stephen E Yocum Nov 2021
The day crept by; we all held
our breaths. Tip Toeing on
egg shells, doing our collective
best. Attempting only forced
politeness and meaningless
small chat.

While avoiding the family elephant in
the room, our father's painful history
of attacking his kid's perceived many
faults and failings, with his long history
of nasty aggressive verbal abuse.

The tree was lighted, the room gaily
decorated with all the colorful Christmas
props of our childhood. Mom cooked her
best guess of each of our, once adolescent
favorite foods. My two sisters, my older
and younger brother and me too.

While Dad bit his tongue and tried to stay
hushed, as Mom had pleaded for days that
he should do.

Halfway through dinner and a few Hot
Buttered Rums, the small talk turned serious,
and just like that, we were all truly back
home again.

Grown adults quickly reduced to sniveling
petty children sitting at their curl and
domineering Father's dinner table.

Old wounds opened and bleed upon Mom's
best-treasured tablecloth. Food grew cold
for lack of interest, eyes flared and oaths of
profanity mingled with cheery Holiday Music
on the stereo.  Belligerence ensued and the old
man raged as one by one he verbally listed his
disappointments, at each of our many collective
faults. A string of loud insults and accusation
were exchanged and flung liberally about in
all directions.

Judy's new husband took a swing at Jason for
reasons unknown, and the women protesting
their loutish behavior, separated them.

Earl and his small clan fled out the door and
drove straight back to Emeryville with not one
word of goodbye having been uttered, leaving
his kids Presents, behind unopened.

In tears, Sandy ran back up to her old room as she
had always done to escape, only to discover, that
it had been turned into a "Home Office/Sewing Den."
All her things gone to the Goodwill or garbage bin.

Dad went to the cupboard and got his bottle of
Scotch and the rest of us all quickly adjourned.

Mom started to cry and never quit.

The Dog Days of Christmas had recommenced,
and all the Kings horses and all the Kings men
could never put our broken Castle together again.

I donned my helmet, swung a leg over my Hog
and headed for the mountains, leaving Christmas
and all of them in my rear-view mirrors.  

Just maybe, next year we will all try this again.
Not everyone has the good fortune to rejoice in
the happiness of home and hearth. We are all
different, come from varied backgrounds and
family situations. A conversation with a friend
was the seed of this write.  He like some, not as
lucky as others. And I think we can all relate.
Memories perhaps the flip side of what we
imagine and want them to be. . . Family stuff
is complicated.

Repost from 2013 but sadly always relevant
this time of year, for too many of us.
Nov 2021 · 324
The Gunny
Stephen E Yocum Nov 2021
Jutted out square jaw,
horse gruff voice,
Smoky Bear Campaign
Hat pulled low almost
covering his intense
glaring eyes. Hat Brim
slung rakishly low,
three regulation fingers
above the bridge of his nose.

Criticizing profanities
hurled from his mouth
like exploding grenades,
tongue lashing orders
and corrections his
stock and trade.

Everything about
him is tight and
fully squared away.

Gets in your face
so close you can
smell what he had
for lunch, barking
spraying projectile
spittle that standing
at rigid attention you
cannot wipe away.

Hard earned lessons
taught and learned
that last for a life time.

Tormentor, teacher
mentor, hated at first,
respected and loved
by the end.
Perhaps every young dumb
aimless 20-year-old should go
through Marine Corps Boot
Camp, have the soft metal of
their backbones shaped and
pounded into hardened steel.

Dedicated to Gunnery
Sergeant D.L. Dolan
USMC. My Senior Drill
Instructor in Boot Camp.
Long ago passed away but
still fondly ever remembered.
Along with my father and
a football coach or two,
the most revered mentors
in my life. "The things that do
not **** us, make us stronger."
Oct 2021 · 320
A Dogs Life
Stephen E Yocum Oct 2021
Old Dogs live a basic straight forward
life, they sleep, wake, ***, eat, defecate,
sit or lay in the sun, sleep some more
and repeat. One day much the same as
the next. Once in a while they chase a
cat, bark at a passing car, but not often,
or for long. Never breaking a sweat.

I can not help but notice that my old
human guy life has become not so very
different than that of my old canine buddy.
Everything reduced to the simplest
of basic animal equations.
No longer running off to work busting
my **** for stuff I don't really need.
No boss to push my buttons, a minimum
of annoying distractions, all in all a pretty
laid-back simple existence. Turns out a dogs
life ain't a bad deal.

Not really complaining, just observing
and saying.
Oct 2021 · 409
Desert Sky
Stephen E Yocum Oct 2021
That first night sky in the high desert
was fully unexpected, with no moon yet
the lighted canopy of brilliant heavenly
sparkling bodies appeared so dense and
near that at first view I felt perhaps I must
duck down so as to not bump my head
into a star or two.

City and town skies are muted by city lights,
only a few stars visible even on a clear night.
High Desert skies are so densely packed it
takes your breath away, you can sit for hours
with your mouth agape in contemplative
wonderment, mesmerized by the sheer vast
splendor of the heavens dense blanket of
shimmering lights out into infinity and beyond.
No telescope required.
To say those lighted heavens made me
feel very small is an understatement.
Oregon's Southeastern Steens Mountain
High Desert, 5000 feet above sea level is
one of the most remote and year-round
darkest skies in North America. 65 miles
from even the nearest small country town.
Hundreds of miles from any city lights.
Great for star gazing! That first view is
indelibly etched upon my vision's memory
all these many years later, and every year
since I try to return. The place pulls me back
like a magnet.
Sep 2021 · 749
Rain
Stephen E Yocum Sep 2021
I was head down at my desk,
it came wafting, on a whispering
breeze through my open window
like a belated bouquet of spring
flowers, the refreshing long awaited
essence of life on our planet, gentle
new autumn rain upon thirsty earth,
plants and yellowing summer grass.

No other ethereal scent is like it.
The enticing fragrance of rebirth
and replenishment.

And what a fine, long needed
gift of nature this is.
A personal impression
celebration of living
in the moment.
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